Terrible arguments with friends

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Women can just be so awful! I think the only friend I’ve had proper shouting arguments with was a male friend and we were like brother and sister so we could yell and cry at each other, not talk for a day then just meet up and be back to best friends. But I’ve had so many bad experiences with females since I was at school that even the really close female friends I have now I think I still keep at enough of a distance that I don’t think they could really hurt me.

One if the most upsetting was in the last few years, my mum was terminally ill which they knew and I’d moved into look after her. It was a really distressing time. There were a few of us who’d had a WhatsApp group chat for years. My phone has been going off all day but I’d been so busy with mum I didn’t have time to look until later when there were over 100 messages. One of my friends was making jokes about her disastrous love life and she’s generally pretty good at making fun of herself. I sent a meme I thought she’d find funny especially as she was making jokes but for some reason she took offence to it. I felt like she humiliated me in front of the others, I apologised to her on the group chat and privately. She’s known me for years and I pointed out to her she knew me well enough to know I’d never try to hurt her and that I just thought she’d find it funny. She just wasn’t having any of it. They all stopped using the group chat so I knew they must have set up another and I didn’t hear from any of them for about 6 months when suddenly out of the blue they started using the group chat again and invited me out for one of their birthdays. I just felt too uncomfortable so I said no. Since then my mum and my dad have both died really close together and only one of them contacted me. I’m not one for confrontation or fighting so I just unfollowed them all and know that I’m far better off without them if that’s how it’s going to be but I still find it all a bit ridiculous and I couldn’t believe they’d behave that way towards me when they knew the turmoil I was in 🙄
That’s so sad that you went through it all without any of those friends there for you when you needed support the most. I always think you find out who stays in your life when tit gets real. xxx You deserve better. Hope you are okay x
 
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That’s so sad that you went through it all without any of those friends there for you when you needed support the most. I always think you find out who stays in your life when tit gets real. xxx You deserve better. Hope you are okay x
Thank you, I was very lucky that I have some really wonderful people in my life who have given me a lot of love and support. It was very sad that they being amongst some of my oldest friends didn’t but I am over it now and whilst I still don’t understand it just reading the stories here shows that people do sometimes inexplicably (to us anyway) turn their backs on us and whilst I was angry to start with (really angry!) the passing of my parents taught me to try my hardest to focus my energy on the people who do show me love and just let go of those that don’t. I hold no anger or hate in my heart for them but I do keep my guard just a little way up around most people. Thank you for your kind words xx
 
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I went on a hen do and the bride was fucked and wanted to go home early. I went back too but some girls wanted to stay out. So I said, it’s your holiday too, stay out. The rest of the weekend they made my life a living hell because it wasn’t anyone else’s holiday, it was her hen. I was bullied to the point of panic attacks and I couldn’t fly home early because the flight was £700. I’d sit on a sun lounger and they’d all get up and move to the other side of the pool. Her sister screamed at me in a restaurant to the point the whole place went silent. It all caused me a nervous breakdown and three years on I’m still on medication. I’ve never felt so attacked in my life. Every so often I see the bride or one of her cronies and it sends me into complete meltdown.
Apart from that I’ve loved every hen do I’ve been on.
Oh what a bunch of nasty witches. One day they will get their comeuppance.
 
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I’ve had loads of arguments with friends over the years, some HUGE and some super petty. I once fell out with my best friend at the time as I didn’t want to go out again to celebrate her birthday...again after she ruined the first night by having a full on screaming match with her boyfriend. She blocked me on everything, couldn’t understand it! We are now friends after 5 years of not speaking, saw her the other day and it was like nothing had ever happened and all water under the bridge.

Had a huge falling out with my friendship group when we were finishing school, won’t go into details but it was so awful. We are thick as thieves now but it absolutely changed our relationships as mates for a loooong long time, even to this day it makes me cringe and feel totally awful thinking about it.

also had a friend who I was beyond close to, her family and everything, like a sister more than a friend. We leant on each other for everything, did everything together, spoke every day even when long distance with uni etc etc. Her dad had been really unwell for a long time and she opened up to me about it a lot as it was a really rough situation. Anyway, we had a minor disagreement about something really stupid and petty but it kept dragging on and her dad very sadly died a month later. She didn’t tell me herself, one of our close friends did, when I tried to reach out I was totally rejected (she was hurting a lot and it was totally understandable) and I couldn’t make the funeral as it was the last day of my uni exams (I was gutted as we were all really close) After the dust “settled” as it were, I reached out numerous times and she was utterly vile towards me, we haven’t spoken since a huge fight that ended it all but it absolutely broke my heart. Have never been the same since in myself since and every time I think of her it makes me so sad. I would never have intentionally hurt her or not wanted to be there for her - that’s all I wanted! Gutted wasn’t the word.
 
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I was best friends with a girl that I met at work. We became close really quickly, a 10 year friendship. We did everything together, told each other everything, was really close to each others families. Always supported each other. Wouldn't go a day without speaking. More like sisters than best friends. Then one day, she met a man, became pregnant very quickly, turned out he was abusive, addicted to cocaine. I tried to help her as much as I could but she just cut me off. I've sent her countless messages, she reads them & doesn't reply. So that was the end of our friendship. I miss her so much.
 
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I had a gay best friend for a few years, he was always a bit high maintenance and fancied himself as a bit of a socialite, if there wasn’t an event/possible Instagram opportunity he wasn’t interested and he always likes to be the centre of a attention.

we spoke every single day and bounced off each other all the time, we’d have a ball when we went out but the start of this year he started to turn a bit toxic in sense that he became quite argumentative with people and he was always falling out with people. He forgot my birthday two years in a row and when I reminded him on the day I got a rude response back and basically took it out on me that he forgot - but when it was his birthday it was a month long event and you didn’t hear the last of it.

Anyway fast forward a couple of months when we’re about to go into lockdown and I’m at home, alone with Covid. He works in a pub and was watching Rishi’s speech about the furlough scheme and we were just messaging small talk and he asked how I was. He suggested some remedies that may help me (which certainly help flu symptoms but Covid was a different league) I said oh they may not help but thank you I’ll probably just sleep more instead and that was it, he completely flipped and started gaslighting me saying that I was being rude to him and asking me why, and that he is under intense pressure because he could be out of a job etc etc.

I was crying and had a panic attack because I was trying to reason with him and tell him I wasn’t I was being polite I was trying to call him but he wouldnt pick up. He said he would call back after he finished work but I said it’s okay I just wanted to apologise if it looked like I was being rude I really wasn’t which led him to gaslight me further and told me to stop going on about it. When I tried to reason with him again he sent me a 🙈 emoji.

I didn’t message him back. He didn’t unfollow me but still to this day doesn’t view my Instagram stories (petty) so he’s obviously muted me or something.

I was very angry about it during lockdown, July came when the pubs were allowed to reopen and I thought I’d be the bigger person and send him a message basically to wish him luck for his first shift back, but the conversation was so forced and well mannered there wasn’t much of a vibe, so I stopped messaging.

At times I do feel very sad towards the situation and other times it’s a “how dare he treat me like that” - we probably won’t ever be friends again.

(sorry for the essay!)
 
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Thank you, I was very lucky that I have some really wonderful people in my life who have given me a lot of love and support. It was very sad that they being amongst some of my oldest friends didn’t but I am over it now and whilst I still don’t understand it just reading the stories here shows that people do sometimes inexplicably (to us anyway) turn their backs on us and whilst I was angry to start with (really angry!) the passing of my parents taught me to try my hardest to focus my energy on the people who do show me love and just let go of those that don’t. I hold no anger or hate in my heart for them but I do keep my guard just a little way up around most people. Thank you for your kind words xx
This message filled me up. X x makes me happy knowing there are people in this world as wonderful as you. :)
 
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Oh boy do I have one for here. My best friend and MOH met my brother at my wedding and romance followed. A few months later I had a life changing accident that’s left me with a disability. Seven months post accident we were invited to visit them for brothers birthday. I was still recovering a couldn’t attend (would have been a ten hour car journey) so apologised and sent our best wishes. Noticed over the next few weeks she was off with me, so asked her outright what was wrong. Got a very long reply berating me for not coming to the party she arranged and how rude that was and showed I wasn’t committed to our friendship. When I apologised and reached out to my brother to check if all was ok with him, he let me know he was really unhappy that “your health issues got in the way of [girlfriends] happiness”. It’s been four years and we’ve still not spoken, and I’m still living with the disability and would still be unable to attend a party like that even now. Don’t miss my friend, but miss who I thought she was.
 
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My work friend was let go from her job this year but I was kept on. When we both found out I expressed my condolences to her but never received a response so I figured she needed some space. We weren't massively close outside of work and I had my own stuff going on so checked in on her 5 weeks later (granted, I could have checked in on her sooner but didn't feel a huge obligation as again, work friend) she ignored me. Few weeks later I discovered she'd unfriended me and when I confronted her she expressed that I hadn't been supportive enough when she got let go. I was dumbfounded that
1. She had expected I would be messaging her every week to see how she was when I don't even message some of my best friends every damn week.
2. As an extension of this, she was so self-involved that it hadn't crossed her mind that I hadn't messaged her because I was also going through something.
3. And instead of confronting me about my lack of contact she decided to be childish and petty and unfriend me instead. If she didn't care she wouldn't have gone through the trouble of unfriending me.
So we had a huge argument. The last straw was when she accused me of only checking in on her the first time because she'd unfriended me the day before, even though at that point I had no idea.
I decided that she wasn't worth it. I wasn't going to fight for our friendship after being talked to like that, and she'd obviously already made her mind up that she didn't want to be friends anymore so there was no point.
In terms of what she's capable of, I think I've dodged a bullet, but also don't doubt that she's bad-mouthed me to some people who I still have to work with.

I also have to agree that Hen Dos are a massive source of arguments and what I went through with my friend group has left me with PTSD to this day. I no longer speak to any of them but suffer recurring dreams about them three years later.

A lot of arguments I've had with friends in the past have just resulted in me cutting them out. I think I've always been a bit of an easy target and a punching bag as I'm quite sensitive and it gets to a point where I can't take it anymore.
 
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I met a fellow mum through school. We were great friends all the way through. Our kids went to different secondary schools. My kid took longer to settle and there were a few issues. He relied on his old friends alot but the mum got funny. Had all the school friends over for a sleepover but couldn't have my mine as she was keeping numbers low. My kid was devastated as this was at a very bad time. He started seeing a girl and they all met up in local village for a hang out. There were some high jinx and I got a call the following week berating me for my style of parenting, what I thought was appropriate. I'd have had no problem being told your kid was messing sort it but she made it so personal. During the call I was in work, really busy and in the background very worried about getting my guy settled. I didn't respond just said I'll ring you back - which I didn't. Two years on we've never spoken which is strange from a daily chat. I feel sad that she peed all over our friendship but I am not great at forgiveness either.
 
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Met my best friend when I was 11 at secondary school, we had a great 18+ years of friendship until she got with a boyfriend who was a right ‘wrong un’. - drugs, violence, far too much alcohol - I tried to help/stood by her for about a year and a half of it - it was sad and exhausting but she was my mate and I loved her to bits and really believed things she would see the light and dump him.

final straw was on a night out (just me and her) I went to the toilet and when I came back she had disappeared with my bag - phone, keys and money all in it. panicking and alone I walked to her house (it was about 1am) where the loser boyfriend answered the door and told me to f-off or else he would shut me up, she was home, didn’t want to see me and my bag wasn’t there.

I had to get my brother up (who luckily lived close by) to take me home, break into my
house - we cancelled my bank card, replaced mobile Phone etc.

She refused to speak to me for 2 weeks (I reached out and asked to talk via text) and then changed her mind and rang my phone 30+ times a day, in the end I emailed her - said I couldn’t watch her throw her life away anymore and the bag was the final straw, she admitted it was in her house and had some friends return the bag, keys & (now cancelled) bank card. - the Phone and £50 cash that were in it was never returned.

the mutual friends (My school peers) that returned it let me know
How disgusted they were that I ended the friendship when she was in such an
Abusive relationship and needed me. I’ve always felt awful about that part & if I see them In the street my tummy quite literally churns. Interestingly They have nothing to do with her now although I don’t know what happened.

10 years later we are civil on Instagram, I wish her well but can never go back to what we had, she did luckily get away from him and seems to be happy now. Looking back there were a few red flags that her needs were always prioritised & above mine in the friendship.
 
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No major arguments here as I cannot stand confrontation, but I do have a couple of friends over the years that I have gradually cut off contact with.
With one It got to the point where the friendship wasn’t equal, it was always me doing the running, her always cancelling etc. With the other, she was just generally quite a nasty person and I always left her company feeling really crappy about myself (she’s make sly comments about my looks etc).
There’s obviously a lot more to it than all of that ^^, but with both of them I realised that I’m worth more than they were offering, and I haven’t looked back since!
 
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Two examples:
When in school and college I was part of a group of 5 girls. We did everything together, nights out, holidays, the lot. The first incident that happened was my friend was getting married and she asked me to be bridesmaid. I said no as I wasn’t sure as my look is totally different to the others and she said oh don’t worry babe, its not for two years so you’ve got plenty of time to lose weight, dye your hair and get a tan so you fit in with the look of the others. Things weren’t the same after that. I was in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere so we split up. My friends didn’t like that I’d split up with him as they really liked him and said I was throwing away something good (I really wasn’t) and from that day I was cut out of the group. They used to go out on nights out, not invite me but then tag me in on Facebook saying things like “shame you couldn’t make it” knowing full well I knew nothing about it. I haven’t seen them since, we’re civil on social media but that is all. I’ve no desire to speak to them or be friends with them.

Another example: I’m infertile and had been going through a really rough time with tests and finding out the extent of my infertility and what was causing it and basically getting lots of really bad news and new medical issues on a weekly basis. I told my friends the basics of this to stop them asking when I was having kids but I didn’t go into detail. One of my friends got Pregnant after being with her boyfriend a couple of months. She told me by messaging me the scan photo. This is something I find incredibly distressing given my situation but I always act happy for friends regardless. The bit that caused issues is that she then felt the need to send the scan photo every time she messaged asking me “don’t you think it’s wonderful? I’m so amazed”which I agreed it was wonderful, but extremely distressing for me. In the end I got multiple snap chats over the course of a few days with lots of photos of her pregnancy tests. In the end I snapped and said whilst I was so Unbelievably happy for her and partner the constant barage of texts/photos of scans/tests was extremely upsetting for me as it’s something I’ll never have and to continue sending them to me when you know the situation is really insensitive. She apologised and we haven’t really spoken since and when we do it’s very strained.
 
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Went to uni with someone I thought was a close friend. In short, basically used me for my knowledge (gleaned from MANY MANY hours spent in the library) and caught her stealing references from me for her own dissertation which was very similar to mine when I left it out to pop to the toilet. Was TERRIFIED that I’d get done for plagiarism so near killed myself to find new references and to get my dissertation in before hers.

We now don’t speak but she follows me on social. I didn’t argue with her as I hate conflict and as there was no trust left, I didn’t want her friendship anymore!
 
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This message filled me up. X x makes me happy knowing there are people in this world as wonderful as you. :)
Thank you, I’m really not that wonderful, probably just getting a little bit older and wiser 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s so easy and human nature to focus in on people who have hurt us and/or let us down so when we are doing that we need to remind ourselves not to forget about the people who are there for us, they’re the ones we should focus on 😘xx
 
I went on a hen do and the bride was fucked and wanted to go home early. I went back too but some girls wanted to stay out. So I said, it’s your holiday too, stay out. The rest of the weekend they made my life a living hell because it wasn’t anyone else’s holiday, it was her hen. I was bullied to the point of panic attacks and I couldn’t fly home early because the flight was £700. I’d sit on a sun lounger and they’d all get up and move to the other side of the pool. Her sister screamed at me in a restaurant to the point the whole place went silent. It all caused me a nervous breakdown and three years on I’m still on medication. I’ve never felt so attacked in my life. Every so often I see the bride or one of her cronies and it sends me into complete meltdown.
Apart from that I’ve loved every hen do I’ve been on.
what a bunch of witches, and childish too. I want you to never see them again. This is why ive never been interested in large groups of women, they intimidate me. x
 
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What’s the worst argument you’ve ever had with a friend? Has it been the same since?


I has a major fall out with one of my best friend as I had to leave her birthday night out early as I was up for work early the next day. She was funny on the night as I left and would send me arseholey texts for days and days after (some which I ignored. Some which contained simply STUPID suggestions that I should’ve booked the day off work for her birthday 😂) we had a nice time up until I left but she hated that I had to go early. I was hounded for ages with messages and we argued a lot.

Almost 10 years later it’s still not the same. Totally ruined over one night out😱
My ex best friend didn’t show up at my 21st birthday, I thought said BFF wasn’t replying to my messages because was on the way with balloons etc so was busy but nope. All I got was “sorry I fell asleep”... This was the start of us becoming distant then stopped talkin eventually. I couldn’t believe that in the slightest and friend didn’t seem genuine or even apologetic. FYI to give it context it was a dinner, drinks then a night out so the chances of falling asleep from 6pm - 9am is unrealistic. I am still fuming 😂
 
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My ex best friend didn’t show up at my 21st birthday, I thought said BFF wasn’t replying to my messages because was on the way with balloons etc so was busy but nope. All I got was “sorry I fell asleep”... This was the start of us becoming distant then stopped talkin eventually. I couldn’t believe that in the slightest and friend didn’t seem genuine or even apologetic. FYI to give it context it was a dinner, drinks then a night out so the chances of falling asleep from 6pm - 9am is unrealistic. I am still fuming 😂
Did you ask why afterwards or try to sort it??? That does seem odd!