Terrible arguments with friends

[ChloChlo]

I’ve had a few fall outs with friends over the years. When I was 18 my entire friendship group fell out with me because I told one of the girls the truth- that her bf split up with her because he cheated. Apparently we’d all agreed not to tell her. I stand by what I did and in the end we all made up but it still makes me a bit angry.
My ex SIL was an absolute nightmare. She fell out with me all the time- once because I couldn’t go to her hen do due to university, once because I didn’t like enough of her FB statuses. Then when I split with my ex at the time we were on good terms but two weeks later she was spreading around that I couldn’t be trusted (for no reason I could think of)

This is why I do not get involved in peoples intimate relationships anymore.

I am friends with my partners brothers girlfriend. We aren't in each other's pockets but we are friendly. He cheats on her all the time. I told her of a definite time I knew of and had witnessed for myself. I have the mentality where they deserve to know because I would like to know someone would tell me. She confronted him, they broke up. My gosh, they were back together the next day, both of them called me a trouble maker and made me out to be a liar and so did she. But either way I bore the brunt, I took quite alot of abuse from them both for weeks. We did eventually fizzle back in touch when I had my baby and it became the same again. However she has recently been hounding my inbox for weeks when he goes missing at the weekends asking if he is cheating on her and for reassurance. I know he isn't on benders, he goes to stay with an old hook up in the next town. I feel bad for not saying anything, but I wont. She is notorious for falling out with her other friends whenever they tell her too. It's always on Facebook in it's full glory whenever she does... she calls everybody jealous. So what can one do other than watch the car crash and sit back with the popcorn?

 

[Loulou_23]

I have a friend who can be very difficult and takes things you say the wrong way.

Kicked off coz I said I wasn’t going to be able to afford to go on her hen (it was abroad and I was buying a house) but that wasn’t good enough for her! I didn’t go though!

Has also been funny on nights out in the past when I’ve left early so much fuss that I took to sneaking off in the end and texting in the taxi. Just to add I hadn’t left her alone there was always a group of us out and girls I knew she had to get a taxi with at the end of the night.

 

[Kirstyroo]

When I was at uni I had 2 really close girl friends. We were inseparable in our first year so moved in together in our second and third. I had another friend in third who needed somewhere to live as no one would take her in so she moved in with us - the two original girls hated this friend at first - bitched about her all the time, didn’t include her in anything - I was the only one who made an effort with her.. During this time my parents went through a verrrrryyyy messy divorce and I was in a relationship with an emotionally abusive guy (they knew him and saw in the flesh him being abusive! Ie stalking our house etc) but he was friends with their boyfriends through courses so they stopped spending time with him but remained civil. Anyway, through all this I became depressed, stopped going to uni and was working constantly to pay my rent which I’d also got behind on due to not having a uni grant anymore. I spent most of my time with work friends and would get free drinks vouchers for one of their bars so the only time I’d go out would be straight after work on a Friday for free drinks. The uni girls hated that I had made other friends and went out with them on a Friday but couldn’t go out with them on a weeknight because of work and lack of money. I explained all of this to them and tried to spend time with them in other ways but it was never good enough. They then all of a sudden took the third girl in and all became “best friends” almost to make me jealous? It was like this third girl just got sucked into being “accepted” by them after they’d been so off with her to begin with so just started being horrible to me because they’d told her to be. They knew what was going on personally, and I was literally not eating anything or sleeping properly and so unwell - but they just became so toxic. They would purposely cut me out of things and ignore me or make comments about me. I hated being in the house if they were at home so would sit in my room all day without leaving - I could often hear them talk about how useless a friend I was and so on. They then started up their friendship with my abusive (obviously by this point) ex boyfriend almost as a way to get back at me?! It was so bizarre. Anyway; it was never the same. We have each other on socials but I don’t miss them at all and am so glad they showed their true colours. One of them reached out to me a year or so after we’d left to apologise for how she’d acted out of nowhere: I accepted the apology but we dont have a relationship. Honestly those two years were just hell. It was just the feeling of questioning whether it was all my fault because of the things they’d say that drove me insane. Now I realise that wasn’t the case at all!

reading all of your stories it’s so clear to see that some people just struggle to put themselves in others shoes and no matter what you’re dealing with they can only think of themselves as the most important person in the world!

I stole her thunder on purpose apparently !

I didn’t obviously

I can’t believe people are like this! I’m pregnant now and if one of my friends told me they were too, I’d be so excited! Some people are just odd

 

[imnotarobot]

What is it in weddings that brings out the worst in people? My one solo bridesmaid lives 150ks from me. During the organising of my wedding she came over to stay for a few nights, and we were to go to the city to pick out a wedding dress/bridesmaid dress. City is 300 ks away.

at the time we shared a housing complex with some mates, and she went out with these guys the night before our big shopping trip. I hadn’t seen her for months and had planned a meal etc to catch up. She didn’t come home all night, stumbled in at about six in the morning, we had to be gone by seven. She was still magotted when she came home.

she was vile all day, just the worst hungover bitch
You could imagine. I was so cross with her. One stupid day was all I asked.

and then later on when I was her bridesmaid, one of three, it was a disaster from start to finish. she made us stay at a particular hotel ($400 a night and we had to be there two nights) and then stayed a different hotel. She made me pay for my dress, my shoes, my hair and makeup and then I was still expected to go thirds with the other bridesmaids for a very particular present she’d told us she wanted us to buy.

I don’t see her anymore. She told me I was not happy enough for her when she had her children. Don’t know what else I couldhave done there.

I do think I’m better off without her.

 

[Rxt156]

I had a best friend of 10 years then she got a bf who was 10 years older then her, she moved into his flat within 2 months and were engaged soon after. I had a horrific ectopic pregnancy and had to be rushed for emergency surgery just before Christmas, 2 weeks later she announced she was pregnant, I was happy for her but devastated at the same time. She spent the whole pregnancy saying how amazing being pregnant was etc while I struggled to get pregnant again.
Soon after the baby was born she had booked her wedding and asked me to be her only bridesmaid, then she decided she wanted a big wedding so added 5 more, which was obviously absolutely fine with me until it came to planning her hen do.
I finally got pregnant after months of emotional hell, and she chose the weekend after my due date for the hen. I planned as much as I could but she wanted a whole weekend in Bournemouth, male strippers, cocktail making, hotel stays etc. The other bridesmaids were texting me everyday expecting me to pay for it all, then wait and collect the money from the 15 other people invited, back then i wasnt in the financial position to be able to do that, and it was honestly so stressful. I told her that I was happy to plan it with her but with it being so close to my due date, and a long awaited baby, I wouldn't be leaving my baby for a long weekend away. She sent me aload of abusive messages, posted a massive post on fb about having 2 of the other bridesmaids as maid of honours and how lucky she was to have girls like that in her life then blocked me on all socials and I haven't seen or spoken to her since. That was 8 years ago.


Jeeze that was longed winded, hope it makes sense

Christ that is terrible. Especially when she knew your due date! Better off without I’d say. That’s what seems to be the general theme of this thread!

 

[birdiefly246]

Weddings and Hen do’s really do ruin friendships.

I’ve fallen out with 2 friends this year over a hen do and now another following the fall out from then hen Do.

I don’t have time for pettiness or bridezillas.

By the sounds of these stories, most of you haven’t lost friends, you’ve gained peace in your life.

I definitely gained peace although they pop up occasionally but I think it's cause they feel like I should want to be their friend as I was bottom of the hierachy and it baffles them that someone that they didn't care about at all and just wanted to boost them up and give them their clique doesn't want to know them. That's the problem when you have girls who still have clique mentality from school, they rocked when you leave the group as it pulls down their whole hierachy. In their minds, I should have been chasing their friendship because in the hierachy they were higher than me.

 

[Pixipoppy]

I’ve never actually had a proper argument with a friend I’m not a very confrontational person- I’ve had friends who have pissed me off and I’m not proud to say I have phased them out because I just can’t forgive very easily. I’ve also had the same happen to me a few times, the most hurtful is when I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong. I’m very wary of female friendships even now, I get very insecure.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I had a major argument with a close friend over something very trivial (I can't even remember what, now - I vaguely think it might have been an opinion I expressed over a TV series) but led her to say that she felt I was too concerned with shallow things and didn't pay her enough attention. We had a shouting match and, not being the calmest and most rational person on earth, I was all "sod this, the ball is in her court, if she wants to talk she'll have to approach me first." That night, I dreamed of my sister telling me to apologise to her and first thing in the morning I was sobbing down the phone saying I was sorry. Anyway we've made up now

 

[Anasnake]

Because you both got pregnant at the same time?!

I stole her thunder on purpose apparently !

I didn’t obviously

 

[Rxt156]

Mine was a bridezilla/hen party episode too. I planned her hen party, she told me it wasn’t good enough and asked me to downgrade from maid of honour to a guest. this was my friend of 20 years and I’ve not spoken to her since.

she owes me £1000s in therapy though #trustissues

CBA with people like this. If they always had the potential to be like this and we were unaware then I totally think they always had it in them and they were just faking it the rest of the time or hiding it a little too well. How people can entirely turn on their friends ill never know

 

[Sparks]

Me and my other half had best friends who were engaged. They had been together for 20years.
Me and her were very close, we went on girly holidays would text all the time. I honestly wanted to ask her if she would look after my babies if me and my other half were to die. We had such an amazing friendship.
Then she split up with her fiancé and completely shut me out of her life because he was friends with my other half. I saw her recently and she just turned her back to me and blanked me. I miss our friendship so much

Maybe you should try and reach out to her one more time. And just say that you miss the friendship. It is worth a shot.

 

[Comehereiwantya]

How about this. My nan had just passed, the woman who raised me as my own mother was not around. And my friend started crying about her weight(constantly on a diet with only soups and shakes), so I told her no use in crying that the two of us would join a gym and work out together. Well didn’t she go to everyone we knew saying that I was a horrible bully and verbally attacked her when she was depressed about her weight.

 

[Isa Drennan]

I had a friend who me and my sister were friends with at middle school going into upper school. She then ended up mixing with a different group of friends in 6th form deleted us from Fb etc. She had a child then I had one and she got in touch for a bit. Then she drifted off again. Then I split with my ex due to dv and she was first at the door wanting to know what happened! Not long after my Nan died and she wanted to know how what when and even come to the funeral. Then radio silence, a few months after my pap died and again she come to the funeral. Three years have gone by and no contact. She even got married and asked for a job where our mum works! Some people just want to be in your life when shit happens for you. But it’s just weird to suddenly disappear out of your life like that.

These type of people are the worst! Using bastards

I have a “friend” who similarly only pops up when it’s to find out information, create plans to suit their own agenda or boast about their own news

 

[mcfeez]

This thread makes me so sad and angry!

I had a school friend who moved to a different city from me for uni. She invited me to stay and planned a "fun day" for us. We basically went out to a nightclub that night after a party and I fainted (she said she had booked for us to have dinner out but then laughed and said "eating is cheating") in the club. The next day she so cold, talking about how I had ruined her night. I went home and never heard from her again.

 

[Rbarb-bkini]

My work friend was let go from her job this year but I was kept on. When we both found out I expressed my condolences to her but never received a response so I figured she needed some space. We weren't massively close outside of work and I had my own stuff going on so checked in on her 5 weeks later (granted, I could have checked in on her sooner but didn't feel a huge obligation as again, work friend) she ignored me. Few weeks later I discovered she'd unfriended me and when I confronted her she expressed that I hadn't been supportive enough when she got let go. I was dumbfounded that
1. She had expected I would be messaging her every week to see how she was when I don't even message some of my best friends every damn week.
2. As an extension of this, she was so self-involved that it hadn't crossed her mind that I hadn't messaged her because I was also going through something.
3. And instead of confronting me about my lack of contact she decided to be childish and petty and unfriend me instead. If she didn't care she wouldn't have gone through the trouble of unfriending me.
So we had a huge argument. The last straw was when she accused me of only checking in on her the first time because she'd unfriended me the day before, even though at that point I had no idea.
I decided that she wasn't worth it. I wasn't going to fight for our friendship after being talked to like that, and she'd obviously already made her mind up that she didn't want to be friends anymore so there was no point.
In terms of what she's capable of, I think I've dodged a bullet, but also don't doubt that she's bad-mouthed me to some people who I still have to work with.

I also have to agree that Hen Dos are a massive source of arguments and what I went through with my friend group has left me with PTSD to this day. I no longer speak to any of them but suffer recurring dreams about them three years later.

A lot of arguments I've had with friends in the past have just resulted in me cutting them out. I think I've always been a bit of an easy target and a punching bag as I'm quite sensitive and it gets to a point where I can't take it anymore.

 

[blossombloss]

Excuse me? What gives you that impression? Also keen to know why you feel the need to personally attack someone you don’t even know.


No, she thinks I’m obsessed with her because I disagreed with her posts over a couple of threads. By mere coincidence, I don’t actively seek people out to disagree with them believe it or not. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Omg lol, I don't want to pile on Anna but I had just come from reading that other thread where she called you out and honestly was shocked to see it happening here! I don't know you Buzzbee but I would totally ignore her, whatever has happened between you in threads seems to be something she's taking personally and you shouldn't be attacked for sharing this vulnerable moment!

I have loads of friend stories to share lol so will come back after my dinner!

 

[Rbarb-bkini]

What is it in weddings that brings out the worst in people? My one solo bridesmaid lives 150ks from me. During the organising of my wedding she came over to stay for a few nights, and we were to go to the city to pick out a wedding dress/bridesmaid dress. City is 300 ks away.

at the time we shared a housing complex with some mates, and she went out with these guys the night before our big shopping trip. I hadn’t seen her for months and had planned a meal etc to catch up. She didn’t come home all night, stumbled in at about six in the morning, we had to be gone by seven. She was still magotted when she came home.

she was vile all day, just the worst hungover bitch
You could imagine. I was so cross with her. One stupid day was all I asked.

and then later on when I was her bridesmaid, one of three, it was a disaster from start to finish. she made us stay at a particular hotel ($400 a night and we had to be there two nights) and then stayed a different hotel. She made me pay for my dress, my shoes, my hair and makeup and then I was still expected to go thirds with the other bridesmaids for a very particular present she’d told us she wanted us to buy.

I don’t see her anymore. She told me I was not happy enough for her when she had her children. Don’t know what else I couldhave done there.

I do think I’m better off without her.

How horrible of her! I don't have time for people like that anymore! I feel the same, better off!

Because of what I went through I'm super chill with my bridesmaids, I really relaxed my expectations for the dresses and told them all I'd rather they wear something they're comfy in and cover the cost for them so they don't have to worry. It's ridiculous what bridesmaids are expected to pay out for these days!

So far because I've been so chill there haven't been any arguments! Hope it stays that way!

 

[Chickenandgravy]

When I was younger 6 of us all went on holiday. One of the girls blatently had an eating disorder and all the other girls were talking about her. So I just basically told the poor girl to her face they were all bitching about her. Somehow I ended up the bad one with all but one girl (the one I still speak to).
Also on that holiday the girl I still speak to had been spiked. Everybody left her lying in the toilet and it was me and a random guy who had to break the door of the toilet cubicle down to get her and take her back up to the hotel.
One of those girls keeps trying to wiggle her way back in, commenting on all my posts and DM ing me asking to meet up funny she was the ringleader when they were all bitching about me because I left a club with a guy one time! It's like witches round the cauldron. It has totally put me off having a big group of girlfriends because they clearly didn't like me for whatever reason but we're so nice to my face.

 

[Pinkii]

I definitely gained peace although they pop up occasionally but I think it's cause they feel like I should want to be their friend as I was bottom of the hierachy and it baffles them that someone that they didn't care about at all and just wanted to boost them up and give them their clique doesn't want to know them. That's the problem when you have girls who still have clique mentality from school, they rocked when you leave the group as it pulls down their whole hierachy. In their minds, I should have been chasing their friendship because in the hierachy they were higher than me.

yep, exactly. One of my old friends that I fell out with was only happy in the friendship when my life was not going well, people like that have major insecurities and have to cling onto something to make themselves feel better.
Well done for not chasing.

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

I’ve had loads of arguments with friends over the years, some HUGE and some super petty. I once fell out with my best friend at the time as I didn’t want to go out again to celebrate her birthday...again after she ruined the first night by having a full on screaming match with her boyfriend. She blocked me on everything, couldn’t understand it! We are now friends after 5 years of not speaking, saw her the other day and it was like nothing had ever happened and all water under the bridge.

Had a huge falling out with my friendship group when we were finishing school, won’t go into details but it was so awful. We are thick as thieves now but it absolutely changed our relationships as mates for a loooong long time, even to this day it makes me cringe and feel totally awful thinking about it.

also had a friend who I was beyond close to, her family and everything, like a sister more than a friend. We leant on each other for everything, did everything together, spoke every day even when long distance with uni etc etc. Her dad had been really unwell for a long time and she opened up to me about it a lot as it was a really rough situation. Anyway, we had a minor disagreement about something really stupid and petty but it kept dragging on and her dad very sadly died a month later. She didn’t tell me herself, one of our close friends did, when I tried to reach out I was totally rejected (she was hurting a lot and it was totally understandable) and I couldn’t make the funeral as it was the last day of my uni exams (I was gutted as we were all really close) After the dust “settled” as it were, I reached out numerous times and she was utterly vile towards me, we haven’t spoken since a huge fight that ended it all but it absolutely broke my heart. Have never been the same since in myself since and every time I think of her it makes me so sad. I would never have intentionally hurt her or not wanted to be there for her - that’s all I wanted! Gutted wasn’t the word.