Single by Choice

[mousey]

That thread is insane. Mostly sensible replies thankfully but this guy can’t watch TV as he is single and has nobody to talk to about it?! (Or ‘do commentary’ as he calls it )

So what he means is he has no one to talk AT while they’re trying to watch tv. Sounds pretty annoying tbh.

 

[Olgivy]

I can’t bring myself to use online dating. I just can’t. Sure, I think about it. I think about the kind of man I’d accept (see my posts on the dating thread). But if I’m honest with myself, I know that I am not prepared to “work for it” and that’s what online dating feels like to me. Putting myself into the frame of mind, that I “need to work hard to get love” is not good for the psyche on a subconscious level. I don’t need to work hard, because I am the love. I spent my entire twenties doing online dating, and quite frankly, ended up in a much worse state. I’d of been better off single. My mental health would have been in tact, and I would have gone much further in life, much sooner. I value my peace, and relationships have never provided me that.

 

[petitspois]

I know of some couples that genuinely seem to have a great time together. It must be a wonderful feeling, seeing your kids grow to adulthood and enjoying life, feeling part of a team. I now know that that's really pretty rare.

 

[CostaChat]

It’s been awhile I just wondered how this worked out?

Hey, thanks for checking in, it went for a few dates then fizzled out and was happy with that think I'm destined to be single for ever, though do have lots of trips planned to look forward to.

 

[Flowergirl14]

I have zero interest in dating again.

I just find men shit these days, and I do have a lovely 22 year old son...

I have joined a ladies only travel group and it really it the best fun, absolutely love it!!
Been on mixed trips, but female only is the best...

 

[Millais]

Does anyone else have any single friends who can't seem to function without male attention and find it hard to deal with them? I have a few recently single friends and they've all jumped straight on the apps and spend hours talking to any and every man they find, I have no idea how they do it and it's very hard to not judge them for being so lost without men talking to them...

It’s when they start using Facebook Dating that you really need to worry if you thought the offerings on tinder were bad…

but on a serious note, my two best mates are like this and I feel that as we get older, I can relate to them less and less. I couldn’t give less of a shit about men, but every conversation ends up circling back to the hunt for a man. They hate going out for lunch because you can’t meet men there - we have to go to bars where you can’t have a catch up (I live a couple of hours away).

 

[peachesandcreamz]

Bit late to the valentine's chat - but I sent out 4 different hand written cards on Valentine's to my closest girl friends Just because we're single doesn't mean we're cold and lacking love!! My life is very much full of people that care about me and I will celebrate them at any opportunity!

 

[unidentified]

oh wow thank you for this thread! i feel seen!

i’ve gradually come to terms with the fact that i have a complicated relationship with sex and intimacy - i’m almost certainly on the ace spectrum though i identify heavily as demisexual i suppose.

i don’t like people in my space (even if close friends stay with me for a night or two i’m ready for them to leave) and need alone time: i think i just work best single, when my time is my own and i can focus on what makes me happy. this does sometimes collide with general loneliness but i don’t know if i actually feel it or if i feel like i SHOULD feel it, if that makes sense.

God I feel like I could have written this myself. I discovered the term demisexual this year and I feel this resonates with me perfectly.

I have been single for nearly 9 years. I had a very deep emotional connection with my ex and I’m not sure I can ever recreate that again but without that I can’t entertain the idea of being with someone.

 

[Quattro formaggi]

Agree wholeheartedly with so many of the last few posts.
- The “single person tax” is so very real. My coupled friends have literally no idea how tough it can be to carry the full financial life load. Being in a relationship often makes sense financially, and to me that would be my primary driver if I did get into a relationship. Would just love someone to split the mortgage with as money is the thing I stress about the most so it would make my anxiety so much better. But of course - this is absolutely not a real reason to start a relationship
- I’m 39 and suspect in early perimenopause, I could not think of anything I’d like to do less than getting intimate. Genuinely - would just rather sleep thank you, and no I don’t want to share a bed.
- 100% there are some lovely people out there but the “every pot has its lid” sentiment is entirely false and I look at about 7/10 relationships and it’s simply not what I would want

I don’t think I’ve ever had enough motivation to seek a partner as I’ve always had low attraction levels. When I was younger and I went out with my friends to them it was all about copping off or finding a date whereas I just wanted to have a dance and have fun! Pesky men chatting us up always irritated me.

 

[LaBlonde]

It's the drawback of being single by choice I guess. I don't have to concern myself with someone else, but of course, nobody else is concerned for me either.

i feel this 🥲 i’m very much single by choice but…. i can’t deny sometimes it would be easier. i have to have all four wisdom teeth extracted in the next few months and it would just be so much easier to know that someone can collect me post general anaesthetic and help me in the general feeling sorry for myself afterwards

i guess i’m thinking about the partnership side of a relationship in very idealistic terms because i know people who have partners who absolutely wouldn’t help them out in that way but equally i know people with great partners who would. like PP says above, that’s the part i crave, but i don’t have the energy to search for that rare pearl in the ocean.

 

[Anne1448]

I had no idea that a thread was created!

Reading everybody's stories when it comes to men further confirms my will to stay far away from them.

Since I work in a male dominated field I have no problem to meet guys but I am always sick to see the difference in terms of maturity. Their homes are disgusting, they have poor hygiene, have alcohol or drugs problems.

At this point, dating a guy would literally destroy some women's quality of life.

 

[shadowcat5]

I really wish I didn't want a relationship. I've got a great life, but I do want more kids, a relationship etc and I wish I didn't! Because it seems impossible. I don't have much free time so don't have many hobbies, which seems to be everyone's go to suggestions when you're single. And my friends are busy with their lives and their partners. So if anyone has any tips for me I'd appreciate it.

my best advice is (albeit stupid and annoying) to just allow life to happen. I’ve never had a relationship and for awhile during my late teens (lile 18 when you just become an adult) I did want one. What I realise now looking back is that I wasn’t in a place in my life where I would have thrived in a relationship and I wasn’t ready for it. I had to do a lot of work on myself. So my advice would be put all of your energy into making your life better. Try something new, redecorate, all that good stuff. Just 100% focus on you completely. It might happen for you, it might not. in general, and this is definitely very airy fairy lol, I believe that what’s meant to happen for us will happen, but you want to make sure you’re in the best place you can be to receive that if and when it does happen. The best thing you can do is build a life that doesn’t feel like something is missing

 

[btw]

I’d class myself as single by choice! I have a 6 year old who I had when I was 17 with my ex (we weren’t together anymore by the birth). Our relationship was a lot at a very young age. We were together all throughout secondary school and we had a very serious and ‘adult’ relationship considering how young we were. In reflection I regret that relationship because it left me with a lot of big feelings, heart break and issues to deal with alongside becoming a single mum at such a young age.
I’ve not been interested in a relationship since becoming a mum. I’ve worked hard on myself to repair after heartbreak, continue my education / career and a lot of self growth.
The main thing I find hard is everyone else’s opinions and expectations about my dating life. Constant questions about when I’m going to find myself a boyfriend, every night out with friends is always focused on them trying to find me someone to set me up with people just find it crazy that I’m actually quite content with my life, being single and focusing on myself. I’m still working on my life and the idea of having another person to consider just freaks me out. Also the idea of dating makes me feel so awkward, especially having to consider my child.
It can be lonely at times as every single one of my friends are in a relationship so they’re often busy with their partners.

 

[qqwertyy]

Definitely - just today my mum tried to casually ask me if I'd 'like a boyfriend', but I could tell she wasn't feeling casual about it at all! My sister has a boyfriend and I just know that if I did, my mum would feel soooo much better about me and about how 'secure' I'd be. She definitely considers my (younger!) sister to be more grown up and fully realised than me. She also mentioned about having kids but I said that ain't happening, man or no man!

I explained that a relationship is not something I'm actively seeking as I don't think it would add much to my life as most men are unappealing to me in many ways. And she kept going on about how life was about 'making compromises' but I said relationships aren't basically mandatory anymore like they used to be for women, so I have no need to compromise anyway?

I love the way we describe men on this thread ‘unappealing’ is brilliant, I think we’ve also ‘mediocre’ and ‘boring’.

Speaking of compromise I saw a reel the other day by a woman asking how to meet someone IRL as she hates the apps. A man (of course) commented and said she just needed to lower her standards on the apps as there were so many nice guys just not getting a chance.

Any remotely nice or normal guy on the apps would be inundated with women as they’re so rare, so if you’re a guy getting zero matches you really need to reassess your approach. Like hell I’d be lowering my standards for those losers.

 

[qqwertyy]

The thing is, even if you’re in a loving, committed relationship the sex isn’t always great. I feel like men in general are not amazing in bed and don’t tend to know what they’re doing (I may be generalising or I may be unlucky) and it’s very hit and miss. I don’t know the answer but I do hear ya.

 

[petitspois]

I find it quite funny when you come across a man in a day to day situation (walking the dog, picking up kids etc.) and they are chatty and friendly then, when you see them with their wives, they are quiet as a mouse.

 

[soph30]

It would be interesting to know how many of us have had loads of relationships in the past and just been put off by… people and those who have just never been that interested?

I’m in my mid thirties, I’ve had two relationships and I’m now single. I’m just sitting with my coffee thinking about how I could happily never have sex or be in a relationship again

 

[Nurseali]

Jesus. Does anyone else get paranoid they sound like they are just having themselves on when they explain to people why they are single.
I am so happy to be single , I literally can't think of one thing except a penis a man would bring to my table yet I still have this crippling fear I sound like I am trying to convince myself.

The thought of dating makes me feel numb. I am a joker and probably make too many jokes about sex and being single so then when people genuinely ask me I feel like I sound hollow and false?

Can anyone relate ?

 

[Sibz]

I tried dating for a little while but it is exhausting. I am happy to be single forever tbh lmao. I can’t be arsed

Same I'm an all or nothing girl, I either have a devastating crush on one person or I'm not interested in anyone. I wouldn't have the energy to be half heartedly interested in several people and date them

 

[al255]

Do you know what gives me the ick. Couples who get married after 2 years of being together. Wtf is all that about! How can you know you really want to be committed to that person after 2 years?