Slopalong #3 She doesn't understand beans

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So for that recipe, it should be 100g each of flour/fat/sugar plus the two eggs. The other way to do it to make it work would be to weigh the two eggs in their shells and then weigh out the same amount of flour/fat/sugar (so if your eggs weigh 107g each for instance, then the same weight of your flour, fat, sugar)
I remember childminding a small kid who set about making a cake by putting two eggs on one side of an old set of balance scales and then weighing the ingredients against them as her mum had taught her. I was boggled and impressed in equal measure. And the cake was delicious.
 
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4442 is what my mum taught me as basic cake batter (4oz each of butter/sugar/flour, 2 eggs).

She can’t cook
She has never tried to learn
She has made a living off exploiting the poor.

Lee Anderson was right.

Also I wonder if his position is informed by trying to make one of her slops?
 
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I remember childminding a small kid who set about making a cake by putting two eggs on one side of an old set of balance scales and then weighing the ingredients against them as her mum had taught her. I was boggled and impressed in equal measure. And the cake was delicious.
That’s how my grandmother taught me to make a cake, and I must have been very young as she died when I was seven.
 
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Wow, I just read that recipe for the first time:

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What?! So if she knows that she should do that, why doesn't she ever mention it in any of her published recipes??
Freudian slip, that's what Jack does if she's cooking for herself. For a recipe, who cares? She doesn't eat that slop.

ETA she actually gives away that she only made this twice and then called it done, and only once with the rice included. So probably 10 minutes actual 'work', if you can call 'making dinner' work.

"I cooked this twice, the first time without rice and by flinging all the ingredients in at the same time. It was delicious, but there was a very slight tang of raw garlic.... So, I tried again... Seeing I was making it again, I decided to add rice to my chilli to make it a true one pot meal, and thus the chillaf was born."
"A tale of two chillis, Chilli Mk 1, and Chillaf. Chillaf won, despite its slightly silly name."
 
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Maybe we could publish the corrected recipes 😂
Make them actually edible, for starters.

Last night I made Jacks Lemon Curd Sponge Puddings. I picked this recipe as I had every ingredient already so it was FREE and I thought such a simple recipe may actually work. Spoiler, it did not.

https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2013/04/05/lemon-curd-sponge-puddings-24p/

100g self raising flour
70g butter
2 eggs
50g sugar
Splash of lemon juice
8 heaped teaspoons of lemon curd

It doesn’t mention what size eggs or what kind of sugar. I went with the large eggs I had and caster sugar.

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First mix the butter and sugar. Add the lemon juice (It’s pointless adding the suggested “few shakes of lemon juice” as you can’t taste it)

Then add eggs and flour -

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“Mix well with a fork or wooden spoon to create a smooth, glossy batter.”

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It was fairly smooth but beating in the eggs then flour would have been better.


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The method says to add a generous dollop of lemon curd and the recipe states 8 teaspoons so I added 2 teaspoons to each bowl.

Next add the cake batter on top till 2/3 full

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Jack says to cook them for 30 minutes. After 10 I had a peeky mink through the oven glass and they looked like this

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Well that’s the baking tray fucked

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Another 10 minutes went by and they were cooked. Another 10 minutes as suggested would have burnt them

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(just realised I used cake forks instead of spoons but all cutlery is interchangeable)


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They look ok but the burnt lemon curd on top isn’t good and the sponge has a really weird texture.




Ingredients - I had everything so not sure on the cost but 6 ingredients isn’t bad. Marked down for not stating which sugar or size of egg to use. Also needs more lemon juice. 3/5

Recipe - Easy to follow but, according to google as I’m no baker, the eggs/flour should have been beaten in to avoid the eggy flavour. Plus maybe putting the lemon curd in the middle might have stopped it either oozing out or sticking to the bottom. 30 minutes cooking time is too long. 2/5

Visual Appeal - Seen worse seen better. 3/5

Texture - Like rubbery sponge but also wet and hard at the same time! 0/5

Taste - Egg. Inexplicably eggy. With the slightest hint of lemon at the end. I fear I’ll be tasting this for days like our poor @MancBee and his soup.
0/5

Overall - 1/5 DIRE. I could have just about forced it down if someone made it for me and I had to be polite.
OH rated it 0 dogshit, couldn’t have eaten it even to be nice!
I went through a phase of making microwave mug cakes, and I reckon this would have worked far better as a 2/ 3 minute 'mug' recipe that way. I might give it a go, actually...
 
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7AB05263-8D80-47A9-997B-CE0D65031BB2.jpeg


This has really fucked me off today. Watching the slopalong is very amusing until you see that out in the wild, people are still recommending her - this is in a disability FB group.
 
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I remember childminding a small kid who set about making a cake by putting two eggs on one side of an old set of balance scales and then weighing the ingredients against them as her mum had taught her. I was boggled and impressed in equal measure. And the cake was delicious.
This is how I learnt to bake, thought everyone did lol
 
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Thanks @Winthropp Tuesday. I don’t really do any cooking or baking so didn’t know about the ratio thing, my OH (who does all the cooking and hasn’t LEFT) purposely didn’t give me any tips so I’d follow it exactly. Weighing the eggs and doing the same weight seems like a sensible and easy way to remember it. I presume she made the weights lower to keep the cost down even more 😡

Please try it @Esiren I’m intrigued to see if it’s any better that way!
 
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4442 is what my mum taught me as basic cake batter (4oz each of butter/sugar/flour, 2 eggs).

She can’t cook
She has never tried to learn
She has made a living off exploiting the poor.

Lee Anderson was right.

Also I wonder if his position is informed by trying to make one of her slops?
Thought you were still talking about your mum for a minute there. Bit harsh.
 
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Like Jack, I gleefully announce I am working on something and then promptly forget about the promises I made.

So it's a bit late, but here's Tuna, Sweetcorn & Mushroom Pasta from Tin Can Cook.

My main annoyance reading this recipe was this particular paragraph:
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I grew up eating meals made with condensed soup, as I'm sure many other people did. It's not miraculous, they're designed that way ffs. But in true Jack fashion, all soup (and cooking methods apparently!) are interchangable, so we are using regular soup and boiling it on the hob.

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You might be thinking "Socks, this recipe is called Tuna, Sweetcorn and Mushroom Pasta. Why do you have a tin of tomato soup?" Well Dear Reader, I don't fancy wasting my money so I'm going for a tin I already had.

Pasta: Free
Soup: Free
Sweetcorn: 50p
Tuna: 55p x 2 = £1.10. Jack's recipe calls for a 160g can of tuna which I couldn't find. She does state I can use 2 tins if I can spare them but I SHANT.
Total: £1.60
Grated cheese is also on the list but Jack says it's no worries if I don't have it, so I'm not worrying

Into a large saucepan goes on pasta, then soup, then I dutifully fill the tin with water and add that too. Jack tells me to refill the tin again and stand it to one side as I will need it later.
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I bring the watery soup to the boil. A piece of macaroni stares back at me.
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At this point I question my sanity.
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The recipe says cook for 10-12 minutes. After 12 minutes the pasta is nowhere near cooked. Jack has further instructions for me to keep checking whether the pasta is cooked and that pasta cooked in sauce takes longer than the packet instructions and she usually multiplies the given time on the packet by 1.5. My macaroni takes 13 minutes to cook so multiplied by 1.5 gives 19 minutes cooking time. It took 22 minutes in total to cook.

I'm supposed to add water as I need it to stop the water-soup sticking to the bottom of the pan and burning. This is how much I had left over. It's uust unnecessary.
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Ratings:
Ingredients: 4, easy to get and cheap. This recipe serves four. In the pan looks like a lot of food, however you're still only getting 50g of pasta, 100g of soup, 80g of sweetcorn and 40g of tuna each.

Recipe: 0, cooking the pasta in watery soup is a terrible idea. Confusing timings for cooking the pasta.

Visual appeal: N/A if I had used mushroom soup it would have looked better so I'm not going to rate this.

Texture: 0, it's slop. Cooking the pasta first and then stirring through the soup would have been so much better. At least then the soup would be thicker and act more like a sauce. Adding the sweetcorn and tuna makes the water-soup look thicker than it actually is.

Taste: 0, It tastes of nothing. The pasta tastes of nothing. There's a vague hint of watery tomato because normal soups are not concentrated in flavour enough to withstand being diluted. I can't taste the tuna as it's disintegrated. I can taste the sweetcorn but that's only because there's so bloody much of it. More tuna and less sweetcorn would have been better.

Overall: 1. Sure it's edible compared to some of her other recipes (which is the only reason I'm not giving it a 0)but it's just not good. Poor people deserve food which is better than just "technically edible"

If she had followed her mum's process of baking everything in the oven (and using condensed soup!) I'm sure it would have been much better. I doubt she tested this recipe otherwise she would have realised the second tin of water is unnecessary. It's as if she's just imagined how the recipe could be cooked on a hob to fit her narrative of low energy cooking.
The macaroni periscope absolutely sent me over the edge 💀
 
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Thanks @Winthropp Tuesday. I don’t really do any cooking or baking so didn’t know about the ratio thing, my OH (who does all the cooking and hasn’t LEFT) purposely didn’t give me any tips so I’d follow it exactly. Weighing the eggs and doing the same weight seems like a sensible and easy way to remember it. I presume she made the weights lower to keep the cost down even more 😡

Please try it @Esiren I’m intrigued to see if it’s any better that way!
And this is why she shouldn’t be anywhere near writing recipes or cookbooks.

You followed the method and ingredients exactly - and you’ve ended up wasting time, resources and energy on something that could have been really easily rectified with proper editing and testing.

Imagine having little to no budget - deciding to make that for a treat and it going wrong. You’d be heartbroken. I’m so cross at her for this.
 
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This has really fucked me off today. Watching the slopalong is very amusing until you see that out in the wild, people are still recommending her - this is in a disability FB group.
A library at Oxford recommended one of her books yesterday, on the haunted bird app, as a useful resource for students on a budget. WTF.

@SocksMagoo bravo for that venture into the unknown, well done.

It says a lot about how Jack views the poors (the real ones, not the make-believe ones like the "are there no workhouses" fantasy she lives in) that she thinks it's a revelation to make a variation on tinned soup by adding extra ingredients. Like no poor person ever thought of that themselves :mad:
 
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Here is my mea culpa, ninnies. I’m condemned to wasting food in the form of Chicken Liver Bolognaise. I haven’t made it yet because I can’t find any sodding chicken livers anywhere near. I have just remembered that there is a farm shop / butchery about 12 miles away 🔺 but I’m not driving there just for chicken livers so will wait for a bit (until pay day) when I can pick up some other stuff for Christmas as well. Watch this space / bin.

I love chicken livers and buy them in a small frozen tub from Asda for about 70p (used to be 50p but the VBI will tell me the % change). I know loads of people don't like them, they are a strong tasting food but a lot nicer than lamb/ cow liver with a much better flavour. More supermarkets will get them in stock over the next few weeks as a lot of people use them for Christmas recipes.

My fave chicken liver recipe is based on Nandos Portuguese chicken livers, I just marinade them in peri peri sauce and fry.

I would be interested in a good chicken liver bolognese but I know that Jack's will be terrible!
 
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I love chicken livers and buy them in a small frozen tub from Asda for about 70p (used to be 50p but the VBI will tell me the % change). I know loads of people don't like them, they are a strong tasting food but a lot nicer than lamb/ cow liver with a much better flavour. More supermarkets will get them in stock over the next few weeks as a lot of people use them for Christmas recipes.

My fave chicken liver recipe is based on Nandos Portuguese chicken livers, I just marinade them in peri peri sauce and fry.

I would be interested in a good chicken liver bolognese but I know that Jack's will be terrible!
That Man has a recipe!

 
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These battered sardines and battered anchovies have intrigued me, does anyone have a recipe please? Considering it.
 
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