How awful. I can't imagine a Mum talking about her daughter like that.
I remember my wife fretting about getting the wedding dress and then out of the blue, my future M-I-L offered to make her dress for her. It was spectacular.
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I remember my wife fretting about getting the wedding dress and then out of the blue, my future M-I-L offered to make her dress for her. It was spectacular.
My mother was constantly at me all through my 20's when I was a natural size
10, that I was too thin.
Then later I got constant nagging that I was too fat.
Also it was my hair is too long at my age, in my 40's.
It used to upset me so much.
It's a wonder I didn't end up with serious body issues.
I am now careful to tell my teenager daughter she is beautiful with a lovely figure, when she complains about her size 12 body. She is beautiful. I promote eating healthy, rather than eating to lose weight; when I am dieting. I never use the word diet in front of her.
I grew up in a house with a mother always on a diet, who weighed me at 12 and said I needed to be lighter, made a few commas about size but then realised she hurt me and never said anything like that again. But it was too late, I've struggled with weight and body image ever since. It's not just her though, people can be cruel. I'm lucky I never had a full on eating disorder but so many people do.
Just read some of the comments on here about other peoples bodies (not necessarily this thread) - they're savage. It's no wonder people feel like crap about themselves because we hear stuff like that every day.
Just read some of the comments on here about other peoples bodies (not necessarily this thread) - they're savage. It's no wonder people feel like crap about themselves because we hear stuff like that every day.
(Not disputing what you've said, but) This surprises me as Rita Ora has had a good career - maybe even matching Dua's? - she was everywhere for a while including in a few collabs (with Iggy and TI, for one). And plum judging roles too.
Yes they can be sectioned if it’s clear they are a danger to themselves/others. Most of the time when a Ed is bad and people refuse to go into treatment they do threaten ‘you’ll have to be sectioned’ but most will then go in. The thing is though the NHS care for Ed’s just isn’t enough. You don’t get enough time to fully recover because there just isn’t enough room for everyone to have the full amount of care they really do need that’s why so many relapse or just never recover, like myself. Of course I am so thankful and appreciative for the nhs without it I probably wouldn’t be here today. I don’t want to knock it all it’s just so tight and in local areas there’s thousands of people suffering who are wait lists
.
The dynamics between many mother and daughter relationships are so complicated. I thought it was rare for a mother to be as destructive as mine as but reading the comments here, apparently not.
I wonder if it goes back to some women being far too competitive with each other. Like there is only room for one woman / alpha female type scenario. As one of the least competitive people on the planet it boggles my mind. I hope we all make it.
I completely agree with this. I have had all three eating disorders in my lifetime and l was only treated for binge eating in the last couple of years. It was very much an experiment to see if it would work and l was so lucky to get on it. Fortunately it worked. But one clinic dealing with it? The waiting list will be off the scale. There are so many people dealing with EDs that don't even recognise they have.Yes they can be sectioned if it’s clear they are a danger to themselves/others. Most of the time when a Ed is bad and people refuse to go into treatment they do threaten ‘you’ll have to be sectioned’ but most will then go in. The thing is though the NHS care for Ed’s just isn’t enough. You don’t get enough time to fully recover because there just isn’t enough room for everyone to have the full amount of care they really do need that’s why so many relapse or just never recover, like myself. Of course I am so thankful and appreciative for the nhs without it I probably wouldn’t be here today. I don’t want to knock it all it’s just so tight and in local areas there’s thousands of people suffering who are wait lists
The age of consent in Scotland and england is 16
The age of consent in NI was 18 but has been changed in 2008 to 16
The age
I echo this I used to feel like I was the problem as a child, there was something wrong with me that made me unlovable. It was the catalyst for life long issues surrounding self esteem, body image, destructive tendencies e.t.c
It was a relief to grow up and realise not everyone else had a fairytale experience growing up with a doting mother. We can’t change our childhoods but I am so conscious of how I treat my own children so I can break the cycle.
The dynamics between many mother and daughter relationships are so complicated. I thought it was rare for a mother to be as destructive as mine as but reading the comments here, apparently not.
They definitely are. When I was having my children, I never wanted a daughter because I was scared I just wouldn't do a good job because I have such a complicated relationship with my own mother. Most of my friends are the same and have similar complicated relationships with their mothers. My brother and my husband are far closer to their mothers than me and my SIL. In the end I had boys, but you end up having to be just as careful about things like body image and self esteem and teaching respect for women.
They definitely are. When I was having my children, I never wanted a daughter because I was scared I just wouldn't do a good job because I have such a complicated relationship with my own mother. Most of my friends are the same and have similar complicated relationships with their mothers. My brother and my husband are far closer to their mothers than me and my SIL. In the end I had boys, but you end up having to be just as careful about things like body image and self esteem and teaching respect for women.
Ditto l have a daughter now and l am so careful about how l speak to her and what l say to her and about other women.
My husband is close to his mum but his mum has a complicated relationship with women. Very critical of them. Like she's so perfect
My husband is close to his mum but his mum has a complicated relationship with women. Very critical of them. Like she's so perfect
Poor poor Nikki I can’t stop thinking about her the mental health fallout from covid is going to be huge.
the mental health fallout from covid is going to be huge.
My mum told me that I needed to hold my stomach in when I was trying on a bridesmaid dress because otherwise people will think I’m pregnant. The dress was a size 12, but that really stuck because by the time of the wedding it had been taken in twice as I’d lost so much weight. She is very mean about other women, but then her mum could also a nasty witch and once told my cousin her hair looked ‘bloody awful’ (cousin was about 14, and no her hair didn’t look awful). So its just how she thinks women should behave.
It’s such a thoughtless comment that she probably never thought of again but is seated painfully into your psyche. My mother has flat out denied she’s ever made half the harmful comments she did. I don’t know if she truly does not remember or if she can’t bring herself to admit she was horrible but I can remember that clench in the pit of my stomach and the red hot shame that would envelop me when I listened to her words. They cut so deep and leave their scars.
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I think my mum just doesn’t like other women. I remember last year sitting in the front room and the football results just happened to be on and there was a woman commentator talking about a match and she went off on a huge rant about how women shouldn’t commentate football matches etc. It was proper nasty and unpleasant and came seemingly from nowhere and she got really arsy with me when I pointed that men commentate on women’s sports all the time, but apparently that’s ok. She also thinks women shouldn‘t play football or rugby or do boxing or martial arts, very set gender stereotypes. I’ve not asked what she thinks of the woman jockey winning the Grand National Yesterday, but then horses are for girls (in her head) so she probably won’t mind about that so much.
I was a natural tomboy as a child and she spent my entire childhood dressing in my frilly dresses I hated and buying me dolls I didn’t want. It does give you a complex.
the news about Nikki Grahame
gut wrenchingly sad
BB7 was the last truly great series of the show
I cast one of the winning votes for Pete via mobile
Imogen was my last big crush before I turned 18 in 06 and I still adore her 15 years down the track
shall think of Nikki when I see that series
she,d have been 39 on the 28th of this month enall
so heartbreaking
gut wrenchingly sad
BB7 was the last truly great series of the show
I cast one of the winning votes for Pete via mobile
Imogen was my last big crush before I turned 18 in 06 and I still adore her 15 years down the track
shall think of Nikki when I see that series
she,d have been 39 on the 28th of this month enall
so heartbreaking
Gosh, reading these stories has made me think back over my relationship with my own mother and appreciate her more.
She grew up with a critical and outspoken mother but I don't think my mum has ever passed any critical comments on my appearance or weight. Definitely critical of some of my life choices (with hindsight she was right!) and our relationship was turbulent during my teen years which clashed with her menopause. Handed me down a touch of the martyr too.
I hadn't really thought about it before but I now realise just how lucky I am in that respect.
My mum is in her 70s now and has rediscovered feminism, joined a women's history group and even went on a suffragette march with them dressed as Elsie Inglis - which made me so proud.
ETA: sorry, it was my aunt who was Elsie, my mum was Mary Brooksbank.
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I had an eating disorder for most of my 20’s (bulimia). I also had a bad relationship with my mother. I’ve never really linked the two but these last few posts have me wondering. My mother never specifically mentioned my weight that I remember but she made it clear I wasn’t good enough. My mother is a perfect size 8 and never gains a pound. I’ve always been at least a 16. I also have a daughter and a son and I’ve never talked about weight around them so maybe my mother did make my size an issue.
It's a really interesting point, Eureka - some women have a knack of making other women inferior. It doesn't have to be explicit. It may not even be deliberate. I think l have a duty to make sure my daughter is confident and knows she is enough, because when that little seed of doubt is planted..well, there is a reason why it's called a seed.
Poor, poor Nikki, may that girl rest in peace. There was a picture of her cuddling Pete Bennett in the DM, it was the last public photo of her and she looked so frail that she might snap. Absolutely bleeping tragic.
The video he posted made me sob
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