Single by Choice

[Chocolategoggler]

Those things are like death by a thousand cuts.
My Ex and I used to joke about the little things that irritate you about each other, which over a long relationship just get more and more annoying...you either have to learn to ignore them or get to 80 and end up beating your spouse to death with a rolling pin (or other kitchen utensil of choice) at the breakfast table because you just CANNOT listen to them chew loudly/ stir their tea repeatedly/ scrape the spoon in their cereal bowl one more time

I had to sit opposite a bloke at work who ate with his mouth wide open. I cracked one day and told him to shut his mouth! He stopped speaking to me but he did shut his mouth. I was then moved (he was a serial complainer to the boss) and sat opposite a bloke who literally had his finger up his nose all day. I could actually cope with that better.
This was in a professional environment.

 

[ElChanguito]

Thought for the day

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Years ago I worked for someone with the meanest, grumpiest (and unattractive) husband. This lady had a friend who's daughter worked in London, great job & her own home in South London.
I met the daughter once and was stunned by her natural beauty and she was a lovely friendly person too.
When I saw my employer I mentioned that I could not believe just how beautiful she was(is)! Her reply was so patronising. " Oh dear. Our lovely Jennie just can't seem to find a man. I don't know what we can do to help her". Unbelievable! All her other achievements were irrelevant because she didn't have a MAN!
As it happens shortly after she did meet and marry a really nice guy. At least she can fit in with the marrieds now!

 

[GeminiMoon]

I’m in a very, very long term relationship so probably don’t have the right to post on this board. But I covet the single life - I fantasise about it endlessly and this board only make me want it more. I think I was always meant to live alone and not be in a relationship but various life circumstances have led to me clinging to this relationship far beyond its expiration.

So what makes me stay? Not financial codependency because I’d be ok on my own there. No, apart from the usual difficulty in extracting yourself from a complex, long term relationship and our children together who would be devastated, I stay with him because of practical concerns. Mostly because I don’t drive due to a medical condition and have a limited support network so I worry about getting the kids (both aged 14 and over) to school or if I needed to go to a hospital appointment an hour or two away (this has only happened once in my life so far) or who would help me move house because I’ll probably need to sell up and who would take things to the tip on and on these slightly illogical worries persist, keeping me in co-dependency.

Can anybody assure me that single non-drivers with responsibilities can comfortably exist easily out there in the world?! I know that sounds silly.

 

[LaBlonde]

Years ago I worked for someone with the meanest, grumpiest (and unattractive) husband. This lady had a friend who's daughter worked in London, great job & her own home in South London.
I met the daughter once and was stunned by her natural beauty and she was a lovely friendly person too.
When I saw my employer I mentioned that I could not believe just how beautiful she was(is)! Her reply was so patronising. " Oh dear. Our lovely Jennie just can't seem to find a man. I don't know what we can do to help her". Unbelievable! All her other achievements were irrelevant because she didn't have a MAN!
As it happens shortly after she did meet and marry a really nice guy. At least she can fit in with the marrieds now!

i worked with a father who was like this about his son! the guy was late 30s, a GP, always travelling, extremely handsome and an all around nice person….. all we would ever hear dad say about him was how he was worried he had never had a girlfriend and how he just didn’t understand how it had never happened etc etc.

on one christmas party i snapped a bit and said “can’t we talk about all the other stuff [son’s name] has done with his life” which didn’t go down well but, come on.

 

[sleepflowers]

Years ago I worked for someone with the meanest, grumpiest (and unattractive) husband. This lady had a friend who's daughter worked in London, great job & her own home in South London.
I met the daughter once and was stunned by her natural beauty and she was a lovely friendly person too.
When I saw my employer I mentioned that I could not believe just how beautiful she was(is)! Her reply was so patronising. " Oh dear. Our lovely Jennie just can't seem to find a man. I don't know what we can do to help her". Unbelievable! All her other achievements were irrelevant because she didn't have a MAN!
As it happens shortly after she did meet and marry a really nice guy. At least she can fit in with the marrieds now!

I think this is how my parents are about me My sister got a bf this year and it's allll they talk about, like it's the most important thing to ever happen, thank GOD they don't have TWO single daughters anymore

 

[LaBlonde]

I think this is how my parents are about me My sister got a bf this year and it's allll they talk about, like it's the most important thing to ever happen, thank GOD they don't have TWO single daughters anymore

it’s 10000% how mine talk about me too, i feel you my sister is single right now but mostly isn’t long-term so god bless her for taking the heat off me sometimes but i can FEEL the glances and HEAR the comments. it’s rough, and has only gotten tougher as i’ve gotten older sadly.

 

[Salted Caramel]

I have to admit, right now I’m “man free by choice”. I’m bi, and wouldn’t mind having a girlfriend one day.

 

[peachesandcreamz]

It's surprising how often I have nightmares (yes, nightmares!!) where I am in a relationship and DESPERATE to escape. Not because it's a horrible person (it's usually a non-descript faceless individual), but I just can't stand the idea of being "tied" to someone. I'm sure many people outside of this thread would call it commitment issues, but it's just simply a love of freedom. I can do what I want, who I want, when I want (perks of the childfree life as well as the single life!).

As Christmas is looming I don't have to think about how to split my time between my family/partner/my partner's family. I don't have to think about gifts for all of these different parties, the mental energy required to find thoughtful gifts as well as the financial burden of that. I don't need to maintain a specific "grooming" ritual outside of how I choose to upkeep myself. Sure, when I am "in the mood" I do crave physical intimacy very briefly, but this is quickly quelled by some Love Honey products and the reminder that no one else dictates when I need to "perform". I have all my social needs filled by friends and family, I love my own company. I get to put up my own lovely Christmas decs in my own lovely warm home. However I leave it in the morning is exactly how it looks come 6pm. Whilst it wouldn't be too painful to have a dual income household, I MUCH prefer footing the bills single handedly. And with my free time (and free will), I can pick up extra hours at work, or do some food delivery part time work as and when I choose for some extra cash.

To put it simply - I can't imagine why I would want to change any of that!

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

It is utterly fantastic being single 95% of the time. Those are odds I'm happy to live with. Now try adding a partner in. How are the odds looking now?

 

[kendallroysdownfall]

It is utterly fantastic being single 95% of the time. Those are odds I'm happy to live with. Now try adding a partner in. How are the odds looking now?

I couldn't tell you because it's utterly fantastic being single 100% of the time!

 

[queenamber]

I’m in a very, very long term relationship so probably don’t have the right to post on this board. But I covet the single life - I fantasise about it endlessly and this board only make me want it more. I think I was always meant to live alone and not be in a relationship but various life circumstances have led to me clinging to this relationship far beyond its expiration.

So what makes me stay? Not financial codependency because I’d be ok on my own there. No, apart from the usual difficulty in extracting yourself from a complex, long term relationship and our children together who would be devastated, I stay with him because of practical concerns. Mostly because I don’t drive due to a medical condition and have a limited support network so I worry about getting the kids (both aged 14 and over) to school or if I needed to go to a hospital appointment an hour or two away (this has only happened once in my life so far) or who would help me move house because I’ll probably need to sell up and who would take things to the tip on and on these slightly illogical worries persist, keeping me in co-dependency.

Can anybody assure me that single non-drivers with responsibilities can comfortably exist easily out there in the world?! I know that sounds silly.

Personally I'd rather pay for a taxi than stay in a relationship for convenience, but to each their own.

 

[Here for gossip]

Personally I'd rather pay for a taxi than stay in a relationship for convenience, but to each their own.

100%, am a single mother myself and use public transport, taxis and walk to get about, I can't agree with someone staying in a relationship just for the kids if your not happy anymore

 

[Nurseali]

Driving lessons ?

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Driving lessons ?

Their comment clearly says they cannot drive due to a medical issue. I personally don’t believe that everything is black and white eg “if you’re not happy then leave” when there are the logistics of life to contend with. In an ideal world just leaving / moving on would be perfect, but in reality it’s not always practical.

 

[Nurseali]

Their comment clearly says they cannot drive due to a medical issue. I personally don’t believe that everything is black and white eg “if you’re not happy then leave” when there are the logistics of life to contend with. In an ideal world just leaving / moving on would be perfect, but in reality it’s not always practical.

AHH my bad I did miss that part.

I certainly cannot judge anyone. I stayed for years in a marriage that was controlling and miserable. You have to be totally in the right place to make the leap.
It's strange how when you do you can't figure out why you didn't do it sooner .

 

[Thank(space)you]

I’m in a very, very long term relationship so probably don’t have the right to post on this board. But I covet the single life - I fantasise about it endlessly and this board only make me want it more. I think I was always meant to live alone and not be in a relationship but various life circumstances have led to me clinging to this relationship far beyond its expiration.

So what makes me stay? Not financial codependency because I’d be ok on my own there. No, apart from the usual difficulty in extracting yourself from a complex, long term relationship and our children together who would be devastated, I stay with him because of practical concerns. Mostly because I don’t drive due to a medical condition and have a limited support network so I worry about getting the kids (both aged 14 and over) to school or if I needed to go to a hospital appointment an hour or two away (this has only happened once in my life so far) or who would help me move house because I’ll probably need to sell up and who would take things to the tip on and on these slightly illogical worries persist, keeping me in co-dependency.

Can anybody assure me that single non-drivers with responsibilities can comfortably exist easily out there in the world?! I know that sounds silly.

I was a single non driving mum for 4 years, my child has urinary incontinence which her consultant is based in the next city over, and I have an autoimmune disease so I'm regularly in hospital for reviews and check ups and we managed with public transport, taxis and favours from family. It is hard but it is possible.

 

[GeminiMoon]

I was a single non driving mum for 4 years, my child has urinary incontinence which her consultant is based in the next city over, and I have an autoimmune disease so I'm regularly in hospital for reviews and check ups and we managed with public transport, taxis and favours from family. It is hard but it is possible.

Thank you Somehow I’ve built it up in my mind…

 

[Zulkraa]

 

[peachesandcreamz]

I’m in a very, very long term relationship so probably don’t have the right to post on this board. But I covet the single life - I fantasise about it endlessly and this board only make me want it more. I think I was always meant to live alone and not be in a relationship but various life circumstances have led to me clinging to this relationship far beyond its expiration.

So what makes me stay? Not financial codependency because I’d be ok on my own there. No, apart from the usual difficulty in extracting yourself from a complex, long term relationship and our children together who would be devastated, I stay with him because of practical concerns. Mostly because I don’t drive due to a medical condition and have a limited support network so I worry about getting the kids (both aged 14 and over) to school or if I needed to go to a hospital appointment an hour or two away (this has only happened once in my life so far) or who would help me move house because I’ll probably need to sell up and who would take things to the tip on and on these slightly illogical worries persist, keeping me in co-dependency.

Can anybody assure me that single non-drivers with responsibilities can comfortably exist easily out there in the world?! I know that sounds silly.

I lived alone and didn't drive for about 10 years! As someone else mentioned, I also have an autoimmune disease which calls for regular trips to the hospital. I don't have children, so I can't talk to that side of things, but it is absolutely possible.

Would you consider moving somewhere more "walkable"? Understand that's a big upheaval so perhaps not very practical, if you want Dad in the kids' lives etc, but it makes driving almost completely unnecessary in those sort of cities/towns!