Support for anyone that needs to vent #3

[JoeBloggs]

This is awful! Have you spoken to him with regards to his alcohol and how it affects you? His friend is an hole !! And I would ban him from my home and I would not be happy that your boyfriend has allowed his mate to talk tit about you!!! So disrespectful!
I hope you are ok.
Appreciate that it is now the next day, how did it go this morning when he has woken up?

Thank you for your reply. My husbands issue with alcohols is a bit on a sore point for quite a while. To be fair to my husband, he was very apologetic and agreed he’s had one too many chances and accepts I’m not happy to let his best friend come over for the foreseeable.

He told his best friend that what he said was out of order and I was right to be angry.

Im ok now, I was just so angry at the time. I also realised I don’t care what his best friend thinks of my anymore.

 

[Angrysue_]

Thank you for your reply. My husbands issue with alcohols is a bit on a sore point for quite a while. To be fair to my husband, he was very apologetic and agreed he’s had one too many chances and accepts I’m not happy to let his best friend come over for the foreseeable.

He told his best friend that what he said was out of order and I was right to be angry.

Im ok now, I was just so angry at the time. I also realised I don’t care what his best friend thinks of my anymore.

That's fair enough and I like that he has told his friend that !! Glad your feeling better, but remember to look after number 1 and if things get too much tell him Always here for a chat xx

 

[tomato_paste]

Thank you for your reply. My husbands issue with alcohols is a bit on a sore point for quite a while. To be fair to my husband, he was very apologetic and agreed he’s had one too many chances and accepts I’m not happy to let his best friend come over for the foreseeable.

He told his best friend that what he said was out of order and I was right to be angry.

Im ok now, I was just so angry at the time. I also realised I don’t care what his best friend thinks of my anymore.

Fingers crossed for you that your husband gets his head unstuck from his a and steps up.

I know addiction isn't easy but he needs to do the work now. Do not do the work for him. If he wants to work on his issues with alcohol he needs to find an addiction councillor, look into NHS resources and organise himself the support he needs.

And for you, I understand why you're mostly angry with your friend but some of that anger should be placed at your husbands feet too. He was majorly disrespectful, did not take your needs and feelings into account at the time and did you dirty. Being sorry is not the same as understanding where he ducked up and changing his ways.

 

[LaBlonde]

Fingers crossed for you that your husband gets his head unstuck from his a and steps up.

I know addiction isn't easy but he needs to do the work now. Do not do the work for him. If he wants to work on his issues with alcohol he needs to find an addiction councillor, look into NHS resources and organise himself the support he needs.

And for you, I understand why you're mostly angry with your friend but some of that anger should be placed at your husbands feet too. He was majorly disrespectful, did not take your needs and feelings into account at the time and did you dirty. Being sorry is not the same as understanding where he ducked up and changing his ways.

this they also, looking at the post, willingly drunk drove to get more alcohol too - i would be raging at my husband for that. he could have seriously hurt someone, or himself. it’s great that he’s apologised but he needs to fully understand how his behaviour affects OP. it isn’t fair and is borderline dangerous.

 

[JoeBloggs]

this they also, looking at the post, willingly drunk drove to get more alcohol too - i would be raging at my husband for that. he could have seriously hurt someone, or himself. it’s great that he’s apologised but he needs to fully understand how his behaviour affects OP. it isn’t fair and is borderline dangerous.

To be clear it wasn’t my husband who drove. It was his best friend. I was angry he got in the car with him.

He is currently working on his addiction with his GP and he is making progress. His best friend just brings him down every time as he just flipsin and out of his life when it suits him, he’s not been the one here when-he’s been rock bottom, I have.

We spoke about it all again today and he said he friend has no idea about our life and he fully understands why he’s not welcome and why I was cross and has promised it will never happen again.

 

[whoareyouu]

I really opened up to a friend about my life and why I am the way I am (insecurity wise, trauma wise) why I act the way I act about certain things. Told her about things I’ve been through and really opened up. Explained I have BPD and just generally really opened up for her to ever since make me the butt of her jokes and taking the piss out of me, bringing up my past experiences in jokes and calling me a physco at the tiniest of things. If i’m a bit funny or something or if the tiniest thing gets to me she’s like ‘it’s cos your a physco’ and mentioning my BPD. Wish i never brought it up or opened up to her, beginning to realise she weren’t the good friend I thought she was. Which is tit

Yeah, that’s not a friend.

 

[rainbowlemon]

I really opened up to a friend about my life and why I am the way I am (insecurity wise, trauma wise) why I act the way I act about certain things. Told her about things I’ve been through and really opened up. Explained I have BPD and just generally really opened up for her to ever since make me the butt of her jokes and taking the piss out of me, bringing up my past experiences in jokes and calling me a physco at the tiniest of things. If i’m a bit funny or something or if the tiniest thing gets to me she’s like ‘it’s cos your a physco’ and mentioning my BPD. Wish i never brought it up or opened up to her, beginning to realise she weren’t the good friend I thought she was. Which is tit

Honestly cut all contact with her. When someone shows you who they really are believe them the first time.

You are not a psycho. You don’t need someone minimising your trauma. I also have BPD. You don’t need her in your life tearing you down.

Because you have BPD, you deserve more care.

 

[childofthe70s]

I'm asexual - never be interested in relationships or sex. I used to care for my mum, who was emotionally/mentally and at times physically abusive. I have siblings, one I never see, and other is the far end of the autism spectrum he's almost zero social skills. I cannot talk to either about how I feel. With work I help others, and meet people daily, but all in a professional capacity. However, I feel very lonely. I want to find a new hobby or past time, or even consider finding a companion to enjoy my hobbies with (long walks and nature). I have been burnt by life so much over the years, I don't know how or where to begin.

 

[MsGilmore]

I have spent a lot of time with my nephews this weekend.
I know that children have their moments. They are defiant and siblings bicker, but they are struggling. My brother is separated from his wife and she is a narcissist. The time that the boys spend with her is chaotic and negative. Rather than discipline them and set boundaries, she just argues with them and treats them like a problem. She is always looking for someone to palm them off on whether that be her dad, siblings or their friends parents. That’s usually so that she can get drunk. If my brother did that she would tell everyone that he is a terrible father.
The eldest gets into trouble at school for answering back to his teacher and can be excessively violent with his younger brother. The youngest now seems to be struggling to express himself and was screaming because he was so angry and frustrated. He is only 6 so is probably too young to be able to know how to express his feelings in words, but it’s so hard to see his distress. I gave him a kiss and just tried to reassure him, but I don’t know if it makes any difference.
It’s so hard to not be able to control what happens to them. My brother tries his best, but he’s not great at acknowledging what is behind their behaviour. Our parents are not emotionally mature and have always been concerned about how things look so they’re not good role models for parenting. When the boys were babies I thought that things were okay and the cycle would be broken, but I can only watch it continue and do my best to show them that I love them.

 

[Tanne1999]

I’m trying to lose weight. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand how calories work. He made my lunch for me today - egg salad. Lovely and healthy right?
Wrong. He’s smothered it in a homemade Mayo mustard. Not even light Mayo, full large.

He cooked chicken for dinner the other day. Easily used 15 table spoons worth of vegetable oil. Why, I do not know. Didn’t know he’d done it until I went to clean the kitchen.

He makes me toast, smothers it in butter. Uses double cream in a lot of things that don’t need it (curry’s, pasta dishes etc), and then he wonders why either of us can’t bleeping shift any weight and keep going on at him about his cooking.

 

[tomato_paste]

I’m trying to lose weight. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand how calories work. He made my lunch for me today - egg salad. Lovely and healthy right?
Wrong. He’s smothered it in a homemade Mayo mustard. Not even light Mayo, full large.

He cooked chicken for dinner the other day. Easily used 15 table spoons worth of vegetable oil. Why, I do not know. Didn’t know he’d done it until I went to clean the kitchen.

He makes me toast, smothers it in butter. Uses double cream in a lot of things that don’t need it (curry’s, pasta dishes etc), and then he wonders why either of us can’t bleeping shift any weight and keep going on at him about his cooking.

Have you talked to him about it? What does he say?

If he sabotages your food you need to take cooking into your own hands. I know it's more expensive to cook for two but leave the curries and pasta to him and cook for yourself.

It might be an unconscious decision on his part but it's disrespectful of him and he needs to face up to what he's doing. Otherwise he will eventually undermine all trust you have between yourselves.

 

[jojida]

I’m trying to lose weight. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand how calories work. He made my lunch for me today - egg salad. Lovely and healthy right?
Wrong. He’s smothered it in a homemade Mayo mustard. Not even light Mayo, full large.

He cooked chicken for dinner the other day. Easily used 15 table spoons worth of vegetable oil. Why, I do not know. Didn’t know he’d done it until I went to clean the kitchen.

He makes me toast, smothers it in butter. Uses double cream in a lot of things that don’t need it (curry’s, pasta dishes etc), and then he wonders why either of us can’t bleeping shift any weight and keep going on at him about his cooking.

Are we dating the same man?

I struggle not to get mad with mine because he does sabotage us without realising. He gets it from his mum, big time, who can't portion control to save her life. He's also a lover of adding things like oils, butter, cream etc to meals that don't need it because hes 'big on flavour' and it gets me so mad sometimes.

I know he means well but he just doesn't understand that having a plate of vegetables is still calorific if its smothered in oils.

 

[Rxt156]

I’m trying to lose weight. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand how calories work. He made my lunch for me today - egg salad. Lovely and healthy right?
Wrong. He’s smothered it in a homemade Mayo mustard. Not even light Mayo, full large.

He cooked chicken for dinner the other day. Easily used 15 table spoons worth of vegetable oil. Why, I do not know. Didn’t know he’d done it until I went to clean the kitchen.

He makes me toast, smothers it in butter. Uses double cream in a lot of things that don’t need it (curry’s, pasta dishes etc), and then he wonders why either of us can’t bleeping shift any weight and keep going on at him about his cooking.

Can you make the food? Then you can add whatever you like

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I’m trying to lose weight. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand how calories work. He made my lunch for me today - egg salad. Lovely and healthy right?
Wrong. He’s smothered it in a homemade Mayo mustard. Not even light Mayo, full large.

He cooked chicken for dinner the other day. Easily used 15 table spoons worth of vegetable oil. Why, I do not know. Didn’t know he’d done it until I went to clean the kitchen.

He makes me toast, smothers it in butter. Uses double cream in a lot of things that don’t need it (curry’s, pasta dishes etc), and then he wonders why either of us can’t bleeping shift any weight and keep going on at him about his cooking.

Can you not make your own tea?

 

[watermelon sugar]

I’m trying to lose weight. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand how calories work. He made my lunch for me today - egg salad. Lovely and healthy right?
Wrong. He’s smothered it in a homemade Mayo mustard. Not even light Mayo, full large.

He cooked chicken for dinner the other day. Easily used 15 table spoons worth of vegetable oil. Why, I do not know. Didn’t know he’d done it until I went to clean the kitchen.

He makes me toast, smothers it in butter. Uses double cream in a lot of things that don’t need it (curry’s, pasta dishes etc), and then he wonders why either of us can’t bleeping shift any weight and keep going on at him about his cooking.

Doubt he’s doing it on purpose, make your own food if you’re that bothered

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I’m trying to lose weight. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand how calories work. He made my lunch for me today - egg salad. Lovely and healthy right?
Wrong. He’s smothered it in a homemade Mayo mustard. Not even light Mayo, full large.

He cooked chicken for dinner the other day. Easily used 15 table spoons worth of vegetable oil. Why, I do not know. Didn’t know he’d done it until I went to clean the kitchen.

He makes me toast, smothers it in butter. Uses double cream in a lot of things that don’t need it (curry’s, pasta dishes etc), and then he wonders why either of us can’t bleeping shift any weight and keep going on at him about his cooking.

I’m sorry I have to come back to this. He doesn’t force feed you does he. You’re the one who eats it? You can’t blame him for it

wish my boyfriend would make my bleeping lunch

 

[watermelon sugar]

I’m sorry I have to come back to this. He doesn’t force feed you does he. You’re the one who eats it? You can’t blame him for it

wish my boyfriend would make my bleeping lunch

I know right Sorry if i were on a diet i wouldn’t expect my partner to just know what he’s doing calorie wise

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I know right Sorry if i were on a diet i wouldn’t expect my partner to just know what he’s doing calorie wise

I’d just be grateful someone was making me a meal 🫠

think the op needs to make her own meals from now on

 

[idk21]

Glad I found this thread, need to get something off my chest about something I found a few days ago.

5 years ago, I got into a relationship with Peter Pettigrew* (name suits because my ex, too, was and still is a treacherous rat). The relationship ended badly and I blocked him on all social media, including Facebook, in 2020. A few months later, I met and then eventually married Harry Potter* in 2021 (we’re still happily married). A few days ago, I was reviewing my FB account settings just to do a bit of housekeeping, and checked the list of people I had blocked to find… Peter Pettigrew* had changed his surname on his profile so his name now reads… Peter Potter*. WHAT. THE. duck. Why is my ex using my husband’s surname??!!

*not their real name

 

[Tanne1999]

Thanks to the two people who didn’t jump down my throat or make me feel like tit for venting my frustrations.

It’s hard to cook my own meals every single night when I work two jobs and am often on late shifts. I am appreciative for him doing this, I know not everyone has this privilege, but it doesn’t change how I feel.

I’ve had countless discussions with him about his use of calorific ingredients and being more mindful of what he’s actually using. He agreed he’d be more considerate and use healthier alternatives. It’s only when I saw him adding a tit tonne of oil to the pan (which we only have in the house for him to fry eggs with) to cook some chicken and asked why he wasn’t using the fry-lite we had purchased that he confessed he wasn’t being as conscious as he was saying he was.

It’s also hard to not eat the food he’s prepped for me for lunch on the occasions he does do it when I don’t work anywhere near a shop and our canteen closes ridiculously early.