gossip_guy
VIP Member
On-screen text: "good morning I hope you're having a good day. and thank you for saying hello."
Ruby's out here thinking viewers are just talking at their screen whenever they see her appear.
What's even more worrying is that Ruby can often be seen randomly talking to her laptop screen in timelapse footage in her videos, even though she's not on a Zoom call or anything. Has she just been saying hello to YouTube videos this whole time? That seems crazy and implausible... But this is Ruby, so absolutely.
Get ready for deja-vu, as Ruby slaps together yet another rehashed "flog" full of her pretending to do shit in sped-up footage to give the illusion of busyness when in reality she's doing very little. Dance of the Little Swans plays loudly over it all, because hearing that in every single video for the past several years just wasn't enough apparently.
She claims once again that she hates having a messy room, even though her living space constantly looks like a squalid mess. Yet again, she makes a half-assed show of making her bed, yet the sheets don't even cover her mattress.
"Oiy...CANNOT CONCENTRATE whan tharr is MASS around me WHAN things are CLOTTERED...AND...SYO OIY...try to dyo this once a week..."
"My room does GAT VARRY messy VARRY quickly, syo it's just sommthing oiy stay on top of."
Ruby usually claims she tidies and "disinFACTS AVVERYTHING" daily, but even claiming that she does this shit weekly is unbelievable. Her room is constantly covered in dust, dead flies and detritus, all her possessions are somehow constantly covered in dirt and mess. Nobody's buying this, Rubert.
Of course, it'd wouldn't be a rehashed, recycled "flog" if Ruby didn't start "AND THAN"-ing.
"AND THAN I wryote a barthday card tyoo moiy frand."
I assume that by "frands", Ruby just means one of her cousins, or one of the many young children of her parents' friends who get forced to interact with Ruby every 6 months.
"AND...moiy sister and oiy had gyone tyoo this BOZZ LIGHTYAH evant the day befwore AND...we wahr given these toys AND...since we dyon't really have anny use for them, we sant tham tyoo some...um...familyfrands."
Nothing says generosity quite like mailing cheap, free shit you don't want to the beleaguered family acquaintances who're forced to have playdates with you because you're living in a perpetual state of arrested development and will otherwise only socialise with child penpals under the age of 16. Ruby could've mailed them an LG Gram, but nope. Free, unwanted tat from the worst Toy Story movie. You're welcome.
After shoehorning in an ad for PONKIN' PRODDATIVTEA'S latest impending planner disaster, Ruby complains that her room still feels "CLOTTERED". Yeah, no shit, you just moved the mess around and dabbed at a corner of your desk with a grimy cloth.
Her solution to this unmanageable clutter?
Add more clutter.
Ruby rambles that she got a room diffuser for her "barthday" and is going to shove that on the grimy insect graveyard she calls a windowsill, that'll tidy things up somehow.
Then she lights a new candle, but makes no effort to clean out the disgusting, congealed globs of wax that have overtaken the candle holder. But she's staying on top of the mess situation, JANUINELY.
After an extended ad montage of her posing her planner around shamelessly, lighting even more candles so that her room becomes a confused mess of scents to disguise the stench of death and squalor that must hang in the air of her never-properly-cleaned room, then mindlessly pawing at her phone while a clock ticks away, she decides to add more madness and stupidity to the mix.
"OIY'M...[DRAMATIC PAUSE, HOLD FOR APPLAUSE]...jost gyoing to quickly paint moiy nails."
Her nails are already covered in chipped and messy paint and grime, but Ruby doesn't remove it. Instead she just starts slapping a new layer of paint on atop the dirt and old paint.
"I awlwhays try to paint my nails...and awlwhays have them painted, but I'm really bad at staying on top of it so they awhways end up chipped."
No shit.
"They look PRETTY bad. Boht they look batter than they DID."
This is Ruby through and through. Rather than simply take a tiny bit more time and effort with something she claims is important to her, she just half-asses it and it looks terrible.
You don't have to have your nails painted. If you can't maintain them or don't want to, just don't paint them. It's not rocket science. But if you want them painted, learn how to do it. Or get them done professionally, you can sure as fuck afford it.
The constant charade that she "AWLWHAYS" paints her nails only calls attention to the utterly embarrassing and disgusting attempts she makes every time she shows them. This is the Ruby who claims she always loves to research and learn new things and improve, yet she can't take a tiny bit of time to learn how to clean and paint her nails. It's emblematic of everything she does - just a lazy, zero effort superficial slap of paint over layers of encrusted shit. It's just another thing that Ruby does (or pretends to do) often, yet never improves at in any way.
Then she wags her finger around obnoxiously while yammering on about the planner on "our PONK'N PRODOCKTUVTEE wabbsite". Her brain seems to be eroding more than usual and she struggles to get through a sentence.
Then it's time for even more timelapse footage of Ruby looking miserable while staring at her laptop, followed by more footage of her posing her planner around.
She shows off a to-do list on one of her many redundant and pointless tracker systems. Most notably, there's an entry titled "read outside (drone footage)". Please don't tell me this fuckwit bought (or is going to buy) a drone. She can't use the simply filmmaking tools she already has. Dumbass has zero mental faculties, hand-eye coordination or attention span, the last thing she needs is to be in control of a fucking aircraft.
After rambling about the planner for a while, she can't decide which lies to tell today and both downplays the business and embellishes her role in it all at once - "oiy've got a small stationery business cahled PONKUHPRODTiVTee" - and flits between calling it "our" website and "my" company.
This is all an ad for not just PLONKY PURDTREE but Shopify, which Ruby says SHE used for HER website. In reality, her management company own and run it, while Ruby's a glorified spokesperson and marketing rep. She'll no doubt wash her hands of the inflated responsibility and ownership she's claiming she has over it just as soon as the new planner turns into yet another customer service disaster.
She prattles on about how everyone can start a business just like she did, while failing to mention that her business would not succeed on its own merits due to the shoddy quality and service it provides and even Ruby's fanbase have tired of it as it spirals the drain.
She shows footage of her laptop screen as she rambles on and it's still encrusted in filth and grime.
Ruby reappears looking dishevelled and like she's possibly been crying.
She says she's got two emails to respond to.
The first is regarding the transcription internship she did last year. For those who don't recall, that was when she had the simple task of having to transcribe a small amount of John Jarmain's old letters but it somehow took her months on end (and the workshy clown only worked 30 minutes a day on it) and required an additional person to get it done.
Transcribing the Letters of John Jarmain: reflections on a remote internship project | Special Collections
Ruby then milked this simple task for all it was worth, embellishing her work wildly and insisting on doing yet another cringeworthy "dramatic reading" for it.
I can't see why anyone would be emailing her about it a year later and Ruby provides no further details. I can only assume the email is from someone at the university who has finally realised that Ruby has no grasp of the English language and translated all the letters into some alien dialect that nobody else can understand and the whole thing has to be redone.
The second email is apparently to do with an "academic article" that Ruby is getting published in an "undergraduate jarrnal". Ruby provides no further details and does not name the "jarrnal", so we can probably just assume that Ruby simply made her her own journal in crayon titled 'Ruby Granger's Very Important, Very Productive Journal of Productivity'. And by "published", she likely just means that her parents will stick her scribbled crayon journal on the fridge and tell her they're very proud of her for learning to spell her own name.
She then violently slams her laptop against the desk a few times, while posting that she's going to "work" in bed.
Ruby doesn't have a job, and nothing she ever does displays any evidence of effort, so who knows what this "work" is that she speaks of. But since she just mentioned that she had emails to reply to - one about a long-complete internship and one about an alleged publishing opportunity - it says a lot that she thinks these are "mindless" tasks.
And then she points out that there's just a giant moth crawling all over her pillow and continues pretending to "work" without seeming the least bit surprised or concerned. Which makes sense, since given the squalid state of Ruby's home, seeing various insects, cockroaches, feral wildlife, sasquatches and swamp creatures wandering around must be just a regular thing.
She fails to explain what "work" she actually did, and just cuts to a later time. She says she's going shopping, then somehow uses this as an opportunity to shill more PLONKPODORTEE products - the Mina's food planner shopping list thing that she's never once used herself before, but her management must've told her that they're all still littering a warehouse because she's suddenly mentioning it a lot.
She also shoves in an undeclared ad for "BARD 'n' BLAND" tea.
"It's SYO, SYO DELICIOUS!"
Sure it is. Ruby says she "barnt" her tongue, but it sure looks like pure disgust.
Ruby recovers from her tea trauma by going on a trip to the supermarket with mummy.
Ruby is hunting for linguini. She eventually finds it - "HYAH WE GYO!" - and then cuts to this:
"there was pasta all over the floor!"
Hmm. How'd that happen? Ruby suspiciously only noticed this pasta all over the floor after she was fucking around in the pasta section. Nobody can convince me that Ruby didn't do this. #pastagate
Ruby does a vegan food haul, having apparently not eaten anything all day, and it's just the usual sugary dessert junk - whipped cream, ice cream cones, pain au chocolat, salted caramel cheesecake, ice cream, chocolate Weetabix, and a small selection of fruit.
It's the next day - Father's Day - and Ruby mentions that even though she's already bought and written her dad a card, she saw a nice card in Sainsbury's, and has bought it and written another card with another essay of indecipherable gibberish in it.
Sometimes the gift of giving your dad one day's peace and quiet from the Ruby show is the best gift of all. Poor bastard's busy dodging his taxes and worrying what might happen if the Tories get voted out, he doesn't have time to read two cards full of childish nonsense in addition to all the daily letters and tantrums and spoilt demands.
To add insult to injury, Ruby says that part of his gift is a photo scrapbook. This would be a nice gesture if Ruby hadn't used one of the shoddy quality PONKATIVITY "Nyotebooks" which will fall apart and minute and she's struggled to sell due to them being cheaply made and extortionately priced.
Now, I don't know what's worse - if she threw together this sloppy mess as nothing more an exploitative excuse to advertise another one of her flimsy scam products in a video full of ads for them, or if she really did take some trash stock that she couldn't sell and pawned it off as a gift to her dad.
Ruby makes "brackfast" and it's another tiny serving of questionable bullshit - pretending she's French apparently just gave her an excuse to eat tiny desserts for breakfast. Given that she makes multiple cups of coffee, I'm guessing she didn't even have these herself and gave them to her parents. She made pain au chocolat, but added dates and nuts and god knows what else. At least she didn't add frozen peas. She claims she also made "nice cream" but suspiciously got no footage of this, so it clearly never happened.
Ruby's also forcing herself to like coffee now for some reason, and opted to use a wasteful pod coffee machine, because she all about sustainability. It's also caked in filth.
After giving her dad discarded warehouse stock, two reading assignments in the form of cards and another terrifying food experiment, she's decided to reward herself with an £1800 iMac that she doesn't need.
While she's making a big show of unpeeling all the protective covers, she almost yanks the whole thing off the desk.
"I've been thinking about purchasing a computer for years."
You did. You bought one. You already own one. It was last seen getting angrily bounced off your desk because you don't take care of anything.
Ruby doesn't need an iMac. She uses a word processor, a web browser and does very basic editing (if you can call her blindly slapping random footage together with no regard for audio levels, natural scene transitions or anything resembling thought and care "editing"). Her MacBook is more than capable of suiting her needs. She could've invested in an external monitor and a good office chair and she'd have spent a fraction of the money.
"cabels"
Ruby claims she gets consistent Firsts in English and suffers from perfectionism.
Also there's a dead fly just chilling in the afterlife while its corpse remains on her desk.
Ruby thought it wouldn't be at all embarrassing to mention that she'd been emailing her old high school teachers asking them to let her come and give a talk about Shakespeare. I can't think of anyone less qualified, but I can only assume that the school faculty recognised that the students had had a rough couple of years and deserved a good laugh, so invited Ruby to come make a fool of herself.
For her part, Ruby appears to just be recycling notes from the lectures she had about actors and gender in Shakespeare and will simply parrot other people's thoughts and ideas to children for a hollow ego boost.
"I'm not sure if you can nyotice, but my posture is SYO MOCH BATTAR--[abrupt cut]--THAN it usually is with moiy laptop," Ruby says, awkwardly hunched over like an old lady while she rants, raved and gesticulates wildly at nobody. I think she's practicing her speech. It could be a mental breakdown though.
Ruby says she's just been for a Father's Day "ron", which I assume is when her father tries to run for the hills to get the fuck away from her for 5 minutes. Then she's going to work on her presentation until her "frand" Verity comes over. This is another child of her parents' friends, because she can't have any social connections without mummy and daddy in arm's reach.
After wasting nearly £2000 on an iMac, Ruby just ignores it and used her laptop anyway. Money well spent!
Between the claims that she tidies and cleans and paints her nails, it feels like the video is especially loaded with defensiveness over the constant criticism she receives. Add another one to that pile, as Ruby makes a show of pretending that she irons things, despite practically every item of clothing she's ever worn (and sold on Depop) being unironed and creased to fuck.
Her parents' friends' kid comes over. It isn't a social visit, she's just there to use Ruby's camera to film an audition piece. Ruby acts like a director, even though she's almost as ill-qualified to tell anyone about acting as she is to talk about English.
She claims she watched a "family film because it was Father's day" and had a "takeaway corry", but conspicuously got no footage of this meal, either.
Instead of showing any footage of her undoubtedly disastrous presentation, she insists on giving a desk tour for some reason. "It's looking RAHTHAH DIFFERENT..." It looks identical, there's just an iMac there now.
Ruby's lack of imagination shines through once again. Of all the images of all the places in the world, Ruby set her desktop to be the view of her windowsill that she stares at all day long and shares on Instagram 56 times a week.
Another fly carcass looms in the background.
She shows off her planner again, because there weren't already enough fucking ads in this video.
Oh look, more ads.
More fucking ads for "one of the Nyotebocks". God, I can't wait for this brand to die a quick death.
And then she signs off with another ad for Shopify. Jesus Christ.
Ruby gone wild!!!
definitely not proper enough for her audience!! can’t believe I caught it. Just goes to show she’s probably not as uptight as she makes herself out to be online.
