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OHDE to Cr-OH-atia
Left my london flat in slime and grime,
For a few days in Croatia,
The stupid airline lost my bag,
I said “I do BJJ, I will BATE ya”
A few sunny days spent in the sun,
And waking up at five,
Ten thousand steps and coffee thoughts,
What a time to be alive!
I needed some bikini snaps,
For some thirst pics don’t you see,
IFS is coming soon,
And James Smith needs to notice me.
I’ve waxed my vag, I joined BJJ,
I even moved to London,
Still celibate months down the line,
Im confused by this conundrum.
IFS coming up in a week,
And here I was with no tan,
So off to Croatia for 4 days,
So that bronzed me can get a man.
Did I mention that it will be my birthday too?
James with surely get me a cake?
I might just mention it a few more times,
If he loved me he would surely bake?
The only thing that concerns me,
About the upcoming romance with James,
Is that he wants to have a good few kids,
But my ovaries do not think the same.
Diren has started to avoid me too,
And Fliss wont tag me on stories,
I can eat 3 dominos by myself,
And they wont even give me the glory.
In September I am going home,
For a quick trip back to Swords,
I might still surprise them in August though-
And show up in Myprotein co-ords!
Mam will bake her rocky road,
And Dad will get out the whiskey,
And then ill go and scan my tinder,
And hit town when Im feeling friskey.
I might go back to Portugal too,
And surprise my sister Rois,
Her partner is such a gas man,
He jokingly calls me THAT DOSE.
Then I think its time for me,
To return to my favourite place,
Back to Bali for two euro eggs,
And pick at my spotty red face.
Living differently is better you see,
You can change your plans any day,
Im so grateful that I gave up corporate,
For a life of living this way.
Before I sign off, not sure if I said-
I got 500 points in my leaving?
Because I do not work nine to five,
My intelligance can be deceiving.
I assure you that I am really intelligent,
You can call me an act-u-ar-y,
Those poor people in Bali with no leaving cert,
Have to work in a fact-ory.
I have to go now, its 9.30am,
I have breakfast plans with some random friend,
Ill have champers for brunch and wine with my dinner,
And with pizza the day always ends
xxxxxxx
Left my london flat in slime and grime,
For a few days in Croatia,
The stupid airline lost my bag,
I said “I do BJJ, I will BATE ya”
A few sunny days spent in the sun,
And waking up at five,
Ten thousand steps and coffee thoughts,
What a time to be alive!
I needed some bikini snaps,
For some thirst pics don’t you see,
IFS is coming soon,
And James Smith needs to notice me.
I’ve waxed my vag, I joined BJJ,
I even moved to London,
Still celibate months down the line,
Im confused by this conundrum.
IFS coming up in a week,
And here I was with no tan,
So off to Croatia for 4 days,
So that bronzed me can get a man.
Did I mention that it will be my birthday too?
James with surely get me a cake?
I might just mention it a few more times,
If he loved me he would surely bake?
The only thing that concerns me,
About the upcoming romance with James,
Is that he wants to have a good few kids,
But my ovaries do not think the same.
Diren has started to avoid me too,
And Fliss wont tag me on stories,
I can eat 3 dominos by myself,
And they wont even give me the glory.
In September I am going home,
For a quick trip back to Swords,
I might still surprise them in August though-
And show up in Myprotein co-ords!
Mam will bake her rocky road,
And Dad will get out the whiskey,
And then ill go and scan my tinder,
And hit town when Im feeling friskey.
I might go back to Portugal too,
And surprise my sister Rois,
Her partner is such a gas man,
He jokingly calls me THAT DOSE.
Then I think its time for me,
To return to my favourite place,
Back to Bali for two euro eggs,
And pick at my spotty red face.
Living differently is better you see,
You can change your plans any day,
Im so grateful that I gave up corporate,
For a life of living this way.
Before I sign off, not sure if I said-
I got 500 points in my leaving?
Because I do not work nine to five,
My intelligance can be deceiving.
I assure you that I am really intelligent,
You can call me an act-u-ar-y,
Those poor people in Bali with no leaving cert,
Have to work in a fact-ory.
I have to go now, its 9.30am,
I have breakfast plans with some random friend,
Ill have champers for brunch and wine with my dinner,
And with pizza the day always ends
xxxxxxx
consented 
