Swoon_Love - wearing my Versace evening dress to the mini mart

[Clytemnestra]

Reminds me of a woman who used to do the school run with me. She used to wear a full length white puffa jacket a bit like this but longer, swanning about and thinking she looked the bee's knees:

We nicknamed her 'The Maggot'

 

[lagoonlia]

Her face is like a wax work

 

[Clytemnestra]

Set up after a suggestion on the Kat Farmer thread.

For the uninitiated, Swoon Love lives between Yorkshire and Mallorca and likes to prance about in evening wear 24/7. Really, there isn't much more to her than that. She also mainly posts reels - the bitch in me thinks that's beacuase it makes it harder to zoom in on her face...

 

[Marmaladeapricot]

I’ve not seen her hubby yet! Is he on her insta must have missed him!

Here you go

 

[Wifo1976]

White? For the school run??? This whole school run outfit thing is BS btw. Who has the time or energy IRL to get dressed up like a dogs dinner???

 

[Isthatso?]

how tedious her life must be.

I can help- HOW TO LOOK LIKE RHOCHESHIRE WANNABE

Flex your credit card in Flannels, go for what they deem ‘classy’ and ‘sophisticated’, try to forget its Sports Direct with designer labels.

Fill your face full of crap so it is simultaneously middle aged and wrinkle free. Make sure people can see how much it cost.

Hair- nondescript middle aged blond balayage , because that’s classy and ageless

Teeth get the biggest, brightest teeth you can. You look like you’ve put someone else’s dentures in, but never mind.

Always wear at least one thing that shows that it’s designer. Because you are rich and have made it, but most of all stayed classy.

Live in a McMansion decorated in shades of grey. It’s timeless and classy, just like your crushed velvet sofa.

Never read a book or use your time to educate yourself, enhance your intelligence or cultural capital. Endless scroll Instagram instead.

 

[Nancy Knows]

She’s just a chav with a credit card. Looks like an extra from Dallas circa 1980. No class, no elegance and that fucking voice. STFU please

 

[GossipMongoose]

It is a current trend in high fashion, that ‘no trousers under a long blazer’ thing, but it doesn’t really work in real life. Especially not in Huddersfield or wherever it is she lives.

 

[kaz88]

Didn’t she literally buy her “dream bag” a while ago that was exactly the same as this with silver hardware??? It’s such excessive consumerism and to say she cried - get a fucking life woman!

 

[Clytemnestra]

"I refuse to pay £££ for straw bags that cost £5 to make" she says, then links to one that costs nearly £500

 

[GossipMongoose]

The ‘school run outfits’ thing is funny. Surely you just wear whatever you are wearing at the time/for the day ahead? So work stuff if you’re going to/coming from work, gym stuff if exercising before/after, slobbing about stuff if just hanging around the house, fancy stuff if you’ve done/are doing something fancy, etc. Such a stupid idea to have outfits solely for impressing other vacuous twats at the school gates.

 

[GossipMongoose]

“Single handed lay keeping my local council afloat”

No, just continuously parking like an inconsiderate wanker.

 

[Dollyp]

Oh thank you for starting this I asked on another thread, so surprised one hasn’t been started beforehand as she is insufferable! Filler Pillow face, syrup wearing husband, distasteful designer overload, over the top looks & the term ‘her ladies’ when she describes her followers
---

She’s new to me. How old is she and where in Yorkshire is she from?

Nowhere around the real class & money of Yorkshire ….she is near to Halifax! No idea on her real age early 40s but looks soooo older.

 

[LittleMissOnions]

God she’s a horror isn’t she! I had no idea of this women’s existence till I saw her mentioned on the Kat Farmer thread and now I’m just fascinated by the sheer nastiness of her wardrobe, well as my gran used to say, money can’t buy you taste!

And as for taking a poor cat out to Majorca for 6 weeks in this heatwave, having to take it via France to get there and then drive back via Paris. I also noticed her bad grammar but as a mum of dyslexic kids I don’t think she is on the spectrum, I just think she’s thick/entitled.

 

[Clytemnestra]

I'm 5ft6 and a 27 inch inseam would look daft on me. I do remember her saying she doesn't have particularly long legs, but she must have good camera angles because if those leggings fit, she must have legs like a Shetland pony.

 

[Dollyp]

It’s a day private school … but such a pretentious thing to say! What a dick she is!

 

[Clytemnestra]

They look like those things priests use to fling incense around in a church.

 

[lagoonlia]

Her level of crass is off the scale. Seeking constant validation for her body, face and Hermes purchases. Shallow with absolutely no self awareness that she’s a narcissist.

 

[Peepers]

Her face is like a wax work

Is it just me or does she look really really old. Like a lot older than what she actually is, but with bad wax work fillers….

 

[Clytemnestra]

Quick Tattlers - form an orderly queue. Really boring, super thin Hermes belts are go online - a massive bargain at only £950 each. Put me down for three