Single by Choice

[Tangent Tiger]

Thanks for starting this. I don’t get romantic feelings for people hence my choice. Interested to know why others have chosen to be single

I don't either at the moment, which I do actually miss.

So many men seem to move so fast and push boundaries which I dislike. I got chatting to a bloke on a local history site (NOT a dating site!) and within 2 days he was completely full on and wanted a wild romance, then came the sex talk. He wanted to meet every day.

He startled me and I blocked him.

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

At this point I genuinely want to look into those living together apart type communities. I think something like that would really suit me. Space to be social but equally space for myself. Anyone know what I’m talking about?

 

[Closedeyes]

Had a bloody lovely day. Finished work in the early hours, bit of sleep, opened the cutest handmade card for the kiddo, school run and then the entire day/night to myself. Scrubbed the house from top to bottom, read for two hours uninterrupted and now in bed with a beer and Netflix. Lovely jubbly!!

 

[popb1tch]

I HATE the sex chat. The second they bring up sex (usually within a few messages) I am out of there. There is so much more to me and I wanted there to be so much more to them.

I wonder if it ever works?
I’m the same as you and I think most women are….so why do they persist?

 

[sleepflowers]

I'm happy being single, but I can never shake off this weight on my shoulders that believes there must be something wrong with me, I must be unattractive, I've failed at life, etc, which I know logically is complete nonsense because I know lots of wonderful people who are single and lots of terrible people who are married which proves those beliefs are completely untrue! But it's still sat there at the back of my subconscious.

Yeah I get this too...especially when it seems the only thing people care about it is whether you have a partner or not. I got the alumni magazine from my old school the other day - several pages given over to wedding details of former female students, not much given over to details about their careers or anything else.

 

[Thatswhattatsaid]

Today I remembered something I heard some years ago. I was temping for an agency at the time and happened to see one of the other temps in the office. She was moaning about how she was short of work. She said it was okay for me because I was good-looking and could get a man to marry me so I wouldn't have to work. It so happened I was just getting out of an abusive marriage so was left a bit speechless. But that seems quite a common idea, even these days. Marriage seems to be a form of legalised prostitution for some women. Very sad.

Very sad. I get similar responses if I’m stressed or having a moan about the cost of living crisis and increase in bills etc. it’s always “you need to meet a man” - this generally tends to come from someone I thought was a close friend. She’s now pregnant and can’t talk about anything else, we work at the same place and it’s been a bit chaotic the last few weeks and she was talking about how she won’t have to deal with it soon enough, I said to her “I just want paid leave without having to have a baby” and completely ignoring what I said her response was “you don’t need a man to have a baby” before going on to suggest I get a sperm donor (I’m 30). I have made it very clear to her repeatedly saying “I don’t want kids” and the only response I ever get is “but you’d make a great mum” it’s really starting to frustrate me now, I was telling another friend and she said it’s really disrespectful and bordering offensive.

 

[al255]

Just need to rant!!!! My friend & I have been friends forever. Anyway. She’s got a fella, last time we went out for lunch & a catch up she was like can we leave now I wanna get the train cos X is finishing work at X time. Wtfffff man get a grip! I’ve asked her to go for dinner next week and she said she doesn’t know cos she might be busy. And the weekend after she’s going to Europe for a night with her fella. Again it’s all about him. Get a grip. You don’t need to be with your fella every weekend!!!

 

[peachesandcreamz]

I'm sorry to say I'm no longer single by choice. Not that I'm in a relationship - it's just no longer by choice!! Not sure what changed, maybe I'll come crawling back after a bit of dating, but I suddenly woke up one day and realised I want a partner. I want the physical intimacy, and I'm absolutely not someone who can do that without also having an emotional connection.

Anyway, I know it's very much frowned upon to announce your departure from a thread, but thanks singletons for the chats Maybe speak soon lol!

 

[newtoyou]

I can go one better. I received a photo of this bloke lying on a coffee table, legs in the air with his arse cheeks pulled wide apart. I actually laughed at the time because it was ridiculous and quite frankly who the fuck would want to see that?! But looking back now it’s all shades of wrong isn’t it? Needles to say it put me right off. I could never look at him the same way funnily enough

How I wish their family would find out that this is what they send women without asking

I genuinely don't fancy many men. They're lazy slobs

A lot of women will complain about the lack of effort men make to do things (basic housework, childcare etc) and those same women are confused about why you’re single

 

[Remotecontrol]

this this this!!

all my friends and family know that sunday is MY day i’ll see you in the week, i’ll spend all day with you on saturday, but do not expect me to see you every single day. absolutely not.

this is why i sometimes struggle going on holidays with people. i love them all dearly but after four or so days i’m ready to be by myself. if it wasn’t so expensive i would suggest us all booking separate rooms

I had a lovely week long holiday with a close friend a few weeks back, we got on well but by the last couple of days we had clearly had enough of each other and exhausted conversation. I was saying to my parents today that I think it should be normalised to have an afternoon or day of a holiday to yourself (if it’s workable) and not have to do everything all day together.

Thanks for this thread, I’m really happy to see like minded people on here!

 

[peachesandcreamz]

It's like the women who say "There are plenty of decent, good looking, caring single men out there." Ummm no there aren't. Clearly you've not seen the Apps and bumping into a hot single guy while eyeing up the aubergines is a Hallmark fantasy. I don't envy anyone their relationship or marriage. Perfectly happy to align with myself.

Hahahaha please - I think some people believe there are gorgeous/respectful/honest/etc guys on every corner just waiting to be snapped up! Single men of any kind are thin on the ground. Particularly as I am going into my 30s a large chunk of people are/have been married, may already have several kids. I couldn't think of anything worse than becoming a step-mum (no offense to any step-mums out there!)

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Years ago I worked for someone with the meanest, grumpiest (and unattractive) husband. This lady had a friend who's daughter worked in London, great job & her own home in South London.
I met the daughter once and was stunned by her natural beauty and she was a lovely friendly person too.
When I saw my employer I mentioned that I could not believe just how beautiful she was(is)! Her reply was so patronising. " Oh dear. Our lovely Jennie just can't seem to find a man. I don't know what we can do to help her". Unbelievable! All her other achievements were irrelevant because she didn't have a MAN!
As it happens shortly after she did meet and marry a really nice guy. At least she can fit in with the marrieds now!

 

[petitspois]

This is not me wanting a partner (or kids for that matter!). But does anyone who lives alone get lonely? I love being alone but sometimes when I get home after work, or when I go to bed I do feel it. I know this is probably totally normal but is there anything people do to make them feel less so?

I spend all week at work with people and see people at weekends. In fact I don’t feel lonely at weekends even if I don’t. It’s just those specific times where I think about how other people come home to partners or families.

I tend to have background noise on a lot (tv or podcasts). But any things you do when you get home to an empty house?

Seriously, get a dog. He looks at me like I’m the best thing that ever walked the earth. You get a wonderful welcome even if you’ve just been to put the bins out and we both go up to bed at the same time, he has his side and I have mine.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Absolutely loved this article:

I'm 70 And I've Lived Alone My Entire Adult Life. Here's What Everyone Gets Wrong About Single People.

"For people like me who are single at heart, the risk is not what we'll miss if we do not organize our lives around a romantic partner, but what we'll miss if we do."

www.huffpost.com

It resonated so much with my own thoughts on single hood.

 

[Tula]

I have also worked in criminal justice and now work supporting survivors of DV. I love my job but what I see couples do to each other on a daily basis is enough to put anyone off for life. I’ve also got lived experience so my mental wellbeing is paramount and I’d rather be single forever than risk my own safety again. Just wanted to add I work supporting men and well as women and members of the LGBTQ+ community so this isn’t a reflection on men as such. Some women out there are monstrous! Have a look at the Alice Evans thread for example. How’s she’s not had CPS involvement or been put in front of a criminal judge is beyond me. Unfortunately the amount of earnest people who are seeking a proper relationship is almost non existent. The last date I went on was about 6 months ago and felt more like a job interview- but imagine the interviewer absolutely hammered when you arrive and shouting at the top of his voice in a quiet pub. It felt like a badly written comedy sketch that experience alone was enough to resign myself that I am 100% better off!

I worked in the criminal justice system and I saw first hand how much manipulation goes on when trying to get a woman for ‘whatever’ purpose It has impacted my dating life, I will never go on a date site again so my slightly warped view somewhat based on seeing the very worse of people means that I’m definitely limiting myself if I ever were to decide I want to date again.

 

[Remotecontrol]

Just to say I bloody love this thread and I'm so glad I don't have to deal with the mind-numbing politics of going to a partner's family for Christmas or New Year

Me too! I was thinking the other day don’t think I could enjoy the awkwardness of being with someone else’s family for a significant amount of time.

 

[kendallroysdownfall]

I can make a weekend feel like four days because every second is my own!

 

[shadowcat5]

How are we all feeling the day before valentines day?

 

[Thatswhattatsaid]

Hello! I spent the last week speaking to a guy which has been a perfect reminder of why I’m happy single. I’ve not been in a relationship since my last one ended and that was emotionally very abusive and controlling. This is someone from work, he added me on Facebook and since then has messaged me daily, I can’t figure out if there’s anything in it, everyone that has seen us together says there’s a “vibe” and has commented to me on how perfect we’d be together and I feel like that may have made me think about the possibility of something. Anyway he made a few comments about certain things this week, he seems to be great at dishing out “banter”, had no problem telling me I was only a 10/10 in terms of mental health (rude considering we work together, I’m higher up than him and we’ve met twice). Then went in to show me his dating profile bio, described himself as a self proclaimed 7/10 with the potential of getting better with age and becoming a 9/10 when he’s 40 (currently 30), I asked why a 7/10 and his response was that he’s better than 70% of people. Then went on to tell me he was taking a girl on a date Saturday (my friends suspect he was trying to make me a bit jealous and seem sought after) but the realisation hit me, this boy who had the audacity to make me feel like something was wrong with me is actively dating, he’s looking for someone and yet dating every other weekend and is single whereas I’m single by choice, I’m not actively seeking or dating anyone and have never tried. I’m happy with that

 

[OmgObsessed]

To be honest, while I agree with the general sentiment about most men being gross, I have quite a high proportion of non-gross male friends and still haven't ever dated any of them. With some there's an obvious reason for that (gay

I don't understand why men refuse to take care of themselves unless they're gay (generally speaking). No I don't want to s your d when you haven't showered for a week. No I don't find your sweat pants or basketball shorts with a t-shirt attractive.

Yet, women are "gross" if we don't shave every single hair. We're told we look bad if we don't have our nails done, not wearing a dress, and blah blah blah.

Bonus: I've never had a meal or anything paid for by a man. But they bitch about women never buying them things. BS!

I'm honestly not going to settle anymore.