Tell me your secrets!

[Purrrrrrr]

I like the lifestyle far too much to let it go at this point

My sister was of much the same mind. Things really came to a head when she became very ill and had to spend her dying months with someone she didn't care about and he just carried on as normal.
( as in he just carried on living as he had always done) He was a lot older than her and she always saw herself as the grieving widow with a ton of cash. She died 16 years ago at age 52 and he is still with us.


.




My secret

I was not unhappy when my sister died, it was a huge relief for many reasons. I loved her dearly and still miss her every day, but we would never have been friends if we were not sisters. I was her carer and looking after someone so bitter to be dying drained me and still haunts me now.

 

[Piff paff puff]

I’m that skint I’ve stolen my sons Tesco club card vouchers to buy myself some food, I’m so ashamed it was only £5 & I’ve not eaten in days.

Ffs if you can post an email address I'll send you mine.
Who else here got spare vouchers?

 

[Sibz]

I have a lot of lipsticks and eyeshadows that are over 10 years old

 

[shadowcat5]

This past year I have full on reduced my insulin so I'm taking barely enough to survive. It's bit scary cos I had to get diabetic laser eye treatment over the summer to fix the leaky blood vessels on backs of my eyes but I'm still don't want to up my insulin. I've lost 35 lbs so far and I'm so happy with that. As I loss weight I feel beautiful and more confident. I'm 5 lbs away from my goal but as I'm getting closer, I not sure if I want to stop.

I really don’t like to do this cause I’m not expert but there is an eating disorder called diabulimia which involves this exact thing.

Please please please look it up and get some support

Diabulimia and diabetes

Type 1 diabetes with disordered eating (T1DE), also known as diabulimia, is a serious eating disorder that people with type 1 diabetes can develop. What is diabulimia? Type 1 diabetes with disordered eating (T1DE) or diabulimia is an eating disorder that only affects people with type 1 diabetes...

www.diabetes.org.uk

 

[Rockin' Robin]

Spoiler: Trigger Warning: Suicide

I fell down the stairs a few weeks ago, and even though I told everybody that I was mentally OK - the truth is that I wish I could have hit my head or something, to the point where I wouldn't be alive anymore.

I feel dead inside, just a ghost living in a body that I don’t even recognise anymore. I look in the mirror and I see a stranger. A pale, tired, miserable stranger that kind of looks like me. What once made me happy is now tedious, and nothing seems to make me happy anymore. My partner of 4 years dumped me a month or two ago, and I don't really have anyone to even confide in. Everything is awful and I'm over everything at this point.

Tattle is a good place to talk through your feelings, my thoughts are with you.

 

[Millie2023]

I’m that skint I’ve stolen my sons Tesco club card vouchers to buy myself some food, I’m so ashamed it was only £5 & I’ve not eaten in days.

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.

 

[Ennui]

Spoiler: Trigger Warning: Suicide

I fell down the stairs a few weeks ago, and even though I told everybody that I was mentally OK - the truth is that I wish I could have hit my head or something, to the point where I wouldn't be alive anymore.

I feel dead inside, just a ghost living in a body that I don’t even recognise anymore. I look in the mirror and I see a stranger. A pale, tired, miserable stranger that kind of looks like me. What once made me happy is now tedious, and nothing seems to make me happy anymore. My partner of 4 years dumped me a month or two ago, and I don't really have anyone to even confide in. Everything is awful and I'm over everything at this point.

I'm so sorry to read this. I've been there.

Please don't keep this to yourself and get some help. It can get better. I promise.

 

[Rockin' Robin]

I've actually got so many secrets, some of them pretty serious, and no one knows any of them as I'm not an open person.

One is that I haven't had a professional haircut for 20 years!!

It's because in my late teens I had a panic attack "in the chair" and the hairdresser got so angry with me. The more she kept saying, "Okay I need you to stay really still this time," the more I panicked and couldn't. She was laughing at me but getting so angry at the same time. She couldn't cut freehand, she had to use a guide that went over my shoulders so she could cut across the line. In the end she was just like, "That's as much as I can do," and just gave up, made us pay full price though. It was so upsetting I've never tried again, now I just trim bits off myself

It made me too scared to do anything similar, like dentists and opticians, though after about ten years I was thankfully able to do those again. But hairdressers...terrify me.

You're not missing anything going to "professional" hairdressers. In recent years, I've had more bad haircuts than good ones. It is as if they don't care.

My confession for today is that I have a severe dental phobia. I can't remember the last time I went to a dentist, my teeth are in a dreadful condition. Even the fact that I have probably got an abcess around a broken back tooth, where the filling has come away, has not encouraged me to seek dental treatment.
I have had so many unpleasant experiences at the dentist, each one has made my phobia worse.

 

[Lord Voldemort]

Spoiler: Spoiler because it might gross people out

I’ve got to the point where I can’t stop picking and cutting my toenails and the skin around them. I have hardly any nail left on some of them and if I added it all up I spend hours a day rubbing my hand across my feet trying to find an imperfection so I can cut it or pick at it. If I find something I can’t ‘fix’ straight away its almost like I fantasise about it until I can get to it. I e tried filling my nails and using cream so they are hydrated and being ‘good’ but it never lasts. The most obvious answer would be to throw away my tweezers and scissors but I actually get anxious thinking about what would happen if I needed to trim my nails or pluck my eyebrows. It’s so pathetic I know.
Sometimes I get really sore because I’ve cut new skin and it bleeds. I tried to reach out to my therapists earlier this year when I was getting treatment for my binge eating disorder but they didn’t really know what to do (I don’t blame them but it’s also hard to try and reach out again and not get any help). I find it even hard to say the word ‘toenails’, for some reason it makes me feel so uncomfortable, like I’m talking about something really intimate that I just say ‘the nails on my feet’. I feel like such a freak.

Oh my goodness. You are not a freak & I'm sorry you feel like that. I just wanted to comment because you are not alone with this. I do it too. My feet are awful, my hands are heading that way. There is a name for compulsive skin picking - Dermatillomania. Mine gets especially bad when I'm stressed. Could you perhaps go to your doctor, as they might be able to help. I hope you get some relief from this problem.

 

[Keikochan]

I really don’t like to do this cause I’m not expert but there is an eating disorder called diabulimia which involves this exact thing.

Please please please look it up and get some support

Diabulimia and diabetes

Type 1 diabetes with disordered eating (T1DE), also known as diabulimia, is a serious eating disorder that people with type 1 diabetes can develop. What is diabulimia? Type 1 diabetes with disordered eating (T1DE) or diabulimia is an eating disorder that only affects people with type 1 diabetes...

www.diabetes.org.uk

From when I was little, I've always had a habit of talking to myself. Not coversing with myself but saying thoughts and opinions out loud. It's felt like I've not really had that thought or opinion unless I express it out loud.

I don't have an internal monologue going on in my head (like Peep Show). My thoughts are more abstract, so, I don't know if that's why I do it. Or the only way I tend to express my thoughts internally is in the form of an imaginary conversation.

Problem is, I've started mumbling to myself outside. Like at the bus stop or in a shop!! I know full well I'm doing it but the urge is just there to express a thought òut loud. I have to check myself as that would be an awful habit to start.

Although, I'm pretty sure a mouth along to all my internal imaginary conversations, too



Oh Christ, no. Please! I'm Type 1 and we know what dreadful long-term effects it can have on our bodies. I really hope you can speak to someone about this.

I used to work for a diabetes service and we saw this all the time. Please talk to someone. You're losing weight because your body is desperately trying to get rid of the sugar it can't process without insulin. You could end up with diabetic ketoacidosis which is life threatening. Please don't mess with your health.

Yes I know how Type 1 diabetes and diabulimia works. I've been diabetic for 25 years, this has been an issue for majority of it tbh. I've been in dka before, not even bc of this tbh. I've asked for help before, it hasn't worked, and I'm sick of the bamboozlement from medical professionals in understanding. I'm not recommending, I'm just saying this is what I do to make myself feel better.
This past year I've said fuck it, I'll do this till I'm at a happy weight. Life is not going the way I want so I'll make it as happy as I can make it while I'm still here. I've had to retire early from work bc of health (not bc of this). I loved my job. I miss it. I miss a lot of things.
I just want to be happy in my body as best as I can. I want to be skinny, I want to feel nice, feel beautiful, I want to eat whatever I want, whenever and if I don't want to eat then I will not eat. T1D and MS have stood in my way all my life. I refuse to be fat in a wheelchair, I refuse to be too heavy for my husband when he helps me with being mobile & function. I need to keep any independence I can even if that's with food & weight.
That's my secret, that's what I do to survive, it keeps me going.

 

[ElChanguito]

I've actually got so many secrets, some of them pretty serious, and no one knows any of them as I'm not an open person.

One is that I haven't had a professional haircut for 20 years!!

It's because in my late teens I had a panic attack "in the chair" and the hairdresser got so angry with me. The more she kept saying, "Okay I need you to stay really still this time," the more I panicked and couldn't. She was laughing at me but getting so angry at the same time. She couldn't cut freehand, she had to use a guide that went over my shoulders so she could cut across the line. In the end she was just like, "That's as much as I can do," and just gave up, made us pay full price though. It was so upsetting I've never tried again, now I just trim bits off myself

It made me too scared to do anything similar, like dentists and opticians, though after about ten years I was thankfully able to do those again. But hairdressers...terrify me.

 

[Scorpihoe]

I watch new episodes of TV shows when my husband is at work and pretend that I haven’t because he would be annoyed that I’d watched without him.

If he’s reading this, I’m sorry. I can’t help myself.

I do this too, and pretend to be shocked when stuff happens I put on a whole performance, like an actress

 

[LittleMy]

I do this too, and pretend to be shocked when stuff happens I put on a whole performance, like an actress

Same, so glad it’s not just me he never seems to suspect either! Sometimes I’ll toy with him and “guess” something that’s going to happen and he’ll be like “how did you know that?”

 

[rainbowlemon]

I deliberately give my dad fake endings to movies he's currently sat watching. Drives him mad thinking it's true and he asks why did I have to "spoil" it.

 

[CherryAcid]

There was a thread like this. It ended up with people talking about the kinky stuff they've done and wouldn't admit to anyone.


I'm not sure if the thread got removed for being to explicit.

My biggest secret is how many times I sat my driving test. I never disclose that to anyone I know in real life.

I'm the same though twice my failure was caused by boy racers cutting me off and another time it started snowing, I had done all my maneouvers and had 15 mins left, the examiner told me the weather meant we had to terminate. It was a light dusting of snow and it took me 15 mins to get back to the test centre anyway, he said it was a pass until he terminated it. I passed on my next one, I was drivien by sheer anger
Its amazing actually because I have driven for over ten years, never had any issues yet I know awful drivers who passed first time. One guy I work with recently asked me what to do when approaching a rounadabout, hes been driving for over 5 years!!
Sorry that was a rant.

Not so much a secret but I would never tell anyone this, I went to Alton Towers for the first time a few years back. i had wanted to go since I was little but its quite far from where I live so was always told no. I went with my sister and as soon as I got in the gates I started crying with happiness lol I had to put my sunglasses on and pretend my hayfever was acting up.

 

[thegirlscout]

Spoiler: Spoiler because it might gross people out

I’ve got to the point where I can’t stop picking and cutting my toenails and the skin around them. I have hardly any nail left on some of them and if I added it all up I spend hours a day rubbing my hand across my feet trying to find an imperfection so I can cut it or pick at it. If I find something I can’t ‘fix’ straight away its almost like I fantasise about it until I can get to it. I e tried filling my nails and using cream so they are hydrated and being ‘good’ but it never lasts. The most obvious answer would be to throw away my tweezers and scissors but I actually get anxious thinking about what would happen if I needed to trim my nails or pluck my eyebrows. It’s so pathetic I know.
Sometimes I get really sore because I’ve cut new skin and it bleeds. I tried to reach out to my therapists earlier this year when I was getting treatment for my binge eating disorder but they didn’t really know what to do (I don’t blame them but it’s also hard to try and reach out again and not get any help). I find it even hard to say the word ‘toenails’, for some reason it makes me feel so uncomfortable, like I’m talking about something really intimate that I just say ‘the nails on my feet’. I feel like such a freak.

 

[Keikochan]

This past year I have full on reduced my insulin so I'm taking barely enough to survive. It's bit scary cos I had to get diabetic laser eye treatment over the summer to fix the leaky blood vessels on backs of my eyes but I'm still don't want to up my insulin. I've lost 35 lbs so far and I'm so happy with that. As I loss weight I feel beautiful and more confident. I'm 5 lbs away from my goal but as I'm getting closer, I not sure if I want to stop.

 

[Woolmercardington]

From when I was little, I've always had a habit of talking to myself. Not coversing with myself but saying thoughts and opinions out loud. It's felt like I've not really had that thought or opinion unless I express it out loud.

I don't have an internal monologue going on in my head (like Peep Show). My thoughts are more abstract, so, I don't know if that's why I do it. Or the only way I tend to express my thoughts internally is in the form of an imaginary conversation.

Problem is, I've started mumbling to myself outside. Like at the bus stop or in a shop!! I know full well I'm doing it but the urge is just there to express a thought òut loud. I have to check myself as that would be an awful habit to start.

Although, I'm pretty sure a mouth along to all my internal imaginary conversations, too

This past year I have full on reduced my insulin so I'm taking barely enough to survive. It's bit scary cos I had to get diabetic laser eye treatment over the summer to fix the leaky blood vessels on backs of my eyes but I'm still don't want to up my insulin. I've lost 35 lbs so far and I'm so happy with that. As I loss weight I feel beautiful and more confident. I'm 5 lbs away from my goal but as I'm getting closer, I not sure if I want to stop.

Oh Christ, no. Please! I'm Type 1 and we know what dreadful long-term effects it can have on our bodies. I really hope you can speak to someone about this.

 

[bookworm1210]

I fancy the guy who works in the local newsagent...

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I’m the only one who knows.. my mum was raped when she was 15 and became pregnant, bear in mind this was the 60s, she went to a convent and her family were extremely strict. When she gave birth the nuns took the baby away and my mum never saw the baby again.
She thought about the baby everyday, then about 8 years ago I was contacted on social media by someone. She told me who she was and quite honestly it was the worst exploitive message and so full of hate , if I hadn’t of known it would have been a total surprise. I stopped using that social media platform and I’m hard to find now.
I lost my mum last year & I think about what she went through all of the time but I also remember the vile message I received, I often watch Davina on reuniting parents & children and it wasn’t uncommon back then for babies to be taken away from the their families.

I just wish that message I received had been different.

Who was it who contacted you on social media? Your half sibling? I’m confused - how did they know who your (their) mother was and how did they connect you to her?

Spoiler: Trigger Warning: Suicide

I fell down the stairs a few weeks ago, and even though I told everybody that I was mentally OK - the truth is that I wish I could have hit my head or something, to the point where I wouldn't be alive anymore.

I feel dead inside, just a ghost living in a body that I don’t even recognise anymore. I look in the mirror and I see a stranger. A pale, tired, miserable stranger that kind of looks like me. What once made me happy is now tedious, and nothing seems to make me happy anymore. My partner of 4 years dumped me a month or two ago, and I don't really have anyone to even confide in. Everything is awful and I'm over everything at this point.

Please PLEASE reach out and ask for help. From your GP, from a friend or family member or if you don’t feel you can talk to anyone you know in real life please call here:

If you're having a difficult time

What to do if you're struggling with how it feelings to live right now. Read more about how we can help you.

www.samaritans.org