Relationship issues and relationship talk

[Codiaeum]

I know you’d think it would be, but he just manages to worm his way back by doing stuff such as ringing my work etc then I just give in out of sheer embarrassment because it’s easier.
Thank you x

That is the worst part, right - you give in because for a short while, it will be easier - then things get bad again, you try to distance yourself, but the loop just continues. If he does indeed ring your work, etc I believe that in itself is grounds for filing a complaint with the police as it would count as stalking. When you have made it clear you want no further contact with him that should be sufficient, but as @qqwertyy wrote, things get the most dangerous when women try to leave. I think I've read that it takes seven tries on average for a woman to leave an abusive situation, precisely because it is very hard, dangerous and for a short while a lot easier than trying to get away.
I really think some sort of organisation would be your best call - as you say, physically you stand no chance and most of the abusive behaviour is verbal and emotional right now, which leaves unable to get away.

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

That is the worst part, right - you give in because for a short while, it will be easier - then things get bad again, you try to distance yourself, but the loop just continues. If he does indeed ring your work, etc I believe that in itself is grounds for filing a complaint with the police as it would count as stalking. When you have made it clear you want no further contact with him that should be sufficient, but as @qqwertyy wrote, things get the most dangerous when women try to leave. I think I've read that it takes seven tries on average for a woman to leave an abusive situation, precisely because it is very hard, dangerous and for a short while a lot easier than trying to get away.
I really think some sort of organisation would be your best call - as you say, physically you stand no chance and most of the abusive behaviour is verbal and emotional right now, which leaves unable to get away.

Thank you, I’m definitely going to end the loop this time. I text earlier asking if he could post my key and driving licence through the door and he rang me and called me every name under the sun, including a c*nt. I’ve done nothing wrong
I’ve blocked him on everything now.
Will put the latch on my door tonight so he can’t get in a with a key either x

 

[ToolaRoola]

Please keep a record of everything he says and does, with screenshots/recordings etc.

Speak to organisations that can offer help and support.

His behaviour is worrying. Have you got a friend that you could stay with that he doesn't know so you can get some space and seek some support?

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

Please keep a record of everything he says and does, with screenshots/recordings etc.

Speak to organisations that can offer help and support.

His behaviour is worrying. Have you got a friend that you could stay with that he doesn't know so you can get some space and seek some support?

Thank you I will do x
I know, he’s turned up plastered in the morning before now shouting and being agressive. Not really, no one knows what he’s like as I’ve only told one person. I’ve got animals I can’t leave either. I’ve put the catch thing on the door so it can’t be opened xx

 

[ToolaRoola]

Thank you I will do x
I know, he’s turned up plastered in the morning before now shouting and being agressive. Not really, no one knows what he’s like as I’ve only told one person. I’ve got animals I can’t leave either. I’ve put the catch thing on the door so it can’t be opened xx

Please look into speaking to the police if you can. You shouldn't have to live like this.

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

Please look into speaking to the police if you can. You shouldn't have to live like this.

I have spoken to them once when I did a Clare’s law after one episode of him turning up drunk one morning. They asked me about his behaviour etc and I told them how he is, they asked if I wanted to take it further, so I said no, but because I’ve made them aware and it’s concerning behaviour it will come up should anyone make a Clare’s law application in the future

 

[Captainmouse]

Thank you I will do x
I know, he’s turned up plastered in the morning before now shouting and being agressive. Not really, no one knows what he’s like as I’ve only told one person. I’ve got animals I can’t leave either. I’ve put the catch thing on the door so it can’t be opened xx

You need to change the locks so he can’t get in when you are out

 

[lockdown sux]

@Quarrantinemadness
I agree with the others talk to an organization. Get proper advice on how to handle him.

Change your locks in case he tries coming back in.
Stay elsewhere for a while once it dawns on him you are serious now that it is over or get a few friends to stay over.
You will need your family and friends support.
Hoping things get sorted soon

 

[whoareyouu]

I have spoken to them once when I did a Clare’s law after one episode of him turning up drunk one morning. They asked me about his behaviour etc and I told them how he is, they asked if I wanted to take it further, so I said no, but because I’ve made them aware and it’s concerning behaviour it will come up should anyone make a Clare’s law application in the future

I know how scary and daunting this will be for you. I went through similar and basically I put up with it until he got bored and I wouldn’t recommend that at all/it’s not the right thing to do. Please speak to the police if you feel able to.

 

[LouBug19]

I have spoken to them once when I did a Clare’s law after one episode of him turning up drunk one morning. They asked me about his behaviour etc and I told them how he is, they asked if I wanted to take it further, so I said no, but because I’ve made them aware and it’s concerning behaviour it will come up should anyone make a Clare’s law application in the future

Your safety matters, whether that be changing the locks or blocking him but if he is just going to turn up then thats concerning. My best advice would be to phone the police. I phoned the police when my ex kicked off in the house, he smashed up things and threatened to kill me. He was drunk so I thought he might sleep it off but in the morning he still hadn't calmed down so I had no choice. They turned up very quickly, arrested him and kept him in overnight. He was issued bail conditions not to contact me or enter my street. Stupid me though allowed him another chance (something I really regret now) and all I can say if that someone like that won't change, especially with drink. I can relate to you so much with the tears making us feel guilty because we care. Trust me when I saw you'll be better off in the long term doing this.

 

[aliw]

You need to contact the police to get things in place like personal alarms when you go out and an alarm in your home - they should take this seriously. Then you need to be honest with your work (I know it's embarrassing) to stop the phone calls at the first point of contact so he can't get through to you.

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

Thank you everyone x
He didn’t turn up, or at least I didn’t hear anything. No key or licence posted through.
I slept like a log for the first time in ages
Had an abusive voicmail off him from a withheld number, the sad thing is he was with people and thought it was ok to speak to me like he did in the message in front of people. Never had any respect for me at all apparently he wants all his stuff back. He doesn’t have anything here just trying to be Billy big balls in front of his friends.
I’ve woke up thinking of changing my dark hair to blonde, and you know what they say about the hair change!

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

He’s just driven here paralytic
Tried and tried to get in my door banging
On it
Shouting up to my bedroom at the front door
I said I was calling the police and eventually he went
He’s not left my key
I don’t want to waste police time
Now getting messages calling me every name under the sun

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

He turned up again so the police have dealt with it now: thank you for all your advice xxx

 

[Magwitch]

He turned up again so the police have dealt with it now: thank you for all your advice xxx

Well done for getting the police to deal with. You are not wasting their time, please don’t think that. It’s an awful situation for you. Can you get your locks changed today?

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

Well done for getting the police to deal with. You are not wasting their time, please don’t think that. It’s an awful situation for you. Can you get your locks changed today?

Thank you x
I feel so bad though, he’s in custody. He needs help he turns into a different person when he’s been drinking, it’s really sad.
Yeah can get them changed today, the police id get my key etc for me x

 

[Magwitch]

Thank you x
I feel so bad though, he’s in custody. He needs help he turns into a different person when he’s been drinking, it’s really sad.
Yeah can get them changed today, the police id get my key etc for me x

Ah that’s great about the keys, you’ll feel much safer when that’s done. My partner is a recovering alcoholic, and although he was never violent I totally understand what you are saying. He was a completely different person when he had been drinking. Don’t feel bad though. It was a very dangerous situation for you and he needs to be dealt with. Hopefully this will be a wake up call for him. But actually this is not your problem anymore. Stay strong, don’t take him back!

 

[lockdown sux]

YOU ARE NOT WASTING POLUCE TIME ! Your safety is a priority.
Dont feel bad that he is in custody he brought it on himself. Even if you get the key back he could have copies. Get a new lock.

 

[whoareyouu]

He turned up again so the police have dealt with it now: thank you for all your advice xxx

Well done for calling the police. I truly hope you’re OK. X

 

[LouBug19]

Thank you x
I feel so bad though, he’s in custody. He needs help he turns into a different person when he’s been drinking, it’s really sad.
Yeah can get them changed today, the police id get my key etc for me x

Don't feel bad, I can completely relate to what you're going through. He needs to understand that he needs help and if he's not willing to do it then he needs to be on his own. Drink is the devil and it killed my ex boyfriend. I wish i made him get help but he didnt want it.