Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe

[YenE]

Genuinely have not hit "Watch" harder.

Same

 

[StatusWoe]

Please can someone do lingreenie?

Though I'm tempted do the tit yourself smoothie. What was the prune drink called again? Just thought I could make it alongside the I'm a Celeb bushtucker trials and see which seems worse.

Edit: That GIF is meant to be a firm 'no'...not just a flailing animal.

 

[YenE]

I have to be honest that I haven’t paid much attention to Jack as always felt something was off.
I’ve just thrown up in my mouth reading this recipe intro.

Come-To-Bed Parmigiana, 74p [VG/V/DF/GF*]

11 months ago today, I turned up to work late, sleepless, an incoherent babbling wreck chewed up by an 18 month landmark court trial and with bright copper dye fading from my wiry, tousled mania of…

cookingonabootstrap.com

It also feels a little safe.

Her writing just makes me want to barf. It’s so ludicrously awful. The recipe and pre recipe Bollox waffle just do my noggin in.

I look forward to seeing the fruits of all your labours you brave culinary crusaders.

 

[Smol Pixel]

Do you think her malapropisms are intentional? Some kind of weird “manic goblin nightmare girl posturing”? Or is she just that thick?

 

[StatusWoe]

''the cold, grey, slumbering chamber of my strange little heart'' is hilarious.
I also liked: ''rinse your pan under the tap to get the worst of the sauce off.''

 

[YenE]

Ok I’m game to try something… this in particular caught my eye. How bad can cake be?

Private Site

 

[StatusWoe]

Do you think her malapropisms are intentional? Some kind of weird “manic goblin nightmare girl posturing”? Or is she just that thick?

Maybe the second one?

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Do you think her malapropisms are intentional? Some kind of weird “manic goblin nightmare girl posturing”? Or is she just that thick?

Words are like herbs, tender one - interchangeable.

 

[ThePowderMonkey]

I was gonna change mine to the horrific salmon paste pasta from Lorraine but I don't think I can face it.

My OH is working Sunday so I might craft my poo then.

This just made me laugh out loud on a bus. Yes Jack, a bus!

 

[Smol Pixel]

Words are like herbs, tender one - interchangeable.

Like herbs and mangoes, peaches and mandarins.

 

[Fruitjack]

Can I just say - that to those of us who are used to cooking or following recipes, it's human nature to change things a bit as we go - when we realise that boiling tinned chickpeas for 20 minutes is unnecessary, for example, we stop without even noticing we are doing it. For a true slopathon it's necessary to follow the instructions to the letter!

 

[skronkywildcat]

Oooh oooh what about the hot drink full of rancid butter?

 

[Lazarus]

Do you think her malapropisms are intentional? Some kind of weird “manic goblin nightmare girl posturing”? Or is she just that thick?

Thick as tit.
I don’t mean to moderate, SmolPixie, but please for the love of god could you get rid of that bleeping horrible profile pic. It’s getting cold and I simply cannot afford to rip another radiator off the walls of my house when I see it.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Quoting myself as a ninny as I de-chaos. Thanks Mods. Have updated the Wiki. Will be doing the gram flour pasta and use me for anything sauce because a) it might be okay b) it damn well won't be as nice as the pasta sauce I make.

Thinking of doing a a Jamie £1 wonder as a comparison.

Oh my Christ, I made the gram flour pasta! It turned out ok however it went mouldy after a few days.

 

[Fruitjack]

Link to my previous slopathons. The last one is the best/worst. Please read the wonderful comments below it. If you haven't seen the Del Monte live for the chicken version I don't recommend it, but may give a bit of context. This is the 'coming soon' vegan version, which didn't come soon.

https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-88-jack-sell-the-emin.10279/page-26#post-2634861

https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-102-stop-getting-bond-wrong.11035/page-18#post-2858597

https://tattle.life/threads/jack-monroe-190-the-sloppening.19437/post-4970305

 

[ForgettyBetty]

Can I just say - that to those of us who are used to cooking or following recipes, it's human nature to change things a bit as we go - when we realise that boiling tinned chickpeas for 20 minutes is unnecessary, for example, we stop without even noticing we are doing it. For a true slopathon it's necessary to follow the instructions to the letter!

I agree, follow recipes exactly. The whole point of a recipe book is the recipes for noncooks not just the ideas for confident cooks. Then, we can comment /modify/ compare

 

[Ellabella]

How does this work? Can someone allocate me a recipe?

 

[MistyWindows]

How does this work? Can someone allocate me a recipe?

How about a lovely… salad Dearheart?

 

[Yel]

It's odd that she's deleted recipes

https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2020/01/22/everyday-vegan-sausages-38p/

Although maybe this isn't a good one to pick as chestnuts, stuffing and tofu made into sausages can't be too bad

360g cooked chestnuts, £4.80 (£2.40/180g, Merchant Gourmet at Tesco)
250g silken tofu, £1.22 (£1.70/349g, Yutaka at Tesco)
1 large onion, red or white, 6p (50p/1kg, Redmere Farms at Tesco)
120g sage and onion stuffing mix, 28p (40p/170g, Tesco)
120g mild vegan cheese, £1.20 (£2/200g, Tesco)
1 tbsp soy sauce, 7p (65p/150ml, Tesco)
Plenty of black pepper, <1p (£1.80/100g, Tesco)

At 2022 prices it'll cost a bomb!

 

[MistyWindows]

It’s not easy finding recipes I will say, trying to navigate that website is like trying to get to bleeping Mordor.

Could someone do the vegan pop tarts please? I’ve always wondered what they’re like.