Hey guys, I don’t know if I’m posting in the right place but I’m just wanting an outsiders opinion. My relationship is on the rocks at the moment because of my MIL and my partner who is clearly a mummy’s boy. I’ll give a bit of back story-
So I have a 7 year old son with my ex (who MIL barely acknowledges), and a 14 month old and 5 week old with my partner. We run a business together and last year bought a house together. His mother has always disliked the fact I have a son with my ex which quite frankly I can’t see the issue as my partner is like a second dad to him and we all co-parent amazingly and get on well (unlike her and my partners dad who can’t even be around each other). She has never made much of an effort at all with our two children, yet caused a big son and dance when my 14 month old was about 10 months demanding she wanted her one day a week, this was absolutely fine with me as by this point I was exhausted and glad she finally offered to help out (she lives 5 mins drive away). She chose what day she wanted to have her and then was so inconsistent, constantly letting us down last minute, or leaving baby with her husband for long periods of time and disappearing out for lunch with her friends etc. Now this didn’t bother my partner as much as it did me, as after all he gets to physically leave the house to work, my side of the business I do from home albeit hard work with kids to look after at the same time. We bought our first house and that’s when she started getting weird, it’s almost like she doesn’t like how tied to me her son is. We are not married but have discussed doing it one day, I would rather elope but obviously he wants his mum there to hold his hand or whatever. Whilst renovating our house she has insulted everything I’ve done to it, yes me because I’m the one at home doing it whilst being pregnant with my 3rd child. She then started making sly comments about how I need to lose weight etc (I’m only a size 10 when not pregnant!) my partner always laughs along with everything she says because if he ever dares disagree with her she cuts him off and basically asks for everything back she’s ever done for him in his 35 years he’s been alive. When I had my son by emergency c-section 5 weeks ago, she decided from then she didn’t want to have our other child anymore, she was straight round as soon as we got home a few days later with the baby, but we haven’t seen her since. My partner had to return to work after a week so luckily my mum dropped everything to come help as much as possible which I’m so grateful for. Until today she contacted my partner asking him to go round and to take the children to see her, obviously I went as I’m breastfeeding 5 wk old. She was not happy I was there, she then offered to have 14 month old Tuesday as she hadn’t had her for weeks, which as annoying it is that she wasn’t there to help when we probably needed her most, we agreed, that was until her husband dropped her in it that he would be looking after her until MIL got back from shopping and lunch with her friends that day. This caused a huge argument between me and my partner, as I have a family member who is on the sex offenders register and it was a relative everyone would LEAST expect to do something of the sort. 14 month old is a girl, in nappies, and I hardly know this man, as neither does my partner. It doesn’t sit right with me her being left in his care because of my own paranoia and anxiety because of what my relative had done. I’ve asked my partner to speak to his mum and say because of this we would rather her just pick her up when she’s at home and her not be left with others, but my partner says I’m being pathetic and need to grow up. We’ve non stop argued about this tonight, and I do feel like he doesn’t understand my worries come from me wanting to protect my children and not leave them with strangers, rather than accusing his stepfather of doing anything sinister as I would never make such an accusation. The way we have argued tonight and there’s been a number of other issues I’ve had with his mum which make me think I don’t think I can be tied to this family for the rest of my life. I’m constantly down and fed up, my partner seems to have it so easy getting to go out to work 5 days a week, and since having the kids I’m stuck in the house 24/7. If I leave him I know he wouldn’t make my life easy as his mum would tell him what to do, I’d be on my own with 3 kids, I then no longer have a job, but the business would 100% go under without my input and I wouldn’t want that for my partner. So what I think I’m trying to ask is does it get any easier?! Do these men eventually grow a back bone and stick up for the woman who does everything for them to their mothers, or is it a leave before it’s too late? The woman is making me seriously depressed, and deep down I know she knows she is too.
So I have a 7 year old son with my ex (who MIL barely acknowledges), and a 14 month old and 5 week old with my partner. We run a business together and last year bought a house together. His mother has always disliked the fact I have a son with my ex which quite frankly I can’t see the issue as my partner is like a second dad to him and we all co-parent amazingly and get on well (unlike her and my partners dad who can’t even be around each other). She has never made much of an effort at all with our two children, yet caused a big son and dance when my 14 month old was about 10 months demanding she wanted her one day a week, this was absolutely fine with me as by this point I was exhausted and glad she finally offered to help out (she lives 5 mins drive away). She chose what day she wanted to have her and then was so inconsistent, constantly letting us down last minute, or leaving baby with her husband for long periods of time and disappearing out for lunch with her friends etc. Now this didn’t bother my partner as much as it did me, as after all he gets to physically leave the house to work, my side of the business I do from home albeit hard work with kids to look after at the same time. We bought our first house and that’s when she started getting weird, it’s almost like she doesn’t like how tied to me her son is. We are not married but have discussed doing it one day, I would rather elope but obviously he wants his mum there to hold his hand or whatever. Whilst renovating our house she has insulted everything I’ve done to it, yes me because I’m the one at home doing it whilst being pregnant with my 3rd child. She then started making sly comments about how I need to lose weight etc (I’m only a size 10 when not pregnant!) my partner always laughs along with everything she says because if he ever dares disagree with her she cuts him off and basically asks for everything back she’s ever done for him in his 35 years he’s been alive. When I had my son by emergency c-section 5 weeks ago, she decided from then she didn’t want to have our other child anymore, she was straight round as soon as we got home a few days later with the baby, but we haven’t seen her since. My partner had to return to work after a week so luckily my mum dropped everything to come help as much as possible which I’m so grateful for. Until today she contacted my partner asking him to go round and to take the children to see her, obviously I went as I’m breastfeeding 5 wk old. She was not happy I was there, she then offered to have 14 month old Tuesday as she hadn’t had her for weeks, which as annoying it is that she wasn’t there to help when we probably needed her most, we agreed, that was until her husband dropped her in it that he would be looking after her until MIL got back from shopping and lunch with her friends that day. This caused a huge argument between me and my partner, as I have a family member who is on the sex offenders register and it was a relative everyone would LEAST expect to do something of the sort. 14 month old is a girl, in nappies, and I hardly know this man, as neither does my partner. It doesn’t sit right with me her being left in his care because of my own paranoia and anxiety because of what my relative had done. I’ve asked my partner to speak to his mum and say because of this we would rather her just pick her up when she’s at home and her not be left with others, but my partner says I’m being pathetic and need to grow up. We’ve non stop argued about this tonight, and I do feel like he doesn’t understand my worries come from me wanting to protect my children and not leave them with strangers, rather than accusing his stepfather of doing anything sinister as I would never make such an accusation. The way we have argued tonight and there’s been a number of other issues I’ve had with his mum which make me think I don’t think I can be tied to this family for the rest of my life. I’m constantly down and fed up, my partner seems to have it so easy getting to go out to work 5 days a week, and since having the kids I’m stuck in the house 24/7. If I leave him I know he wouldn’t make my life easy as his mum would tell him what to do, I’d be on my own with 3 kids, I then no longer have a job, but the business would 100% go under without my input and I wouldn’t want that for my partner. So what I think I’m trying to ask is does it get any easier?! Do these men eventually grow a back bone and stick up for the woman who does everything for them to their mothers, or is it a leave before it’s too late? The woman is making me seriously depressed, and deep down I know she knows she is too.