Ruby Granger #18 Still no deal with Waterstones but half her food was mailed from home

[lupanda]

At uni I never knew anyone to be homesick every day. If someone told me that I would be concerned for them, honestly.

After four years definitely. What’s she going to do, never move out of her parents home? Buy a house next door so she can run to Mummy and Daddy as soon as she wakes up?
She needs to find some coping mechanisms or she’ll end up never progressing in any aspect.

 

[iglie]

Yes ! all our biggest parties were always on a thursday, I even had a professor that hated lecturing on friday morning because it smelt like beer in the room! (jeudi CI is actually the motto of one of the student circles)

I'm watching her video rn and I find her view on parties very skewed (unless it's a culture thing, again). I'm introverted myself, and at first I didn't really like parties (because in my first living accommodations, the others were drunk every single night. Litterally. One like to brag that he drank such and such, when he had an appointment with his liver doctor at nine in the morning). But then I met a lot of my current friends, and most of our parties consisted of talking/joking/drinking (a lot but that's not the point, I've also had a lot if fun with them on nights I didn't wanna drink). I feel like the only version of a party that she knows of is going clubbing, which isn't really representative. But she's set her mind on it and doesn't want to change it.
Also, it's normal for her to want her 'me time' but socializing is an important part of uni, and spending all of your time alone isn't good for your ental healt (as I later learned, lol). Forcing myself to go to parties I thought I wouldn't enjoy, and actually enjoying myself, really helped a lot when I struggled, and I feel like she doesn't even want to try.
sorry if this is kind of rambly, but I recognize a lot of my younger self in what she says on parties/socializing, the only difference is I changed my mind pretty quickly, but she seems sets in her ways.

it's the exact same for me! I'm pretty introverted and have to force myself to actually go to parties (which I always end up liking and have a good time but the circle continues and I keep having to force myself to go each time lol). And you're right she seems to think parties are just going clubbing or ground crazy and drink a lot. Whereas actually I'd say the majorities of "soirées" I attend are very chill and it's mostly talking and smoking with some music playing loud lol.

 

[meweme]

At uni I never knew anyone to be homesick every day. If someone told me that I would be concerned for them, honestly.

Although I detest her with all my being even Holly Gabriel recognized her intense homesickness as not being normal and once in her life tackled it in the beginning of her studies. Maybe Rubs could copy that aspect of of her idol and not the crappy disordered eating stuff? (But then again Holly's home seems much more toxic and a lot less enabling than Rubs' one.)

 

[opal73]

After four years definitely. What’s she going to do, never move out of her parents home? Buy a house next door so she can run to Mummy and Daddy as soon as she wakes up?
She needs to find some coping mechanisms or she’ll end up never progressing in any aspect.

She's certainly not going to get any better by isolating herself either.

If you watch her university vlogs from her first year during the first few weeks at Exeter she was actually maturing, going out with people, settling in, etc. But after that it sort of fell apart. Very disappointing. She is clearly struggling very hard and I think the existential crisis will get worse the closer she gets to finishing her degree this year (if she does).

 

[studyttubingbetoxictho]

giving my two cents abt the whole homesickness topic even tho no one asked - I'm a first that moved to the UK from Germany and honestly, at the beginning I was terrified. But by now I've gotten used to living away from home and I'm just generally having a very good time at uni (occasionally going out a few nights in a row). I've still gone home to visit for reading week but in relation to what normal first years go through it feels like Ruby is pretty badly adjusted

 

[slamvs27]

Ruby gives real introverts a bad name.

In 5 years she'll regress so far her biggest wish would be to go back into her mother's womb (sorry for the image, Happy Halloween I guess?)

 

[yayadumpling]

this video just seems like her talking to really try and justify her reasons for not partying etc and reality no one cares. ruby if you're reading, no one thinks twice if you don't party or don't drink etc!!! and IF someone is going to judge you for this, they're immature lol.

in saying that, as in introvert, it did only take me until this year to be comfortable with the fact that i don't feel the need to drink every weekend (once a month is good enough to fill my social bar lol)/have a large friend group and instead spend my time going to cafes etc with my friends.

 

[pancakes.for.dinner]

Hi, long time lurker here. As soon as I saw the title of the new video I came here ^^.

I just wanted to say that going to university for months at a time without going home is a very uk/us-centric thing. In my country (Belgium, which is admittedly much smaller than uk/us, so you're never more than 3h aways from home), litterally everyone goes back home on the week-end, it's just how it is. Very few students stay on campus during the week-end, and usually only with a reason (parents on holiday, party planned during the week-end, ...) I did it for 5 years (standard undergrad/grad combination time) and when I moved afterwards it wasn't particularly difficult.

I agree that Ruby seems unhealthily homesick, (since it's her fourth year), yet I feel like, for the first years, going away for the first time from your home for at least a few months at a time sounds incredibly hard.

I'm from Australia (born in the UK) and went on exchange to Bristol Uni. Almost no one went home for the weekend (MAYBE one weekend every month if that) unless they lived very close/within Bristol. It's just too disruptive for most people and *most normal* people wanted to hang out with their friends on the weekend lol. I think she's conflating 'introversion' with anxiety or codependency/lack of independence.

it's the exact same for me! I'm pretty introverted and have to force myself to actually go to parties (which I always end up liking and have a good time but the circle continues and I keep having to force myself to go each time lol). And you're right she seems to think parties are just going clubbing or ground crazy and drink a lot. Whereas actually I'd say the majorities of "soirées" I attend are very chill and it's mostly talking and smoking with some music playing loud lol.

That's so true, she somehow has this very negative and one-sided view of socialising as being clubbing and drinking excessively even though she's never even tried to socialise? When I was on exchange in the UK my flatmates and I would occasionally go out to a pub or something, but mostly we just drank (and...other stuff lmao) and had a great time in the flat. I don't even drink alcohol and I still socialised with everyone literally all the time, people don't really care what you do as long as you're not judgemental to them haha.

 

[Griftwood]

I feel like the problem with this video is that what she’s saying sounds reasonable on the surface, but when you look at her actions, they’re actually pretty extreme and even unhealthy, and her perceptions are completely skewed.

She says ”it’s okay not to want to party” - she herself went to a party once, didn’t enjoy herself, and then decided never to give it another shot, and says the stereotypical university party is just drinking and drugs, citing American tv shows as her source - surely that was not her actual expectation?

She also says ”it’s okay to be homesick” - she goes home every chance she gets, writes letters and calls her parents constantly, and says she feels homesick every day. Every day, in her fourth year. Instead of addressing the problem and finding coping mechanisms, she’s decided she’s the normal one and all the rest of the world is just unnecessarily stigmatising homesickness.

She claims ”adults” (lol Roobee you’re an adult too, don’t even try it) are ALL saying university is supposed to be the best time of one’s life. Um, no they’re not. YOU’RE the one who’s been going on and on and bloody ON about ”romanticising uni” and ”being so, so grateful” and ”immersing yourself in macadamias”. Older people mainly say things like that because they wish THEY’d taken more advantage of those years and enjoyed uni more than they actually did.

 

[replace32titles]

I joined a society and we went away to do our Thing about once a month. Of course, we were also the weirdos who sat just outside the bar with our largely non-alcoholic drinks and occasionally our niche interest instruction manuals before going home to watch 24 and eat “a fleet of cakes” but we had a good time. I think Ruby would hate our Thing but our socials sound kind of like they’d suit her fine.

 

[Ilaariaa]

Yeah same in France pretty much, at least in my experience. Only differences is that people only do this if their uni is not far from home obviously and also I've noticed it was only during the first two years mostly. At least that was the case in my group of friends, for some reason in our third year we started to go home far less often, probably because we were more matured I don't know. Also it wasn't really an issue socially, cause the biggest parties and social events are always on Thursday nights, and I think this is precisely why theyre not on fridays, because it's very common to go back home on the weekends over here.

It's pretty much the same in Italy, unless someone like goes to uni in Milan and their home is in Sicily, in which case you obviously cannot fly home every weekend lol
But yeah as you said it's more of a first year of uni thing. My uni is about 1h and a half away from my hometown by train, so in my first year I went home almost every weekend or every two weeks at most (both to see my family and to see my boyfriend who was also a uni student at another university). Now I'm in my 4th year total (1st year of my Master's degree) and my boyfriend lives with me so I don't visit home that often anymore.
We also have "uni Thursdays/Wednesdays" like you mentioned lol those are the designated days for uni students to party, bars will give you student discounts and everything

 

[Spencerskates]

I joined a society and we went away to do our Thing about once a month. Of course, we were also the weirdos who sat just outside the bar with our largely non-alcoholic drinks and occasionally our niche interest instruction manuals before going home to watch 24 and eat “a fleet of cakes” but we had a good time. I think Ruby would hate our Thing but our socials sound kind of like they’d suit her fine.

I don’t understand why Ruby didn’t join a dance society, as she seems to really enjoy it. It gives you a hobby/interest and an opportunity to meet new friends without having to go out drinking if you don’t want to.

 

[Ilaariaa]

She claims ”adults” (lol Roobee you’re an adult too, don’t even try it) are ALL saying university is supposed to be the best time of one’s life. Um, no they’re not. YOU’RE the one who’s been going on and on and bloody ON about ”romanticising uni” and ”being so, so grateful” and ”immersing yourself in macadamias”. Older people mainly say things like that because they wish THEY’d taken more advantage of those years and enjoyed uni more than they actually did.

Focusing on "the university experience" and beating yourself up because reality is not what you expected it to be is extremely unhelpful.
The point of university is to get an education, skills and connections that will allow you to advance in your life or career. That's it. Everything else is certainly a plus, but at the end of the day it should not be the focus here.
Not everyone can have the stereotypical "uni experience" where you meet a large group of friends that become your best friends for life and you do everything together and have fun. Especially with Covid, a lot of people have not been able to do that. And before then that may not have been possible for a variety of reasons. If that's the case you just have to accept that your uni experience will not be what you expected. That doesn't mean it's not worth it or it's "less than".

And the same goes for whatever dark academia fantasy Ruby had in mind. Boo hoo, my university does not have wooden desks with ink wells anymore, only boring plastic desks with charging stations! Cry me a river, Ruby. You're there to get a university education and your fixation on aesthetics is getting in the way of your work.

 

[gossip_guy]

I don’t understand why Ruby didn’t join a dance society, as she seems to really enjoy it. It gives you a hobby/interest and an opportunity to meet new friends without having to go out drinking if you don’t want to.

If she can't be the most gifted person in the room and it doesn't generate money for her, she isn't interested in it. (See also: Her book club.)

 

[CatCafe234]

She claims ”adults” (lol Roobee you’re an adult too, don’t even try it) are ALL saying university is supposed to be the best time of one’s life. Um, no they’re not. YOU’RE the one who’s been going on and on and bloody ON about ”romanticising uni” and ”being so, so grateful” and ”immersing yourself in macadamias”. Older people mainly say things like that because they wish THEY’d taken more advantage of those years and enjoyed uni more than they actually did.

Ruby seems to have this way of taking everything she’s told at face value and seeing everything in black and white terms. Uni will either be the best time of my life or it will be dreadful and there’s no in-between! I must get firsts for everything or else I have failed! I must party like Martha or not party at all!

I went to uni as a mature student - not massively so, but I had to wait until I was classed as an independent student - and there were times when I completely hated my course, my uni and my flatmates. But with a bit of hindsight, I can see that there were great things about uni. Not necessarily the academics, but the freedom I had to manage my time and do what I wanted, when I wanted to do it. The lack of major responsibilities beyond my course (that’s not true for everyone of course and I was in awe of my mature student friends who were managing their courses alongside families and jobs), and not having to pay bl**dy Council Tax. Writing this now from the position of having a stressful full-time job, I’d love to be an undergraduate again (although no way would I want to be a post-grad or early career researcher…) In some ways I think Ruby would have been better off waiting a while and going to uni when she was a bit older, since there’s less expectation then that you’re going to live a typical student life. I also think it’s a bit of a shame that she wealthy enough not to have to do something like get a part-time job, which would mean that she has a responsibility in Exeter that she can’t just walk away from. I also think it’s a shame she chose Exeter and not somewhere smaller and less prestigious where she could be that bigger fish in a smaller pond, which is what she seems to need. I do have some sympathy for Ruby as it’s clear the pandemic’s floored her, but she can’t blame the world for all of her problems forever.

 

[Ilaariaa]

The weird part is that she's making this video and talking about homesickness and university not being what you expected it to be...in her last year of uni. Like bestie have you been asleep in the past three years? I don't understand. She's had plenty of time to get used to homesickness and become familiar with Exeter and her life there, make friends there etc. She seemed to be doing fine back in first year. She really is regressing

 

[Deeznutslol]

If she can't be the most gifted person in the room and it doesn't generate money for her, she isn't interested in it. (See also: Her book club.)

Does anyone who is in the book club have any updates btw? Is she still getting slagged off on the discord?

 

[LarmeKeiLover]

Off topic but

How many requests do you reccon Ruby needs for her to do a live reading of My Immortal?

Edit- even better live book club reading

 

[acadaymia]

Her recent video reminds me of a comment earlier in this thread or the one before that, where someone said Roobs will probably try to ease us into her 'news' of dropping out of uni. It's like she's soft launching her inevitable decision or something. That being said - I do find it sad that after 4 years she just recently came to the conclusion that uni isn't great for her?? It just undermines everything that her channel is built on.

 

[JamesArden1869]

Uni during the pandemic has definitely been difficult so I don't blame her for feeling a bit isolated. That being said there are things she could do about it why not join the english society or the tea society (if there even is one). That being said there doesn't look to be much in Exeter from Google Maps and I would be bored out of my brain there so activities might be a bit hard. I am not saying she should be as out there as Marfa but she could at least try put herself out there a tiny bit more.
The other thing it is quite apparent that she has bullied walking around Exeter from some of her older videos. I think that may have something to do with it and it's really not very nice. I think that going to a private school may of been to her detriment a little bit as they are feed everything on a platter instead of having to search for likeminded people.