Ruby Granger #46 Actively making time for boredom

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Funnily enough Runes we did "look into it" and decided we as educators would remove Coraline from our horror short stories reading list for A Level 🤷‍♀️ we have a class full of impressionable young people needing our guidance over here so needed to show a firm stance. You haven't taken a firm stance since that time you power posed in knitwear.
 
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I can understand researching for fun or in her free time as it's something I enjoy for fun. She could be productive using this time to research for an article or a blog post instead of setting herself a curriculum and core texts about the history of Edwardian Christmas. It would do so much better for a PhD application or boosting her general knowledge, and it would be better for her academic image.

This playing school when she's at home seems like a major regression since university has finished. It's like she is not doing well since she isn't going to university this year and is clinging to childish things such as school as a security blanket.
 
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I am losing it!!! please,,,, what is this????

step 1: write a to-do list in my academic planner from pumpkin productivity
step 2: wait no, print out some examples of female independent learners through history and write key thoughts?? for each of them
step 3: make a mindmap of things that I want to learn this year, using another notebook
step 4: wait, need to consult my iPad because I ALREADY MADE A LIST OF THINGS I WANT TO LEARN THIS YEAR there
step 5: okay, my notebook now has the list of things I want to learn this year which I copied from the list of things I want to learn this year I had in my ipad
step 6: need to TYPE this list obviously, ideally I would use my ipad which already has the LIST OF THINGS I WANT TO LEARN THIS YEAR which I then copied into my notebook but alas, it ran out of charge
step 7: make a notion page using my pc
step 8: use my pumpkin productivity planner to plan personal study goals?? because I want to keep most of my academic stuff CONFINED TO THE PLANNER.

I guess we must imagine Sisyphus having a productive day, eh 😭😭😭
 
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Did anyone else notice in the “Setting Personal Study Goals” section that she said she wanted to do her study days in Oxford? I’m thinking she’s using this self-directed study as some convoluted excuse to justify making weekly trips to Oxford instead of just…visiting if she wants to and using her alumni library access privileges just because she can. She probably wants to still feel like an Oxford student and feels like a structured curriculum makes it more real.

There’s nothing wrong with or strange about learning for learning’s sake or spending time researching whatever random topics interest you, but regulated study is so ingrained in her I think she struggles without it (either academically in terms of feeling like she’s focused/making progress, or emotionally in terms of feeling like she’s more “studious” if she follows a curriculum vs. just researching whatever interests her a particular week).

I’m also wondering if a few of these topics are ones she’s interested in exploring in her doctoral program and she’s trying to figure out which one has the most promise, but won’t say that’s the case since she’s so protective of her research.
 
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I can’t drive after many attempts and lessons it makes me so anxious. However we now have an automatic car (husbands) so I’m building up to trying learning automatic only. However, I don’t rely on others to ferry me around and am perfectly competent at planning journeys using public transport and occasionally a taxi
Me too! My dad got a small automatic car and I've been practicing on his car. I'd like to eventually be able to buy a car and drive myself to work instead of taking public transport. I also want to be a confident driver before I start a family with my partner.
I believe in us 💪
 
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I've only just realised that she probably never had the ‘classic’ uni experience. Having no money but somehow getting through the month, drinking with friends until 7am (even if you don't have to drink alcohol, of course, but you get to know people very differently when you're drinking than when you're having tea with them), kissing a stranger in the bar, dating other people only to realise that it's not a good fit after all.
For me, it wasn't just an experience, but in hindsight it helped me move forward. I made mistakes that I won't make again. I got to know so many different people with different opinions who have definitely broadened my own horizons in some ways.
 
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Did anyone else notice in the “Setting Personal Study Goals” section that she said she wanted to do her study days in Oxford? I’m thinking she’s using this self-directed study as some convoluted excuse to justify making weekly trips to Oxford instead of just…visiting if she wants to and using her alumni library access privileges just because she can. She probably wants to still feel like an Oxford student and feels like a structured curriculum makes it more real.

There’s nothing wrong with or strange about learning for learning’s sake or spending time researching whatever random topics interest you, but regulated study is so ingrained in her I think she struggles without it (either academically in terms of feeling like she’s focused/making progress, or emotionally in terms of feeling like she’s more “studious” if she follows a curriculum vs. just researching whatever interests her a particular week).

I’m also wondering if a few of these topics are ones she’s interested in exploring in her doctoral program and she’s trying to figure out which one has the most promise, but won’t say that’s the case since she’s so protective of her research.
I think as well, she is wanting to keep the aesthetic of being a student as for as long as she can. She might be able to have the Oxford fantasy that she had built up in her head when she was younger and she might not have obtained when she was actually there. I think that she gets to live out her fantasy of how she believes Oxford should have been for her and this one, she gets to study what she likes and she is going to be the best at it, as there is no grading and no other students. I think it would also reinforce her perfect student image as she is deciding to undertake all this work for fun instead of using it for a purpose.


She might even try and hang around Oxford to get a lecturer's attention and brown nose them into giving her an idea for what to study/do a PhD on or even hope that they might take her on as a research assistant or stick her on a project if she is hangs around long enough. She will continue to use Oxford as an extensive photoshoot for her and it is going to be easy enough to make more Oxford/univeristy student study content and it will keep her channel running as she will milk it for as long as she can.

I don't know if Ruby can cope without a structure and the fact that she is making her own modules is making it evident. Instead of setting herself some tabs with articles that she wants to read on a topic, she has made it structured like she is in university and to be honest, school. I don't know if she can manage without it as she is so stuck in that period of her life.

She could be using this time to work on a PHD topic or to work on a piece of work which might help her get some scholarly attention, but it feels like busy work with some of the topics that she has picked and how she is making note books for the topic and cutting out pictures for them. Is she even going to write an essay or a blog about what she has learned or is this all going to be kept in a notebook? Is she going to give it to her mum to grade her and tell her that she is so intelligent? Is this going to be for half-arsed study content where she gets basic information wrong and doesn't bother correcting herself.

I'm all for people learning and I am a big fan of researching topics for fun, but Ruby is so privileged in her need not to get a job and to be able to devote so much time to busy work, when she could be using this time for actual academic work if she wants to go down that path, especially if she is thinking about a PHD. A lot of people would wish to be in her position to have this much time for research. I would love to have this for my dissertation for my Masters but I'm working sometimes up to 36 hours a week and I'm having to fit around studying around running a house. There is some people in my course who are doing this and they have kids and I honestly admire them for it as it's hard enough with just the job!
 
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It is so much easier to just carry on playing Pretend Forever Student than do boring grown up stuff like getting a job, isn't it?

(Although I can't stop chuckling about my daily Duolingo practice being "self directed learning"...)
 
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Predicting upcoming videos from the Rubbish:

Morning Routine of an Oxford Master's Graduate, Self-Teaching Edition
Afternoon Routine of an Oxford Master's Graduate, Self-Teaching Edition
Evening Routine of an Oxford Master's Graduate, Self-Teaching Edition
Night Routine of an Oxford Master's Graduate, Self-Teaching Edition
Study with me as a Self-Teaching faux student, with a Master's from Oxford.
What is in my bag that I carry from my bed to my desk, as an Oxford Master's Graduate, doing Self-Teaching
My Self-Teaching Gap Year
A Summary of my first month as a Self-Teaching Oxford Master's Graduate
What I read as a Self-Teaching Oxford Master's Graduate
Life as a Self-Teaching Oxford Master's Graduate, doing diddly squat.
My Mother testing me during my Self-Teaching year, in spite of being an Oxford Master's Graduate
What I wear to work, 3 times a week, 9-5, at a local library, putting books on shelves, when I am in the mood.
How to twirl in your backyard as a Self-Teaching student with a Master's Degree from Oxford!
It's okay not to know who you are and what you are going to do in life.
Mental Health Break to (add numerous foreign countries) as a Self-Teaching student with a Master's Degree from Oxford!
Studying at Oxford as a self-teaching student, already with a Master's Degree from Oxford!
I read 47 books in 24 hours as a Self-Teaching Oxford Master's Graduate. Look at Me!
Spending time in various Oxford Libraries as a Self-Teaching Oxford Master's Graduate, instead of working at my job, in a library.
Quoting from poetry and books that I am reading as a Self-Teaching Oxford Master's Graduate, playing student, in the rain.
Should I go for my PhD or return to undergraduate studies after my gap year as a clueless Self-Teaching Oxford Master's Graduate?
 
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I've only just realised that she probably never had the ‘classic’ uni experience. Having no money but somehow getting through the month, drinking with friends until 7am (even if you don't have to drink alcohol, of course, but you get to know people very differently when you're drinking than when you're having tea with them), kissing a stranger in the bar, dating other people only to realise that it's not a good fit after all.
For me, it wasn't just an experience, but in hindsight it helped me move forward. I made mistakes that I won't make again. I got to know so many different people with different opinions who have definitely broadened my own horizons in some ways.
I feel like that's a very stereotypical view of what the 'uni experience' should be, not everyone wants to do those things. Ruby's problem is that she doesn't seem to have gained much independence and life skills. You can be an independent adult and still enjoy drinking tea rather than alcohol until 7 am.

personally, as an autistic person, I'm convinced that Ruby's on the spectrum, I wouldn't be at all surprised if she ever announced a diagnosis. But she probably won't as long as she keeps playing pretend in her childhood bedroom. I was really similar to her as a teenager, I just stayed at home all day but as long as I was in my safe bubble engaging with my interests, nobody could tell there was anything 'wrong' with me- it was as soon as I went to uni and got a job that it became obvious. But Ruby can afford to keep on avoiding adult life as long as she wants to.
(I'm not trying to diagnose her, it's just the feeling I get about her, I could be wrong!)
 
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Ugh this timetable is such a waste of time. Do enough background reading for the application, submit it and have a fun year before it starts. She’ll be bored by the time her project rolls round and being this regimented just highlights how she can’t go with the flow of her research imo.
I’m interested if she’s hell bent on getting funding. She could’ve started this year easily by self funding. She has such a golden opportunity to showcase her work once she gets into it by already having a social media following but she’s just going to squander it being precious and secretive over her topic and undermining herself with these childish videos
 
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I agree, not living those specific things doesnt make someone's uni experience less valid.
No but I also kind of get her point as a neurospicy human! The point of being at uni is surely to push boundaries and be outside your comfort zone- whatever that looks like. She doesn't have an invalid university experience but she does have quite a one dimensional one. I worked in a university through 21-23 and the post Covid situation created some unique and amazing social opportunities which were more inclusive and yet she didn't seem to want to be social or make friends at all- she could have stayed home, done online school and her life probably would have looked the same.
 
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