Ruby's back for that sponsor cash!
As a hint of what kind of grade she'll get for her dissertation, Ruby includes this on-screen note:
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She uses the plural noun form of "midst" incorrectly along with redundantly noting that she's "CORRANTLEEE" in the middle of it. Expect many a "BAD MANTLE HALTH" vague-post around grading time - she's not leaving with more than a pass when she struggles so much, so often with basic English.
Ruby starts the day by abandoning her study plans to take up space in a coffee shop and scribble some pointless, performative musings about the weather. She then flees the coffee shop because the notebook she was scrawling gibberish about seagulls and daffodils in wasn't small enough and she had to retrieve a smaller one from her room. Remember all those times Ruby tried shilling her scam planner by assuring everyone that it was JANUINELY designed from the ground up to suit all her needs?
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Anyone else would call this morning a pointless waste of time, but Ruby assures herself and any gullible child watching that she's actually being VARRY PRODOCKTIVE as she rambles incoherently about the importance of commonplace books and "staying grounded". She's pretty preoccupied with staying grounded for someone who can't sit still.
Ruby's apparently been on Tattle again since she
finally reveals what her dissertation is about. "Moiy dissertation is aboutttt...CHRAAHLDHUD. The constrockshons of TCHRAWWLDHUD in Aaarly Modern England." Ruby chooses not to learn how to pronounce "childhood" in her fake Emma Watson accent and instead congratulates herself on treading brave new ground with her not-yet-graded work and assures everyone that this is a "faaairly new and DAFFINITELEEEY ACKSOYTING area of the scholarship".
She then seemingly changes directions at the final hurdle and announces that her dissertation it's now about "TRWOYLD WROYTINGS - things that waahr written boiy actual chrirldren?" To the surprise of nobody, Ruby clarifies that she is only really interested in the writings of YONGG FEMALE tCtHRoILDRONS - NO BOYS ALLOWED! As always, Ruby appears to have tossed multiple disconnected thesis topics into one murky, undercooked pot of academic spaghetti.
Ruby goes on a rambling diatribe about how she didn't want to talk about her dissertation because she's aware that she'd be influenced by other people online and would instantly just abandon all the ideas that she's JANUINELY VARRY CONFIDENT ABOUT. Didn't she "ummm" her way through a debate wherein she argued that being influenced online isn't an issue at all and people have no right to blame influencers? The irony is off the charts, especially when Ruby's also never had an original thought in her life and only made it through undergrad by using other people's work, ideas and suggestions.
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She goes on an aimless wander around the campus buildings, filming random rooms.
"That's the common room, where you're allowed to eat and talk," she says, eating nothing and whispering as though she might get bludgeoned to death for talking. I'm getting some mixed messages.
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Ruby goes book shopping with FRANDS and also grabs a book from the library - 'Mental Health, Spirituality, and Religion in the Middle Ages and Early Modern Age.' She mentions that she has no idea what it's about, has not read any of it or heard of it before, but she still hopes to use parts of it for her dissertation. She's supposedly in the final stages when this was shot and is still just grabbing anything that has 'Early Modern' in the title and cannibalising it for random filler quotes.
She says that - in her dissertation about things that were written by children - she's including a whole paragraph to talk about Jane Lumley, whose notable writing achievements happened in her twenties. Again, expect Ruby to be moaning about her disappointing grades soon and how she was PONNISHED FWORE TAKING CHAAAAHNCES AGANN; this thing appears to be a complete mess of disjointed ideas and irrelevant padding and she won't have Exeter's extremely generous grade inflation as a parachute.
But Ruby's only making a video because there's sponsor cash on the table. This time it's "Milanote" - yet another pointless app that Ruby never uses, but is suddenly claiming she AWLWHEYS YEEZES it and has YEEZED FWORE YEAHHRS now that she's been given money to advertise it.
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She lie-squints her way through a thoroughly unconvincing testimonial, assuring us that this is a fantastic alternative to "MOIND-MAPPING". Ruby interrupts herself to assure us that she would NAVVER YEEZE A MOIND MAP FWORE WROYTING. This after Ruby has spent the last decade using and recommending mind-mapping for absolutely every writing or academic task, regardless of how ill-suited it is, purely because it's something people learn as children and it reminds her of being TWALVE AGANN.
This is also around the 5,927th app that she's endorsed for money that does the exact same things as all the others. She'll never use this again unless they pay her.
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Beaming with fake enthusiasm, Ruby offers up a tour of the app and her ongoing dissertation work. She's wasted time putting together countless family trees and links to maps to the family homes of dead scholars. None of this seems relevant to her dissertation or to anything else ever. She may as well have tossed together photos of the world's largest poops in history and attached a map and size graphs, it'd be about as useful to her degree as this crap she's assembled.
Because she just can't help herself, she sneaks a gifted (and naturally undeclared) RAMADEEEE KYOMBYOOOOOCHAAAAAA on-screen for most of this sponsor section.
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Ruby "accidentally" dumps a load of pumpkin puree all over her carpet. She assures us that she cleaned it off-screen but refuses to show it (translation: that pumpkin part of the carpet now and Ruby's waved goodbye to her deposit).
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She blurs out most of her work, but shows part of a presentation she has to give on her dissertation.
'"Youth is donne"
Transience of spring and childhood....'
"chronophobia and chronophilia"
Ruby appears to have centred some or all of her degree on her obsession with young girls and her crippling fear of growing up and not being TWALVE FORAVVER. This seems like something she should just talk to a therapist about rather than waste £40,000 on a degree just to write a bad dissertation about it, but hey.
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It wouldn't be a Ruby video if she weren't fleeing uni at every opportunity, so naturally she runs home during peak essay season. Along the way, she stops with Martha to get a (non-vegan) Five Guys. She hilariously mentions that it feels like forever since she's seen Martha, what with Ruby being away from home and all. Reminder: Ruby has run home every week and Martha lives in said home.
Martha can drive now, though, so this means Ruby will remember that she has a sister a lot more often, since she can act as chauffeur whenever mummy's too plastered on Waitrose vino.
After moaning earlier that she can't tell people her ideas because the whole world only (accurately) points out that her ideas are bad, she announces that she's told her mummy all about her dissertation. Presumably Clare just nodded along in an absent-minded, day-drunk haze and offered some slurred words of encouragement to her favourite daughter before reaching for another bottle of wine.
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Meanwhile, Ruby's waving more undeclared gifted products around on-screen. She's also wearning her PETA t-shirt even though she would NAVVER AVVER ENDORSE OR PROMYOTE THAM, HOW DAEEHR YEUUU.
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Ruby spends a performative section rejoicing that she can finally walk outside again, as though she's just escaped from Shawshank rather than having simply fled home from her supposed dream university. She gorps and grimaces at the sky, then goes back inside, where she reveals that she's researching marigolds and "botany in the SAVANTEENTH SANCHURY". For funzies? Nope.
For her dissertation. She apparently included "an entire section" in her dissertation about marigolds.
So it's a dissertation for her Early Modern Lit degree and she's written about child writers, being terrified of growing up, springtime, "constructs of childhood", twenty-something female translators and backyard foliage. She was right not to tell anyone about this. What a disaster.
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With triumphant music playing, Ruby sits hunched over her desk, sneering at the screen. She's JANUINELY confident in her dissertation and AWHLWHEYS LOVES STODDYING.
To overcompensate for her clearly being well aware that she's floundering, she resorts to her usual tricks. ACKSUALLY, she wasn't JOSST writing her dissertation, but also doing vague, nonexistent ADMIN WAHHHRK and also doing group work for the presentation that she earlier claimed was a solo exercise. Anything to give the illusion of being a highly organised, always-multitasking, super-productive child prodigy.
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The family go "fyeed shopping" in Martha's car. Mummy Bones complains that the hanging dice make her carsick. Martha keeps them up.
Ruby says she made "tomato syeep" but the oven was broken so she had to air-fry it somehow. She offers no further explanation.
And then Ruby can't summon the energy to even bullshit about being productive any more so the video ends unceremoniously.
