Support for anyone that needs to vent #4

[Elle Woods]

Phoned the police back after that harassment claim and apparently it was because I sent screenshots of my ex messaging me to his current girlfriends family. My ex and his girlfriend saying I sent her family sexual messages like yes I did they were screenshots of what your boyfriend was sending me and I sent them to your family to make you aware so I don’t get abuse and because you blocked me. Making out I sent random sexual images to her family

like what did they think I would say to the police over this? When they know I have screenshots that I sent to them apparently he didn’t even tell the police he was messaging me in March and a week after I snitched he done the claim.
Why waste police time on this petty thing and now he’s made himself a right tit even the woman on the phone sounded like she was face palming at it. She’s closed the case and said I had a lucky escape

In the nicest way possible - going out of your way to find her family and messaging them, when she has already blocked you herself, is harassment. The police might have dropped it but you just need to accept that she doesn't want to hear from you. IF he messages again then just block him. It's absolutely wrong to go and find her family and send stuff like that to them. The only person who ends up looking bad is you. It's harassment. She doesn't want to hear from you, you've tried to warn her, she doesn't want to know. You have no right to then keep finding other ways to contact her.

You just need to accept the relationship is over and move on, like he has. You've posted across numerous threads with the same story. You're clearly a bit hung up on him still, no matter how much you deny it, it's obvious. You wouldn't be obsessing over the situation if you weren't.

 

[rasberry spoons]

Posted on other threads but I also need to let it out as I can’t talk to friends or family about this
Hi, seeking advice as I don’t know what to do anymore. Been with my partner for a long time, he lost his job back in July, said he was going to start his own business, I supported him and said I would hold the fort for bills etc for the first few months. fast forward to now. He half heartedly tried, nothing came to fruition. He had told me for months he applies for jobs but 8 months down the line and he hasn’t even been for an interview so I’m really starting to doubt that. He hasn’t contributed towards bills, childcare food. I pay for everything, the small bit of UC he does receive is gone 3 days later and I haven’t seen any of it. Everytime I try to discuss it it ends up in an argument that he thinks I’m implying he’s a shit dad and I’d be better off without him. Truth is I really am starting to think I would be better off. Definitely financially anyway. We’re together but I’ve never felt so sad about our relationship and I just don’t know what to do to approach it.

 

[childofthe70s]

I don't understand why people are so rude (outside of here) when women vent. We are told we are wrong and to stop "bitchin". Can I just say how I'm feeling without being attacked??? I'm so tired of it and I feel so alone.

My manager apologised for bitching about a colleague the other day, when it was simply letting off steam as the colleague hasn't pulled her weight recently and gone off on holiday again. My late mum used to say to me to stop moaning, when I had an opinion, yet she could moan on anything and everything for Britain and Denmark! I think we need safe spaces irl and on here that we can just let it out.

 

[LaBlonde]

Just when I think things are looking up…

I get weighed by my nurse and I’m 3 stone heavier than I thought and officially obese and the guy I was texting who seemed so lovely and hopeful has now gone quiet

I want to bury myself in a hole and starve myself for a few months.

work to do though. Have to keep carrying on

just don’t know how to stop crying and feel like I’ll never meet anyone

jade i was thinking of you recently - i’m so sorry to hear that you’re in such a low place right now

all i can say is to please please avoid making men, or finding someone, the centrepoint of your happiness or self-worth. that can only come from you and should be for yourself not with the hopes of being able to attract a man. the dating world is so fickle right now that i worry that continually sets you up for disappointment.

 

[childofthe70s]

My eldest brother can be a thoughtless twit and showed it again this weekend. I have had issues with body dysmorphia and depression due to total hair loss for over 30 years. I tried on a new wig on Friday (for the style as my hairdresser and I agree red suits me best), which was white with grey/blue in it. Most people on my social media have raved, a few saying it didn't suit me, and it's cool as I don't like the colour. I showed my brother and he laughed at it, when I showed him the colour it will come in the response was "do you get the makeover that goes with it"?! I never wear make up as burns my skin, and he didn't even think how that makes me feel. So gone backwards this weekend feeling a freak and thinking people are laughing behind my back again.

 

[JadeyJ]

Does anybody else feel super anxious at New Year? I don’t think about all the good things that could happen in the next year, only dread about losing my parents or something awful happening. I’m usually not a negative person but this horrible feeling gets a real grip of me at this time of year. I feel sick with worry.

 

[Forallthoseasking]

I need to vent. Don’t think I’m a tight arse.

Did a volunteering day with work and me and a colleague shared a car with out manager. They can claim back mileage.

Turns out they didn’t put enough money on the parking ticket and they have been sent a £60 fine. Me and my colleague were sat in the car at the time, so don’t know what the machine said, but the manager says it wasn’t very clear (so why didn’t they challenge it or query it. Would there not be a contact number on the machine?)
They rang the local council today and I think the outcome is they need to pay the fine.

My other colleague has offered to contribute towards it (they are a 2 person income household, I'm alone) but I have kept my mouth shut. I know the right thing would be to offer, but I really don’t see why I should? I feel like I won’t hear the end of it, plus the team have been regularly asked to donate to this person’s charity event they were doing, so I’m already irritated by that.

What would you do?

Just to clarify, the fine was against the managers car?

In that case, it's their fault, their car, they pay the fines. Id personally be looking at going to the person who deals with expenses or travel in the company (or HR?) for some advice on this situation.

As a manager, if I was them, I'd be forking out the money rather than putting it on my team. Your manager sounds like an arse from this imo

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Yes, sorry, it’s against their car.
How do I brooch the subject?! I don’t think they will ask me, but as my other colleague is going to offer to contribute, I’ll feel put on the spot.

Another member of our team also got a fine but he held his hands up and said he probably didn’t put enough money on the ticket. He’s paid his, but made a joke this morning about how I should contribute to a third of my manager’s fine! (He brought the letter in and it has a photo do him entering and leaving the car park)

It’s been passed onto the person who arranged the volunteering and all they have said they will make people aware at the next one.

As I said above, my manager has already been dropping heavy hints about making donations to their charity event, so I’m already reluctant to part with anymore money.

Just don’t do and say anything. It wasn’t your responsibility to check that an adult can use a parking meter.
And if he asks then just say “no, sorry”. I wouldn’t pay and I’m quite direct so probably would say something if hints were being dropped

 

[TheGlossy]

Some idiot at work with a chip on her shoulder.

She knows about my dad passing a year and a half ago. Yesterday, I learned my sister got very sick and was admitted to the hospital, so I was visibly a bit stressed.

This person comes up to me and said ‘you like stressed yesterday, is everything OK?’. I just said it’s just some family stuff and some deadline, no biggie. Then her response was ‘family stuff is still happening?’.

What kind of an answer is that? I never speak about my family or my personal life. I mentioned my dad’s passing a long time ago once then never again. Life is not rainbows and flowers for everyone. What an ignorant comment.

 

[April89]

More and more these days I find that I want constant comfort. I, at one time, could take risks and push myself and feel OK. Now, since covid I think, I just want to be wrapped up, hugging my dog on the sofa and to be left alone by everything. It’s not a problem as such, but it means I struggle to go to work etc as I feel SO anxious and sad all the time when I’m not at home.
I think the reason is covid but also long standing mental health problems that have been made worse after a long period of illness.

 

[Caramel Latte]

I'm so disappointed in myself. I always compare myself to people who graduated with me and have made big moves and thrive in their career while i only got jobs that are a total joke and currently staying at home... it really affects my self esteem...

 

[really_whythough]

I spoke to few mutual friends, had a call from my friend claiming I was trying to ruin her big day and there’s a reason I wasn’t to be at the wedding… slandering her husband to be. The friends I spoke to haven’t been socialising in their company it’s just a quick hello if they happen to see at shop so they have never witnessed anything but are miffed at the fact none of us were invited but acquaintances that she didn’t get on with are invited I didn’t know this. I haven’t been great since speaking to my friend there’s nothing more I can say as she had threatened he will take it legal if he hears anything more, all I did was tell the mutual friend what had happened on holiday and some events that’s is questionable about messages being ignored and muted that she didn’t know about.

You’ve done your best. The rest is up to her. Well done and I hope you and the other friends can move on and that she’s not in danger, just delusion!

 

[allthingschocolate]

Sisters birthday today so sent her a message, I got a one word reply, sent her another nice message to ask how she was etc only to be left on read I seriously don’t know why I bother, she makes zero effort with me (lives abroad) we never have and probably never will get on as she’s very selfish and opinionated and whenever I see her has an opinion on how/what I should do with my life! I would cut her out completely but I adore my nephews! I definitely Feel like she sticks up/sides with my brother on things (who’s also ignoring me after a falling out) I’m just so sick of my siblings making me feel like crap

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I need to vent about how I honestly am finding it so hard treading a fine line parenting.

Last summer my little girl’s school ran swimming lessons and they resulted in my daughter having nightmares almost every night for about 2 months afterwards. Every night she would tell me how scared she was of swimming lessons and then in the night she would wake up screaming.

I have addressed this with the head teacher who has been brilliant, and I also got my daughter 1:1 swimming lessons (at GREAT expense) with someone who has been amazing at working within her boundaries. Now the term for swimming lessons is rolling round and I have now tbh reflected and I’m asking myself why I’d put her through the school swimming lessons when she is getting on well doing the private ones - it’s not on the curriculum until she’s in yr 3 anyway and she’s only yr 1. So I’ve emailed the teacher and said look, can you remind your swim teachers not to be dickheads to her this year and if they are I will pull her out of lessons so you need to make provision for that scenario…. I feel like I’m being a bit precious but I can’t go through another summer of her screaming in the night with these anxiety dreams. Shes a really sweet little girl and the PE teacher is a meat head so I’m very aware there’s a clash of worlds - which I accept, but it’s hard when it feels like you’re making up special rules for your children. I feel like the teachers probably roll their eyes when they get emails from me but I’m trying to take a fair and balanced view and the outcome for me is that she can miss 5 minutes of swimming given she gets 30 minutes 1:1 every week and it doesn’t create issues for her (and us) as a result.
I do feel better for getting that off my chest.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Does anyone else love their parents but find them really hard work? My dad doesn’t do light conversation. I like light conversation- I like anecdotes and talking about nice things. He sniffs and doesn’t engage with me. Then last night we were watching the news and the newsreader didn’t quite seem all there, so I said she seems to have something going on, she’s stumbling over her words a bit. My dad used this as a horrible rant about diversity and how she only got her job because she’s a black woman, and she wouldn’t be the best black woman because the best one has probably pissed someone off, and he was watching CNN and all 5 hosts on a show were women and they were silly little girls doing chit chat and he doesn’t get that. I was sitting there thinking you’ve such a disgusting chip on your shoulder and yes thank you, as a hiring manager at a corporate company in London I know a lot about diversity and it’s not just about grabbing the first diverse person off the street and saying “you’ll do” - particularly not in such a competitive industry as journalism!!! I actually just said you know if the diversity is annoying you don’t engage with it - only watch the news when there’s a white man presenting - and he honestly looked like I’d slapped him in the face but also I think he realised I’d had enough of his shit for the night. Then my mum came in and we both noted the newsreader not being 100% and she said “she probably ill or tired” what a practical and straightforward response and my dad scoffed

 

[flutternutter]

Some idiot at work with a chip on her shoulder.

She knows about my dad passing a year and a half ago. Yesterday, I learned my sister got very sick and was admitted to the hospital, so I was visibly a bit stressed.

This person comes up to me and said ‘you like stressed yesterday, is everything OK?’. I just said it’s just some family stuff and some deadline, no biggie. Then her response was ‘family stuff is still happening?’.

What kind of an answer is that? I never speak about my family or my personal life. I mentioned my dad’s passing a long time ago once then never again. Life is not rainbows and flowers for everyone. What an ignorant comment.

Even if there was nothing else you CAN still grieve about your dad. What an absolutely ignorant, insensitive comment.

People need to think about their words, STILL, and JUST, and words like this which twist a sentence. If she just said family stuff happening? It hits soooooo differently. Adding that word adds judgement and no one has the right to judge people's reactions to stress, grief, difficulties in life.

Your reaction is who you are, its the childhood traumas youve lived through, the baggage you carry from broken promises, heartbreaks, illnesses and loss. It absolutely infuriates me... sorry i feel like im derailing to get out of my pram about it but people have done the same to me in the past and its just bullshit!

Anyway, i hope you are feeling ok despite ALL the family things. Whatever you're feeling is valid.

 

[Jadejones9596]

Just when I think things are looking up…

I get weighed by my nurse and I’m 3 stone heavier than I thought and officially obese and the guy I was texting who seemed so lovely and hopeful has now gone quiet

I want to bury myself in a hole and starve myself for a few months.

work to do though. Have to keep carrying on

just don’t know how to stop crying and feel like I’ll never meet anyone

 

[tomato_paste]

I haven't read the thread(s) but I will, I need to vent about something that's relatively trivial but had pissed me off today.

I took Wed-Fri. Mon-Wed off work. I told no one I'm off this week now that the kids are back at school as i just wanted a chilled break... for some context - I work in a high pressure environment, +45 hours per week in a corporate role. Have 3 children. Split up from my narcissistic controlling and emotionally abusive husband in July last year when I snapped and told him to get out and he's never been back since. We are attempting co parenting by which he has the kids 1 night per week and I have them the other 6. I'm going through some health stuff at the minute where they've found a 10cm growth in my uterus, thankfully it's benign but needs hormone therapy to reduce it for 5 to 6 months before it can be operated on, thankfully I'm fortunate enough to have private health care and therefore on a list for an MRI scan next week to find out more. So, needless to say there's a lot going on.

Back to the matter in hand today I've done some basic housework after taking the kids to school and then just chilled - ordered lunch in and binge watched a series on TV. Its been great because my life is never like this.
Anyway cue 5pm I get a call from my mum - again I'm trying not to be awful but she says with total panic in her voice - is everything okay, I replied yeah why would it not be. She tells me she passed my house on the way home from work and my car was there. Explained oh I was at work but finished earlier today she said good. Had a whinge about my dad's sister which I told her to get over it and then we ended the call.

Go to pick the children up from their dads. Get questioned about "why haven't you been to work today" from the narcissistic ex - looked at him and said I have been to work. He said well your car was there twice when I passed (there is ZERO need for him to pass my house). Asked him what business of his is it if I've been at work or not. Was told I'm a dick - nice

Then see my eldest daughter, talk to her about latest boy drama (she's 16) and then she says oh mum how come you weren't at work today.

Arrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh I want to scream, I know I'm very possibly overreacting but after being in a controlling relationship for almost 19 years I just want to do what I want to do without being answerable to people

Looks like you're struggling with boundaries with your mum and the narc, otherwise you'd not feel the need to lie about it. I totally get it btw, sometimes it's just easier to lie about stuff than deal with the demands on your time when people find out you have "free" time. But it's not healthy, you should feel free to say you had the day off and leave it at that - which tells you a lot about how your relationships with them are not great.

Also, like, total overreaction from your mum, and the stalker shit from your ex is creepy AF.

Setting boundaries is something you need to practice just like anything in life; nobody is born a natural boundary setter. Also, healthily adjusted adults aren't mad at you for setting a boundary and will simply accept it. I have narc parents and they're the ones who rail against my boundaries, get angry with me for saying no, try to needle and manipulate me into doing what they want me to do.

You know who doesn't? My well adjusted friends. Yeah, they ask stuff off me as do I off them, but when I'm busy or not in the mood I say "Sorry, that won't work for me" and they say, "cool, maybe next time". And the funny thing is, with narcs you have to be sooooo careful not to JADE (justify, defend, argue, explain). But with my friends I WANT to do that. I tell them honestly why I don't have time - even if it's just because I feel like vegging out on the sofa - and they totally get it and ask me if I'm ok instead.

Mabe writing down your healthy relationships and how they compare to the ones where you feel the need to lie is a good start?

Also, don't be surprised in the future if you find that a lot of the time, your boundaries don't need to be articulated as verociously as you have to with narcs. Regular people don't push and push and push until you explode. It takes time to learn, but you'll get there.

 

[jojida]

I have worked for the same company for nearly three years now, with two of those years being in a secretarial role and the last six months having moved over to a professional service role which involves studying for exams and gaining a qualification which is really different to what I've done before, but has great progression opportunities once I've spent three years doing those exams.

I am really, really struggling. I'm trying my hardest not to get into the mindset of hating my job, but at the moment it seems to be going that way. I don't like how much the pressure has increased and I don't particularly enjoy what I do. I also have to fund my own qualification which is proving to be really expensive (work would usually pay for this, but it would have meant taking a considerable pay cut of around £8k a year which we can't afford) so either way it's sort of lose-lose.

I would love my old job role back but it isn't possible as we have rehired for it, so I think my only option would really be to go elsewhere. I do have a great partner of the firm who wants to see us all succeed and she had said before that if this didn't work out for me, she'd find somewhere else for me to go in the firm but my old job role is already overstaffed as we have one poor secretary in the pool that is just basically a spare part already (and shes only part time compared to my full). I have an appraisal due around the end of March in which I get to discuss everything with the partner then, but I'm now wondering if I should stick it out and see the outcome of my appraisal, or if I should begin to apply for other roles and update my CV and see if I can have a back-up option available for if things really don't get better. I love my firm but it can be archaic, with little benefits for things like maternity or parental leave, no sick pay, etc and my new role just isn't really what I expected it to be whatsoever, with loads of external pressure as I can't study for my exams during the working day etc and so find myself with just zero free time.

I find some of the people I work with to be quite draining too as I definitely don't gel with one of the people who I share an office with as I find his opinions really misogynistic, racist and generally bigoted.

I would normally sit down and discuss this kind of thing with my partner but he has recently experienced a bereavement which is really affecting him and I had the revelation of just how much I dislike my job at the same time as this bereavement. I don't then want to hassle him with my issues when it's so fresh for him, so wondered if anyone here has been through the same or similar and what worked best for them.

 

[LaBlonde]

Does anybody else feel super anxious at New Year? I don’t think about all the good things that could happen in the next year, only dread about losing my parents or something awful happening. I’m usually not a negative person but this horrible feeling gets a real grip of me at this time of year. I feel sick with worry.

same i struggle hugely in the period between christmas and new year (and i HATE new years in general): i can’t focus on anything good and just think about what i didn’t do last year and (like you say) all the horrible stuff that is bound to happen to me next year. i can’t wait until we’re actually into january and the actual new year stuff can stop.

sending you lots of love not long before the night is done and we can move forward x