Sarah Everard

[BlahBlah86]

I did read that there was speculation he used his warrant card/uniform & covid questioning to get her in the car. Before this situation, I would trust a police officer & that’s the bit I find extremely scary. She will have possibly got in that car willingly, stressing she was going to get a fine & thinking she was completely safe.

I actually do think they had an idea early on. Maybe not that the suspect was a MET officer but that it was more than a missing person case. My mum told me a few days before this man was arrested that they’d brought in major crimes (her words I didn’t read what she had read) & as I say, from my previous experience in a UK police force that is unusual for a missing person case. Maybe things are different in the MET though. People sadly go missing all the time & some are found & some are not. Usually it’s communicated to all “beat” officers to be on the lookout for X person & yes some dedicate their shifts to looking for X person but unless there is something to suggest an extra element to the “missing” part they wouldn’t rush to get another team involved (and by this I mean CID or Major crimes) I hope that makes sense. And again im just speaking from experience in the force I worked at, I could be wrong but that was my first thought when my mum told me that. I still hoped she’d be found alive & well but deep down I knew this would be a murder case

 

[Merpedy]

The Met is stupidly big meaning that the people doing the investigation very very likely don’t know him.
I also didn’t realise this but the fact that the exposure allegation was missed is probably showing the lack of resources Met has rather than a bliss ignorance to it. It seems like they hadn’t actually had the opportunity to check the allegation out. Even if they did check it out no one can really guarantee he would be identified because the work place is so big. Chances are that the fast food restaurant called the Met to say they had some info on this dude or that he had exposed himself to one of the employees.

 

[Burrito88]

He is the police

Yes, but sadly many foreign spouses who are new to this country have no idea how law enforcement works and therefore only know what their spouse has told them e.g. “you’re not British so they won’t take you seriously”, or “that isn’t a crime here”, or “they’ll send you back to xyz country”.
WC’s wife may have had no idea what his job really entailed. If he was at enhanced developed vetting level then he may not have shared many details of his role.

 

[Clojo92]

The thing is we as women have and continue to do as much as possible to remain safe. It's now down to men to sort out their behaviours, and it's in all men's interests to do this. That means calling out friends behaviours and having open and honest conversations about consent.

 

[Merpedy]

Yes, but sadly many foreign spouses who are new to this country have no idea how law enforcement works and therefore only know what their spouse has told them e.g. “you’re not British so they won’t take you seriously”, or “that isn’t a crime here”, or “they’ll send you back to xyz country”.
WC’s wife may have had no idea what his job really entailed. If he was at enhanced developed vetting level then he may not have shared many details of his role.

They had been married since 2006 so she’s definitely not just a foreign spouse. Especially as she had good work experience that would require her to know English.
I’m sure there are factors at play if domestic abuse was present, such as the fact that he is part of the police and other cultural factors. That being said I find it hard to believe, the MIL seemed to talk to her frequently and had visited before. It’s totally possible that she didn’t mention that domestic abuse was present but assuming cultural factors many of us don’t actually know and dropping all Eastern European women into the same barrel is a bit of a stretch

 

[Burrito88]

They had been married since 2006 so she’s definitely not just a foreign spouse. Especially as she had good work experience that would require her to know English.
I’m sure there are factors at play if domestic abuse was present, such as the fact that he is part of the police and other cultural factors. That being said I find it hard to believe, the MIL seemed to talk to her frequently and had visited before. It’s totally possible that she didn’t mention that domestic abuse was present but assuming cultural factors many of us don’t actually know and dropping all Eastern European women into the same barrel is a bit of a stretch

If you go back further into the conversation we were discussing whether him meeting his wife online (15 years ago, not in recent times where it’s more common) and her being from the Ukraine was significant in terms of HIS personality i.e. controlling.
it seems she had built a great family and work life and is settled here. My comments were more generalised about the type of man HE is, not about judging her.

 

[Prgirl_cesca]

having open and honest conversations about consent.

I am like a broken record around my children regarding consent. They are a boy & girl both under 10 but it is so important and I really hope this generation grows up to be better.

For me this is things like if ever I take a picture I ask if I can send it to daddy/family whatsapp or put on facebook and sometimes they say no and that is fine. My daughter covered her face in bubbles in the shower the other day and asked me to take a silly picture, I did then asked to send it to a female relative and she said no as her private parts were visible in the picture (I didn't realise). It was such a proud moment of her taking autonomy over her body, so I deleted it. My son now insists the door is closed when he changes and I knock and ask permission if I can come in. I also make him knock the door if I am in the bedroom or bathroom with the door closed. All really small, really simple things but help build a foundation of respect for others which leads into adulthood.

 

[Milliehaha123]

If you go back further into the conversation we were discussing whether him meeting his wife online (15 years ago, not in recent times where it’s more common) and her being from the Ukraine was significant in terms of HIS personality i.e. controlling.
it seems she had built a great family and work life and is settled here. My comments were more generalised about the type of man HE is, not about judging her.

Sorry but I just don’t get the link at all between her being Ukrainian and him being an awful person. I think it’s clutching at straws tbh and is a hugely sweeping statement.

 

[Renata]

I think perhaps we try to “excuse” her involvement by suggesting that she was subjected to domestic violence. We just cannot accept that another woman “might” be in on this.

 

[Burrito88]

Sorry but I just don’t get the link at all between her being Ukrainian and him being an awful person. I think it’s clutching at straws tbh and is a hugely sweeping statement.

If you want to dismiss the experience of thousands of women who have suffered domestic abuse after joining their British spouse in the uk then thats fine, but you are very naive to think he didn’t hold the power in their relationship, even if just for a short time when she first came to the UK

 

[Tippingpoint23]

If you want to dismiss the experience of thousands of women who have suffered domestic abuse after joining their British spouse in the uk then thats fine, but you are very naive to think he didn’t hold the power in their relationship, even if just for a short time when she first came to the UK

I think this is really clutching. Do we know she met him online then moved over here and wasn’t living here before? She could have been living here end met him and I here wouldn’t have been power. Tjere are many men married to women from foreign countries who do not face abuse they have just fallen in love with someone. There is no indication that we know she has been abused or anything.

 

[Milliehaha123]

If you want to dismiss the experience of thousands of women who have suffered domestic abuse after joining their British spouse in the uk then thats fine, but you are very naive to think he didn’t hold the power in their relationship, even if just for a short time when she first came to the UK

I personally think this is borderline offensive. I know a lot of people through work who have married and had relationships with people who are from different places and who have not been abused. I wonder if your narrative would be the same if this woman was from Spain or Portugal? Somewhere without a ‘reputation’ like Ukraine. Like someone else has said there is zero proof she has been abused at this stage - I don’t really understand your agenda

 

[Bettyboo2475]

My friend is an HR manager and I was expressing my shock at the former cabinet minister Damian Green watching (allegedly) choking porn in his parliamentary office whilst at work and she told me it was not unusual at all and she's sacked many a person over it. I still find that utterly shocking.

I worked as an HR manager before and have had lots of similar experiences. in the NHS this was too

 

[Burrito88]

I think perhaps we try to “excuse” her involvement by suggesting that she was subjected to domestic violence. We just cannot accept that another woman “might” be in on this.

I was never trying to justify her behaviour, this was a discussion even before she was arrested.

I think this is really clutching. Do we know she met him online then moved over here and wasn’t living here before? She could have been living here end met him and I here wouldn’t have been power. Tjere are many men married to women from foreign countries who do not face abuse they have just fallen in love with someone. There is no indication that we know she has been abused or anything.

I was making a general statement about men who find their foreign partners online. I have no idea about their personal circumstances beyond what is in the press (she’s Ukrainian, they met online in 2005 I believe).
My point is Ukraine has a bad rep for women’s rights, it isn’t in the EU. We don’t know if he specifically sought a wife from that country or if it was a random online meeting, but if you don’t believe that British men want a wife from abroad because she will do things a British woman won’t, then you’re sadly mistaken.

 

[Clojo92]

I think perhaps we try to “excuse” her involvement by suggesting that she was subjected to domestic violence. We just cannot accept that another woman “might” be in on this.

Exactly this - because people always see women as mothers and primary care givers so therefore cannot be awful

 

[Burrito88]

I personally think this is borderline offensive. I know a lot of people through work who have married and had relationships with people who are from different places and who have not been abused. I wonder if your narrative would be the same if this woman was from Spain or Portugal? Somewhere without a ‘reputation’ like Ukraine. Like someone else has said there is zero proof she has been abused at this stage - I don’t really understand your agenda

No, but the women I work with from countries like the Philippines, Thailand, Ukraine etc are brought here by a specific type of man, because they are looking for a specific type of wife. They may have a great relationship but sadly there does seem to be a pattern with these types of men.

 

[Merpedy]

If you go back further into the conversation we were discussing whether him meeting his wife online (15 years ago, not in recent times where it’s more common) and her being from the Ukraine was significant in terms of HIS personality i.e. controlling.
it seems she had built a great family and work life and is settled here. My comments were more generalised about the type of man HE is, not about judging her.

I’d agree if the age gap between them wasn’t so “normal”, plus online dating has been a thing for ages. Many sites we still use or used in recent years were made during 2005-2007, just because we didn’t use them back then doesn’t mean that other people didn’t.
Is it possible that she was abused? Totally. Is it possible she was also happily married? Totally.
Also just because Ukraine has a bad rep for women’s rights doesn’t mean anything. I know plenty of Russian women who are supposed to be “submissive” (by Russian familial standards) and they’re not.
Just like we don’t know if she was actually involved. The fact that she’s on bail seems to suggest that she simply may have given him an alibi. The thing she was suspected of essentially means that she was aware that a crime had happened and didn’t say anything about it.

 

[Jawge]

 

[Book]

It is also entirely plausible that his wife is just evil like he is? Women are also capable of awful crimes. I’m sure from what I read she had a very good job that would of needed a good education to have? I guess it’s just much harder for a woman to grasp how the hell another woman could be party to such a god awful thing. But it does happen. We will find out as the facts unravel. What’s more awful is the fact this man may have been stopped in his tracks of his perverse criminal career, had the powers that are meant to protect us took action on his prior perverse acts.

 

[Burrito88]

I’d agree if the age gap between them wasn’t so “normal”, plus online dating has been a thing for ages. Many sites we still use or used in recent years were made during 2005-2007, just because we didn’t use them back then doesn’t mean that other people didn’t.
Is it possible that she was abused? Totally. Is it possible she was also happily married? Totally.
Also just because Ukraine has a bad rep for women’s rights doesn’t mean anything. I know plenty of Russian women who are supposed to be “submissive” (by Russian familial standards) and they’re not.
Just like we don’t know if she was actually involved. The fact that she’s on bail seems to suggest that she simply may have given him an alibi. The thing she was suspected of essentially means that she was aware that a crime had happened and didn’t say anything about it.

Agree with all of this. I was just pointing out what I have observed in admittedly probably a fraction of marriages between British men and overseas spouses. It can be a reflection of the type of man HE is.