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You are a legend!My instagram algorithm is so good that I’ve not seen one single heartfelt earnest Valentines post. Every suggested post is either a piss take or something nice about self-love/soulmate friends. Love that for me
..Yep!
Sometimes I wish I was a different kind of person who thrived in a relationship and felt the rewards of sharing a life with someone in a home. I think life would be easier financially and socially, if I could feel happy with a partner. And despite all this, the thought of coming home to the sort of marriages I see in my friends' lives scares the tit out of me.
I'm sure they are happy so I keep my thoughts to myself but bleeping hell, I hope I never become the kind of person who looks at herself and wonders "who she used to be before him" as soon as her husband leaves the country for a work trip. Verbatim, quoted from her text, with a laughing emoji.
I felt so embarrassed on her behalf, a woman in her 30s who has a full time job, hobbies, interests and intellect. Wondering what to do with herself now that the guy is away for just 10 days. They couldn't waterboard that tit out of me but she must have thought it sounded cute and quirky, maybe romantic. Mega cringe.
I'm sure they are happy so I keep my thoughts to myself but bleeping hell, I hope I never become the kind of person who looks at herself and wonders "who she used to be before him" as soon as her husband leaves the country for a work trip. Verbatim, quoted from her text, with a laughing emoji.
I felt so embarrassed on her behalf, a woman in her 30s who has a full time job, hobbies, interests and intellect. Wondering what to do with herself now that the guy is away for just 10 days. They couldn't waterboard that tit out of me but she must have thought it sounded cute and quirky, maybe romantic. Mega cringe.
Are you me?
Years ago I was at a function and there was a bit of a scene going on. Several women were surrounding a woman (mid 30s?) who was shaking and sobbing. The tears were flowing big time. What on earth could be wrong? Turns out her husband's going away for a couple of nights and she'd never been on her own before!
Married straight from leaving the parental home, she had never spent a night alone before. She was a mess! As a lonesome soul I could not identify with the drama of this traumatic event upcoming. In the end I think she moved back in with her parents until husband returned!
Married straight from leaving the parental home, she had never spent a night alone before. She was a mess! As a lonesome soul I could not identify with the drama of this traumatic event upcoming. In the end I think she moved back in with her parents until husband returned!
I totally understand missing your partner a lot and feeling a bit lost due to the change of routine (or even feeling unsafe and scared) but questioning your identity or having a full blown sob fest in public over a few days of alone time is wild to me. Just binge some tv shows or play six hours of pokemon at night and hit the pillow if you really can't be alone with your thoughts, idk. How do these people reach this age never having spent time alone??
THIS
i mentioned this in another thread recently but a woman i worked with once asked me why i made an effort with my appearance, wore perfume, dressed up just to go shopping etc if not to attract a man - i was like idk, for ME?? are you seriously saying you would only do any of these things for a MAN?!?
male centered women fascinate me and make me sad in equal measure. like you say, couldn’t waterboard that information out of me.
I have friends who have never left our home town, same job for 15+ years, not been to uni, never lived alone never mind travelled alone. No real hobbies outside of being a mum or wife.
Yet they’re considered much more successful than me, more valuable, more to say, more of an adult because they’re married with 2.4 kids and a house in a suburbs.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things if that’s what makes you happy, but i get so frustrated that society has such a narrow view of this weird ladder we’re all supposed to climb.
Yet they’re considered much more successful than me, more valuable, more to say, more of an adult because they’re married with 2.4 kids and a house in a suburbs.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of those things if that’s what makes you happy, but i get so frustrated that society has such a narrow view of this weird ladder we’re all supposed to climb.
One of my friends has just been diagnosed with cancer and she’s finding her husband‘s overweening attention completely stultifying. I’ve always thought that being DX with a serious health condition would be a time where you’d been grateful for a partner but I’d never thought about the fact that you have to worry about them too. She doesn‘t want to tell him to duck off because obviously he’s scared but bleeping hell. She’s got cancer and somehow she’s worrying about his feelings.
Definitely - just today my mum tried to casually ask me if I'd 'like a boyfriend', but I could tell she wasn't feeling casual about it at all! My sister has a boyfriend and I just know that if I did, my mum would feel soooo much better about me and about how 'secure' I'd be. She definitely considers my (younger!) sister to be more grown up and fully realised than me. She also mentioned about having kids but I said that ain't happening, man or no man!
I explained that a relationship is not something I'm actively seeking as I don't think it would add much to my life as most men are unappealing to me in many ways. And she kept going on about how life was about 'making compromises' but I said relationships aren't basically mandatory anymore like they used to be for women, so I have no need to compromise anyway?
I do think the desire for a partner is partly biological, humans moving in packs etc. But I really think so much of it is societal. Imagine if society didn’t tell us the key to happiness and security was in finding love. I suspect there’d be a lot of single people (and humans would die out but whatever
)I love the way we describe men on this thread
‘unappealing’ is brilliant, I think we’ve also ‘mediocre’ and ‘boring’.Speaking of compromise I saw a reel the other day by a woman asking how to meet someone IRL as she hates the apps. A man (of course) commented and said she just needed to lower her standards on the apps as there were so many nice guys just not getting a chance.
Any remotely nice or normal guy on the apps would be inundated with women as they’re so rare, so if you’re a guy getting zero matches you really need to reassess your approach. Like hell I’d be lowering my standards for those losers.
to add another word to the list, i find them so unbearably tedious to talk to. when i have my one random week in the month where i feel like i want a boyfriend and go on the apps my mind is just blown by how boring they all are and how trying to speak to them is like draining nectar from a rock.I love the way we describe men on this thread
Speaking of compromise I saw a reel the other day by a woman asking how to meet someone IRL as she hates the apps. A man (of course) commented and said she just needed to lower her standards on the apps as there were so many nice guys just not getting a chance.
Any remotely nice or normal guy on the apps would be inundated with women as they’re so rare, so if you’re a guy getting zero matches you really need to reassess your approach. Like hell I’d be lowering my standards for those losers.
like you say, any man that is interesting and can hold a conversation is such a diamond in the rough that he’s snapped up almost immediately. i COULD theoretically be getting lots of dates if i responded to every “what you up to lol” message but why should i have to lower my standards? why does anything else i achieve in life match up to the amazing honour of having a boyfriend? why are men discussed as a prize when at best they’re the well done for trying certificate kids get if they fall over in the egg and spoon race?!
i hate it all
Also most genuinely nice men don't make a big deal out of being nice, they simply are. Most men's profiles are complete garbage, that's why they're not getting any matches.I love the way we describe men on this thread
Speaking of compromise I saw a reel the other day by a woman asking how to meet someone IRL as she hates the apps. A man (of course) commented and said she just needed to lower her standards on the apps as there were so many nice guys just not getting a chance.
Any remotely nice or normal guy on the apps would be inundated with women as they’re so rare, so if you’re a guy getting zero matches you really need to reassess your approach. Like hell I’d be lowering my standards for those losers.
Can you imagine telling men to lower their standards to go out with a woman they're not attracted to, they'd rather die!
I think you deserve the top prize for that insight!
A colleague told several of us last week how he was chastised by his wife (of less than 2 years) for 'emptying the dishwasher in the wrong way'. This is a man with a very high level job, is head of his own department and responsible for hundreds of staff. It baffles me why people would put up with this trivial tit and firmly reinforces my preference to be alone and live alone!
The idea of sharing my bed and home with another human is abhorrent! Yes, life would be easier financially (and practically, in sharing the load with jobs and things I cant/don't want to do such as decorating/fixing things in the house) but it's not for me.
The idea of sharing my bed and home with another human is abhorrent! Yes, life would be easier financially (and practically, in sharing the load with jobs and things I cant/don't want to do such as decorating/fixing things in the house) but it's not for me.
Ever since I moved to New Zealand, where people seem to settle down young. I’m 34 for context. People side eye me for ‘wasting money’ by living alone in my little house instead of with flatmates. I make six figures. I’m fine. Meanwhile coupled up colleagues ten years younger and on $30k less are living in massive three bed houses just the two of them and that’s what they ‘need’. I was even asked if I sleep in a single bed a while back!
They’re looking at massive Santa Fes for children that haven’t even been conceived yet - again it’s what they need as proper adults. I’m driving a smaller and cheaper crossover and again, seen as driving this ridiculously massive and expensive ‘new’ car when I should be in some beater.
If I go on holiday, they’re surprised when I stay in a nice hotel instead of a hostel.
basically, I’m judged for living the lifestyle of a financially comfortable mid 30s woman because I’m doing it without a man, and therefore I’m seen as a kid still. Whereas women ten years younger who I know for a fact earn way less spend way more on unnecessary luxuries because it’s seen as part of being a grown up pre wife and mummy. They NEED a big car and house because they will put children in it soon, and in the meantime, they’re ADULTS with a MAN who has PROVIDED for them.