Ruby Granger #4 Please sir, may I have some more (priviledge, playtime, and fake productivity)?

She honestly is so obsessed with cottages, hun, there’s more to life than restricting your life to one thing and certain looks, if you’re that bothered go and move into the one you bought.....

Satisfying Click said:

Erimentha is pissed that they stayed in their forms, missing vital classes where she could have harassed her teachers into reading her stack of book reviews. I hope these public servants belong to a union.

Her classmates are giggling. She introduces herself to the teacher and says, "I would like to apologise on behalf of our table for our behaviour."

EXCUSE ME? Who is bullying who in this story? It's their first day of school too, and this charlatan takes it upon herself to speak for the table? Is this an attempted coup?

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What a cringe

Satisfying Click said:

Erimentha Parker's to do list
Chapter 3

We've reached our first antagonist, Kimberly. Her family spent the summer in Cancun, which must be the upper-middle-class equivalent of 2 weeks in an all-inclusive in Magaluf via Easyjet. She also has icy blue eyes; Ermientha has an unhealthy obsession with other people's body parts in this book. More on that later.

Erimentha is pissed that they stayed in their forms, missing vital classes where she could have harassed her teachers into reading her stack of book reviews. I hope these public servants belong to a union.

Her classmates are giggling. She introduces herself to the teacher and says, "I would like to apologise on behalf of our table for our behaviour."

EXCUSE ME? Who is bullying who in this story? It's their first day of school too, and this charlatan takes it upon herself to speak for the table? Is this an attempted coup?

Out comes the infamous Globalisation speech during the Geography lesson, and I'm starting to feel triggered by hearing a child repeatedly say to an adult, "Did you know?"

Erimentha decides to ignore Kimberly for the rest of the lesson as she made a smart-mouth comment (deserved, in my opinion) and after class she takes it upon herself to squeeze the teacher like an old lemon. The teacher suggests Erimentha write a presentation on the subject as a way of getting her to go away. Erimentha earnestly writes a list about it, totally missing the hint.

It's lunchtime and the school is serving the proles stodgy filth of fishcakes and chips. Erimentha being vegan, virtuously piles her plate with salad and so does a classmate after being shamed about eating ones seven-a-day. I double check that this is a book about others bullying Erimentha, and not the reverse.

Another antagonist, Izzy (note the cheap and cheerful names given to them - they are Lidl to Erimentha's Waitrose) deliberately spills water on Erimentha (at this point, I would have force-fed her a saveloy) but she sternly tells Izzy off and not to worry as she bought a spare uniform with her (because of course she has)

Kimberly accuses Erimentha of being a psychopath, accusing her of tripping Izzy during watergate. Erimentha denies being one - she's read the DSM-V and doesn't meet the diagnostic criteria, which is something all 12 year olds do.

I'm beginning to wonder if Erimentha isn't in fact, a dark overlord mastermind in this story.

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Disclaimer: this is a light-hearted poke at someone's creative writing exercise. When I was Ruby's age, I'd write a small chapter about my drunken uni one-night-stand(s)

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Everything about this is magical oh my god. “Lidl to Erimentha’s Waitrose” is an incredible line.

I was always curious about the name Erimentha and had assumed it was lifted from Harry Potter. However, I’ve just Googled it and apparently it‘s of Greek origin and means ‘colllector of thoughts, determined protector’. So there you go.

I still can’t work out why she couldn’t think of a better name than ‘Nathan’ for the brother though. Erimentha and ... Nathan.

i can’t believe that NONE of her family told her that it might be a bad idea to write, publish and SELL wish fullfillment self-insert fanfiction about her putting her school bullies in their place.

tawdryhepburn said:

i can’t believe that NONE of her family told her that it might be a bad idea to write, publish and SELL wish fullfillment self-insert fanfiction about her putting her school bullies in their place.

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I feel like her family might be the sort to encourage their children in their creative endeavours however cringe that may be. If she hadn't have gone to private school I'm sure she would have ended up at one of those Steiner schools (no hate, I almost ended up going that route thanks to slightly hippie parents who were also, puzzlingly, actual dictators when it came to us watching TV - they're great though!) indulging her creativity. She must have some level of natural intelligence to be able to get firsts in all her essays, because you need some level of intelligence to write that way, but recently I have become more and more aware of the fact she probably isn't naturally that bright and just knows the formula for essays - I managed to get an A* back at GCSE (when letters were a thing) in my Design Tech because I knew the formula for the coursework project and literally needed 4 marks in the exam for said grade - because she has really been showing a lack of taking things in the correct context recently, along with her mispronunciations...

@Satisfying Click your reviews are brilliant and so funny!

Ruby's latest instagram story is about a collar she ordered from a small business. They sent her a fancy embroidered one too as a 'gift'. Which makes me wonder whether she orders things as 'Ruby Granger' in the hope they they will recognise her and give her free stuff? Does she deliberately draw attention to herself when buying stuff from these shops??

Ilaariaa said:

The Queen's Gambit is a book too so she might try to read it instead of watching the show. Not sure it would be her thing tho haha

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Considering that she read Call Me by Your Name I dont think her reading the book is actually that unlikely.

Studenten Kaschper said:

Considering that she read Call Me by Your Name I dont think her reading the book is actually that unlikely.

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Still can't. Just can't. How? What did she read into it? Did she actually just skip all the romantic stuff? (Yeah, sorry. Don't want to open up this discussion again. But it hurts me physically that she claims to love this book when all she ever reads are children books.)

Erimentha Parker's to do list
Chapter 4

Overview: Chapter 4 is a brief one so I thought I'd recap it today as I have nothing productive to do. It's generally an interesting insight into Erimentha's relationship with adults - her overfamiliarity with staff at the school and how she expects them to be dazzled by her brilliance despite the fact they have a heavy workload and are responsible for several other young people.

She's on her way to the library and mentions she wrote a pamphlet for a teacher and can also give it to Mr Aldridge as there is a historical element. Mr Aldridge needs to attend a support group, this burden is way beyond his remit. By the end of this chapter, I expect Erimentha is That Child discussed over breaded garlic mushrooms at the Slug and Lettuce on a Friday night staff outing.

Erimentha visits the library with a list of texts. Being a lower school girl, she's only allowed to take two books out at a time. Outrageous! Don't they know who she is? The librarian very reasonably asks if the books she has chosen are the right level for her.

Erimentha puts this bitch right in her place, it's the Pretty Woman, "Big mistake, huge!" moment. She tells the librarian she has read A Brief History of Time, making a mental note that she'll be among the first against the wall when the time comes.

It's class time and she decides to do some reading to ignore some of the things her classmates are saying about her in earshot. Mr Aldridge then has the audacity to enter the classroom and make a start. She's delighted at having a desk close to Mr Aldridge so she can converse with him about his Cambodia trip. Will you leave the poor sod alone, this is his private life!

He tells them they need to go to assembly and Erimentha 'stands abruptly' and asks if he's going to register the class?

Excuse me, lady, who put you in charge? If you don't set her right now, Mr Aldridge, this little madam will be responsible for your gastric ulcer. He tells her he has already counted, wishing he had thrown his passport into the Mekong river when he had the chance.

Erimentha briefly talks about how he'd get into trouble with administration for not doing so, but there would be no way of accounting for their bodies should they burn to death in a fire, apparently the most painful way to go. Not gonna lie, Erimentha is beginning to make me nervous, she seems to have thought about this a little too much...

Izzy and Kimberly make some jibes that Erimentha has no friends (this is not fake news) and ask what she's doing for the weekend. She wastes no time haughtily telling them she and a friend are going to be making a working model volcano and will have a much more enjoyable and productive time than them.

Again, I check who is bullying who here. Erimentha believes she's superior to her peers and is entitled to Erimenthsplain to her teachers how to do their jobs. Instead of any introspection into her behaviour over the weekend and maybe working on being a bit more humble, she decides to look up the definition of bullying to give the other's behaviour a label.

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Disclaimer: when I was in Year 7, weekends would be spent buying those little bath pearls from the Body Shop, it was the height of cool. I'm not going to yuck anyone else's yum, whatever floats your boat, or erupts your volcano, this isn't meant to be a mean interpretation of the book.

Satisfying Click said:

She's on her way to the library and mentions she wrote a pamphlet for a teacher and can also give it to Mr Aldridge as there is a historical element. Mr Aldridge needs to attend a support group, this burden is way beyond his remit. By the end of this chapter, I expect Erimentha is That Child discussed over breaded garlic mushrooms at the Slug and Lettuce on a Friday night staff outing.

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This has made me dig out my copy on Kindle and I’d just like to add some additional information here. Turns out, Erimentha (aged 11) spent the summer discovering Plath (including The Bell Jar and her letters to Ted Hughes) and decided to write a pamphlet on the history of the treatment of mental illness from Plath’s time to the present day, so that she could present it to the GCSE psychology teacher at her new school. At age eleven. That is all.

Omg she is a nightmare, bet she’s the student all teachers rolled there eyes at when they saw her on the register

If Erimentha (spelling? I'm too dyslexic for this) is meant to be based on Ruby, I find it pretty concerning that she doesn't see any fault in the way she talks to other people. There's nothing wrong with being into learning and making volcanos at the weekend, but the way the character talks to others comes across as mean and condescending, bordering on bullying itself. She seems to equate bullying as something experienced by quiet, 'bookish' people, like that video that was posted on here a while ago where she spoke about her friend being bullied and a lot of it seemed to be contrasting people who like books with other people who don't.

I'm 100% convinced that's exactly the "bullying" Ruby experienced in school. Erimentha is insufferable and rude but somehow Ruby fails to realise it and claims it's her who's being bullied?? Wtf

If dear Rubes was anything like this character in primary school, it's no small wonder she was picked on.

Satisfying Click said:

Erimentha Parker's to do list
Chapter 4

Overview: Chapter 4 is a brief one so I thought I'd recap it today as I have nothing productive to do. It's generally an interesting insight into Erimentha's relationship with adults - her overfamiliarity with staff at the school and how she expects them to be dazzled by her brilliance despite the fact they have a heavy workload and are responsible for several other young people.

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These overviews are genuinely making my day and have made me laugh out loud multiple times, please keep doing them!

n8459 said:

These overviews are genuinely making my day and have made me laugh out loud multiple times, please keep doing them!

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i think it would be cool to archive them in a wiki bc they genuinely have me laughing out loud.

stewedmalaise said:

i think it would be cool to archive them in a wiki bc they genuinely have me laughing out loud.

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I was thinking this! Maybe in an FAQ/Primer for new people to the forum?

I've seen some threads having them under a spoiler tag for newbies

CatCafe234 said:

This has made me dig out my copy on Kindle and I’d just like to add some additional information here. Turns out, Erimentha (aged 11) spent the summer discovering Plath (including The Bell Jar and her letters to Ted Hughes) and decided to write a pamphlet on the history of the treatment of mental illness from Plath’s time to the present day, so that she could present it to the GCSE psychology teacher at her new school. At age eleven. That is all.

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Didn't Ruby say in a video that her first actual paper she ever wrote was about mental illness?

Also I wonder if the eponymous To Do List ever comes into play as a plot element or if she chose that title just because writing to do lists is all Erimentha seems to do

I appreciate how respectful you are with your summaries, but actually wouldn't care to do the same. I mean, I also wrote horrible fancfic back in the days that I would gringe about now (hadn't I deleted all of it), but I am also not promoting it in my profiles and gain money from it? I mean, fair enough, she was young when she wrote it. But she still stands behind it very much the flawed way it is. And I think on this basis it is fair to be judged. But I am impressed that you are still so nice about it. You seem to be a better person than me in this regard. Please keep it up, I'm living for it at the moment.