Sober Curious tattlers support thread (Dry January and beyond!)

[usandthem]

I relate to everything you’ve said and agree - but although it’s a horrible cliche, you really can be and do all that without drinking.
Something I’ve seen here and in blogs a lot is that moderation doesn’t work for many of us, it has to be all or nothing and that’s a really scary thought - at least it was for me. Scared to try life without alcohol because it will be miserable scared to try in case you can’t do it - they were the sort of things I had in my mind.

You can try not drinking without making the big decision to stop altogether at first. That’s what I’ve done as I decided it would be too much of an ask to commit to being teetotal straight away. Since the start of this year I stopped drinking for 4 months and only had a drink on mine and hubby’s bdays during that time. Then at the beginning of May and in June I have drank on a few occasions when we’ve been away/with friends.

Because I have not drank for so long, this time has helped me re-evaluate my relationship with alcohol. I was worried about life without drinking, but it’s been fine. I’ve been able to not drink at occasions I thought would be impossible like eating out with friends or weekends away.

I’ve still not decided if I want to be teetotal but leaning towards it more now, having been able to compare how I truly feel with and without alcohol. I read something that resonated so much with how I thought of alcohol- we give it too much credit for the good times in our lives. When we see friends, celebrate, are away on holiday, is it the drink that makes us happy, or those occasions and the people we are with? Alcohol is just a drink, we elevate it and give it powers it does not have.

I’ve also noticed how much alcohol blurred both the good and the bad feelings. We drink to take the edge off, but don’t consider that the after effects from drinking mean we blur the good feelings too. I’m definitely happier, calmer, more content and confident and present without this fake crutch. I’ve had some very stressful moments to deal with this spring and it’s been empowering to experience them head on and not need alcohol to deal with them.

My immediate family are big drinkers and part of the reason I didn’t want to commit to stopping completely was their reaction. It’s actually been ok and my husband has also dramatically cut down as a result. As for other people, no one really cares that much actually whether I drink or not.

Whatever you decide, do as you feel would cause you less stress at the start. After the first couple of months of no drinking your brain would have had a chance to reset itself and you will start seeing alcohol for what it is without the emotional connection. Good luck

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

You can try not drinking without making the big decision to stop altogether at first. That’s what I’ve done as I decided it would be too much of an ask to commit to being teetotal straight away. Since the start of this year I stopped drinking for 4 months and only had a drink on mine and hubby’s bdays during that time. Then at the beginning of May and in June I have drank on a few occasions when we’ve been away/with friends.

Because I have not drank for so long, this time has helped me re-evaluate my relationship with alcohol. I was worried about life without drinking, but it’s been fine. I’ve been able to not drink at occasions I thought would be impossible like eating out with friends or weekends away.

I’ve still not decided if I want to be teetotal but leaning towards it more now, having been able to compare how I truly feel with and without alcohol. I read something that resonated so much with how I thought of alcohol- we give it too much credit for the good times in our lives. When we see friends, celebrate, are away on holiday, is it the drink that makes us happy, or those occasions and the people we are with? Alcohol is just a drink, we elevate it and give it powers it does not have.

I’ve also noticed how much alcohol blurred both the good and the bad feelings. We drink to take the edge off, but don’t consider that the after effects from drinking mean we blur the good feelings too. I’m definitely happier, calmer, more content and confident and present without this fake crutch. I’ve had some very stressful moments to deal with this spring and it’s been empowering to experience them head on and not need alcohol to deal with them.

My immediate family are big drinkers and part of the reason I didn’t want to commit to stopping completely was their reaction. It’s actually been ok and my husband has also dramatically cut down as a result. As for other people, no one really cares that much actually whether I drink or not.

Whatever you decide, do as you feel would cause you less stress at the start. After the first couple of months of no drinking your brain would have had a chance to reset itself and you will start seeing alcohol for what it is without the emotional connection. Good luck

I definitely think your right about not making a big decision and trying to just go with the flow. Every time ive tried to do dry January I feel like I’m literally wishing the days away which is wishing my life away! Especially the weekends, just feel like I want them over to get closer to the 31st. Yet when I was pregnant I had no issue at all not drinking (prob because I felt like I was in a constant state of being hungover with the nausea )

My office reopens this week and I want to go in 3 days so saying to myself I can’t drink this week as don’t want to do that journey with a hangover. It’s quite daunting to commit to not having a drink for a whole week so maybe I need to just concentrate on each day as it comes rather than think ahead too much.

 

[usandthem]

I definitely think your right about not making a big decision and trying to just go with the flow. Every time ive tried to do dry January I feel like I’m literally wishing the days away which is wishing my life away! Especially the weekends, just feel like I want them over to get closer to the 31st. Yet when I was pregnant I had no issue at all not drinking (prob because I felt like I was in a constant state of being hungover with the nausea )

My office reopens this week and I want to go in 3 days so saying to myself I can’t drink this week as don’t want to do that journey with a hangover. It’s quite daunting to commit to not having a drink for a whole week so maybe I need to just concentrate on each day as it comes rather than think ahead too much.

It’s exactly that!! I found it too daunting trying to make grand plans at the start and decided I really need to be kind to myself and allow for slip ups. They never happened, as in the occasions I drank on were planned, but the point is by allowing for mistakes, you take away the additional stress to be perfect. It’s a hard thing to do for sure, but honestly it does get easier. Once your body expels all traces of alcohol after the 1st week or so, it’s all head cravings.
Another thing I read was that craving bouts only last for 90secs. I found this really useful at the start. Just keep yourself busy and find alternative things to occupy you at your trigger times .

 

[coconut_escape]

Yeah, it is a scary thought, I totally agree. I also found moderation impossible, far too easy to keep going, or to find a reason each day to 'just have one.' It was useful to me to read the reasons behind that and realise that it wasn't just because I'm rubbish at moderation but because that's what alcohol does, it's addictive, just like cigarettes or drugs. The other helpful thing I read about the reason it's so much easier to stop outright was that if you're moderating then you have to think about alcohol all the time. What am I going to drink? How many? What's the best thing to drink so that I don't keep going? What time am I going to stop? Are people going to buy me another? All of that thought and energy still going into alcohol. If you're not drinking at all then you don't have to think about it. You can just get your non alcoholic drink and get on with having a nice time!

I could have written this post word for word !! I agree with everything and it mirrors my own experience to a T !!

With not making big decisions around drinking - I agree. I initially decided to just have a break with no real time limit. Then a sober blog I was reading did a 100 day challenge so that was my goal. By then I was happily not drinking and content to let it ride and now I’m 2 1/2 years later. I have no intention to drink again but forever is a long time so never say never but it’s not something I’m thinking about. I’m very happily dry

I’ve just gone and looked at my diary - it’s even shorter than I remembered so I thought I might post it here if that’s ok ?
Bells - wine bells ringing


Day 1
Felt tit - sent a text while drunk that I regretted

Had a lovely lunch but came home and continued drinking which ruined my enjoyment of it

Unintentional day 1

Day 2

Read the tired of thinking about drinking book

Related a lot !! Do I want to stop thinking about drinking - YES do I want to feel better YES

been thinking about my tools and routines

Worried about my holidays though

Thinking about a sober pen pal

Scary thoughts but feel ok

Day 6

Feeling bizarrely but happily fine !! Am hearing no bells AT ALL !!

Had lunch yesterday and would normally have wine but had lemonade with mum

Did food shopping and for first time I can remember didn’t put wine in my trolley - was waiting for the bells to start when I got home as it was Friday and the weekend and your allowed to drink at the weekend but nothing ...

Saturday - have a nice dinner planned so let’s see what happens later
Day 8

The weekend was fine - a very brief moment of faint bells on Sunday afternoon but were quickly and painlessly silenced.

Feeling good and well - hoping this state lasts

Haven’t had to use a support as such but looking for alternative drinks

Day 11

Still all good here .....

Am waiting for something to happen something to duck up or the bells to start clanging very bloody loudly .....

It doesn’t feel right

Day 14

Second weekend done again all good

Lunch on Friday dad had wine but didn’t bother me at all

Had a sleepover at friends last night and would normally drink but he’s not feeling well so was easy for me to drink tea all evening - thought he may question it as my love of wine is a known thing !

Sunday afternoon Netflix wine and cooking dinner was the norm and I did again briefly here a very faint bell but passed quickly.

Am concerned at how ok I’m doing which is funny !

Sleeping well but having very weird vivid dreams !!

And am starting to feel happier and a bit more cheerful which is lovely !!
Here’s to week 3

Day 16

Had an argument with mum this morning and feeling very upset. No bells ringing but it’s made me think about it and feel agitated.

Biggest challenge to date so will be an early night !!

Day 23

Another weekend done - a lunch out with no bells ringing or carvings

The Sunday afternoon vague quiet momentary bells are the only time of the week I’ve been hearing them and again quickly banished. Haven’t been feeling particularly happy or cheerful this week but have had my period so could be hormonal

It continues....

6 1/2 weeks - don’t know the days

Still going well feeling strong and able - keep thinking about my holidays tho as if it’s a waste of money being all inclusive and not drinking - the breakfast mimosas cold beers sunbathing pre dinner cocktails etc

This is the only current thing clouding my judgement about being alcohol free

 

[Prgirl_cesca]

I also find when triggered if I just have an AF drink in a fancy glass it helps 99.99%

@usandthem such wonderful words there! I feel so similar!

 

[Kmacg]

Goodness I don't know how you can be sober witb an alcoholic partner. Sounds like a constant battle.

I dont know really, I think him drinking infront of me actually puts me off even more? Like this year has been TOUGH, I lost my grandad, work is an absolute nightmare (retail/coffee shop) but I havent once even been tempted to drink. Wish i could share some.kind of secret to help others but its just like a part of my brain switched

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

I dont know really, I think him drinking infront of me actually puts me off even more? Like this year has been TOUGH, I lost my grandad, work is an absolute nightmare (retail/coffee shop) but I havent once even been tempted to drink. Wish i could share some.kind of secret to help others but its just like a part of my brain switched

My mums like you. She was an alcoholic for years as is my Dad and last March she just decided to quit and she did. My Dad still drinks heavily as does my brother who lives with them but she says she’ll never drink again. You sound like a really strong person

 

[coconut_escape]

The brain switch thing - that happened to me, it was the most bizarre thing !! I’ve done dry January before and counted down every minute of it and found it impossible so was constantly amazed at how ok I was when I stopped

 

[ComeForTheX StayForTheY]

I had to attend a corporate work function yesterday & didn't drink all day. Which I was nervous about as I would rely on alcohol to get me out of my shell on these kind of occasions. Nobody pressured me to drink at all (apart from one funny look when I asked for a diet coke!) Usually I'd be waking up with my heart beating crazy and worrying about what I did or said on front of my work colleagues cringing to myself, and my stomach would feel like something crawled into it and died.... But today I feel calm and have a happy tummy, so glad I stuck to my new regime. I'm starting to think I haven't "given up" something but I've found something better if that makes sense.

 

[MrsFishandChips]

I had to attend a corporate work function yesterday & didn't drink all day. Which I was nervous about as I would rely on alcohol to get me out of my shell on these kind of occasions. Nobody pressured me to drink at all (apart from one funny look when I asked for a diet coke!) Usually I'd be waking up with my heart beating crazy and worrying about what I did or said on front of my work colleagues cringing to myself, and my stomach would feel like something crawled into it and died.... But today I feel calm and have a happy tummy, so glad I stuck to my new regime. I'm starting to think I haven't "given up" something but I've found something better if that makes sense.

I completely understand. Them moments we would rely on alcohol to get us through, it’s so refreshing now to do it sober and wake up the next day without the dreaded fear and earth crushing anxiety

 

[usandthem]

I had to attend a corporate work function yesterday & didn't drink all day. Which I was nervous about as I would rely on alcohol to get me out of my shell on these kind of occasions. Nobody pressured me to drink at all (apart from one funny look when I asked for a diet coke!) Usually I'd be waking up with my heart beating crazy and worrying about what I did or said on front of my work colleagues cringing to myself, and my stomach would feel like something crawled into it and died.... But today I feel calm and have a happy tummy, so glad I stuck to my new regime. I'm starting to think I haven't "given up" something but I've found something better if that makes sense.

Thank you for sharing, so well said

Like you, I feel I’m not giving up anything, rather leaving my old drinking persona behind. My hubby used to refer to me jokingly as the ‘booze hound’. It’s been a slow good bye to that person I was because the new one is so much more content and happy. When I was drinking I used to believe that I need alcohol to carry on as if I wasn’t strong enough without it. Now I know I am enough and it is simply a lie we are fed in and believe because it’s so normalised in society.

 

[Grizzlybear]

Is anyone doing dry July? I did quite well getting back on the horse in June after a frankly shocking April/may

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Decided i wanted to stop drinking at home. Its only been 4 days, but i am struggling today.

 

[coconut_escape]

Decided i wanted to stop drinking at home. Its only been 4 days, but i am struggling today.

Have a bath and brush your teeth, write down how your feeling or sort a cupboard out for distraction.
well done on your decision tho - keep checking in if your wobbling

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Have a bath and brush your teeth, write down how your feeling or sort a cupboard out for distraction.
well done on your decision tho - keep checking in if your wobbling

Good ideas!! Thank you x

 

[coconut_escape]

Good ideas!! Thank you x

There’s lots of sober blogs and reading online too if that may help ? I read a free book called tired of thinking about drinking and really resonated with me

 

[ComeForTheX StayForTheY]

@Begborrowsteal how are you getting on?

 

[Begborrowsteal]

@Begborrowsteal how are you getting on?

Only had 1 bottle of wine last week, and it was over 2 nights first time in a very very long time that it was so little

 

[ComeForTheX StayForTheY]

Only had 1 bottle of wine last week, and it was over 2 nights first time in a very very long time that it was so little

Sounds like progress!

 

[Adayinthelife]

Well done!
Ive been on a bit of a binge last week (on holiday) so I need to get back on track