God, that sounds impossible and so I’m sorry to hear this. Is there no way you could move closer to him? Can you not move to meet in the middle? I get that he doesn’t want to be away from his son.
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He has offered me to move in with him but I would have to uproot my daughters life (she’s 9) and move her away from her dad, her friends and family and all she’s known for 9 years.
He says he’s happy where he is though and is unlikely to move anywhere!
If you’re not willing to stay as you are then it’s probably easier to end it now rather than go on for years more and just hope that it will work out.
You’re also asking him to do the same thing that you won’t do, it’s seems like for the same reasons.
Hope you do what’s right for you
I agree with this. I think both of you have the kids wants and needs as a priority, as it rightly should be. If there’s no compromise and you aren’t happy then there’s only one thing you can do. I’m really sorry though, you’re in a bind.
Looking for advice, me and my boyfriend have been together over a year. It's a great relationship, he treats me really well and we have a great time together but intimacy is lacking. I think both of us are lacking self confidence and it's like we are waiting on the other one making a move. I'm scared to incase he rejects me which sounds stupid but that would make me feel a lot worse. I came out of a 9 year relationship before meeting him so this is all new to me again.
I know it’s difficult but you need to talk to him about it, in a relaxed manner, you could cover the basics first, what he likes dislikes, what you like/don’t like.
Tell him you would like him to be more proactive, ask him if he prefers you to do the same. I know for some couples, they schedule a night a week at least for their own special time, works for busy parents mostly but could help get you started
It is difficult and these are conversations that make me nervous but I know need to be had. The more time goes on the worse it will get. My sex drive has went away recently but I don't want to be a sexless couple and we both get frustrated.
I absolutely get it, I grew up in a house where anything to do with sex was ‘dirty’ and forbidden and I find it cringe to talk about, my partner is on the opposite end and just comes out and asks which usually spurs on the conversation.
Could you maybe message him if you find it difficult?
Maybe send a message saying "Ooh I've been sent a 40% discount code for Ann Summers. I might treat myself to some sexy/gorgeous/freaky (delete as suits the relationship
) underwear. What do you think?" I did that recently though and got 'I think it’s shut down near us" Erm okay then Hopefully you'll have more joyWe are going for dinner tonight so I'll wear my best underwear and hint that I am too.
@LouBug19 I know you posted on the other thread too but just wondering has it always been like this since you met?
No, not really. We used to have flirty phone calls, we had sex when we first met. Just died down over the last few months.
Maybe a bit weird, but how about watching a series like Sex Education together? My partner and I have been together since forever, pretty much learned intimacy together, but also find it awkward to talk about many things and fell into a bit of a rut. We watched Sex Education mostly because it is really funny (last season is crap though) but surprisingly it somehow made us talk as well.
It is really tough to bring a subject like this up at times. I do think you both need to discuss it though because you do not want it to turn to resentment on either side.
Once we watched outlander and that spurred him on 
i adore him, he's been amazing for me after what I've been through. Sometimes I want to give myself a kick and say just come on to him but something is holding me back!
i adore him, he's been amazing for me after what I've been through. Sometimes I want to give myself a kick and say just come on to him but something is holding me back!
I’m stuck in a relationship I can’t get out of.
Everytime I try to end it, he turns up at my house and manipulates me, even puts on the waterworks. Then every week we have the same thing. Agressive behaviour, wants someone to put up and shut up, a little wife that does everything, but that doesn’t actually get anything in return. Like a wife from the 50’s where they did everything for their husbands, running round like idiots after them, food on the table etc etc
He drinks at weekends then the next day he’s so nasty and aggressive but denies drinking. I’m not stupid, he’s a totally different person after drinking.
How can I end it for good? He’s just turned up again and marched upstairs (I’m ill in bed) and started shouted at me swearing. saying I want him out of the way to cheat (wtf). I asked him to leave my house key and go, and he’s just driven off with my key (we don’t live together).
Tomorrow he’ll be all apologetic, will probably cry about how much he loves me, and say he was ill and I did something to make him agressive
the last time he practically had a breakdown that I’d ended things.
I’ve done nothing wrong. But it’s always me that’s caused him to be like he is apparently.
I said why are you being aggressive and he said if I was being agressive you’d know about it because I’d smash your head against the wall.
Posting here as I can’t tell anyone close to me this is happening. I just don’t know how to stop it for good.
I’m not scared anymore, now that I’m used to this pattern of behaviour. I would call the police if he tried to hurt me so I’m not worried in that respect
Everytime I try to end it, he turns up at my house and manipulates me, even puts on the waterworks. Then every week we have the same thing. Agressive behaviour, wants someone to put up and shut up, a little wife that does everything, but that doesn’t actually get anything in return. Like a wife from the 50’s where they did everything for their husbands, running round like idiots after them, food on the table etc etc
He drinks at weekends then the next day he’s so nasty and aggressive but denies drinking. I’m not stupid, he’s a totally different person after drinking.
How can I end it for good? He’s just turned up again and marched upstairs (I’m ill in bed) and started shouted at me swearing. saying I want him out of the way to cheat (wtf). I asked him to leave my house key and go, and he’s just driven off with my key (we don’t live together).
Tomorrow he’ll be all apologetic, will probably cry about how much he loves me, and say he was ill and I did something to make him agressive
the last time he practically had a breakdown that I’d ended things.I’ve done nothing wrong. But it’s always me that’s caused him to be like he is apparently.
I said why are you being aggressive and he said if I was being agressive you’d know about it because I’d smash your head against the wall.
Posting here as I can’t tell anyone close to me this is happening. I just don’t know how to stop it for good.
I’m not scared anymore, now that I’m used to this pattern of behaviour. I would call the police if he tried to hurt me so I’m not worried in that respect
First of all, none of this is your fault, and I’m very sorry that this is happening into you. It is difficult to leave and as you say, anytime you try, you get stuck in a loop. But I’m also concerned for your safety and knowing that you would call the police doesn’t make the danger any less serious. Not all abuse is physical and to me your situation reads like abuse.I’m stuck in a relationship I can’t get out of.
Everytime I try to end it, he turns up at my house and manipulates me, even puts on the waterworks. Then every week we have the same thing. Agressive behaviour, wants someone to put up and shut up, a little wife that does everything, but that doesn’t actually get anything in return. Like a wife from the 50’s where they did everything for their husbands, running round like idiots after them, food on the table etc etc
He drinks at weekends then the next day he’s so nasty and aggressive but denies drinking. I’m not stupid, he’s a totally different person after drinking.
How can I end it for good? He’s just turned up again and marched upstairs (I’m ill in bed) and started shouted at me swearing. saying I want him out of the way to cheat (wtf). I asked him to leave my house key and go, and he’s just driven off with my key (we don’t live together).
Tomorrow he’ll be all apologetic, will probably cry about how much he loves me, and say he was ill and I did something to make him agressive
I’ve done nothing wrong. But it’s always me that’s caused him to be like he is apparently.
I said why are you being aggressive and he said if I was being agressive you’d know about it because I’d smash your head against the wall.
Posting here as I can’t tell anyone close to me this is happening. I just don’t know how to stop it for good.
I’m not scared anymore, now that I’m used to this pattern of behaviour. I would call the police if he tried to hurt me so I’m not worried in that respect
Is there a women’s shelter like Refuge that you could contact? They might be able to advise how to proceed safely and can also assist you leaving.
Thank you xx I feel so stuck.
I’d feel so stupid though, he’d just manipulate any situation to being my fault, like I’d made a mountain out of a molehill and make our I’m a psycho.
I should be asleep resting because I’m ill, but I can’t because now my heart is in my mouth everytime I hear a car door slam in case it’s him again.
id also be worried about repercussions if I contacted someone, whether that be from him, or someone acting out for him.
I’ve tried to “quietly quit” in the hope that he’d end it but that doesn’t work either.
I know and to be fair if he did do anything I don’t think I’d be in any position to call the police, he’s huge compared to me, I’d have no chance. I don’t think he would do anything sober, but when he’s had a drink who knows.
A few weeks ago I got a load of abuse over text in the night, calling me a slut, saying that he knew I was cheating etc
The next day he turned up sobbing but then said he couldn’t remember calling me a slut.
I haven’t been in a relationship for 10 years prior to this one, and after this the last thing I’d want is to be with another one and cheat! I’m done with the lot of them, rather be happy on my own x
Thanks for listening to me, I couldn’t tell most people I know because I feel stupid x
It really should just be as easy as block his number, change the locks and call the police if he turns up. Thank god you don’t live with him.
But as we all know the most dangerous time when you’re involved with an abusive man is when you try to leave. I agree that you might need to contact a women’s organisation to help you to do it properly.
But as we all know the most dangerous time when you’re involved with an abusive man is when you try to leave. I agree that you might need to contact a women’s organisation to help you to do it properly.
I know you’d think it would be, but he just manages to worm his way back by doing stuff such as ringing my work etc then I just give in out of sheer embarrassment because it’s easier.
Thank you x