Relationship advice - don’t know how to move forward

[veryfondoftea]

Urgh yuk no, I’d die if my husband started calling me baby that’s not what I’m getting at, not at all. No, what I meant was that you should have an emotional connection with your partner. For example, my husband knows if I’m feeling sad or if something is bothering me and will always ask what’s on my mind or will do things to help me - simple things yknow, like giving me a cuddle, or just holding my hand or calling me to check in and see how I’m getting on etc - he’s aware of how I feel and it’s a part of our relationship and vice versa. I can be completely vulnerable and open with him and he can with me etc

Ok so my husband does do that - apart from the checking in (most of the time) although definitely not the last sentence. He will always notice if I’m low or just got something on my mind but I guess the emotional follow up isn’t there?
@Suzesnooze thanks for your reply - really useful things to consider there and I love the letter idea

 

[Suzesnooze]

Urgh yuk no, I’d die if my husband started calling me baby that’s not what I’m getting at, not at all. No, what I meant was that you should have an emotional connection with your partner. For example, my husband knows if I’m feeling sad or if something is bothering me and will always ask what’s on my mind or will do things to help me - simple things yknow, like giving me a cuddle, or just holding my hand or calling me to check in and see how I’m getting on etc - he’s aware of how I feel and it’s a part of our relationship and vice versa. I can be completely vulnerable and open with him and he can with me etc

That's what I meant when I said everyones relationship is different and what they want out of a relationship. I don't need emotional connection in that way from my partner. He's not very good at that side of things but it doesn't mean we're unhappy or that I didn't get 'one of the good ones'. It depends what you want from a relationship.

We rarely cuddle other than in bed where we have a very good connection!

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Ok so my husband does do that - apart from the checking in (most of the time) although definitely not the last sentence. He will always notice if I’m low or just got something on my mind but I guess the emotional follow up isn’t there?
@Suzesnooze thanks for your reply - really useful things to consider there and I love the letter idea

I wrote my husband a letter earlier in our relationship where I found it hard to 'reach' him and he wrote me one back and it helped a lot and he expressed himself a lot better in the letter than he could verbalise it.

Was it you who suggested the counselling a few years ago? He's probably never felt confident since then that you are happy with him. He will be on the defensive probably always thinking he can't do right for doing wrong but that's not to say he doesn't do wrong it's just he can't express himself.

I imagine when you tell him you're feeling low and he reacts badly it's because he assumes feeling low is because you're not happy with him or your marriage?

 

[misscookiedough]

Life is too short to be in a crappy relationship with someone who doesn't make you happy.