Sober Curious tattlers support thread (Dry January and beyond!)

[Grizzlybear]

Oh hello Just found this lovely thread so popping in to say hello. Just had to look it up there as I haven't been counting (which I've surprised myself with!) but I'm 55 days booze free today. So much of what so many of you have written has resonated with me insofar as I needed to reassess my relationship with alcohol as well as wanting to lose weight. While never 'overdoing' it or getting tipsy I found that increasingly it has been a crutch in that "What a witch of a day" = wine and "Yay, what a great day, let's celebrate" = wine and while I'd never drink in excess of a bottle I'd find myself having the bottle when open. And being in my 40s, I've attributed my middle age spread to hormones which will not shift. My take on being 55 days of being alcohol free:

1. I've lost a stone and am absolutely delighted (and I attribute this only in part to alcohol. I know when I have a drink I'm like Henry VIII at a Tudor banquet and want all the snacks. I just hadn't realised how much! I simply eat very little calorific/snacky food now compared to what I used to
2. My sleep is so much better
3. I didn't realise I had so much low level hanxiety, this has improved enormously
4. My complexion seems shinie
5. The decision making over whether to have a drink or not has been removed.
6. There are about a hundred more!

I don't feel my abstinence is permanent as I am quite conflicted about resuming. I have lots of fun things coming up like family holidays and celebrations and I still have the psychological association between booze + celebrations + fun and yet I feel reluctant to undo the myriad benefits that have presented themselves. I think I wanted to reframe my attitude to drinking and while I see this is happening, I'm not sure I want to say I'll never ever have another day without enjoying a nice cold drink on a summer's day again. Does anyone else feel like this?

Yes! First of all, huge congrats to you on your stretch

I had some “fun stuff” including a holiday which I was really stressed and anxious about, not knowing if I was “that person” who could just power through and enjoy those things sober, or whether being sober during them was maximising my fun. Does that make sense?

Anyway I went on holiday with (moderate/light) drinkers and stayed sober. It was fantastic. Genuinely a game changer. I felt so refreshed and relaxed. This has powered me through the other social stuff where I would have had one as a compromise. Compromise to who though? And for who? I know what makes me feel better every time I feel like “oh maybe,” I ask myself what makes me feel the best? The answer is always not drinking alcohol.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

I think Annie Grace said regarding moderation, 99% is torture, 100% is easy.

Belle Robertson says something like "every time you drink, you go back to your day one, and that was horrible, why would you do that to yourself?"

I have a photo to remind me of my day one, I'm not going back to that.

 

[youokhunfluencer]

Oh hello Just found this lovely thread so popping in to say hello. Just had to look it up there as I haven't been counting (which I've surprised myself with!) but I'm 55 days booze free today. So much of what so many of you have written has resonated with me insofar as I needed to reassess my relationship with alcohol as well as wanting to lose weight. While never 'overdoing' it or getting tipsy I found that increasingly it has been a crutch in that "What a witch of a day" = wine and "Yay, what a great day, let's celebrate" = wine and while I'd never drink in excess of a bottle I'd find myself having the bottle when open. And being in my 40s, I've attributed my middle age spread to hormones which will not shift. My take on being 55 days of being alcohol free:

1. I've lost a stone and am absolutely delighted (and I attribute this only in part to alcohol. I know when I have a drink I'm like Henry VIII at a Tudor banquet and want all the snacks. I just hadn't realised how much! I simply eat very little calorific/snacky food now compared to what I used to
2. My sleep is so much better
3. I didn't realise I had so much low level hanxiety, this has improved enormously
4. My complexion seems shinie
5. The decision making over whether to have a drink or not has been removed.
6. There are about a hundred more!

I don't feel my abstinence is permanent as I am quite conflicted about resuming. I have lots of fun things coming up like family holidays and celebrations and I still have the psychological association between booze + celebrations + fun and yet I feel reluctant to undo the myriad benefits that have presented themselves. I think I wanted to reframe my attitude to drinking and while I see this is happening, I'm not sure I want to say I'll never ever have another day without enjoying a nice cold drink on a summer's day again. Does anyone else feel like this?

I could have written this myself! Especially that last paragraph, I don't have the answer but I am going to just take each scenario as they come and see how I feel at the time.

 

[SkiesOfBlue]

Yes! First of all, huge congrats to you on your stretch

I had some “fun stuff” including a holiday which I was really stressed and anxious about, not knowing if I was “that person” who could just power through and enjoy those things sober, or whether being sober during them was maximising my fun. Does that make sense?

Anyway I went on holiday with (moderate/light) drinkers and stayed sober. It was fantastic. Genuinely a game changer. I felt so refreshed and relaxed. This has powered me through the other social stuff where I would have had one as a compromise. Compromise to who though? And for who? I know what makes me feel better every time I feel like “oh maybe,” I ask myself what makes me feel the best? The answer is always not drinking alcohol.

This is so helpful and inspiring, thank you! Well done! I actually have a special occasion coming coming up with Mr. Skies of Blue and that may be an opportune time to test the waters re an alcohol free celebration. There is such an intrinsic link between celebrating and corking something open!
---

I could have written this myself! Especially that last paragraph, I don't have the answer but I am going to just take each scenario as they come and see how I feel at the time.

I think this is a good attitude to have. I think it's important to feel you have the choice rather than feel it's forbidden

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

My first sober holiday was less than a month after I'd stopped drinking, although I was already thinking that I was in it for the long haul. So I went in with an attitude of "got to learn how to do stuff sober, let's go!"

So I took myself off on holiday on my own, and had a blast. Wasn't hung over in the mornings so I was up and doing bright and early. Wasn't drinking at lunchtime so I was able to visit places in the afternoons as well. Even though I was eating out at every meal I spent less than I normally would because there was no alcohol on the bill.

For celebrations, I like a high-end kombucha (REAL Drinks Royal Flush, or another brand I can't remember the name of right now). It comes in a champagne-style bottle with the cork and cage, so you get the pop and fizz, it's not sweet so you still get the sharpness of a good champagne.

 

[AlwaysSummer]

Oh hello Just found this lovely thread so popping in to say hello. Just had to look it up there as I haven't been counting (which I've surprised myself with!) but I'm 55 days booze free today. So much of what so many of you have written has resonated with me insofar as I needed to reassess my relationship with alcohol as well as wanting to lose weight. While never 'overdoing' it or getting tipsy I found that increasingly it has been a crutch in that "What a witch of a day" = wine and "Yay, what a great day, let's celebrate" = wine and while I'd never drink in excess of a bottle I'd find myself having the bottle when open. And being in my 40s, I've attributed my middle age spread to hormones which will not shift. My take on being 55 days of being alcohol free:

1. I've lost a stone and am absolutely delighted (and I attribute this only in part to alcohol. I know when I have a drink I'm like Henry VIII at a Tudor banquet and want all the snacks. I just hadn't realised how much! I simply eat very little calorific/snacky food now compared to what I used to
2. My sleep is so much better
3. I didn't realise I had so much low level hanxiety, this has improved enormously
4. My complexion seems shinie
5. The decision making over whether to have a drink or not has been removed.
6. There are about a hundred more!

I don't feel my abstinence is permanent as I am quite conflicted about resuming. I have lots of fun things coming up like family holidays and celebrations and I still have the psychological association between booze + celebrations + fun and yet I feel reluctant to undo the myriad benefits that have presented themselves. I think I wanted to reframe my attitude to drinking and while I see this is happening, I'm not sure I want to say I'll never ever have another day without enjoying a nice cold drink on a summer's day again. Does anyone else feel like this?

Firstly, well done on your extended break from alcohol. This is always a good starting point to allow time and space to function without alcohol and check in with your reasons around drinking.

The question around completely stopping or trying to moderate is difficult and only you can answer this for yourself. I went through a period of 1.5 years when I stopped drinking. For me stopping drinking was absolutely the easy part. I found it easy to go on holidays/ attend weddings and parties etc without drinking.

However after a while I did miss aspects of having a drink with my husband and family/friends. Even though people supported my non-drinking, I did feel like an outsider in a way. I’ve thought a lot about it and have realised I do put some value in having a drink on certain occasions. What I aim to avoid is the mindless drinking occasions, such as have a glass just because it’s a Tuesday or I’ve had a good/bad day.

I feel the drinking/non drinking debate is extremely polarised and there isn’t much practical support for people who recognise they would like to cut back but not completely stop.
Currently I am an occasional drinker and having extended periods of non drinking (2-3 weeks) between 2-3 drinking days which stops me from falling back into old habits.

However from experience, I would say that anyone who has had an extended history of regular heavy drinking to give themselves at least 3 AF months before deciding how to approach alcohol next.

 

[SkiesOfBlue]

This makes absolute sense to me @AlwaysSummer and thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I absolutely 100% am with you on this. This is where I am at. I want to cut back and continue to enjoy all these lovely benefits but I do really enjoy, on the relatively rare occasions I do go out, having wine with a lovely meal, an Aperol on holiday or sharing something nice with family and friends when we get together. And ultimately that is what I aspire to do. It's to cut out the mindless glasses of wine after a hectic day which then leads to poor food choices. I shall give abstinence more time to really have a clear idea of what level of moderation I want. I think ultimately I'd be very happy with just having a drink when I feel a social occasion warrants one. Thanks for your reply

 

[House of Tea]

It is so noticeable how much less the weekly shop is. My OH is still drinking beer but even with that expense (he pays for it) it is so much less.

 

[eppingforestbambi]

It truly is magic when you learn you can “get through” events or holidays without booze. Makes everything feel more open and accessible. And the feeling afterwards is so great, especially the morning after.

And yes sometimes things get a bit boring, like a party etc. But that just means…. the party is boring and it’s time to leave. You’ve stayed longed enough. You can go now. If you need a drink to make something bearable, it wasn’t very good in the first place!!

 

[really_whythough]

It’s ’Italian week’ at Lidl where I am and the little aperitivo rosso bottles are in store. 6 for 1.99. Highly recommend over ice with a splash of orange juice and soda water.

 

[really_whythough]

Me again (again!). Just wanted to celebrate my rock solid resolve upon going to an International Women’s Day event that was a whole champagne tasting/talking/drinking evening and NOT BEING TEMPTED to touch even a drop. It’s not a question in my mind and it’s SO much easier.

I made great connections and it didn’t matter at ALL what was in my glass (elderflower). And no hangover tomorrow!

 

[House of Tea]

I was being investigated for cancer. Got the good news it isn’t cancer today. No alcohol for 60 days now. You would think I would be necking some champagne tonight but have zero desire to drink.

 

[really_whythough]

I was being investigated for cancer. Got the good news it isn’t cancer today. No alcohol for 60 days now. You would think I would be necking some champagne tonight but have zero desire to drink.

Congratulations on your good news. Sigh of relief and real reason to celebrate (with something non-carcinogenic). 🤍

 

[TravellingPants]

I’m really enjoying having a much lower amount of alcohol in my life, not putting rules on myself but simply asking myself ‘Do I really WANT a drink?’ each time the opportunity comes up. I use a habit tracker app and just had a look: only 14 days this year when I’ve touched alcohol and the vast majority of those have been just one drink. Plus only two hangovers, one was after a big work do and one after a special family lunch and they felt quite worth it for the experience at both events!

Money has also been a bit of a concern so having a big glass of lime and soda is preferable to dropping nearly £10 on a glass of wine!

 

[really_whythough]

I’ve just had a parent diagnosed with liver cancer. Didn’t need another reason to stick with sobriety, but I got one.

 

[House of Tea]

I’ve just had a parent diagnosed with liver cancer. Didn’t need another reason to stick with sobriety, but I got one.

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry.

 

[really_whythough]

Thanks. First time I’ve written it down there.

If I hadn’t already stopped drinking, I hope I would now but it might not be as joyful coming from just a place of fear.

ETA They weren’t a heavy drinker but were a regular one. I think GI symptoms were what first got them to the doctor, in case anyone has worries about themselves or loved ones.

 

[House of Tea]

10 weeks no booze for me. My husband isn’t drinking now either. Not sure how long he will last but he has realised that some minor health issues he had were probably caused or exacerbated by alcohol. He drank way more than me. He is certainly lighter in mood. He has been down last few years. I have told him several times that alcohol is a depressant.

 

[wearedoomed]

I gave it up in 2010 and haven’t touched a drop since. I realised that puking up in the loo after yet another evening of heavy drinking was a really stupid way to behave when you hit your 40’s.

I was trying to keep up with all the hardened drinkers in my social circle at the time and just couldn’t do it anymore.

But even now, some people are astonished when you tell them you don’t drink.

 

[em69]

I have been struggling with the hangovers for about 3 years now. Last year it seemed to get better but it is back the same again... I am throwing up all the next day till about 11pm. It is horrible.

Even after a few quiet drinks with friends at home... It is ruining my weekends now... But it is so hard when everyone else loves to have an alcoholic beverage around you...

Has anyone got any tips forgoing sober etc.... I really really wish the pubs would hurry up and start suppling nicer/better non alcoholic options!