Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley

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I'm not actually here

Toffee finger said:
Chapeau to everyone who has slopped so far and the money raised is brilliant
I haven’t had a chance to make mine yet but should be able to fit it in tomorrow or Tuesday
Click to expand...
Was going to but
Jaffa cake mug thingy.
 
Reactions: 7

colouredlines

She's making it into a cake, which would negate that particular property.

To go off on a slight tangent...I had bulimia for more than half my life, and Jack's recipes don't strike me in any way as being designed for that purpose. I'm not going to go into details because frankly the slop is disgusting enough without an added layer of binge/purge talk, but trust me on this one.

I know we have some ED truthers, but I've always felt it more likely that she makes shit food because she's a shit cook, and her portions are inadequate because her USP is making dishes that cost 2p a portion. Her descriptions of her alleged ED sound like they came from a Babysitter's Club book.

She doesn't actually eat her own recipes as written; we've seen a number of examples where the photo just doesn't match the recipe (extra ingredients, different method etc). She was clearly not living off her own recipes during the Poverty, as photos from the time demonstrate. She's just - as she so often is - a liar.

Once when I was a student I saw a recipe on a student cooking website for duck in cherry sauce. It was filed under the sort of expensive dish you would make for special occasions (Come-to-Bed Duck, if you will).

The sauce was made by melting a tub of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream.

I wish I were joking.
 
Reactions: 62

Tabitha D

“Sleazecake”? For the love of god ..
That said, it looks relatively straightforward and so it could work - sounds incredibly sweet though.
 
Reactions: 22

Blurp

Oh, dear. I actually like my ice cream half or more melted and always have.

Having had half my colon removed this autumn, I can assure you that I don't need to purge either. I celebrate being mildly bunged.

It's also a reason why I'm dipping out of slopping along as the doctor and I are rather invested in keeping my innards working properly and me out of hospital.
 
Reactions: 43

HotesTilaire

Plenty of people let the ice cream go soupy when they’re having a bowl. Nobody sticks it in the microwave for a minute to warm it through, though.
 
Reactions: 23

mince

Nige right now in his latest for the Grauniad (roast toms and chickpea mash):



Be on the lookout for portly, stout and comfortable. Folding money on Nigella for Rubenesque, with Fingers Kerridge taking had a good Christmas.
 
Reactions: 24

hoopdedoo

Not to credit Jack with any original ideas (because she hasn't any, other than new ways to grift) but maybe "fat cloves" is trying to direct home cooks to use the chubbier cloves in a head of garlic. It would make more sense and be thriftier to say e.g. three plump cloves or five or six skinny ones, so that all of the garlic gets used.
 
Reactions: 12

Lazarus

The lardy buns recipe/method
Step 4 is confusing enough…

Then you read step 5 and it’s even more of a head scratcher.
 
Reactions: 11

veryfondoftea

This reminds me of an episode of Come Dine With Me where a lady made ‘raspberry coulis’ by stirring boiling water into some raspberry jam it looked awful but probably still 344% nicer than any of Jacks stuff.

I love this thread and have been really enjoying following the recipes but like others, find it frustrating and heartbreaking how almost none of the recipes work. JM doesn’t deserve a platform like she has.

I get paid on Friday so will donate then and provide a screenshot, not sure I can face cooking one of her recipes!
 
Reactions: 27

overdueanadventure

Maybe it's because I'm not a https://giphy.com/dcFSeawnz3edbm9n7V
but if I fancy making something new, I generally look online for a recipe, not write down ingredients off the back of a packet.

She really doesn't like learning things, does she?

I know some musicians can figure out how to play a song by hearing it alone, but not sure cooking is the same. Or not in her case. Not with music either (boulevaaaard!)
 
Reactions: 26

Smol Pixel

Not watched in years but I used to love Masterchef: the Professionals and they used to make them do a palate test where they had to identify ingredients from tasting a recipe. Can you imagine how abysmally Jack would fail at such an endeavour
 
Reactions: 22

overdueanadventure

My post would make more sense if I'd linked to the post where she claimed to take the ingredients off the back of the packet, not the one where she claimed to research it. Darn her inconsistencies.

Why does she make things sound so difficult anyway? Countless people have made lardy cake before, it's not a mystery.
 
Reactions: 18
F

Foxvint

A lardy bun for a mardy bum
 
Reactions: 29
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