Hello, you nasty (affectionate) people. I've been reading here for quite a while now and have now finally joined you. I come bearing gifts.
No.1
The other day I was recommended an old video of the good old Roobster, and of course she was as disgusting as always. At one point she gets down on the floor to talk on the phone, and you can see how dirty her socks are. Just imagine the filth on the floor of their house ugh. When one of her socks gets pulled down because of her constant fiddling, she reaches back with her hand and just... does nothing. You can see that even her heel is dirty so she had dirty feet, put socks on them, got the socks dirty, and went off to have her "productive" day.
Clearly, she doesn't see this as something that could be seen as poor personal hygiene, nor does she see the problem in showing to literally anyone who has internet access??? Why did she include this why? why? does she not watch her video before uploading? does she close her eyes and put on sound-proofing headphones while editing???
What the crap is this shot? What the fudge is wrong with her.
P.S: I hate the way she says productive at the end of her videos. Every single time, she pauses, and she says it in the exact say way. Every. single. time bleah
I'm having flashbacks to the video where Ruby replaced her double bed with her current baby bed.
The underside of it was absolutely caked in thick piles of dust.
Ruby kept walking through it all barefoot and made dubious excuses that she'd never been able to clean it ever because the underside of the bed was inaccessible, even though you can clearly fit a vacuum cleaner nozzle between the slats.
In over a decade, she'd never cleaned under the bed or behind it. The fact that she eagerly shared this footage just goes to show that her natural state is living in complete squalor and she thinks that's completely normal. Then she has the audacity to claim she's a neat freak and SOCH A JARMAPHYOBE. What a swamp goblin.
POV: You're hovering 20 feet in the air and can't seem to find a way to get down. You scream for help, but the only person around is a mentally deficient elderly child wandering a barren garden in her nightgown who is preoccupied with an overgrown hedge. You cling to the faint hope that you'll awaken from this terrifying fever dream sooner than later.
I don't get the part when she says that she met with her best friend blakeney "Who I hadn't seen in months because we live quite far apart". She went to Venice, Scotland etc... but couldn't be bothered to go visit her or maybe meet up with her in London if it's easy access for both of them ?
this is off topic but i was in Hay the last two days, travelled there to go to that festival but I was denied entry because i had an assistance dog and dogs weren't allowed. At a free outdoor countryside event. Also bit illegal to turn someone with an assistance dog away. So i'm a bit bitter that Ruby got to go when she is literally just going for the content and not the books.
This video really exposed a lot about the way that Ruby's mind works.
At 22, she is still defining things by their correllation to the school year - "It takes place every year in May, May half-term"
She talks in an incredibly subjective way which exposes how small her world is and how difficult it is for her to comprehend. different perspectives -"most of the good ones had gone by the time I got there though" because everyone has the same taste as her, everyone should go for the length of time that she personally found ideal rather than, say, book based on events they might want to go to
Again, showing how small her world is, she acts like people who read are an endangered species. She never sees people reading out and about because she never leaves her tiny village and therefore thinks she's the only "bookwahhrm" out there
Another coin in the lol hat at "HE'S A PRA-FORMAH" but "another two years and he's the lead in something in the West End"?? Uhhh what? That's not how careers work and also just because somebody CAN perform doesn't mean they want to perform or seek out performing professionally
I literally see The Grapes of Wrath and The Great Gatsby in various editions in every secondhand bookshop I ever go in, what is she on about? Get out of the house, Ruby
Her trend of going somewhere interesting and making it look like the most boring experience imaginable goes unbroken. Yet another trip devoted to her fake literary interests, so it's no surprise that she has nothing to say but braggery and dull "AND THAN OIYYY" exposition for off-screen events.
Ruby launches into patronising ADDJOOKAYSONAL ACKSPAART mode to explain what Hay Festival is, only to get the name of the town wrong. It's not "Hay Upon Wye", Ruby.
Ruby brags about what a HYOOOGE BOCKWARM she is and how her grandparents bought her a book of 'book towns' to visit, yet she only bothered to visited one of them when TikTok paid for it despite years of free time and endless cash and opportunity to go anywhere.
Has she had another tooth out or something? Her cheek looks slightly swollen on her right hand side (camera left), she's lisping spontaneously again and her bottom lip seems especially wonky on that side when she's talking.
The Telltale Squint comes out as Ruby pretends she read two books on the train. She didn't read a fucking thing.
"MOIY BASST FRAND BLAKENEEEEEE." Ruby jumps at the chance to obsessively cram in footage of Blakeney wherever she can again. Expect her to use this as B-roll for the next 794 videos.
The usual filmmaking incompetence abounds as wind abrasively lashes the mic yet again, even though she's not saying anything in the source audio and could've muted it. There's about 46 different aspect ratio changes, sped-up audio, overlapping narration and awkward edits all over the place, including an "As oiy say..." after she edited out whatever she said previously.
Ruby once again forgets that liquids aren't solids and chews on a smoothie. She also calls a ciabatta a "chipattay" because she can't get anything right.
She brags that she added 50 extra books to her TBR just from wandering one room, but names none of them, because she doesn't actually read books. Instead, she spends most of the festival posing in front of bookcases, pretending to be interested in books on high shelves to appear smaller and more childlike, as she predictably loves to do:
Ruby then obnoxiously waves her hands about while rambling about the talks she attended by Margaret Atwood and Max Porter, but barely says anything coherent, much less interesting. She's randomly sped up the footage again in sections, making it especially grating. She raves about Max Porter and he's suddenly her favourite author ever, but unsurprisingly she still has nothing much at all to say about his writing.
She also babbles about how great his talking about the need for social care, the NHS and welfare systems is, and how everyone in the audience was "on the same page" and clapping and cheering. But since Ruby and apparently Jack Edwards were there, there's no way those two greedy, immoral Tory cretins were on the same page as anyone wanting to help the poor and needy.
Her weird focus on his speech being great because "AVVERYONE WAS ON THE SYAME PAGE" gives the distinct impression that she didn't really listen to or understand what he was saying, but people there mentioned enjoying hearing him speak and Ruby hurled herself onto another interest bandwagon, so now she's mentioning Max Porter every 12 seconds because she has to be the MOST at everything.
"MAX PWORTA IS A PRUH-FWORMA!" Ruby says as she inserts footage of his talk over her own video without muting the audio, leaving the whole thing a jarring mess. Nothing new there, then.
Then she brags that Max Porter (gasp!) actually signed her book...at a book signing event. Y'know, the place and time where authors usually sign books. She says this signed book is now one of her most prized possessions, so naturally she bends the spine and rubs her grimy, unwashed, ink-covered fingers all over it and will never actually read it.
Ruby claims she read "YALLOWFYACE". She reads a plot blurb and that's it.
She says she's "flabberghasted" that she managed to find a "SACKOND-HAAHND" copy of "AFFSCOT FITSJAROLD'S GATSSBEE", even though there's millions of used copies of The Great Gatsby readily available to buy wherever used books are sold. She also says she's "VARRY LOCKY" to have found a "YEEZED" copy of "John Stoynback's The Grapes of Wrath". Yes, that ultra-rare, practically lost and never reprinted hidden literary gem The Grapes of Wrath.
What a pathetic existence to spend so much of your life being so completely fake. Ruby Bones is a PRUH-FWORMA, and a really fucking bad one.
Her letter to her younger self is so pretentious (who would have thought).
Love how shes going on about enjoying life instead of just learning etc. but then all she did for a good portion of her gap year (when she didnt have any exams or whatever) was being locked up in her room copying wikipedia articles.. Saying "flash card knowledge" is not important when she always just throws random terms and definitions around to sound smart, without knowing the real meaning.
Talking about not being afraid of failure when getting into Oxford still was so incredibly important for her.
Also I still really dont understand her point of "if I failed at school I could have been a cinematographer" like opposed to what? What exactly does she want to become these days? She claims she wants to be an author, but thats totally not dependent on marks?
Man, I can see this letter as sth her therapist made her write as an exercise in self-reflection or sth, but the way she shares it online as a source of infinite wisdom is just embarassing. The point is she still has absolutly not moved on from her 16yo self.
lol watch the next book Roobs pitches be this ”Roobyssa Parkenthol really really liked her friend Flakeney - not friendlily but tactilely, in the way that you like touching tactillate the mauve feather of a soaring, scintillating, scrapping seagull.”
‘Threatening to set’ suggests that setting is something the sun may or may not do, depending (presumably on Ruby’s whim, but who knows?) Honestly, Ruby baffles me. Writers are supposed to take language and craft it carefully to express their thoughts. Ruby is like some kind of linguistic terrorist who takes words hostage and forces them to do things they don’t want to do.
"Moiy plan is nwot tyoo dyoo, loike...moch waahrk tyoodayyy?"
Don't worry, Ruby, we all know there's zero risk of any work happening.
She can't help but do her now-trademark "I'm lying my ass off" squint as she's trying to convince people that she actually works at any point in her life. I wonder if her new therapist has picked up on this very obvious poker tell yet.
The lies continue unabated as Ruby claims she can finally have a "kyozee" day in which she sits around the house, pretending to read, write and frolic outside in the garden now that it's summer half term. This compared to actual term time, when Ruby sits around the house, pretending to read, write and frolic outside in the garden, or just goes on an overseas holiday.
She pretends that making her bed is a daily occurrence, even though she seems to think "making a bad" means just draping your duvet all over the dusty, dusty floor so you can sleep under a quilt covered in dirt and cobwebs at the end of a "kyozeee dayyy".
This is a single-size duvet. Even discounting the constantly dirty state of her room and the horrifying prospect of dragging bedding all over the floor, who the fuck puts a duvet on a bed like this, only covering the top and one side?
She makes her bi-annual attempt at pretending she washes dishes ever. Her past efforts showed her just dabbing at filthed-up pots with a scourer and giving up, or only cleaning one small section of a dish and considering it finished despite the visible food chunks all over it. This time's not much different, as Ruby claims she'll need to leave the "POURADGE" tin to soak, presumably indefinitely.
After a blatant undeclared ad for Grind coffee (Reminder: Ruby's management partnered with Grind for ad sponsorships and many of their creators got these machines/coffee pods free), Ruby rambles about her book.
She says she's "sant awf" a completed second draft of this new crime against literature to her agent, so her agent's likely crying in the shower regretting her life choices now that she has to wade through another 350 pages of mostly ripped-off, completely plagiarised drivel about a young rich girl's struggles growing up exceedingly wealthy in the countryside.
Rubert also says she's writing a diary entry from a random character's perspective to "FLASH out" their motivations and better understand why they make an irrational decision in the book. Character exercises like this are common, but writers tend to do them before writing the book, so they know the characters while writing. If the reader can't figure out why a character might've done something, either through basic storytelling or subtext, that's bad writing. If a writer doesn't know why a character did something even after writing the book, they're a bad writer. If a writer doesn't know the difference between "flesh" and "flash", they're a bad writer and a total fucking moron.
After pledging that she won't be doing any "waahrk" and reminding us for the 11th time that it's half-term (as though she actually does anything in term time besides fuck off to Italy), she says she's going to do some "waahrhk", because it's not a Ruby video unless she's making shit up and pretending she's exceedingly busy even on slow days.
"In particulahr, oiy has some quoyte, loike, hearty emails. Oiy'm sure you knyow what oiy mean whan oiy say that."
"Yoo knyow, emails that aaare taaahsks in thamsalves tyo respond tyo?"
Ruby seems to think "hearty" just means "laborious" or "long and involved" or she just grabbed a thesaurus without fully checking the synonym. The fact that she keeps talking about a writing career as though it's gonna happen any minute and she keeps claiming that a school allows her to teach English to children, all while she gets so many basic words wrong every time she speaks is always hilarious.
She crams in another undeclared ad, reading out the promotional blurb for her Remarkable tablet, neglecting to mention that it was gifted and she was paid to advertise it.
And because she can't make a vlog without turning it into a VARRY PRODOCKTIVE list of tasks that likely didn't happen, she launches into her "AND THAN OIY..." routine.
"AND THAN OIY...ADDITTED A YEECHEEB VIDEEYOW." Anyone who's watched once of her videos knows that zero work, effort or attention goes into editing them.
Ruby whips out the planner she never uses outside of ads for PONKIN PODDITIFTY products, and it's yet another clearly staged page, full of VARRY PRODOCKTIVE things and LYOTS OF CLEANING AND TOIDING, which she JANUINELY DOES!
She also seems to be claiming once again that she's marking work for school, doing something for an assembly, both of which are completely unbelievable. She's completely braindead, has no training and never shows up to work, so I doubt they'd trust her with anything beyond photocopying, and even then it's a stretch.
There's a task labelled 'guilt?' which is incomplete. Unsurprising, since Ruby's incapable of remorse.
She gets out her writing slope (or "wroyting soap," as she calls it), bragging that it's an antique that she got for her BARRTHDAY. She says she doesn't "yeeze" this, but wants to "yeeze" it more by filling it with paper, which isn't really what it's "yeezed" for.
She rambles about JUNNELING, which I think is when you try to dig a tunnel to Japan in your back yard?
Ruby announces that she's going to get changed to go play "TANNIS" with Daddy Bones in "(Squints lyingly)...TAN minutes toiyme? And...oiy think oiy'll just sit outsoide and read...whoile oiy'm waiting".
If you're wondering why she's busting out the involuntary "OIY'M LOYING" squint, just ask yourself this: If you were leaving in ten minutes time and still needed to get changed and ready, in what world would you have enough time to then sit and read outside before you go? BUT THIS JANUINELY HAPPENED AND RYOOBEE HONNASTLEE WASN'T JOSST LOIYING SYO SHE WOULD SEEM MWORE PRODOCKTIVE, HOW DAAAHR YOOO.
Instead of reading, Ruby shoves in some footage of herself peeling apples for the "CROMBUL". She doesn't clarify what a "CROMBUL" is, but I think is a Scandinavian folklore monster of some kind.
Her grandmamma appears from somewhere and asks Ruby to help with the crossword, having apparently never spoken to Ruby before. Unsurprisingly, Ruby doesn't know what the answer is.
"And than oiy...whant tyoo play tennis....and than oiy...whant for a RON...and than oiy...TOIDEED MOIY DASSK."
After a day of eating only a small serving of porridge, Ruby subsists on a diet of only exercise and lies. Healthy stuff!
(Pictured: Ruby conducting an ancient Pagan ritual for summoning the Crombul.)
She climbs all over her desk, presumably to rearrange the dead flies on her windowsill. No cleaning is taking place, that's for sure.
After apparently going for a tennis lesson, then a "RON", Ruby decides she's worked up enough of an appetite for...
Half a slice of white bread with whipped cream and sliced strawberries. A small serving of porridge for "BRACKFSST", then this for lunch/dinner.
She makes sure to include disgusting shots of her taking a laboured bite, chewing and waving the bread at the camera as though this somehow proves that she's eating a healthy and nutritious diet.
Ruby sits outside in a robe, with damp hair, doing children's arts and crafts like she's wasting away in the garden of a convalescence home.
She claims she's "NAYCHA JUNNELLING". I'm not sure what backyard sights she's going to need to document in a nature journal that she hasn't already seen every day for the past several years, but whatever.
Meanwhile, Ruby's family is inside, probably watching through the window. Her grandmother's no doubt studying Ruby's insanity with a furrowed brow, before turning to her parents to ask where they think they went wrong with her.
Ruby's also been continuing her bad poetry, with zero signs of improvement.
"The night, she waltzes darkened blue,
stars brushed beneath her gown.
With ebony branches,
piano keys furled upwards from the ground.
Finches gone and buds unwound,
another life undone,
the life which folds when night returns
to waltz a road around."
The writing retreat was certainly worth wasting a grand on!
After her assault on the written word, it's time for dinner!
Yahini coleslaw with "apple crombul".
This is not a meal.
Ruby mentions she has a therapy session, which can't come soon enough. Unfortunately she's been to therapy before and admitted that she just lied to her therapist constantly and then bailed. With how dishonest Ruby is about absolutely everything, I can't see her engaging with therapy properly to work on her creepy childhood fixation, her overdependence on mummy, her blatant eating disorder or her mountain of other issues.
And as if to prove the point, after a day of apparently eating nothing and exercising a lot, Ruby says she came back from therapy to watch Mallory Towers with mummy, so she can pretend to be a child at boarding school yet again.
I don't get the part when she says that she met with her best friend blakeney "Who I hadn't seen in months because we live quite far apart". She went to Venice, Scotland etc... but couldn't be bothered to go visit her or maybe meet up with her in London if it's easy access for both of them ?
This is killing me. "Somehow this always happens" like such a shame there is absoutly no way to prevent this. Not maybe pouring the coffee a little bit slower instead of throwing it at the jar, not taking a tiny bit more care when doing things (on video none the less!). Just no way, this just always happens randomly because its a law of nature.
Ruby, Oxford student, in her early 20s, has no idea how to pour liquids. I cant.
Her latest video seems to show that she is about to do some baking with eggs. I wonder if she put them in shot to get some comments (engagement!) about her current eating choices.
so she had dirty feet, put socks on them, got the socks dirty, and went off to have her "productive" day.
”Roobyssa Parkenthol really really liked her friend Flakeney - not friendlily but tactilely, in the way that you 
