Single by Choice

[Wolfshead]

Adam Bolton on Sky News calling Anne Widdecombe an old maid and spinster amongst other insults.

Journalist under fire after 'old maid' Ann Widdecombe comments to Sky News

A JOURNALIST has been criticised for describing Ann Widdecombe as a "spinster" and "old maid" following her death.

www.thenational.scot

It's funny, isn't it, how "spinster" is used as an insult but "bachelor" is not?

 

[boatofbubbles]

I make the usual jokes, whole bed to myself/ watch what I wanna/do what I wanna. But actually what I like most is i dont massage a male ego. I'm me, I dont do as I'm told I dont act like a lady, my figure is my own, I do what I want when I want. I'm happy, sure I get lonely at times but does that need a man or aa meet up with a mate. I see some friends who are so desperate to have a "man" they drop mates, I just dont get it. I'd rather a good mate. Some people get lucky and marry their best mate but it's the very few it's a fairytale

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

My long term ex was my intellectual equal and he was good looking, funny and so charming / charismatic. I thought I’d hit the jackpot.
Problem was - he turned out to be living a double life. Hadn’t been honest about his sexuality. Cheated on me with men and woman. Gaslit me to unspeakable levels. Abused me emotionally, physically and financially and when I called it, he took the only the things I had left to love (my dogs) and disappeared.

I’ve recovered from it all (still bitter but who can blame me) but I genuinely don’t think I could make it work with anyone else.
I did date someone afterwards for about a year and he was lovely and kind and emotionally mature and he couldn’t have hurt an ant BUT intellectually we had nothing in common. I struggled so much without the mental stimulation. I want the big, long, important conversations that turn our brains on and the rest then comes naturally. If you have that, and some daily laughter then you will be attracted to them and the sex will likely be good too.

I want it all or I’d rather be single. I think a lot of us on this thread are like that. I’m genuinely content. I’m happy living on my own with cat. I love having full autonomy over my life.

What bothers me the most about being single is how other people perceive you. I see the pity, I hear the tone (from friends, family, colleagues). The underlying current behind their well meaning yet patronising words that something must be wrong with us when in reality we’re SO much stronger than a lot of people in relationships that have settled for someone who isn’t their intellectual equal, who doesn’t make them laugh. They’re prepared to turn a blind eye to bad behaviour or carry the full mental load of working and keeping the kids happy and the house in order while their husbands spend all weekend on the golf course.

I’ve lost count of how many women I know who are a shell of their former selves and I’ll be damned if that’s happening to me (again).

 

[Sibz]

I'm happy being single, but I can never shake off this weight on my shoulders that believes there must be something wrong with me, I must be unattractive, I've failed at life, etc, which I know logically is complete nonsense because I know lots of wonderful people who are single and lots of terrible people who are married which proves those beliefs are completely untrue! But it's still sat there at the back of my subconscious.

 

[Closedeyes]

Happily happily single for 6 years. Don’t want to be in a relationship. Bisexual but only had 2 relationships in my life and both with men with one resulting in my son. Anyway, little old Ms Eyes over ere is having a fwb situation with a woman I met through work and I heckin love it. Not told anyone but felt like I could be honest with you lot. She’s in her mid 20s and doing a PhD so busy busy busy but we get together every week and snog like 16 year olds

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

One thing I struggle with is that I do generally take a pretty dim view of men as a whole these days - based on my own experiences, what I hear from others, and broader societal themes (not to mention violence against women and girls). I do genuinely like men less overall now than I did a few years ago. I personally think it's justified, but I also worry that in thinking and saying that, I'm "just as bad as them". I don't want to be a female incel (and don't get me wrong I'm definitely definitely not) but do you know what I mean? It's not OK for men to say they don't like women, but I have to admit I'm more anti-man than I used to be and that's a big part of why I want to be single.

Obviously not ALL men... but finding an exception is like finding a needle in a haystack and I can't be arsed! Is that terrible? I'm totally open to challenge on this.

 

[Nurseali]

A patients family bought me a rose plant. That meant more than any Valentine's gift I have ever had in 48 years.
Happy Love whatever form it is day xx

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

I’ve recently had a baby on my own (by choice). I am now certain I will be single forever. I never had the inclination to try date and now I definitely don’t have the time!

 

[Boogs]

I know loads of people who jump from unhappy relationship to unhappy relationship as they are too afraid to be alone. I value my peace too much to put up with someone else’s shit. On the few occasions I’ve tried relationships I’m always horrified at the way people behave in relationships. I’m happy to stay single and only a healthy relationship with no ridiculous drama would tempt me away from that.

 

[drewydrop]

At work yesterday and a new older male colleague (in his 50s) found out I was 40. He said I looked much younger and my usual jokey repsone is that’s probably cos I’m single with no children. He then started asking the usual why are you still single and then started telling me how his daughter found love at 30 and that there’s still time for me At no point had I said I’d wanted to be with someone or was unhappy on my own. Luckily another colleague interjected and said maybe she wants to be alone and then we had a big conversation about how it’s easier to be alone and be hard to live with someone now etc.. But it really bugged me as I know he would not have said that to a male colleague.

 

[newtoyou]

Thanks for starting this. I don’t get romantic feelings for people hence my choice. Interested to know why others have chosen to be single

 

[tomato_paste]

Currently frustrated with being single. The financial consequences especially - it's a challenge. Everything lands on my shoulders. Mortgage, home maintenance, food, car maintenance, etc. Cleaning, shopping, the day to day. If I'm sick, I need a dog sitter to take care of the pup. I'm stretched to the max, both financially and energy- wise and it's not fun.

Talking to my friends in relationships, they have it much easier, financially especially. To be fair, they do have partners at home that are competent and willing to put in time and money into their shared homes, who clean and shop and care. Most men in my past would have made it worse, so it's a mixed bag.

It's the drawback of being single by choice I guess. I don't have to concern myself with someone else, but of course, nobody else is concerned for me either.

 

[no-no]

I’ve not processed codependency and fortunately have no interest in relationships, but would want to be secure in myself before ever getting in one again. I also wouldn’t want to live with someone. I had two long-term, unhealthy relationships that I wasted my youth on because I thought it was worth putting up with so I had someone there, even though it felt lonelier.

When I hear stories about “keeping the spark alive” and women doing the bulk of household chores etc. it makes me recoil. No interest in kissing any more

 

[LaBlonde]

Adam Bolton on Sky News calling Anne Widdecombe an old maid and spinster amongst other insults.

Journalist under fire after 'old maid' Ann Widdecombe comments to Sky News

A JOURNALIST has been criticised for describing Ann Widdecombe as a "spinster" and "old maid" following her death.

www.thenational.scot

it makes me so angry.

someone in work, on learning that she’d died, said “she was a virgin her whole life!” as though this was the only detail worth remembering about her.

 

[Lalla]

I’m really not anti-relationships, I’d love to meet someone. But based the experiences I’ve had and the experiences my friends and family have had, the older I get the more certain I am that I’d rather be single than with at best a useless emotionally immature manbaby and at worst an abuser.

The crap some women put up with just because it’s better(?) or easier(?) than being single shocks me. And actually the fact that society considers people in relationships more successful in this imaginary game of life is what annoys me most.

I completely agree with all of this!

Like you, I'd like to meet someone, albeit my chances of meeting anyone are very low for many reasons (I'm slightly envious of women who readily fall into relationships, find it easy to meet men), and also because I don't want the same shit relationship that so many other women find themselves in. Or indeed the sort of relationship I've had in the past.

Equally I know that despite having a law degree, professional qualifications, raising my two sons single handed, in fact everything I've achieved is less important, less valued than a relationship. I honestly think I'd get way more congratulations and kudos from just finding a partner, let alone getting married, than anything else I could ever do

 

[pinkmug]

I watched Thursday Murder Club last night and thought their setup looked epic

Same! I'd love an arrangement like that, god knows how much it would cost though haha

I've been seeing more and more rants on Tattle about husbands at home for Christmas being absolutely useless at the expense of their wives doing even more work, and I keep wondering why/if this is tolerated. From men who can't be bothered to think of a Christmas present to the ones who won't even keep track of their own laundry, it's like the world's most annoying catalogue of incompetency. I know there are a lot of factors that can keep women from leaving a bad marriage but I have to step away from the keyboard to stop myself from saying "Leave his ass" to each and every one. This is madness.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

It's like the women who say "There are plenty of decent, good looking, caring single men out there." Ummm no there aren't. Clearly you've not seen the Apps and bumping into a hot single guy while eyeing up the aubergines is a Hallmark fantasy. I don't envy anyone their relationship or marriage. Perfectly happy to align with myself.

 

[sleepflowers]

Same! I'd love an arrangement like that, god knows how much it would cost though haha

I've been seeing more and more rants on Tattle about husbands at home for Christmas being absolutely useless at the expense of their wives doing even more work, and I keep wondering why/if this is tolerated. From men who can't be bothered to think of a Christmas present to the ones who won't even keep track of their own laundry, it's like the world's most annoying catalogue of incompetency. I know there are a lot of factors that can keep women from leaving a bad marriage but I have to step away from the keyboard to stop myself from saying "Leave his ass" to each and every one. This is madness.

I can see the issues for women with kids and houses shared with husbands, but the ones who have no legal connection to them baffle me - a lot of the time they can just leave with not as many serious consequences. Through various feminist lines of thought, my only conclusion is that status means a lot to people. The status of being married and being in a couple carries weight, and I'm sure all of us here have been on the receiving end of pity and condescension from married people because we're single. Patriarchy tells women from childhood that the most important thing to be is to be partnered with a man, and that our lives will not be valid without it. It takes a lot to unlearn that, and I'm happy for any woman that does, even in a small way

 

[pinkmug]

It's not OK for men to say they don't like women, but I have to admit I'm more anti-man than I used to be and that's a big part of why I want to be single.

To be fair, women saying they don't like men isn't the same as otherwise. When women say they hate men, it's because they are angry and worried about an ongoing culture of violence and they avoid men. When men hate women, it's usually because they can't get laid and they kill women.

I totally understand what you mean and I agree. You don't even need to justify it imo. Women do heinous stuff too and yet if I am to be locked in a room with 50 women for an hour, I'd take that over 50 men. We're not at fault for feeling unsafe, every day is a reminder of what goes wrong when you inevitably make some insecure horrible guy feel less than.

 

[MarthaFarkus]

Thanks for this thread. A couple of years ago I realised I was A-sexual, so single from choice here too. I still find men attractive (I’ve been married and have a 19 year old daughter and had other relationships before and after) but the thought of actually being in a relationship and having a sexual relationship with anyone makes me want to run a mile. The thought of being in my twilight years and on my own concerns me a bit but I’m in my late 40’s so I’m ok with it at the moment.