Support for anyone that needs to vent #4

[gossqueen1989]

If I were you (and obviously you have your own life going on as well) I’d be contacting everyone who properly knows her and voicing your concerns- which to me sound completely valid and very important.

If at all possible, arrange a meeting with her on her own and gently offer your understanding.

I had something similar with a friend (not nearly as bad a situation by the sounds of it) and I offered to help her if she didn’t want to get married. She still did but it ended badly. However when she left him, she knew I’d understand.

The problem is no matter how I approach it she doesn’t ever see the wrong she see’s everyone is jealous of her being happy I went through it before advising her about a boy she didn’t listen ended in a row that I was jealous I distanced myself moved on she got back in touch gave her a chance some of the things she said were very hurtful but I forgave that I don’t know if I could go through it all again to end up being the baddy she can be very manipulative

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I’m struggling quite a bit at the moment, I had a really tough Jan - Mar and everything has got on top of me. I can’t make eye contact at the moment and even video calls are too much for me. I had a video call this afternoon and whilst we waited for the chair of the meeting there was some chit chat going on and it was just really annoying me… like even them saying that the clocks go forward on Sunday is a good thing irritated me. Do you ever find yourself between two people and just think get me out of here?! One was mega mega posh as well and her accent could cut glass which i find really jarring too. I imagine she’s nice really but I found her reason for being on the call annoying and then it just went from there. Anyway, through exhaustion I’ve made a complete twat of myself because I am sure everyone is wondering why I couldn’t even look into the screen today when talking. I need a break.

 

[flutternutter]

I've been offered a new job. It's progression within the area I already work for a new company. They interviewed me. They offered me the job. And yet, I am worried sick I am going to be shit.
I'm a recovering people pleaser with 0 confidence in my own ability. The only reason I've been offered this and other similar roles is because I can wax lyrical about the work I do because I love it. As soon as it comes to bigging myself up independently I am tongue tied and useless.
So now I am worrying about making a good impression. Remembering people's names and what they do. And trying not to come across like i dont know what im doing

 

[Pesky Tarian]

I feel so alone. I crave some love and kind words. I have great friends but I’m sure they’re sick of me and I don’t want to constantly burden them with my emotions. I feel like I hold it together 24/7 for my daughter and just get no time or space to process my emotions. Thanks for reading my vent if you got this far

I am absolutely sure your friends are not sick of you. This time of year is particularly draining for mums, one day at a time and don't be afraid to ask for help.

 

[gossqueen1989]

Do you know where her family are? Do you know where she works?

I know were her mother is but she does not be well he sisters are scattered around Iv a fair idea were she works it’s also in a new area to her

 

[Greenandgold]

Thanks so much for your kind words! It’s something I’ve sat on for months and never really knew how to articulate but I feel ready to do something about it now, so thank you for the encouragement

You're welcome Doodlebug. I shall be thinking of you

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

This is a bit of a petty rant from me and I'm so aware that it's ridiculous, but...

I have changed my office in work from a downstairs office to an upstairs office in the same building. There are toilets on both floors and, as there hadn't been any women on the top floor until I started up there, the guys (3 young men aged between 23 and 28, all definitely identifying as men) had designated the ladies loo as their 'number 2' toilet as it is double doored. This was fine when no women were up there but now I, a woman, would like my own toilet on the floor I work on. I have IBS and so sometimes I'm literally not able to go downstairs to use the bathroom there as it's a matter of urgency...

However, they think I'm being unreasonable and want to keep using both of the upstairs toilets. It's getting so frustrating as they leave it in a STATE - I'm talking eye watering - and they can't seem to grasp that I want my own toilet. I'm at my wits end as I just want to be able to use a bathroom of my own ffs

Not a petty complaint. Straight up infuriating. Make a complaint and get a key to lock it

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I’ve recently found something out and it’s left me feeling… I don’t even know. Shocked, devastated, embarrassed I guess. It happened when I was a child but I’ve only just found out what really happened the last few days and I honestly can’t stop thinking about it. And I really wasn’t supposed to find out so I can’t even talk to someone about it.

When I was about 5 or 6, my aunt got married. I’ve always known there was some type of issue around it but didn’t know exactly what. I know my parents had gone to it thinking it was an adults only event but were shocked to find the wedding full of kids when their invite had specified them only.

Anyway turns out there was a reason. My sister and I have albinism. My aunt didn’t want us there ruining the pictures apparently. I guess she thought we were so off putting, so hideous to be part of the day.

When I found out, I just felt this huge sinking feeling. I’ll be honest, I’ve welled up a few times thinking of it. I mean, it’s not the first time my sister or I been treated poorly or unkindly because of our disability but this feels different. And I think the fact too that we were children as well. And the fact that it’s from family. I just feel so down about it and so humiliated. Like at some point there was a conversation about how bad it would be if we ended up in pictures? Or, we’re just there? And I just keep thinking how many people knew? Did anyone say anything?

And here’s the thing, it’s not about being sour that I wasn’t invited. I was so young I probably wouldn’t have even remembered going. I just feel like I was rejected for having a disability. I’ve always thought having albinism at least didn’t matter to my family. I know with my immediate family it doesn’t. But now I’m questioning what my aunt thinks of me. And what about other members of the family? If I didn’t know about this, what else have they said about my sister and I? Just makes me feel like some kind of freak. Or something they’re ashamed of.

Anyway, sorry that got a bit rambly. Hopefully it made sense. I just really needed to say something

I’m so very sorry this has happened to you.
Rejection is an awful feeling, even more so if it’s by people we care about.
How did you find out? Was it said to you maliciously?

It might be worth talking it over with your aunt. Is the reason a 100% certainty?

 

[allthingschocolate]

Feel so alone I have an older sister that lives in another country, don’t see much of her as she barely comes back to the uk so we aren’t particularly close, but she’s always made more of an effort with my younger brother, last year she asked him to go away with her, her husband and 2 kids, she never invited me and my daughter along despite being on my own as a single mom, anyway he couldn’t make it but still she never asked me, she makes zero effort and is generally quite a selfish person tbh , anyway just found out she’s arranged to meet up with my brother and sister in law (minus any kids) in London again I never get asked always the black sheep of the family and left out of things!

 

[really_whythough]

It is in NO WAY your responsibility. You were volunteering to begin with. You had no input or control of how the parking was arranged. It doesn’t matter who has what income, it’s nothing to do with you as a passenger.

Don’t let snide ‘hints’ get under your skin, your conscience is crystal clean here.

 

[gossqueen1989]

I mean, obviously it’s not up to you to control her or save her or be in charge of her life. Nobody is perfect but also what you saw on holiday sounds like serious domestic abuse and no-one deserves that.

If you are worried enough to be writing here you obviously care, even after what you’ve been through. Hopefully her family care also? Can you seek their opinion and assistance perhaps?

Keep yourself safe though and I hope it’s not too distressing. She’s lucky to have a true friend like you.

Thank you for advice

 

[really_whythough]

If I were you (and obviously you have your own life going on as well) I’d be contacting everyone who properly knows her and voicing your concerns- which to me sound completely valid and very important.

If at all possible, arrange a meeting with her on her own and gently offer your understanding.

I had something similar with a friend (not nearly as bad a situation by the sounds of it) and I offered to help her if she didn’t want to get married. She still did but it ended badly. However when she left him, she knew I’d understand.

 

[OmgObsessed]

I’m more worried over him if this is her doing it

I would have everyone block both of them. They both don't sound right in the head. Don't worry about him, he isn't your responsibility. You can find someone better.

 

[OmgObsessed]

They are I just want to know would this be something they’ve done recently or not because it just seems very out the blue to receive a phone call when my last message was 4 weeks ago just strange

I wouldn't worry or even wonder unless you're going to get in legal trouble or they continue to report you. Then you need to call a lawyer. Just don't waste anymore effort wondering. Fuck em'

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Feeling quite down and angry. Often can pinpoint this to hormone but not this time. I now wonder if I'm actually just being treated unfairly.

Could it be the weather? I find that the recent constant rain and grey skies have made me moody and miserable
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Feeling quite down and angry. Often can pinpoint this to hormone but not this time. I now wonder if I'm actually just being treated unfairly.

Could it be the weather? I find that the recent constant rain and grey skies have made me moody and miserable

 

[Blondeangel2515]

I wouldn't worry or even wonder unless you're going to get in legal trouble or they continue to report you. Then you need to call a lawyer. Just don't waste anymore effort wondering. Fuck em'

It’s just odd how they were calling me by my middle name and surname and him his surname then first name. The number was a landline number but whenever I tried phoning it back it says I’ve dialled an incorrect number just something about it doesn’t sit right with me.
I’ve deleted his number I’m not worrying or bothered over it at all just none of it makes sense when he was messaging me in March

 

[puddleduck]

Got my colonoscopy today and I'm really really scared

Thinking of you and hope it goes well xx

 

[really_whythough]

Thank you for advice

I just read about a thing called ‘Claire’s Law’ which means partners can request information about any history of Domestic Violence. Could be worth looking into?
Hope it’s not weighing too heavily on you still.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I can totally understand this. It’s partly why I’m self-employed! I cannot do chit chat, it’s so draining.

I think it’s unlikely anyone even thought anything of it, everyone is too busy checking out their own ‘zoom face’ and thinking about their own insecurities. I definitely don’t think you made a twat of yourself!

You’ve identified really well that you are exhausted and need a break. How can you provide that for yourself? Annual leave? Staying somewhere different for even a couple of nights and walking around somewhere you haven’t spent all your time, just for a refresh?

There is a lot of research to support the benefits of offering ourselves self-compassion. It sounds like you’ve had a tough time and that’s part of why you are feeling like this. Acknowledge that it’s difficult and allow even these negative feelings to be there but don’t blame yourself for feeling them. Likely anyone would.

Dr. Kristen Neff has lots of free short guided meditations on self-compassion. I’ve found them helpful when I was feeling very upset and isolated. I hope you feel better soon.

Also, SO many zoom meetings could probably just have been an email.

Thank you, yes I’ve got some time off next week and have been saying to my husband that I would like to do two nights at one of the local hotels that have family rooms. He’s very reticent about it I don’t think he realises just how on the floor my MH is. I will look up Dr Neff, thanks so much for your reply, I genuinely appreciate your words.

 

[childofthe70s]

Why believe one person that is being hurtful on purpose when so many have told you they like it? I know, I know, it isn't easy - but consider how many people told you it was cool just not for them too, if your brain is trying to make you think they wouldn't be truthful.

Just never ask for his opinion on anything again, ok? He doesn't deserve your time and he's being disrespectful. Is he one of those "brutally honest" type of guys? Because he sure sounds like someone with zero social skills.

Thanks very much. I guess as he's been so kind to our nieces (my other brother's girls), and thought maybe he's grown up at last.

I have decided like my late mum it's pointless, as judgemental and doesn't get it. I would agree on the social skills.