Ruby Granger #36 Pumpkin Bread Activity

[gossip_guy]

Did Patrick Bateman write this? Good god

 

[pinkmug]

I don't know what's keeping her from moving to Oxford if she's thirsting for the atmosphere of the city. She has no real job atm, she could apply for a clerical position there or just continue to steal charity money while she's living in Oxford without the need to tie her entire identity to a logo on a diploma. She has no real critical thinking skills, she doesn't enjoy reading or learning, she's just anxious to appear as studious and bookish as possible while doing the bare minimum. These degrees added (and will add) nothing to her. She is no different from people who shop for designer brands purely for the name on a shirt or a bag, she's just doing it with her education.

 

[Griftwood]

OMG she's still going on about Alexander Pope potentially being a Romantic poet! Like, she says she read somewhere that there's some debate as to whether he is or he isn't! I can't even.

She’s such a twit omg Pope died in 1744. Romanticism started in 1770 at the very earliest.

Of course if she’d got into Oxford for her undergrad, she’d have some background in literary periods and dating texts Too bad they didn’t see through to the genius shining within.

edit: I’m currently taking a class (yay Open University!) in literary history starting with the 18th century, so my focus on this topic is laser sharp atm

 

[Ilaariaa]

I actually agree with this comment critiquing Roob's poem. However, wtf is Roob on about in her reply. Distinct? What? I like that someone has asked her to explain. Maybe its a spelling error?

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And it kinda pisses me off that she snubs her nose at the Prada storefront, when she is in Milan and Prada was literally founded in Milan.

Yeah and as I said the Galleria isn't an old church or a palace that used to have a different function and is now dedicated to shops (not that that would necessarily be so horrifying - buildings change function, all throughout history). It has always been a sort of open-air mall. It's literally considered one of the first examples of a mall, a dedicated space for shops and cafès. That doesn't undermine its beauty because it's what it was always supposed to be. Personally I like it even more than the Duomo. I used to walk through it every day for work and in the early morning when there are no tourists around it's wonderful.
She's just mad because instead of vintage libraries or bakeries (which, again, are still there: many of the shops in the Galleria have been there the whole time) there are also Moncler or Prada or Louis Vuitton and it doesn't mesh with her expectations.

 

[Calabria]

- "I expect my cheeks are as red as cherry tomatoes in the bitter wind and I feel them with the back of my hand - my cool fingers burn against the sensitive tissue"

Is it just me? What in the contortionist fuckery does Eri-mental have for hands if she touch her cheeks with the back of her hand, yet her fingers burn against them?!

Definitely not me sat here trying to emulate it - I must look like a mole coming up for sunlight

 

[gossip_guy]

I just saw that Noam Chomsky (or Kommski, as Ruby knows him) has called ChatGPT a tool for "high-tech plagiarism" and "a way of avoiding learning" and I can't help but picture Ruby taking that as a ringing endorsement.

She did everything possible to avoid doing her own work and using her own brain at uni, so I bet she's gutted that AI tools like that came out after she graduated.

 

[Satisfying Click]

Ok, the home cafe a la Ruby is really weird, even for her. I remember my cousin doing a similar thing where we had to sit around and to pretend to order and drink tea. My cousin was 3.

It's a startling regression, I find it odd that Mama and Papa Bones allow it to fly in their home. But maybe behind the scenes, things are not so harmonious in Bones Manor (thinking back to Mama Bone's obvious annoyance with Ruby on camera over the paintbrushes).

 

[Auga]

I also need to know just how big Erimentha's bag is if Ruby expected readers to believe she can somehow cart around an entire spare uniform, a full PE kit, all her planners, books, stationary supplies, etc. in a regular school bag.

And the funniest thing is that Ruby lies about doing this herself; there's been many videos where she claims to AWHLWHEYS take stacks of books, attack alarms, water bottles, giant stationery kits, gifted snack bars, the entire range of PUNKY PLODDINGTREE products, post-it notes, backup planners, spare jumpers, etc., then claims she also puts huge binders of old schoolwork in there, all in one standard-sized Kånken.

Mother Granger with a huge wheelbarrow following Erimentha just out of sight?

 

[Griftwood]

I’m about 6 minutes in and so far she’s mispronounced both Karamazov and Dostoevsky, and the most she has had to say about any of the books is that she dislikes a particular character. Wow Roobee, so scholarly and intelligent, so much to give to the world of literary criticism.

 

[StatusWoe]

That's the one! There's probably more examples lurking in her old videos, too.

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I'm also trying to figure out what the fuck is happening in the rest of this poem and struggling to make sense of this gibberish.

So...beyond the buds - not amongst them, with the rest of its body concealed by foliage - there's a disembodied beak with blue feathers all over it just floating there. It's (as far as I know) the only beak known to man to be covered in feathers, and certainly the only known beak to live independently of a head and body.

Near as I can figure it, Ruby is depicting some horrific post-apocalyptic wasteland of nightmares, where giant disembodied beaks roam the land looking to devour whatever surviving humans they find.

The nuclear winds of spring appear to anger and empower this beak-beast as its feathers unfurl like a dilophosaurus from Jurassic Park spreading its frilly collar before it spits acid at its prey.

Ruby weaves in a sense of foreboding, too. The colour-changing plants that sporadically dot the landscape, tainted by radiation, certainly aren't benevolent - what horrors await when they bloom?

Truly a chilling depiction of the post-apocalypse. But what's more chilling is the first word: "Certainly." This is no imaginary future, Ruby tells us - it's no brief work of fiction. This is inevitable. This is what awaits us: Giant, floating killer beaks and carnivorous kaleidoscope plants. (Shudders in fear.)

This whole post made me lol. Maybe that's what awaits us in those Chinese spy balloons alien saucers?!

I did a Google search to find a bird that matched her description. These are the best I can come up with.

Spoiler

 

[octoppus182]

Ugh I can’t cope with her night routine video. She makes me so annoyed. I just don’t get why she has to plan every second of her life, it’s so unhealthy.

And the part at the end where she’s like “I set my alarms the night before but it means if I’m in the wrong headspace I’ll end up going on social media!!” Like girl, so what? Is it really that big of a deal? I feel like she’s so focused on being “perfect” and it comes across sooo fake and try hard.

 

[Griftwood]

How long exactly is her "gap year"??

I know it feels like it’s been going on for about 40 years, but it’s only been 7 months since her graduation Oxford term starts in October, so we still have a ways to go… provided they don’t reject her yet again. If they do, god only knows when and how the eternal gap yahh of the brainless brain will end.

 

[Calabria]

Yeah I’m not sure if they know how many times she’s applied? As there’s different tutors interviewing and reviewing applications every time. She probs should have tried for Cambridge

Unless it’s changed, Oxford uses the Banner system behind the scenes for admissions and student progression which is an enormous database that holds ALL the information relating to a student as they progress through the student lifecycle at the University.

This means that every time she applies it will add to her record in the system. Even if she used a different email address, there are people employed to literally match student records already in the system. They’ll have a full picture of her application history across all Oxford colleges at both UG and PG levels.

 

[pinkmug]

Given that Ruby is so keen to be a writer (apparently the entire purpose of her gap year) is anyone else a bit surprised that she has not given any sign of entering any writing competitions? Like those for short stories etc. I imagine they can be amazing for raising your profile and for your CV if approaching publishers. There are even some competitions exclusively for young writers (under 25 yr old) and The Bath Novel Awards has a special category for children's books that would have been perfect for her Lottie Parton book.

If I had her time and money, I'd love to apply for a writer's residence program. A friend got to do it in Brussels and she got a lot of writing done for her now published book, in addition to meeting other writers and staying in a nice cottage. Then again, if I had her time and money, I'd just go live in the nice cottage that I actually own.

Her hair is getting on my nerves more than it should. Has she ever been to a trained stylist or has her mum been cutting her hair all along?

 

[scrantonstrangler]

- "The corners of the paper protrude slightly, like bubblegum

Like WHAT? Ruby this doesn't make any bloody sense

 

[Daredevil]

 

[gossip_guy]

Brace yourselves, she has blessed us with another pome

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Did an AI write this for her?

 

[LostGhosts]

Erimentha Parker Chapter 16:

Plot -
- Ruby gets sad about her new hair cut. Mum comes to say goodnight and suggests they invite Kimberly's family over at some point to thank them for hosting
- Ruby is still adamant she isn't being bullied, but also read through a load of self help sites for bullying. She has come to the conclusion to just ignore them
- Kimberly and the girls notice she is ignoring them, pointing out Ruby is usually so opinionated (this is meant to be a mean comment, but it is true so I don't really get what Ruby is trying to achieve)
- Ruby presents Mr Aldridge with her history timeline to replace the shit one him and his class made and he give her three housepoints and lots of praise.
- Because Ruby's mother is useless, she didn't book Ruby into the later tennis slot so she had to miss her lesson. She emails her tennis friends asking how it went but they don't respond
- Mum is going to go food shopping and offers to take Ruby, but she doesn't want to go since Kimberly's family shops there. Even if that does mean missing out on getting a magazine and looking at autumn snacks!

Quotes -
- "Kimberly was right: you can't see it when my hair is down, but the ugly tuft is more than evident when I put it up. It juts out like a compound fracture" (Did not think I would be reminded of my time on the orthopaedic surgical ward when reading a book on bullying ...)
-"I hear mum knock on the door and quickly pull at the hair band, catching a loop of hair painfully which requires an incredible yank"
- "She kisses me on the forehead. Her lips are damp with the smell of toothpaste" (this quote is about her mum btw)
- "My tears are quickly absorbed by the open page of my book. It's like when you pour a bucket of water on damp sand at the beach - it will darken bt the water soon seeps far below, quickly restoring the colour of the sand"

 

[soph30]

About the limit of her followers’ analysis levels haha 🪧

 

[VallegGirl]

I agree with your entire post but want to touch on your point of hard work. Ruby (and her family) strike me as the kind of people that would blame the poor for being poor...that poor people just don't try/work hard enough.

MEANWHILE Ruby is just the perfect example of a lazy rich person. Rich people love to criticize the poor for not doing x y & z but then you look at someone like Ruby and think "well what the hell is she doing?" and the answer is nothing. She has all the opportunities in the world and she does fuck all. She can't work hard because she doesn't even work...3 days a week for 3 hours a day at your old school is not work...its a hobby or some weird pretend school fantasy Ruby can't let go of. Yeah she went to uni and graduated and while that does take work you have hundreds of thousands of other young adults who graduated just like Ruby but also worked part/full time, took care of their families, had a social life, had a partner, traveled, volunteered, bettered themselves, did relevant job experience, the list goes on and on.

My point is that Ruby is a lazy rich person who puts on this front of being so hardworking and so intelligent when she just isn't. I would love to see her work a 40 hour work week, pay rent/mortgage, buy groceries, cook, clean and maintain a house without her parents help/presence. She would crumble and that fact that she would fail is pathetic.

Thank you for your response to my post. I'd like to say I agree with all you said. Ruby Lazy Bones is a member of the idle rich. She wasted her gap year opportunity and my already poor opinion of her has reduced further still. Not sure I have any respect for her at all. Maybe in the past I did because she did, at least, get a YT channel up and running. Her YT channel has evolved no more than her. It is older but no wiser and is very child-like.