All I can see in that video (bar the vibrator
It’s quite odd - previously, any thread on Jack over on Mumsnet tended to get zapped. Lately, there’s been a real change over there. Largely due to Tattle, I might add. Funny to see that they’re following the Slopalong too!Oooh she's not very popular on mumsnetI'm assuming that wasn't always the case?
That sounds more like Jack.Yes having had a bit more of a look at her recipes I think the bbc good food one is okay compared to others. I won’t bother making that.
I did see a courgette risotto microwave recipe where In the recipe she starts going on about garlic but there’s no mention of it on the ingredients list!
Orrrrrr yoU cOulD ChoP ThE VeG tHeN hEaT tHe oiL nEaR thE EnD omgSo…now we know why she chucks shit into cold oil! Shout out to all the “super fast and fancy choppers” in da house.
View attachment 1720336
Does she realize how much of a dipshit she makes herself sound?!
PS CONFESSION that she nicks recipes from BBC Food- and has been caught doing so
BBC Good Food 25th birthday party, and I won a thingy.
A few weeks ago I received an invitation in the post to the 25th birthday party of BBC Good Food – and squeaked with excitement. I credit the BBC Good Food website as being one of the main ways I t…cookingonabootstrap.com
I hope someone who doesn't go on these threads watches it with no contextAlso just noticed that @binkbonk your epic video is currently the most liked post on tattle!!!!
Yes, absolutely. In restaurant parlance it's not a chain, except when she made a dal on DKL and mentioned that there's a chain of restaurants called Dishoom who cook their dal for 24 hours, in which case it's definitely a chain. Schrodinger's chain.What else was her restaurant parlace clanger? Wasn’t it that dishoom wasn’t a chain?
I'd been looking out for this as it's the only Jack recipe I've ever made, fairly certain I used risotto rice and more mushroom. We had it with pork tenderloin wrapped in pate and prosciutto, it was definitely edible but then I've also never made it again so that should probably tell me something.Earthy Red Wine and Mushroom Risotto.
This recipe is brought to you from A Girl Called Jack.
First up the ingredients. I didn’t have a stock cube, I had a stock pot, yes I know fancy. 100g of mushrooms is not much at all.
View attachment 1719908
However I was very excited because this recipe call for you to warm the TEASPOON of oil before placing your finely chopped garlic into it. After the welcome sizzle and quick sauté I added the chopped mushrooms, which immediately absorbed every last drop of oil and made the pan drier than a dry thing. As required I sautéed them as best I could and then added the interchangeable rice to the pan of pallidness. I then added a teaspoon of mixed herbs.
View attachment 1719920
As I waited for the rice to turn translucent (ninnies this was never going to happen) I took a swig of the red wine and then made a terrible mistake. I added 125ml of wine instead of 75ml. I also added the tablespoon of purée.
View attachment 1719929I took another swig of the wine and mixed the stock pot with boiling water. Adding this as you would making any other risotto. It cooked down and eventually I decanted into bowls. I added no other seasoning as the recipe didn’t call for any.
View attachment 1719953
SB wouldn’t go anywhere near it, Mr Ghent noted that it tasted of salty soil, so at least it was earthy. But it was inedible. Probably my fault for too much wine, but it was a waste of time, energy and most of all wine.
I was lucky I had a lot of the ingredients in my store cupboard, but if I’d had to buy them it would have been around £6.50. Nutritionally it’s not brilliant either.
Taste = Dire
View attachment 1719971View attachment 1719972
I think I’d have preferred with white wine, onion, and some ‘hard cheese’ stirred through.
Will put my donation up separately.
Never again ninnies, never again.
£10 plus gift aid to my local independent food bank. View attachment 1719999
Absolutely hysterical. It was a chain basically straight away as there were 2/3 more in London not long after the first one opened? Given that she was literally in another branch in another city, how was she so snippyYes, absolutely. In restaurant parlance it's not a chain, except when she made a dal on DKL and mentioned that there's a chain of restaurants called Dishoom who cook their dal for 24 hours, in which case it's definitely a chain. Schrodinger's chain.
I'm quite the expert chopper. But sometimes I prep everything and then pretend I'm on a cookery show with my bowls of ingredients. Not DKL though, obviously because that was TERRIBLE.Oh my GOD. I too am a slow chopper. So I chop everything first and separate it into bowls if things need to be added at different times and then when I’ve finished all the PREP I start the cooking. Doesn’t EVERYONE figure this out on their own?!
I’m pleased to say my Old Harold is fully supportive of my slopathon. I’ve been pulling radiators off the walls for a few years now due to my frustration at JM’s antics so if anything, it is a relief for him that I’ve finally signed up here! When I told him that I was going to join in the slopalong, he looked at me and said “the gnocchi?” I hadn’t realised just how much I’ve mithered on about it for years!I do mine when my Old Harold is at work, though he came home early the other day and when I head the car lock “boop!” outside I had to run the length of my SHITTY BUNGALOW (I RENT) from the living room to the kitchen with three bottles of vinegar, three glasses stinking of vinegar, and an empty can to avoid explanationos.
I’m going to be serving up the carbonaraaaa as a dinner treat for him on Saturday night(Dance) to see if it has the same effect on him as it did on Leggy, so he’ll have to be here for that, but I’m going to make him stay at the other end of the house so he can’t see me taking photos and laughing. I’ll say I’m PAINSTAKINGLY making a surprise for him and he must keep out of the kitchen. WARNED.
He will have LEFT to do a double shift on Sunday, so I will be taking advantage of this to do SCIENCE by wrapping a pot of mostly raw chicken in my DEAD grandad’s dressing gown and placing it in a box (if I have one) for three hours to test out the magical cooking method in Jack’s cassoulet recipe. No amount of explaining could satisfactorily make that make sense to anyone but you lot of marvellous nefarious ninnies.
I love that this thread has given so many of us long time lurkers the impetus to make ourselves known. Chapeau!Delurking from the well (a kind of hole) to say thank-you Frauen und Herren for this thread. I mean, whatever, the internet is *full* of narcissistic grifters putting on a role, but I am E N R A G E D that the people who can least afford it will be wasting time and money on her nonsense, not least as we head into this grim grim winter. I truly hope that someone on or adjacent to these threads who works in media or food publishing is able to do something with the recipe trials here to quietly put her work to bed. Like others, I am antsy that a full public reckoning would only fuel the Tory line of ‘See! No povvos anywhere, only lying single mums’.
I don’t think my soul is stout enough to join you all in en-sloppening BUT can report back from my only foray intoflavourtownhell, the “”””Keralan“”””” aubergine and chickpea curry (https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2014/05/28/aubergine-and-chickpea-curry/). Of course it was inedible, but comments below on *why* this recipe is such a travesty. FEEL MY AUBERGINE RAGE.
* Aubergines are both expensive and difficult to cook. They suck up a ton of oil (so not necessarily good value for a theoretically low-cost meal). If you mess up how you cook them, they are inedible - just unpleasantly chewy spongy lumps; not even the bland/horrible texture of much of her food but actually something that can’t be eaten. So YOU WOULD THINK that if you’re going to introduce aubergines you would make DARN SURE that you had written a recipe that would result in an EDIBLE MEAL *and* give people confidence to cook aubergines again. Unfortunately - nein, nein mein lieblings.
* The recipe starts with salting the aubergines in a way which is both a) bizarre (wet aubergine????? Generally you would slice it and leave with salt on in a colander) and b) unnecessary as most modern varieties of aubergines have had the bitterness bred out. I *really* want to know which recipe she nicked / adapted this method from.
* Once again: onion and oil in a cold pan, then a *tiny* amount of spice. We’ve covered the horrors of the former point, but I am SO angry about how she treats spice here. Spices need to actually cook! Not just “a little” but enough to mellow them and make them tasty. It feels like JM is some kind of low-budget artificial intelligence model, trained on the language of cooking but not the meaning. If you're selling yourself as a low-budget cook then surely there's a real educational remit to this so people can get the best out of limited ingredients *and* be confident enough to make adaptations around their own cooking???
* Also what is mustard doing in there? Is this some misguided nod to Ash Sarkar’s Fish Finger Bhorta (delicious, would cook again)? Where is the ginger or the fennel or the coconut milk or anything that would actually give this the flavour profile of a Keralan curry????? WORDS MEAN THINGS.
* How big should the aubergine ‘chunks’ be? In the picture (possibly a lie) they look quite wee so should cook quickly, but ‘chunks’ could mean anything. Also wet aubergines will not easily fry in that tiny amount of oil, ALSO aubergines need to be pretty robustly cooked all the way through before any more sauce ingredients are added - otherwise they’ll just soak up other liquids but just remain hot and raw (like me). “Browning the edges” is a fool’s game and I am no fool!
* Then the final round of tomatoes and cook down, which *only* works when you have a strong enough flavour base to cook into the sauce.
* Final insult: the URL says 'aubergine and chickpea curry' (which would at least add protein) but the chickpeas had made a break for freedom by the time the recipe was uploaded.
Honestly, I made this and halfway through thought I was losing my mind - I am a good and confident cook, and yet still doubted myself because the recipe was so bananas that I thought I was missing something. I truly can’t tell if the accompanying photo is of the dish - it seems like too much red chili for what’s on offer, and yet the aubergine seems pretty raw (see how it holds its shape?) so who knows.
GUTEN NACHT, and thank you for letting me rant.
Found it!I lost my receipt but I bought £13.95 of tesco stuff for a local food bank.
She does other very archaic things like using minute amounts of spice and blanching/soaking her bacon (a common thing in old recipes to rid it of excess salt that modern curing techniques have rendered unnecessary), I would think that she must be following pre-1970s cookbooks for certain recipes.* The recipe starts with salting the aubergines in a way which is both a) bizarre (wet aubergine????? Generally you would slice it and leave with salt on in a colander) and b) unnecessary as most modern varieties of aubergines have had the bitterness bred out. I *really* want to know which recipe she nicked / adapted this method from.
Re: aubergines, I fully agree and am a little worried about having signed up for the moussaka (which I am making tomorrow). It’s going to be an absolute travesty isn’t itDelurking from the well (a kind of hole) to say thank-you Frauen und Herren for this thread. I mean, whatever, the internet is *full* of narcissistic grifters putting on a role, but I am E N R A G E D that the people who can least afford it will be wasting time and money on her nonsense, not least as we head into this grim grim winter. I truly hope that someone on or adjacent to these threads who works in media or food publishing is able to do something with the recipe trials here to quietly put her work to bed. Like others, I am antsy that a full public reckoning would only fuel the Tory line of ‘See! No povvos anywhere, only lying single mums’.
I don’t think my soul is stout enough to join you all in en-sloppening BUT can report back from my only foray intoflavourtownhell, the “”””Keralan“”””” aubergine and chickpea curry (https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2014/05/28/aubergine-and-chickpea-curry/). Of course it was inedible, but comments below on *why* this recipe is such a travesty. FEEL MY AUBERGINE RAGE.
* Aubergines are both expensive and difficult to cook. They suck up a ton of oil (so not necessarily good value for a theoretically low-cost meal). If you mess up how you cook them, they are inedible - just unpleasantly chewy spongy lumps; not even the bland/horrible texture of much of her food but actually something that can’t be eaten. So YOU WOULD THINK that if you’re going to introduce aubergines you would make DARN SURE that you had written a recipe that would result in an EDIBLE MEAL *and* give people confidence to cook aubergines again. Unfortunately - nein, nein mein lieblings.
* The recipe starts with salting the aubergines in a way which is both a) bizarre (wet aubergine????? Generally you would slice it and leave with salt on in a colander) and b) unnecessary as most modern varieties of aubergines have had the bitterness bred out. I *really* want to know which recipe she nicked / adapted this method from.
* Once again: onion and oil in a cold pan, then a *tiny* amount of spice. We’ve covered the horrors of the former point, but I am SO angry about how she treats spice here. Spices need to actually cook! Not just “a little” but enough to mellow them and make them tasty. It feels like JM is some kind of low-budget artificial intelligence model, trained on the language of cooking but not the meaning. If you're selling yourself as a low-budget cook then surely there's a real educational remit to this so people can get the best out of limited ingredients *and* be confident enough to make adaptations around their own cooking???
* Also what is mustard doing in there? Is this some misguided nod to Ash Sarkar’s Fish Finger Bhorta (delicious, would cook again)? Where is the ginger or the fennel or the coconut milk or anything that would actually give this the flavour profile of a Keralan curry????? WORDS MEAN THINGS.
* How big should the aubergine ‘chunks’ be? In the picture (possibly a lie) they look quite wee so should cook quickly, but ‘chunks’ could mean anything. Also wet aubergines will not easily fry in that tiny amount of oil, ALSO aubergines need to be pretty robustly cooked all the way through before any more sauce ingredients are added - otherwise they’ll just soak up other liquids but just remain hot and raw (like me). “Browning the edges” is a fool’s game and I am no fool!
* Then the final round of tomatoes and cook down, which *only* works when you have a strong enough flavour base to cook into the sauce.
* Final insult: the URL says 'aubergine and chickpea curry' (which would at least add protein) but the chickpeas had made a break for freedom by the time the recipe was uploaded.
Honestly, I made this and halfway through thought I was losing my mind - I am a good and confident cook, and yet still doubted myself because the recipe was so bananas that I thought I was missing something. I truly can’t tell if the accompanying photo is of the dish - it seems like too much red chili for what’s on offer, and yet the aubergine seems pretty raw (see how it holds its shape?) so who knows.
GUTEN NACHT, and thank you for letting me rant.
Good luck! I’m steeling myself for the Cuban inspired thingyRe: aubergines, I fully agree and am a little worried about having signed up for the moussaka (which I am making tomorrow). It’s going to be an absolute travesty isn’t it
Lol you massive deviant. It would be like Blair Witch “found documentary footage” stuff that would utterly terrify people the world over.I hope someone who doesn't go on these threads watches it with no context
As a Welsh Frau, let me just say that Uncle Bryn and I are FULLY SUPPORTIVE of this endeavor (and we both apologize for the terrible vid quality, it was the best I could find)When I told him that I was going to join in the slopalong, he looked at me and said “the gnocchi?” I hadn’t realised just how much I’ve mithered on about it for years!
Saturday morning is booked out for forensically adding my contribution to this thread. I’ve made a donation to a local food bank in advance to offset my future wasteful culinary crimes.
I love that this thread has given so many of us long time lurkers the impetus to make ourselves known. Chapeau!
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