Stick with an only child or should I have another...?

[Cutey]

I am the OP and also pregnant! Due in Autumn. Very happy and excited and know that it is the right decision for us

Edit to say I quoted the wrong post. Sorry to hear that you can't have xx

CONGRATS

 

[flopsymopsy]

Congrats OP!

 

[Definitelyme]

See I got told people found 1-2 harder than 2-3. But I would still worry, yes my boys would i both me at school if I had another? X

0-1 was the hardest for me because your whole life changes, but as someone mentioned above I still didn’t find it overly difficult. 1-2 and 2-3 we didn’t feel much difference at all!

 

[mrsshim62]

My Mum was an only child so had 4, I obviously was 1 of those 4 and I had 1 as I wanted to give my child the time and attention that I never got. Out of the those 4, I have 1 child, y sister has 2 and the others have none. Maybe my Son will have 4 and repeat the cycle

I married one of four (between him and his siblings, they produced 2!!) and my daughter did too! My husband was never affected by having only one child the way I was and when, after her first, my daughter suffered temporary infertility, my son-in-law was content with one, too! Thanks for the lovely reply x

 

[Charl28]

I have two boys aged 5 and nearly 2. I never wanted a third, but my only sibling has recently moved away and it has triggered me to want a third! I kind of feel like an only child. I also look after the elderly and as crazy as it sounds it’s a lot of pressure for only children to look after their parents, which realistically when my parents are old it will be all on me as I live close to them. Can anyone tell me that had 3 children what the transition was like is it a good/bad idea? Our wedding has been cancelled for next year so we are getting married in 2022. If I get pregnant after my wedding I will be 32, my partner 30.

 

[bubbadabut]

I agree 0-1 is a massive shift, life changing. But personally I think I found 2-3 harder because the number of children I had suddenly exceeded my number of hands

 

[Giftinghell]

Having a sibling would be really good for you're child. I would never have just 1 child but that's just me

This is my biggest driver, but on the other hand I also feel my daughter is extremely happy, so socialised by nursery/school, friends and cousins....if we were to struggle, would we risk her happiness (albeit maybe temporarily during the baby years)

 

[Imainlylurk]

Remember, babies are only little for a short while, although you will still be responsible for them til adulthood, they won't be little.
Don't think of live in terms of having more little ones , think of life a few years down the line with big kids/ adult children. See how that sways your decision. Whatever you choose, you just end up coping and getting on with it

This sways me towards having more than one. Newborns and toddlers and even young kids are all-consuming, they will love you no matter what. When the kids get older and start pulling away from their parents I imagine that's when you might regret having only one. I have family friends with an only child. She rarely spends Christmas day with her parents and she may not have kids of her own, whilst they're desperate to be grandparents. They've put all their eggs in one basket. Writing that out, it sounds selfish, but the decision to have kids or not always involves personal considerations.

 

[bubbadabut]

I have two boys aged 5 and nearly 2. I never wanted a third, but my only sibling has recently moved away and it has triggered me to want a third! I kind of feel like an only child. I also look after the elderly and as crazy as it sounds it’s a lot of pressure for only children to look after their parents, which realistically when my parents are old it will be all on me as I live close to them. Can anyone tell me that had 3 children what the transition was like is it a good/bad idea? Our wedding has been cancelled for next year so we are getting married in 2022. If I get pregnant after my wedding I will be 32, my partner 30.

I have 4. Everyone told me going from 2 to 3 was the hardest and I'd have to agree. My first 3 were all boys and very close together in age though. I had 3 kids under the age of 3 at one point, but yours are a much more manageable age for having a newborn.

 

[Imainlylurk]

I am in two minds about this too. My reasons are a bit different. My husband and I are happy together but some things seem to be very hard for us in a way they aren't for others. Maybe I'm doing that compare and despair thing but I feel like the simple things take a lot of effort to manage and follow through, partly because my husband has ADHD and finds follow through really hard. I also don't always feel like we are on the same page in life. His personal goals at the moment seem to be mainly around his hobbies and interests and not around what we would need to work towards to have more children.

We have one daughter aged 20 months who is good natured and sleeps well and that has still felt like a massive adjustment. I've enjoyed it and would like to see another child grow up and develop in the way I'm experiencing with her. On the other hand, when I do give myself permission that one child is ok, I feel a bit of a sense of relief and peace.

I will say that I think the affordability thing especially around holidays is compensated for the fact that a lot of deals especially around e.g. package accommodation seem to be set up for the 2 parent 2 child family. I've heard three is when it gets really tricky as that's when you need a bigger car, etc!

 

[Suzesnooze]

I'm from a big family but my husband only had one sibling and always wanted more so he wanted at least 4 children! However, time wasn't on my side so I had two close together but my second was a traumatic birth and I told my husband no more but then as time went on, I started to think I did want one more so we had another. There was a 5 year gap between my third and my second. It did feel a bit like starting again but I never regretted my decision. I wouldn't have had a 4th child purely because we had no room for one and would have had to get better jobs to afford a bigger house and a bigger car!

 

[Kim Mild]

My oldest was a teenager when my youngest was born, so they were an only for a while. . ( I was a single parent for a few years so wasn't in the situation to have another child) I am an only child too, I have a very small family and do sometimes feel lonely, I see the bond my kids have and how they interact with each other, and that's something I'll never experience.
Both my parents have passed now ,l and dealing with their illness/death is quite a burden to go through alone.

Remember, babies are only little for a short while, although you will still be responsible for them til adulthood, they won't be little.
Don't think of live in terms of having more little ones , think of life a few years down the line with big kids/ adult children. See how that sways your decision. Whatever you choose, you just end up coping and getting on with it .

 

[Sparks]

I feel like going from 0-1 was hard, from 1-2 was easy. I knew what I was doing and I didn't stress so much.
I always wanted 2 kids and I wanted them about 2 yrs apart. That didn't work out and we struggled with fertility issues. I finally accepted that he would be an only child and we got pregnant. My boys are 6 yrs apart with my oldest being 13 and my youngest 7. They fight, as siblings do. But they also play together. When I was pregnant, my oldest said: I can't wait to see what it feels like to be a big brother. I thought that was the sweetest.
I say go for it. Timing will never be perfect but you will make it work.

 

[leon19]

I'm a mum to an only child who's now 5. I'm desperate for another child if my situation had of been different I would of had 2 by now. I've been with my current partner 3 years I would have one now if I could but due to various reasons and goals we want to meet it will be another 2 years yet. I get people who have more than 1 tell me just have 1 don't have more it will be so easy but I'm adamant its what I want so if its something you really do want you should just go for it. For most people there's probably never a perfect time slot for more kids with work commitments, less income while their young etc but I believe it will all work out in the end

 

[bringingdownthebs]

Congratulations

thank you!

 

[Onepotatotwopotato]

If your bmi is over 40 as you say in the OP I would work on that first and go from there Two can be quite demanding!

 

[miamae]

Congrats OP! I have 2 and would love another one (my partner is desperate for another) however I had a blood clot in my last pregnancy, and after being told it was very rare it would happen again as I would have to be put on blood clot injections throughout it makes me super anxious! But I just don’t feel complete at 2 and neither does my partner. My daughter is 7 and my son is 18 months and we worry he will be lonely growing up due to the big age gap and my little girl never really wants to play with him - she’s too cool now apparently!!

 

[Charl28]

I have 4. Everyone told me going from 2 to 3 was the hardest and I'd have to agree. My first 3 were all boys and very close together in age though. I had 3 kids under the age of 3 at one point, but yours are a much more manageable age for having a newborn.

See I got told people found 1-2 harder than 2-3. But I would still worry, yes my boys would i both me at school if I had another? X

 

[Lynseyp]

My husband is an only child and I have a sibling. My husband found it difficult as he struggled later in life mixing with school friends and work colleagues. He's nearly 50 and still struggles to mix. I enjoyed having a sibling as it meant I had someone to fight with growing up .

We now have 3 children and its great as they all get along....just. Plus they all have each other when my husband and I aren't around.
My husband lost his mum a few years ago and he's estranged from his father, he finds it difficult when our kids get an achievement certificate or a good report, he has no one to tell as he has no other family.

 

[Lauren1994]

This is my biggest driver, but on the other hand I also feel my daughter is extremely happy, so socialised by nursery/school, friends and cousins....if we were to struggle, would we risk her happiness (albeit maybe temporarily during the baby years)

i have one child and I’d love another, it actually scares me thinking she may be alone if I don’t have another! I admire the good relationships between siblings when they’re like best friends. Me and my sister aren’t extremely close but she has helped me out when I needed it most, I don’t know what I would have done without her when I gave birth to my daughter, she was always there to help with anything and everything.

I have two friends who have 1 child, they’re both 7 and HATE being an only child. One of my friends had been trying for a baby and now she’s pregnant again and her daughter is so excited! My other friends son is always irritable where he gets bored so easily, he seems lonely at times and harder work than having two! Some people have said to me “I’ve had twins and they’re easier than one!” I always think it’s because they’ve entertained each other.

although everyone wants their child(ren) happy, at the end of the day you have to do what you want to do.