Pregnancy #65

[amarantine]

What you’ve described sounds like baby is doing really well. It’s so easy to double guess yourself. Don’t forget babies do a lot of sleeping! The nhs also advises that kick counting start at 28 weeks so try (and I know it’s easier said) and just reassure yourself on the quieter days/moments. It feels a bit woo woo but fill yourself with positivity - so when you feel any movement at all (flutters, fishy flips, rolls etc) just pop your hand on your bump and say “hey you good work, I feel you” or something akin. I find that little pops of positivity through the day really help. I think I’m also just sappy because I know this is my last pregnancy and I just really love my bump so want to try and cherish it before I go back to hating my body again once post partum

Love this idea, going to start telling baby good work whenever I feel them move I’m really trying to enjoy pregnancy as we don’t even know if we’ll have another yet (and if we do it’ll have to be starting to try again straight after this one because I am almost 39 as it is!) but I’m always so worried I also feel (for no reason at all) that every time we get a baby thing or get more stuff given to us by my brother as they’re finished with babies, I’m somehow tempting fate? I think I rail so hard against the “it won’t happen to me” or like “it happens to so few women/babies” idea that instead I think every bad thing that *could* happen to me or to baby probably will happen need to get my positive pants on…and baby just needs to have a bit of a wriggle about this morning so I can stop worrying! I am trying to be rational because last time we went to triage after I didn’t feel baby for 24 hours the midwife told us it was the strongest heartbeat she’d heard all day and that we should record it - the video though is sadly on mr amarantine’s phone and waking him up to watch that seems a bit unreasonable on a Sunday morning

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Honestly I know

Love this idea, going to start telling baby good work whenever I feel them move I’m really trying to enjoy pregnancy as we don’t even know if we’ll have another yet (and if we do it’ll have to be starting to try again straight after this one because I am almost 39 as it is!) but I’m always so worried I also feel (for no reason at all) that every time we get a baby thing or get more stuff given to us by my brother as they’re finished with babies, I’m somehow tempting fate? I think I rail so hard against the “it won’t happen to me” or like “it happens to so few women/babies” idea that instead I think every bad thing that *could* happen to me or to baby probably will happen need to get my positive pants on…and baby just needs to have a bit of a wriggle about this morning so I can stop worrying! I am trying to be rational because last time we went to triage after I didn’t feel baby for 24 hours the midwife told us it was the strongest heartbeat she’d heard all day and that we should record it - the video though is sadly on mr amarantine’s phone and waking him up to watch that seems a bit unreasonable on a Sunday morning

Honestly, I really do know exactly how you feel. When I fell pregnant I felt like I couldn’t get too excited because that would “jinx” things. I really only started to feel ‘oh wait I can buy a couple of baby bits and get excited’ about 2 months ago when movements became much more regular. Even now I have that tiny voice that goes ‘hey now don’t you start tempting fate!’ So the forcing myself to have a bit of positivity is helping and helping me bond with bump. I turned 41 this year so I think that’s had a huge part in me feeling that things are too good to be true. It’s a big struggle for me to lean into the “hippy” side and show gratitude because I feel silly and then panic that the universe might think I’m smug so do something “bad” - it’s all sadly just a defence mechanism that my brain has defaulted to and trying to change that after 31 years of being that way is very hard and it feels fake but annoyingly it does help.

 

[Keera]

Love this idea, going to start telling baby good work whenever I feel them move I’m really trying to enjoy pregnancy as we don’t even know if we’ll have another yet (and if we do it’ll have to be starting to try again straight after this one because I am almost 39 as it is!) but I’m always so worried I also feel (for no reason at all) that every time we get a baby thing or get more stuff given to us by my brother as they’re finished with babies, I’m somehow tempting fate? I think I rail so hard against the “it won’t happen to me” or like “it happens to so few women/babies” idea that instead I think every bad thing that *could* happen to me or to baby probably will happen need to get my positive pants on…and baby just needs to have a bit of a wriggle about this morning so I can stop worrying! I am trying to be rational because last time we went to triage after I didn’t feel baby for 24 hours the midwife told us it was the strongest heartbeat she’d heard all day and that we should record it - the video though is sadly on mr amarantine’s phone and waking him up to watch that seems a bit unreasonable on a Sunday morning

my baby never had a routine for movement until way into the third trimester (and even then she was somewhat of a “lazy baby” not waking up til 11am and being most active around dinner time). I found a freezing cold Coke and a prod around would usually get her to shuffle around much like a teenager being told to get up for the umpteenth time

it’s very hard though and caused a lot of anxiety so I do understand 🩷 don’t feel silly for calling triage if you need to, but hopefully as baby gets bigger and you get used to which movements feel like what it will put your mind at rest a bit more xx

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

I did end up on the ctg monitor last week because the baby’s movements went from kicks and prods to ‘interpretive dance moves’ and I was stressed about it probably because he’s bigger now. Even though I sounded like a complete twit saying this on the phone, they couldn’t have been nicer to me about it.

 

[amarantine]

Honestly I know

Honestly, I really do know exactly how you feel. When I fell pregnant I felt like I couldn’t get too excited because that would “jinx” things. I really only started to feel ‘oh wait I can buy a couple of baby bits and get excited’ about 2 months ago when movements became much more regular. Even now I have that tiny voice that goes ‘hey now don’t you start tempting fate!’ So the forcing myself to have a bit of positivity is helping and helping me bond with bump. I turned 41 this year so I think that’s had a huge part in me feeling that things are too good to be true. It’s a big struggle for me to lean into the “hippy” side and show gratitude because I feel silly and then panic that the universe might think I’m smug so do something “bad” - it’s all sadly just a defence mechanism that my brain has defaulted to and trying to change that after 31 years of being that way is very hard and it feels fake but annoyingly it does help.

I could have written this exact post, I feel exactly the same with the feeling like the universe will think I’m being too smug and positive I’ve been reluctant to say what a relatively easy ride we’ve had because I didn’t want to cause any upset to anyone who had a tricky time falling pregnant or has had a really rough pregnancy or coming across “smug” also because we, by some combination of sheer miracle, timing and good luck, got pregnant on our first try, I’ve not felt particularly rough during pregnancy at all, but this is I’m sure adding to my anxiety because it all seems to have gone “too well” and “too smoothly” so far. It’s sort of like feeling that there must be something to come along and chuck us a curveball and apart from slightly low lying placenta which will probably correct itself everything is “textbook”. It’s as if I’m waiting for something to go wrong! I’m sure this is adding to my anxiety too. I do like the idea of the positivity and gratitude, but like you find it hard to lean into when at this point it feels like my resilience when bad stuff happens is a personality trait - find it hard to be soft and positive when my reaction to anything is a very stoic “crack on then”

Feel like I’m rambling but glad someone else thinks in a similar way to me and I’m going to try and take your advice about positivity and gratitude!

 

[amarantine]

I did end up on the ctg monitor last week because the baby’s movements went from kicks and prods to ‘interpretive dance moves’ and I was stressed about it probably because he’s bigger now. Even though I sounded like a complete twit saying this on the phone, they couldn’t have been nicer to me about it.

Haha they are great aren’t they - felt a right twit myself when I spoke to them a couple of weeks ago regarding something that sounded utterly ridiculous but they were lovely about it, did not laugh and gave me very good advice. Feel like the particular midwife team we have here in my little corner of the UK are all lovely and super helpful as I’m sure they all are!

Baby’s movements (when I feel them) to me feel like “interpretive dance” moves already, feel like I’d be better if baby actually kicked me rather than just wobbled and flipped around all elegantly

 

[lilykestrel]

Pah, I’m sorry. They need to do better. Yes to the union rep. Can you get signed back on a phased return so you’re not working every day?

The body changes are weird for sure. I’ve always hated my own body and have somehow managed to be reasonably kind and at peace with myself but that doesn’t stop it being weird, and it does get pretty exhausting when everything feels like a massive effort out of nowhere.

I probably will, but that also comes with its own stress (last time I was signed off I came back on reduced hours phasing back up to full time and Manager started throwing her weight around because she said I "told" her what working pattern, rather than "asking" her what reduced hour pattern I could work, and she went to HR about me because I logged off after 4 hours (as directed by fit note), "without permission" (she didn't respond to my email telling her about the phased return for over 24 hours)

Thankfully union rep is a bulldog and I imagine he's going to hit the roof when he gets back to work next week and sees email from HR.

Manager currently has been told not to speak to me one on one (which was the major stressor last time after I was signed off as she started saying things like she was going to look to have me removed from my role/shouting at me/then bringing up thing I said in my 1:1 and misrepresenting them in team meetings like "can I not be put on doing X task and stick to doing Y and Z for the next couple of weeks as I phase back, I find X really stressful" "in front of team LilyK has said she won't do X task but I've been to HR and they said I can ask her to do it" (although she has kept trying to confect ways to get me on my own with her lol)

It's just really frustrating as I'm caught in the crossfire of there being no money in my bit of the public sector and her being my manager is a money saving measure, so they're circling wagons around her. And of course I would have sodded off at the first opportunity were I not pregnant. I'm stuck with them just kicking the can down the road and suggesting I go to confidential mediation with her (lol no) and that I go back to Occy Health (willing to do that, because last time the OH woman went ballistic and wrote a really scathing report, so if I go back I'll go properly on the record about how my stress is caused by manager behaviour) If needs be I'll just say sod it and go nuclear and raise a grievance now I can say "well informal resolution didn't work" because yes that will be stressful but this is stressful anyway.

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

I probably will, but that also comes with its own stress (last time I was signed off I came back on reduced hours phasing back up to full time and Manager started throwing her weight around because she said I "told" her what working pattern, rather than "asking" her what reduced hour pattern I could work, and she went to HR about me because I logged off after 4 hours (as directed by fit note), "without permission" (she didn't respond to my email telling her about the phased return for over 24 hours)

Thankfully union rep is a bulldog and I imagine he's going to hit the roof when he gets back to work next week and sees email from HR.

Manager currently has been told not to speak to me one on one (which was the major stressor last time after I was signed off as she started saying things like she was going to look to have me removed from my role/shouting at me/then bringing up thing I said in my 1:1 and misrepresenting them in team meetings like "can I not be put on doing X task and stick to doing Y and Z for the next couple of weeks as I phase back, I find X really stressful" "in front of team LilyK has said she won't do X task but I've been to HR and they said I can ask her to do it" (although she has kept trying to confect ways to get me on my own with her lol)

It's just really frustrating as I'm caught in the crossfire of there being no money in my bit of the public sector and her being my manager is a money saving measure, so they're circling wagons around her. And of course I would have sodded off at the first opportunity were I not pregnant. I'm stuck with them just kicking the can down the road and suggesting I go to confidential mediation with her (lol no) and that I go back to Occy Health (willing to do that, because last time the OH woman went ballistic and wrote a really scathing report, so if I go back I'll go properly on the record about how my stress is caused by manager behaviour) If needs be I'll just say sod it and go nuclear and raise a grievance now I can say "well informal resolution didn't work" because yes that will be stressful but this is stressful anyway.

I’d like to be a fly on the wall to watch people go ballistic. I love it! But I don’t mean to be flippant because this is real life and it’s affecting you. You’ve tried to to everything in a gentle and informal way and everyone who could have been a twit has decided to be a twit. So now they get it both barrels. But yeah, what should be happening is you should be able to just get on with your job and balance that against pregnancy which is honestly hard enough without all this rit.

 

[lilykestrel]

I’d like to be a fly on the wall to watch people go ballistic. I love it! But I don’t mean to be flippant because this is real life and it’s affecting you. You’ve tried to to everything in a gentle and informal way and everyone who could have been a twit has decided to be a twit. So now they get it both barrels. But yeah, what should be happening is you should be able to just get on with your job and balance that against pregnancy which is honestly hard enough without all this rit.

(oh no it was hilarious, our OH is outsourced so it was a phone appointment and the woman is a Geordie so I was telling her 'oh she said it's not reasonable for her to put things in writing' 'OH FOR GODS SAKE, sorry, I shouldn't say that' *keyboard strokes getting progressively louder and more aggressive* )

 

[fishsticks]

Ours missed the terrible 2s as well and the terrible 3s seemed to hit the second I got them 2 lines every day I feel like I'm going to go into labour from the stress x

Phewweee not just me then we got this. They shall not break us...yet. We plonked ours on a pebbley beach today in the wind and I think we both needed that couple of hours in the fresh air.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Phewweee not just me then we got this. They shall not break us...yet. We plonked ours on a pebbley beach today in the wind and I think we both needed that couple of hours in the fresh air.

We didn’t get the terrible twos or threes. But we got fournager! “Please stop picking your nose. [explains why kindly]” “ITS MY BODY! I can do what I like!” Coolcoolcoolcool

 

[fishsticks]

We didn’t get the terrible twos or threes. But we got fournager! “Please stop picking your nose. [explains why kindly]” “ITS MY BODY! I can do what I like!” Coolcoolcoolcool

Hahahaha I mean yeah, I get that. One thing I never thought I'd ever say came out of my mouth last night ... "Please don't lick that yoghurt off your willy"..... and then came "well why not" ermmmm.

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

Hahahaha I mean yeah, I get that. One thing I never thought I'd ever say came out of my mouth last night ... "Please don't lick that yoghurt off your willy"..... and then came "well why not" ermmmm.

That’s a degree of flexibility I wasn’t expecting boys to have…

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

That’s a degree of flexibility I wasn’t expecting boys to have…

you’re in for a wild ride!

 

[amarantine]

Hahahaha I mean yeah, I get that. One thing I never thought I'd ever say came out of my mouth last night ... "Please don't lick that yoghurt off your willy"..... and then came "well why not" ermmmm.

my nephew is 2 and wondered why he couldn’t just pull his pants down and have a wee right where he was at a farm we were all visiting together - “But I can wee in my garden!” He also routinely runs around with no bottoms of any description on and wonders why he has to go out with pants AND trousers on…I feel like boys are just a law unto themselves (mind you I’m sure girls are too!)

 

[fishsticks]

That’s a degree of flexibility I wasn’t expecting boys to have…

Ohhhhhh they're flexible, curious too... I wasn't prepared for A LOT of things that happened around 2........

 

[fishsticks]

my nephew is 2 and wondered why he couldn’t just pull his pants down and have a wee right where he was at a farm we were all visiting together - “But I can wee in my garden!” He also routinely runs around with no bottoms of any description on and wonders why he has to go out with pants AND trousers on…I feel like boys are just a law unto themselves (mind you I’m sure girls are too!)

Sounds exactly like my little boy!!! Constantly wants to be naked on the bottom half, would rather water the garden than go to the toilet, doesn't understand that hands should be above the dinner table and often tells me his current "status" of down below. He would also rather dig in the mud and find worms than watch TV so I guess you can't win 'em all and the latter is definitely a win!!

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

you’re in for a wild ride!

Oh crumbs…..

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

Ohhhhhh they're flexible, curious too... I wasn't prepared for A LOT of things that happened around 2........

MrDragName reckons he can handle everything except the baby period. I reckon I can handle the baby period and nothing else. This is how we will make it through

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

MrDragName reckons he can handle everything except the baby period. I reckon I can handle the baby period and nothing else. This is how we will make it through

As someone who comes from an all girl family I was nervous about having a son. It has been the greatest thing. I was worried I wouldn’t know how to relate but honestly you just find wonder in them and your heart bursts on a daily basis. Not every minute is precious and there are such hard days (but that’s mostly me panicking I’m not being the mum he deserves) but honestly I feel like the luckiest person in the world to get to be his mum. Each stage is so unique and he really has given me wonder in small things again. Specifically stones. So many stones.