Pregnancy #64

[littlepup]

I have a friend who swears by the comb - she gave birth to an almost 9lb baby and that was the only pain relief she used!

This isn’t directed at you/your friend but I hate the kind of “I had no pain relief” flex thing some women do. I think it makes women feel crap it they can’t breathe their way through it and even gives the wrong expectations. The fact is it it hurts more/less for different women. “Our bodies are built for it” is a lie, they’re not, hence the high mortalities before healthcare advances could assist. Even between my two labours, one was back to back and a totally different kind of pain to the other.
You just don’t know what you’ll get until you’re there. I totally think get the comb, tens, hypnobirthing etc but there’s no prizes for doing it without pain relief if you decide you need it in the event.

 

[Scorpihoe]

My delulu birth plan says “gas and air only, natural unmedicated birth pls ” but I know full well once those contractions hit I’ve got that epidural on speed dial!!!

 

[anything at all]

Yeah with my first I was wanting to be one of those who do the whole no pain relief, but after my waters broke early and for over 24h nothing was progressing I was put on the hormone drip, not long in I was asking for something think it was pethidine I had first? Then begging for and getting an epidural

 

[Angelchops]

Yeah with my first I was wanting to be one of those who do the whole no pain relief, but after my waters broke early and for over 24h nothing was progressing I was put on the hormone drip, not long in I was asking for something think it was pethidine I had first? Then begging for and getting an epidural

It’s 26 years since I had my son but your situation sounds very similar, except the anaesthetist recommended I have an epidural before they started the drip. Thank god I did as I ended up needing an emergency c section and was able to avoid a general anaesthetic. My contribution to gossip is that my son was born an hour or so before Brooklyn Beckham. (Weak I know, but all I have ).

 

[Spencerskates]

This isn’t directed at you/your friend but I hate the kind of “I had no pain relief” flex thing some women do. I think it makes women feel crap it they can’t breathe their way through it and even gives the wrong expectations. The fact is it it hurts more/less for different women. “Our bodies are built for it” is a lie, they’re not, hence the high mortalities before healthcare advances could assist. Even between my two labours, one was back to back and a totally different kind of pain to the other.
You just don’t know what you’ll get until you’re there. I totally think get the comb, tens, hypnobirthing etc but there’s no prizes for doing it without pain relief if you decide you need it in the event.

Aw no I totally didn’t mean it in that way at all, sorry if it came across like that, not my intention in the slightest! I just saw a few ladies wondering if it could be effective and wanted to share a success story.

I had two elective sections so very much on the side of you give birth however works for you and with whatever pain relief you need!

 

[Vmanxx]

Idk I feel like woman aren’t allowed to talk about when their birth goes well or if they’re proud of how they handled it. Only difficult births and “I wanted all the drugs” stories are socially acceptable because you’re made to feel preachy or braggy when you share the opposite.

My first 2 were pretty good MLU water births (other than the awful aftercare which was verging on traumatic with no1) with gas and air and my other 2 were wonderful home births with only paracetamol and a hot water bottle for no4..but I often don’t feel welcome to share that for fear of making other mums feel bad or upset about their own birth stories

Were often told it doesn’t matter as long as everyone’s safe and healthy but for many of us, it does matter that we’re able and supported to achieve a drug free/water/home/insert whatever here, birth.

 

[Keera]

Im happy for anyone who had a brilliant natural birth or whatever birth they wanted. But I didn’t and it was really traumatic and it’s a personal issue for me that hearing others talk about their perfect births makes me feel even worse about mine that I “couldn’t do it how nature intended”. But again I recognise that’s a personal issue.

Some women in real life and across these threads (and influencers threads when they share birth stories) are v preachy I find.
But anyway it’s a debate prob for another thread and not this one

 

[anything at all]

I did have no real written birth plan with my first though, it was more of a mental thing thinking I had a high pain threshold and cope with it I don’t feel any less for doing what I needed to do and was right for me at the time

 

[calabazarock]

Im happy for anyone who had a brilliant natural birth or whatever birth they wanted. But I didn’t and it was really traumatic and it’s a personal issue for me that hearing others talk about their perfect births makes me feel even worse about mine that I “couldn’t do it how nature intended”. But again I recognise that’s a personal issue.

Some women in real life and across these threads (and influencers threads when they share birth stories) are v preachy I find.
But anyway it’s a debate prob for another thread and not this one

Having a "perfect birth" is like having good grades in school, who cares after it was done?

Trauma though I think it's taken so lightly, therapy is needed desperately. I'm done with people telling IRL about their traumas about pregnancy/birth WHILE pregnant. What's the point? I'm not a therapist. And this is directed people IRL, here I come and voluntarily chose to inform myself and skip what I don't think it's constructive to me.

 

[clmay]

I’m totally happy to hear about great birth experiences. I really want one myself! What I hate is when those people preach that it’s what your body is designed to do and no one should need pain relief if we all just did it how they did it. Fact is our bodies are not ideally designed to just do it. That’s why so many women without access to good healthcare die. My son was stuck in my pelvis and without intervention would have died .

 

[LavaFlake]

I hope I didn’t mean to sound like I was bragging, I wasn’t. Just wanted to share my experiences as I remember how terrified I was first time around especially when people were sharing not great stories. I think I wrote in my first message I was lucky but to reiterate I really know I am, it’s no flex things just went my way in birth. I apologise for any upset caused. Xxxx

 

[Spencerskates]

I hope I didn’t mean to sound like I was bragging, I wasn’t. Just wanted to share my experiences as I remember how terrified I was first time around especially when people were sharing not great stories. I think I wrote in my first message I was lucky but to reiterate I really know I am, it’s no flex things just went my way in birth. I apologise for any upset caused. Xxxx

You don’t need to apologise, you’re allowed to be proud of your positive birth experience just as much as others are allowed to share the challenges they faced.

 

[clmay]

I hope I didn’t mean to sound like I was bragging, I wasn’t. Just wanted to share my experiences as I remember how terrified I was first time around especially when people were sharing not great stories. I think I wrote in my first message I was lucky but to reiterate I really know I am, it’s no flex things just went my way in birth. I apologise for any upset caused. Xxxx

No absolutely wasn’t referring to you at all. I love positive birth stories. It’s those who then translate that to everyone should be able to do it that annoys me.

 

[Keera]

I hope I didn’t mean to sound like I was bragging, I wasn’t. Just wanted to share my experiences as I remember how terrified I was first time around especially when people were sharing not great stories. I think I wrote in my first message I was lucky but to reiterate I really know I am, it’s no flex things just went my way in birth. I apologise for any upset caused. Xxxx

not bragging at all! i was just sharing the reason why some people find it hard to hear positive birth stories to a PP 🩷 we all have challenges be it pregnancy labour birth motherhood none of us find the whole thing easy (I wish ) xxx

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

This isn’t directed at you/your friend but I hate the kind of “I had no pain relief” flex thing some women do. I think it makes women feel crap it they can’t breathe their way through it and even gives the wrong expectations. The fact is it it hurts more/less for different women. “Our bodies are built for it” is a lie, they’re not, hence the high mortalities before healthcare advances could assist. Even between my two labours, one was back to back and a totally different kind of pain to the other.
You just don’t know what you’ll get until you’re there. I totally think get the comb, tens, hypnobirthing etc but there’s no prizes for doing it without pain relief if you decide you need it in the event.

This is why my stupid book annoyed me. I know I sound like a man hating, bra burning feminist but if men were the baby carriers and birthers, there is absolutely no way there would ever be any school of thought of breathing through it/lighting a scented candle etc, whatever with no pain relief. There would be some sort of state of the art set up for them. I am CONVINCED of it.

I get that the various pain relief options have downsides of some description, but again, all of that would have been mitigated if men gave birth. See also: fitting coils without pain relief being the absolute norm till recently and still fairly common. A genuine trauma I’ve never gotten over (I went straight back to work and managed a Team Meeting and I don’t even know how! I have cringes to this day about it!)

 

[littlepup]

I absolutely wasn’t referring to anyone on this thread and didn’t mean to cause upset. We need positive stories as much as the bad, balanced experiences are important. No one here has been boastful or dismissive. It’s, as others have said, the preachy ones who’re like “I can’t imagine why anyone would need pain relief, they must have a low pain threshold” and so on. They don’t understand how different each birth is and how lucky they are. The whole baby experience is rife with it. “My baby sleeps well so you must be doing something wrong if yours doesn’t”. It’s not a mindset here but it’s definitely out there!

The husband of my very pro breast feeding, (but not preachy herself) friend claimed any woman who didn’t breast feed just couldn’t be bothered, it’s so easy…. I tell you my blood boiled!! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and he wasn’t even the one doing it!!!

I just mean to say that we all have our own experience, there is no ‘failure’ or ‘easy option’ and women’s bodies are built differently from each other. I think it’s really important to remember that, whether having been through it or yet to do it x

 

[Hinchhater1442]

I love a positive story

I hate ‘your body was made to do this’ as it can be damaging mentally when your body then doesn’t do what it’s ’supposed’ to do. And you can’t know beforehand of course, but it’s the one phrase I try to tell my newly pregnant friends to avoid relying on too much.

Modern medicine is great in so many ways, hundreds of years ago my baby would have died and probably me too. Doesn’t matter what century we’re in, not all bodies are ‘made to do this’

 

[Shinythings]

I'm opting to use hypnobirthing, tens machine, water etc and gas and air. That's just my personal choice and what I feel is best for me. I'm absolutely not opposed to extra pain relief if I need it. I'm also not stupid enough to be one of those people who do follow hypnobirthing that suggest birth is not painful and it's just a mindset. Of course it's bloody painful. I think the problem is, like with anything, people see the extreme hypnobirthing side of things and think that's what it's about. For me, I'm just taking what's helpful (breathing with the pain, reframing the pain, self compassion) and not taking the rest as gospel. That's all it is really, just another coping method.

On the flip side, when I've said about what I'm hoping for you get the 'you don't get a medal for not having an epidural ' crowd as if you've slagged it off. I'm not doing it for a medal. It's just a personal choice and I'm not opposed to having one if I feel I need it. Pregnant women are damned if they do, damned if they don't.

The way I see it is women should be given all the information and research about various birth choices so they can make a truly informed decision. As long as they are doing that and choosing what feels right for them, then that's all anyone should be concerned about.

 

[LavaFlake]

My early scan has confirmed everything is in the right place, dates match up, with a heartbeat found too

 

[cupcake_face]

My delulu birth plan says “gas and air only, natural unmedicated birth pls ” but I know full well once those contractions hit I’ve got that epidural on speed dial!!!

This was me first time round as we were driving to hospital my husband said “Am I asking them to set the birthing pool up when we get there?” Then think my response was something along the lines of no you’ll be asking for an epidural the second we are through those doors! Cannot recommend an epidural enough