Stick with an only child or should I have another...?

[Abcd123]

We have a 3 YO. We're considering another but we're not sure.
Reasons for -
1. I l'd like my son to have a sibling (especially in a covid world where we can't guarantee he'll be able to see his cousins/friends and I don't want him to be lonely).
2. I loved being pregnant.
3. Newborns are adorable & I'd love to experience it all over again.

Cons
1. I am much heavier than I was 3 years ago so I feel I need to lose some weight first. My BMI outs me at high risk... It's not just slightly over its WELL over the 40.
2. I am mid 30's and it feels too old. No disrespect to older mother's but I am tired and worn out with 1 (this is possibly due to my weight though).
3. I have a demanding job & my son 'slots in', I'm not sure another child would...this sort of relates to the being knackered con!
4. I enjoy frequent holidays abroad, weekly meals out and a 'nice lifestyle' (not as much during covid)...A second child would be costly and we'd have to give that up...

I'd love to hear from only child parents who decided to stick with 1... And parents who had more children and why? Xx

 

[Giftinghell]

Wow I rarely come on this site anymore and I have to say I am having the exact same thoughts....I just don’t know how we make the decision. Would love to hear from parents who have an only child. Sorry my reply doesn’t help you much x

 

[Lipgoss]

I'm an only child and love it! I personally feel that it's made me more independent and outgoing as I could never just fall back on playing with siblings etc, had to learnt to approach people and make friends. I also think I'm more mature than some of my friends with siblings (not really saying that's a good or a bad thing, just how it is) as I spent much more time in adult company. I get that some kids find this boring, but I think it suited my personality better. Now that I'm grown up (mid 20s) and see some of my friends have really great relationships with siblings I recognise that would be nice to have, but I don't feel that I miss it. Can't miss what you've never had.
The only thing I think will be really horrendous about being an only is when my parents die (sorry, it's so morbid) - I guess that even though we will all experience a parent dying, the only other person that would get the personal pain of my parent dying is a sibling. But that is hopefully a long way down the line and will come at a time when I have my own partner and kids for support.

 

[Cutey]

I can't have..so if you can have...HAVE as many as you CAN...enjoy

 

[Mememememe]

I always think in these situations. Would you grow old regretting you didn't have another.
If you would. Then go for it!

 

[Flumperooni]

See I got told people found 1-2 harder than 2-3. But I would still worry, yes my boys would i both me at school if I had another? X

I had 3 under 3 at one point then 4 in 5 years, to be honest going from 0-1 was the hardest transition for me. Once I became a parent that is who I was and adding more children just enhanced that. But none of the transitions were particularly hard including 0-1, and I wish I had had more children If I am honest. My 4 play lovely together for the most part and I definitely found parts of lockdown boring as they were all busy playing with each other and didn’t need me for anything

 

[Lillypot221]

I'm an only child and couldn't imagine it any other way. I had friends and cousins to play with and I never went without. I was very spoilt still am and so are my children. My kids have a 5 year age gap. No more for me.

 

[Trolleydollycoffeelover]

Theres absolutely nothing wrong with having or being an only child.

THANK YOU! I’m sick of people judging me and assuming I must have been spoilt/mollycoddled. Yes I was overprotected as a kid but I grew up to be independent, solo traveller and thinking on my own two feet. I was never lonely, yes on holiday maybe but my parents could have allowed me to bring a mate/cousin and it would have been ok. I always mated up with kids around the pool though!

I'm an only child. I hated it growing up and still hate it now. It's lonely.

Do you find it difficult to make friends? I forced myself out of my comfort zone and now I have the right balance of me-time and pals on call if I need them. My big issue was I noticed it was harder for me to participate in those dreaded teamwork activities in work and school. Either us onlies would get shouted down for being bossy or we would go the opposite direction (like me) with a fear of being seen to be bossy so we let the others take over and then get viewed as passive/lazy.

 

[Linda La Hughes]

I never wanted my daughter to be an only child but i also didn’t expect to be a slightly older mum with mild fertility problems.

I always find so many cons to not have another but the main pros are that i would love the heck out of it and also that my daughter would have a sibling for company

 

[Hinchhater1442]

I don’t have kids but if I’m honest your cons outweigh your pros. I don’t even necessarily think your pros are particularly encouraging- loving being pregnant I wouldn’t say is a pro for having another child, 9 months vs the other 18 years

 

[Casperron]

I’m sticking with an only child

 

[Harloe1990]

Having a sibling would be really good for you're child. I would never have just 1 child but that's just me

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I knew I wanted more than one child. However, I didnt plan on having two kids a year apart 2 under 2 was savage, so thats put me off ever having more. My two are very close though, and when theyre not fighting (sterotypical boys!), they are very sweet together. They miss each other, and dont know life without one another. I am from a big family, so being an only child is quite alien to me. Whereas my partner is an only child and cant hack the noise and chaos of my bigger family

Do you think you would regret not having another?

 

[Lanie]

I have two boys. It's not as bad as you think. My two have a 3.5 year age gap and they get on most of the time and play with each other well. It does cost more than one but you can make it cheaper by doing things like handing down clothing and toys etc.
It's personal choice though, one you should really think about and ensure you are doing what's best for you.

 

[Anonymum21]

I'm an only child. I hated it as a child and still hate it now. It's a horrible type of loneliness and I don't have anyone to talk to about my childhood. The good or the bad. But I'm sure there are people who love being an only child.

I had a second child when my first was 3 and a half. I do like the age gap and it meant that they had a year to spend together until my eldest went off to school. For myself though, knowing what I know now, it would have been better to wait another year or so. My youngest is now almost 5 and I'd love to have another. During the day when they're both at school, it would be like having a first baby all over again. But would also mean going back to the nappies, sleepless nights, pram and half the house on outings etc. So don't leave it too long or you'll get used to an easy life again!

Mine go to their nans for sleepovers every now and again, my mum offers I don't ever push my luck, so me and my partner get time together, meals out, decent lie ins. It can be done. On weekends they even get up and make their own breakfast now so I don't have to bolt out of bed as soon as they wake up. Depends if you want to wait another few years for that bit of normality though.

It's a tough one but are you going to regret not having another? All that stuff you enjoy will come round again but there's a time limit on a baby. X

Oh just seen. Congratulations x

 

[Ghosttalk4]

How does anyone know what to do in these situations? I lose sleep asking myself the same questions. I never know what is just down to hormones and what is a real heartfelt urge.

I always wanted 2, close enough in age to be little friends. Unfortunately it took us 7 years (for various reasons, including the loss of a baby) before we finally got our second. Now I still have this deep yearning for a third.

The cons are clear;
2 will have to share a room
My first will be nearly a teenager
I've had 10 years working part time and really should go back to shift some of this mortgage
Less cash, less holidays, etc

But I can't shake off that feeling. Does it go away, is it just hormones?

 

[MissyAnon]

I'm an only child. I hated it growing up and still hate it now. It's lonely.

 

[StrawberryCream]

I am the OP and also pregnant! Due in Autumn. Very happy and excited and know that it is the right decision for us

Edit to say I quoted the wrong post. Sorry to hear that you can't have xx

Congrats! Took me well over a year to decide to have a second child I was constantly weighing up pros and cons. We ended up going for it and she was born in April, my 4 year old loves being a big sister and I’m so glad they have each other. Your little one will love it

 

[barryjones]

I have an 18 month old and we thought we'd definitely want a second but now we're leaning the other way. We're mid 30's so would have to realistically get a move on if we want another but the thought of the newborn stage whilst looking after a toddler seems disastrous. I know it's not cos so many people do it but at the moment we're so happy in our little bubble of 3 I don't want to try for another and potentially add loads of stress.

Maybe when he's a bit older I will think differently but then I might be a bit old! Who knows.

 

[Deepsigh2018]

I have two children with a 7 year age gap so in some ways it can be like having 2 only children. My eldest is really sociable and can make friends easily but he did want a younger sibling he wasnt lonely just wanted to have a little brother. Despite the age gap they would be lost without each other. My eldest says he cant remember life without his brother. I would love to have 1 more but im single.

Im one of 5 and glad to have come from a big family. If I ever fall out with one of them I can always speak to one of the others I also have a 9 year age gap between me who is the second oldest and the youngest and we get on great. Its easier now we are both adults.

I think if you really want to have another go for it. If I wrote a pros and cons list when I was pregnant with my eldest the cons list would have out weighed the pros. I was 21 just graduated, about to go do my pgce to become a teacher, still lived at home which was crowded plus I shared a room with my younger sister and unemployed but I'm glad I had him.