New thread title thanks to
@thegibb 
Please vote in the poll to choose a name for the new van bought with fresh air!
Last thread recap:
- Rachaele Hambleton is a cunt.
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- Joshua Marshall was dismissed without notice from Devon and Cornwall Police for improperly accessing the police database, and using a false identity to contact members of the public.
- On PatreCON, Ratchet Rach admitted that she spent the weekend on Gangsta Granny's sofa because she'd had an argument with Toupee Terence. Because what adult doesn't fall out with their partner and then run off, leaving him and their kids, to his mum's house?
Also, surely GG doesn't live in a 1 bedroom house, so why was she on the sofa? Or is it because Isaac is living there, and the spare room is now his? Tattlers were also left wondering why Rabies went there when she has so many BFFs all the time. None clearly love her hard enough to put her up for a weekend after a lover's tiff While Fungal Fanny was off sobbing herself to sleep on Helen's sofa, Lula (you know, her daughter) was unwell with tonsillitis. But getting sympathy and bacon sandwiches off old Ma Marshall was more important. Anyway, after she left, GG had a fall, so they were trying to persuade her to come and stay at the Patchwork House of Horrors for a few days "because we've got a downstairs bathroom". Granny's not keen though, and who can blame her when the "bathroom" is the size of a prison shower and is decorated to look like the walls are smeared with shit?
- also on Patreon, she's talking about holding Wilbert back a year (August baby, non verbal, violent level 3 autistic etc), despite how much progress he has made at preschool with proper support and encouragement. She also said that she'd met the Big Boss who oversees all ECHPs while on a hen do (
) who happened to overhear her talking about Wibble (
). This mysterious lady kept saying she's not "sin" Wilby's case and "it's not a no"
and also said that if she was Ratchet, she'd hold him back starting school. Now let's just say on the off chance that Rabies DID go on a hen do that she didn't share the shit out of, and she WAS wailing about her poor little violent, non verbal child not getting the ECHP she thought he was getting, the chances of the overall head of everything happening to be in the same place, listening in, and joining in to the conversation and giving professional advice (without having any knowledge of Wilbert and his case other than what Rancid told her over a couple of cocktails) is extremely fucking slim. So slim in fact, that it would be highly inappropriate for that person to identify themselves and give any sort of advice whatsoever
- Lula's been poorly with tonsillitis, which Bratsy rang from the Philippines to tell mum of the year.
- the plan for the camper van is to pull Wilbert out of preschool every other Friday (when Edie gets picked up from school be her dad) so they can go off camping. Presumably Seb, Lula and Isaac will be left to fend for themselves while they play happy families with only one of their children. How long before Wilbert's kicking off because he can't stand to be out of his routine and in a strange place?
- She's back on the shit cookery videos, showing off her crappy chicken pasta, including green beans but she usually uses "mange towt". Another tag for Magimix and telling Pocket Money Pete that she wants a bigger one for her birthday (clearly hoping for a freebie). Anorak Alan couldn't resist eye-fucking himself in the camera (on the new moving holder that she couldn't stop complaining about). Then Edie came in, and was drawn to the camera like a moth to a flame, just like mama taught her. In went the green beans, without even having the ends chopped off. Non verbal Wilbert wandered in asking for an ice lolly. Racket was OBSESSED with talking about how "unhealthy" the dish was, with loads of cheese and cream, and wanged on about how Sloshy makes it "healthier". You'd think with kids in the house she could make a bit more of an effort to not use negative language about food and diet
yet again she got bored and Socks and Sliders Steve finished it off. They managed to dish up a single portion for Edie, who was swigging a can of full fat Coke. Five Grand Watch Freddy said that Edie has a problem with Coke, she said "coming from him"
out of the mouths of babes!
- on PatreCON, she almost let slip that Sloshy left his job, then corrected herself to say "career break". He misses working though, even though he's busy and doing lots "behind the scenes" at Snatchwork. He wouldn't be able to do his role part time, but if he wants to go back full time they could make it work, they'd just have to get someone to do the school run with Edie (why Princess Patchwork with her own biznizz can't arrange her work commitments around it is unknown
). When Norman NoBalls was in the police, he had loads of anxiety because the trolls were repeatedly reporting him, even though nothing ever came of it, but because it's the police they had to investigate everything and his boss would ring him even on his days off. Apparently other employers, like if he was a postman, wouldn't bother to investigate (which makes you wonder why she's so intent on catching chrolls and going to their employer, surely it's exactly the same and they won't do anything). Mannah has suggested he could go to uni and do a degree in something he loves. He liked his role in the police, but it doesn't really suit the family (assuming she's referring to the coke they enjoy on a weekend, the weed and underage drinking Seb is partaking in, all the unsafe driving etc). Someone's even mentioned going to do something to do with monitoring rare birds near oil rigs - as if old Rashflaps would let him out of her sight long enough to visit a bloody oil rig
Jo's got a plan to get him doing more in the business (so is he "doing loads behind the scenes", or is he not?).
- after dropping a mere £55k on a van, Rambo was on the beg for some coolers for it. Just use some more of that Patreon cash hun, that's what it's for!
- a quick screenshot from Rashflaps showing that Lula and Isaac switch off their location on their phones, but it's ok, because Bratsy and Seb both keep theirs on now, so she knows they will "come back". Never mind that she has absolutely no idea where the younger teens are, who they're with, and what they're up to (and the local Spotted page on Facebook is constantly posting about gangs of teenagers up to no good).
- despite being a mum of so many kids who are constantly "up her arsehole", she managed to lounge in bed for a nice weekend lie in while Edie played with Wilberforce. But no, he doesn't know what a sister is and whether he has any
- Rumblestrip was lying cuddled up with a half naked Seb (it would be a bit weird if he was actually her child, but it's plain fucking odd considering he isn't), talking about drinking alcohol. Remember folks, they can't drink around him because he was SO TRAUMATISED by his mum's drinking when he was younger
- to break up a boring bank holiday, Raq decided to go on a chroll hunt
and doxxed someone (including their full email address from Patreon). Yawn. No actual evidence of any of the so-called chrolling of course, so basically Rabies has worked out someone who is on Patreon and shares bits on Tattle. That's it, she's mad that someone shares things on the internet that she *checks notes* shares on the internet.
- The gruesome twosome headed off to Go Outdoors with Wilbert to buy shit for the camper van (that fresh air they're living off is going far!). Sloshy was amazed by everything he saw, including tents and chairs, while Rango filmed and snorted the whole time. Poor Wilby was dumped in the trolley and amusing himself with a phone. The cracks in their relationship are starting to look more like bloody great crevasses, with them not even able to walk around Go Outdoors without bickering - Rancid left the list at home, she's not being helpful etc. Slosh decided to get a double sleeping bag out, lay it on the floor and get in. I fucking hope they bought it using some of the fresh air, because otherwise someone's going to buy that and sleep in it after that prick has laid in it (presumably with his shoes on). Considering he is ex Army, Merlot Mike has no clue about sleeping bags, Rambo was talking about tog (even though sleeping bags don't come in togs).
- as if the constant footage of Wilberforce looking at palm trees wasn't dull enough at the time, Ratface has resorted to sharing it again to show how far he's come since then
- they're back off to Herpes Lodge soon, another mini break without the tiny turds. Who will be looking after the kids this time? Lucy didn't do a great job before, what with Lula bringing a load of mates home and trying to start a fire, so she's probably off the list. Linda? Winston? Evri Kevri? A passing salesman? The circle of trusted people has got very, very small these days!
- out for another meal, well a bowl of Hula Hoops for Wilby
and of course, 12 million dinosaurs lined up on the table. How will they all fit in the camper van?
- Shit Mum Sheila reckons loads of people have messaged her asking her to write a book about parenting teenagers. Sure they have grandma, let's get you back to the nursing home in time for dinner
Bratsy rang from wherever she is to say that Lula and Isaac are "little shits". BeKind thinks that they get away with loads of stuff that her and Seb wouldn't have been allowed to, Rabies laughed and said "yeah, I've given up". The school rang saying Isaac was feeling sick. She refused to believe he was actually unwell and wouldn't go and pick him up. She said "I haven't got a car", despite the two Volvo's, plus Bratsy's and Seb's all sitting on the driveway
anyway, come the end of school he was fine, and she could see he was spending money on her bank card. Who gives their 13 year old their bank card (again, after he spent whatever it was at the cinema the other week)? Then she had an email off the school saying he'd been in isolation all day because of his behaviour. When he finally came home, Rabies filmed and sniggered while trying to tell him he needs to behave better, and moaning at Sloshy for not backing her up, even though she decided to start while he was pissing about on the phone trying to get a gas bottle sorted.
- Hammered Harold was slurring on about his nephew having lost his air pods at Tesco. He asked Alfie what had happened, and said he wouldn't tell his mum, then once Alfie admitted he stood on one and broke it so put it in the bin, Sloshy rang Mannah straight away to tell her (so not only did he break his word, his yeasty old wife filmed him talking about it and uploaded it to Instagram).
- off to spend more fresh air in The Range, Thrushy Thelma wants bags to go in the toilet so if they have a shit, it will be in the bag and easily emptied. Hot Dog Legs Harold is adamant that nobody will be shitting in the van, they'll be using the toilets at the campsite. Seeing as she's desperate for him to hold her hand while she curls one out, how long before she tells him she needs a wee, then pretends she needs to upgrade so she can shit while he watches?
- YTS Alan has disappeared from Ratchet's bio, and been replaced by doormat Jo. Has he given up trying to manage the shit show and constant chroll rants?
- because Wilbert's only got 600 million dinosaur toys, she's bought him some more.
- Sloshy was dancing around the kitchen in his new flashing head torch, pretending he was at a rave. Cringe.
- next to arrive for the scampervan supplies was a couple of fold up chairs. Helinox ones, that retail at £160 EACH. That fresh air is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it? While Cokehead Colin was fannying about putting a chair up, he was rambling on about Blur and how they're playing in July "for his birthday".
- Rashflaps posted that she was having a date with Lula, making out it was just the two of them. But Lula posted a photo of Raq and Slosh in the restaurant, because of course she can't spend time with one of her children without Spineless Steve holding her hand
- yet another ridiculous gushing post about Bratsy, how much she misses her, blah blah blah. Change the fucking record Ratshit, she fucked off to another country to escape your bullshit, just let her be. Someone then sent a message asking why Seb doesn't have a basket for his washing, Passive Aggressive Pamela weighed straight in with "he doesn't need one because his bedroom is next to the utility so I put it straight on his bed", even though we all know that by "I" she actually means Linda.
- then to try and prove that she does spend time with Seb, she showed a video of him prancing in front of the mirror while she lay on the sofa filming it. Real quality family time there. She then started talking about the state of the bin in his room, which he's thrown up in and just left. Dickhead Dad butted in talking about a recipe for a breakfast wrap he was looking on his phone - again, quality time with his firstborn. Seb was then showing Racket a tracksuit he wants that's usually £250 but on sale for £100 and asking her to give him some money to get it. Silly Seb, I thought he knew he had to wait until she was pissed to ask for money?
- Rambo's plugging the prize draw to win a stay in a hotel, £250 and a voucher for £100 to buy a REBL tracksuit. Quick mention of "we've had to park the trauma course because we've run out of money to run it" - Tattlers are sure this is the one that huns can just pay for
but anyway, Jo says no (but clearly said yes to the £55k campervan).
- the hallway is filled to the brim with all the shit they've bought for the scampervan - remember, they haven't actually been anywhere in it yet, don't know if they'll like it, but they've dropped probably thousands of pounds on all the kit. But don't forget a ticket for the prize draw because Snatchwork is running out of cash, and Rambo's living on fresh air
- off to see Gangsta Granny, who's ear that was "ripped open" when she fell over has healed remarkably quickly.
- Operation Scampervan is off! Tattlers can't wait to see the resulting shit show!
