Single by Choice

[Catlady1973]

I feel so seen on this thread! I worry when i say these things to other people they just think im bitter but I genuinely recoil at the thought of any man touching me and from what i’ve experienced and seen from other relationships, there’s no desire in me to put myself through the bs ever again.

That’s how I feel at the moment, past experiences have worn me down so no more!

 

[boatofbubbles]

My reason for being single is i had a pretty rough relationship with daughters dad, he was abusive but it only got physical once which is when I left. (That's when my problems "really" started). It absolutely traumatised my eldest (previous relationship) so he's dead set against me ever dating again. I dont have any intentions of anyways, I'm put off for life.
Yet all I hear is "you got to find your own happiness not just theirs(kids)" or people with "good intentions" trying to set me up with some guy (cos he seems normal). Nah that guy is great as a mate but I'm just not interested. I know it isn't just about sex but i can't even use a tampon these day let alone anything else.

 

[MarthaFarkus]

I don't either at the moment, which I do actually miss.

So many men seem to move so fast and push boundaries which I dislike. I got chatting to a bloke on a local history site (NOT a dating site!) and within 2 days he was completely full on and wanted a wild romance, then came the sex talk. He wanted to meet every day.

He startled me and I blocked him.

Why do they always do that? There’s no where far enough I can run to when men do that. So annoying. Being able to have a nice chat with a guy is worth its weight in gold but it’s just so rare, they always want the pictures and the sex chat.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

My last ex was a Pita when it came to DIY or gardening anyway. He wanted me there helping and handing tools to him like he was a fucking surgeon carrying out an operation. All stressy about it too. No thanks I'd rather pay an expert!

 

[Nurseali]

It would be interesting to know how many of us have had loads of relationships in the past and just been put off by… people and those who have just never been that interested?

I’m in my mid thirties, I’ve had two relationships and I’m now single. I’m just sitting with my coffee thinking about how I could happily never have sex or be in a relationship again

I have been married twice , both times to Narcs , didn't realise my first one was until recently as the marriage was so short. I am an empath and attract men who seem vulnerable at the start.
I now no longer trust my judgement at all.
It's annoying how many people including close friends who assume I will "get out there" some day.
I don't want to get out there. I love my here. Frustrating that you aren't seen as whole just living your own happy life.

 

[mediocrehouseplant]

Dating can be a mental nuisance in the early stages.

This sums it up for me - why put myself through it when I'm perfectly happy as I am? Friends sometimes bang on about getting me on dating apps but I truly can't be arsed. Anyway all I'd want is someone to split the bills (and not my delicious batch-cooked and portioned-out food, or the remote) with. It'd also be good if they could live somewhere else

 

[qqwertyy]

There's a thread on Mumsnet where the OP says that life is pointless if you're single!
Happy New Year Everyone. I'm supposed to be giving up chocolate for 2026 so have quite a stash for tonight. I'll probably be asleep when the fireworks start, or reaching for the antacids.

That thread is insane. Mostly sensible replies thankfully but this guy can’t watch TV as he is single and has nobody to talk to about it?! (Or ‘do commentary’ as he calls it )

 

[Gym&Tonic]

I know a lot of women who just can’t be single and jump from one relationship to another. A member of my extended family is like this. One relationship ends and she’s in another within a few short months, she’s in her 40’s now and has been like this since she was a teen. In the beginning they are always ‘the one’ and they move in together quickly until they inevitably reveal themselves to be abusive twats and wastes of space and then the sorry cycle repeats itself. It’s like she can’t exist without a man in her life.

 

[Tangent Tiger]

It’s tawdry. I feel like a lot of women perhaps go along with it as it seems to be the norm. It’s mad how accepted it is.

It's just plain nasty - I've had a lot of oversexualised behaviour this year and really don't like it. Wonder if they ever learn? The majority of women want a connection and someone they can talk to first.

 

[Tula]

Someone I know was moaning at their husband for not knowing what Xmas presents they got for their kids. Hes not a bad person and takes care of the kids but obviously doesn’t share the mental load of managing the household. It must be so easy to fall into this as a woman (one of the many reasons I wouldn’t have kids). I wonder how many examples there are of a man doing true 50/50. I would be so mad if I did all that and the man gets praise for taking their kids to the park.

Speaking from experience it sneaks up on you and before you know it you’re a trad wife and have lost yourself. Never again!

 

[Kezzle1]

I am doing a complete overhaul of my wardrobe, glamming up my look a bit, hadn't realised just how miserable I was and how it was reflected in how I presented myself to the world.
I miss hugging and kissing but sex not so much, seems too much of an effort right now!

 

[Thatswhattatsaid]

You know what piss me off more than a man who won't settle?

A man who will drag a woman along for years and won't marry her. Yet will get into a new relationship and marry the new one within months.

I've seen this wayyyy too often with my male friends and acquaintances.

Me! 11 years together and when it came to a very messy end because I found out he’d been cheating on me for 5 years within 12 months he was engaged to her, I was devastated initially and then I realised, he’s lied to her as well (for the first 2 years she knew about me and then there was a turning point and he told her he’d split with me when he hadn’t) so their relationship is far from perfect & he denied being engaged to her when his very close friend asked, he literally sent the classic hand up, ring on finger selfie of them both to him and he made an excuse that the camera flipped the photo and it was the wrong hand we assume it’s because he didn’t want me to find out he’s engaged, unbeknown to him, his family had been very supportive and stayed in touch so one of them had already called to confirm because he was introducing her to the family as his fiancé and she was meeting them for the first time in five years.
My tears soon dried when I realised I’d rather be single for life than be the woman sat at the table with the ring on whilst all the family knew what they had both done!

 

[unidentified]

I HATE the sex chat. The second they bring up sex (usually within a few messages) I am out of there. There is so much more to me and I wanted there to be so much more to them.

 

[TheGlossy]

Does anyone else just feel like they can’t even fit a man in their life or want to make time for someone except the odd day on a weekend? I’m too happy with my own time once my child’s gone to bed of an evening to share the 1.5-2 hours I get alone with someone else annoying me

I barely have time to deal with myself, my needs, wants and feelings. A man is definitely not something I want to be bothered with

I honestly don’t see what a man can add to my life at this point except for him being an extra item in my schedule.

No, thanks.

 

[purpleaubergine]

Still single download hinge, see the same old faces, no matches, get bored and delete if the next morning. Same with bumble and tinder. I just can’t be arsed online dating

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

It is utterly fantastic being single 95% of the time. Those are odds I'm happy to live with. Now try adding a partner in. How are the odds looking now?

 

[Here for gossip]

Am a single mother of six years, I wouldn't be bothered with men am happy on my own, when my child is away with family over night, i like to chill out in my PJs get a takeaway and watch TV in peace which is not very often I enjoy my own company to much to entertain a man

 

[newtoyou]

I don’t label myself but I’ve never had very strong attraction to the opposite sex (I’m not attracted to women that isn’t the issue) but since entering the perimenopause i feel virtually no attraction to anyone so that puts me off dating anyway so I don’t think I’ll be partnering up anytime soon.
Has anyone else felt like this in menopause?

Not in menopause but definitely felt that way my whole life. Have to say it’s quite freeing to not feel like you’re missing out.

 

[LaBlonde]

Years ago I worked for someone with the meanest, grumpiest (and unattractive) husband. This lady had a friend who's daughter worked in London, great job & her own home in South London.
I met the daughter once and was stunned by her natural beauty and she was a lovely friendly person too.
When I saw my employer I mentioned that I could not believe just how beautiful she was(is)! Her reply was so patronising. " Oh dear. Our lovely Jennie just can't seem to find a man. I don't know what we can do to help her". Unbelievable! All her other achievements were irrelevant because she didn't have a MAN!
As it happens shortly after she did meet and marry a really nice guy. At least she can fit in with the marrieds now!

i worked with a father who was like this about his son! the guy was late 30s, a GP, always travelling, extremely handsome and an all around nice person….. all we would ever hear dad say about him was how he was worried he had never had a girlfriend and how he just didn’t understand how it had never happened etc etc.

on one christmas party i snapped a bit and said “can’t we talk about all the other stuff [son’s name] has done with his life” which didn’t go down well but, come on.

 

[Olgivy]

Honestly I think they almost lose respect for you when you're the one chasing, pushing things forward and "wanting things". I've had a fwb arrangement for the last two weeks now. Which works great for me because my mind is too occupied with other things. I go to him for a bit of fun to destress from a not fun phase of life. With my mind being elsewhere I'm not the one chasing with texts, or asking for anything I just go with the flow which is surprisingly nice. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm getting company and affection without the stress of being in a relationship?

Seems like it might be making me more attractive as well.

Well if it works for you, and makes you happy then I say, go for it. For me, I’d rather water my plants then wonder if what I’m doing is making me more attractive to a man. But you do you.