Single by Choice

[Tula]

I have also worked in criminal justice and now work supporting survivors of DV. I love my job but what I see couples do to each other on a daily basis is enough to put anyone off for life. I’ve also got lived experience so my mental wellbeing is paramount and I’d rather be single forever than risk my own safety again. Just wanted to add I work supporting men and well as women and members of the LGBTQ+ community so this isn’t a reflection on men as such. Some women out there are monstrous! Have a look at the Alice Evans thread for example. How’s she’s not had CPS involvement or been put in front of a criminal judge is beyond me. Unfortunately the amount of earnest people who are seeking a proper relationship is almost non existent. The last date I went on was about 6 months ago and felt more like a job interview- but imagine the interviewer absolutely hammered when you arrive and shouting at the top of his voice in a quiet pub. It felt like a badly written comedy sketch that experience alone was enough to resign myself that I am 100% better off!

I worked in the criminal justice system and I saw first hand how much manipulation goes on when trying to get a woman for ‘whatever’ purpose It has impacted my dating life, I will never go on a date site again so my slightly warped view somewhat based on seeing the very worse of people means that I’m definitely limiting myself if I ever were to decide I want to date again.

 

[LaBlonde]

I live with a friend who is absolutely wonderful but obsessed with dating and is never not on the apps, in talking stages, or seeing someone. And then she'll always be talking about men or texting them constantly even while spending time with me/others. I admire her persistence and get that she wants to find her person and have kids etc, and sometimes it's fun to get the gossip since I don't actively date myself.... but overall I just don't get it?? I don't find it interesting talking about mediocre men all the time or it infringing on quality time. Plus I like home to feel like a sanctuary so I cba with random men being in the house ruining the energy (as much as I appreciate it's her home too). But yeah, I just don't get it when people centre men so heavily!!!

same on all counts. my male centred friend is so lax with her safety too: she gave one man her address so he could send her roses before even having met him and posted on instagram like #luckygirl while i was like girl he could rob you or worse now. she treats the apps like a part time job, literally dedicating an hour a night after work to swiping and messaging, and i just don’t understand it. after work time is MY time!

i am, i admit, on and off the apps myself because i’m chasing some kind of companionship that is borderline fictional at this point (i blame heated rivalry ) and men are just so tedious. the whole thing is so tedious. there is always always something else i would rather be doing.

 

[AshMay]

same on all counts. my male centred friend is so lax with her safety too: she gave one man her address so he could send her roses before even having met him and posted on instagram like #luckygirl while i was like girl he could rob you or worse now. she treats the apps like a part time job, literally dedicating an hour a night after work to swiping and messaging, and i just don’t understand it. after work time is MY time!

i am, i admit, on and off the apps myself because i’m chasing some kind of companionship that is borderline fictional at this point (i blame heated rivalry ) and men are just so tedious. the whole thing is so tedious. there is always always something else i would rather be doing.

Oh god nooo the safety aspect is so scary! As time goes on I'm more weird about people knowing where I live and having them in my space

Good luck on the apps my queen 🫡 I totally feel you with the ✨️yearning✨️ setting in sometimes!!

 

[qqwertyy]

Yeah I’m on and off the apps so always overthink calling myself ‘single by choice’ but I think I am, because I could date any of the weird, gross, illiterate, or thick (often all of the above) men popping up in my inbox but I choose not to.

Men are tedious made me laugh it’s so true. I can think of a million things I’d rather talk about.

 

[LaBlonde]

Oh god nooo the safety aspect is so scary! As time goes on I'm more weird about people knowing where I live and having them in my space

Good luck on the apps my queen 🫡 I totally feel you with the ✨️yearning✨️ setting in sometimes!!

exactly! i hate when you’re two messages in on an app and they’re like ooo can we move this to whatsapp or ooo can we meet this weekend - dude, i do NOT know you. i feel like online dating comes with generally giving up a lot of info about yourself to a stranger and i just don’t care for it on any level.

thank you 🫡 it’s hard out there for us yearners

 

[AshMay]

On another note, has anyone else experienced an unusually high rate of big breakups from the people around them lately? Weirdly I've had like 7 or 8 people I know in long term relationships who broke up over the past year or so (including a marriage, an engagement, and almost all of them were living together).

I think all but one were initiated by the woman and, not to minimise the heartache, but I'm so here for it. Love women realising their worth and having the courage to end things even when it's tough. Hope this is a wider shift towards us not entertaining anything that doesn't add to our lives. (Plus as per Vogue, having a boyfriend is embarrassing now ).

 

[Tula]

BBC Radio 4 - Woman's Hour, Are women really settling for ‘subpar’ relationships?

Journalist Eve Simmons on why she thinks millennial women are ‘settling’ in relationships

www.bbc.co.uk

Saw this pop up on the BBC website this morning. It’s an interesting listen.

 

[qqwertyy]

You know those emails from businesses offering to mute Mother’s/Father’s Day content in case it’s upsetting? Can someone please do that for Valentine’s Day because I could not give less of a duck.

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

It’s got so overboard hasn’t it? Now all the retailers are sending me emails about matching heart printed pijamas. They can get to duck. Unless they make a pair that my absolutely gorgeous cat will wear, I ain’t buying. Also
I’m now unsubscribing from your emails.

In all honestly though my cat and I will have a fantastic Valentines Day. He’s genuinely the love of my life and certainly the only straight male I want to hang out with.

 

[margaretta]

And then to make it worst, places are now offering Galentine events for single women and their friends.

 

[qqwertyy]

I’ve deleted my accounts on the apps today. I’m still not sure if I’m single by choice BUT I am starting to care less what people think about it which I think is a step in the right direction!

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

I’ve deleted my accounts on the apps today. I’m still not sure if I’m single by choice BUT I am starting to care less what people think about it which I think is a step in the right direction!

This was a big realisation for me. I didn’t like being the “single” one. I also felt I got left out when there were couples dinners and couples weekends away. I realised I wanted a relationship for the social aspect and because that’s what society expects. I didn’t actually want one though. When I dipped my toe in, I felt so drained by it. By all of it: Their presence in my space (physical / emotional / mental). The obligation to message daily and call and fain interest in their jobs and lives.

I am genuinely so much happier on my own, in my own space. And I’m not a hermit. I’m a very social person. I feed off others (postive) energy. I just don’t want a relationship. I mean maybe one where we see each other once or twice a week and never live together. I could *maybe* see the appeal in that but then, I have completely lost all interest in sex. Not sure if it’s age / perimenopause but could think of nothing I would rather do less, so really I don’t think my once or twice a week / not live together / not have sex criteria is going to appeal to anyone! And I am actually 100% ok with that.

 

[petitspois]

This was a big realisation for me. I didn’t like being the “single” one. I also felt I got left out when there were couples dinners and couples weekends away. I realised I wanted a relationship for the social aspect and because that’s what society expects. I didn’t actually want one though. When I dipped my toe in, I felt so drained by it. By all of it: Their presence in my space (physical / emotional / mental). The obligation to message daily and call and fain interest in their jobs and lives.

I am genuinely so much happier on my own, in my own space. And I’m not a hermit. I’m a very social person. I feed off others (postive) energy. I just don’t want a relationship. I mean maybe one where we see each other once or twice a week and never live together. I could *maybe* see the appeal in that but then, I have completely lost all interest in sex. Not sure if it’s age / perimenopause but could think of nothing I would rather do less, so really I don’t think my once or twice a week / not live together / not have sex criteria is going to appeal to anyone! And I am actually 100% ok with that.

I feel exactly the same.

 

[Tula]

I feel exactly the same.

Me three

 

[qqwertyy]

When I’m worrying about life and everything else I try to ask myself what I would do/want etc. if there were no expectations/pressure from society. I have to remind myself that these ‘rules of life’ are literally just made up and the most important thing is to be happy.

 

[BanditHealer]

Happy Valentine's Day! Because there's more to love than just romance, we can celebrate too.

I am celebrating by eating pick and mix in bed. Self love!

 

[LaBlonde]

Happy Valentine's Day! Because there's more to love than just romance, we can celebrate too.

I am celebrating by eating pick and mix in bed. Self love!

happy valentine’s day

enjoy your day! i’m taking myself shopping where i will surely buy myself lots of little treats i also bought myself the tesco valentine’s meal for two because the dessert looked amazing and i will eat the whole thing myself.

 

[petitspois]

The posts and comments from women (some in relationships and some single) who say things like ‘valentines day can be tough, you ARE enough and it’s just a day!’ It’s not tough at all, it’s just marketing. Women who genuinely believe they don’t centre men, while actually centering men do my head in.

Single and proud!

 

[hehehe]

Happy Vals day, ladies!

Lots of miserable faces holding hands in the city centre today and queuing outside restaurants in -1 degrees while looking at their phones.

 

[boatofbubbles]

The icky-est guy i know sent me a happy valentines day. My question is do people know when you've muted them on whatsapp