Pregnancy #48

[themuffinwoman]

Hey I'm hoping someone can offer me some advise. I am 18 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I am adamant I want an elective c section due to anxiety. My midwife has said she will support me however the consultant is less keen. They have said because I score as low risk that a c section is considered high risk but I imagine I only score low risk as I have no previous birth history - they won't know if I struggle to give birth yet as I haven't given birth - does that make sense? I'm just very anxious and I'm feel like an elective c section gives me the calmness and control I am looking for. I am terrified of having a natural labour and ending in an emergency. Any advice welcomed x

I ended up with an emergency section (which I would actually classify as a different type of birth as elective because they’re poles apart psychologically imo). As someone who enjoys being in control, it was my idea of hell ending up with an emergency one for various reasons, and I was told several times that it’s incredibly rare to have an emergency c section. As a result I didn’t prepare at all for the recovery, so i thoroughly recommend reading around dos and donts for the first two weeks because your abilities and mobility are seriously impaired vs vaginal. That being said, if you’re well prepared for it (unlike me) then it’s probably a vastly different experience. For example, will your partner be able to do almost everything bar lift the baby for a week or two? Could you have someone stay to help out if the partner can’t?

I put a list of things to think about with c sections in another post I’ll try link to as I do wish my midwife had gone through all the implications with me.

ETA link here: https://tattle.life/threads/pregnancy-47.38263/post-15037984

 

[Spencerskates]

Consultant appointment went so well today!
He was completely impartial and just explained the benefits and risks to each option available to me without being emotive or trying to sway me, and then asked what I wanted to do.
totally supported my decision for an elective section, should have a date booked in soon! It does mean I’ll have to bring my mat leave forward which I’m a bit gutted about but also so ready to stop working.

Did have a complete breakdown in the car park though because I couldn’t get parked and I was already late and desperate for a wee.

 

[FatherJackHackett]

Section date booked for 29th, Mat leave brought forward to 22nd

stupidly mentioned to my boss who has been a dick all of the way through that I’ve got a section booked and the first thing she said to me this morning was a sarcastic comment about being ‘too posh to push’

Delighted for you that you got your section date - the two of us are now on the final countdown!
I def wouldn't let your boss off with that comment. Absolutely no need at all for it; what does she think she's achieving by saying something that like?!

 

[Chewycinema]

I met a former colleague for lunch and she told me I looked like I was having triplets. I laughed nervously and she went “no, seriously, is there more than one in there?” :/

When I was pregnant with my daughter I was in a shop paying for something and the cashier was like "woah you are massive, how long have you got to go? Its okay i can say this cos ive got kids!" And I think i was about 37 weeks at the time and she went "do you think you'll make your due date?"
Like just cos you've got kids doesn't mean you can comment!

 

[penpitstop]

Hey I'm hoping someone can offer me some advise. I am 18 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I am adamant I want an elective c section due to anxiety. My midwife has said she will support me however the consultant is less keen. They have said because I score as low risk that a c section is considered high risk but I imagine I only score low risk as I have no previous birth history - they won't know if I struggle to give birth yet as I haven't given birth - does that make sense? I'm just very anxious and I'm feel like an elective c section gives me the calmness and control I am looking for. I am terrified of having a natural labour and ending in an emergency. Any advice welcomed x

I felt very much like this in my first pregnancy-mostly because I was absolutely miserable being pregnant and in a lot of pain. When I spoke to the consultant they weren’t keen and give me a leaflet with a lot of information . A c-section in general is much higher risk. I waited until about 35 weeks before making a decision but ultimately when I did a lot research I decided against the elective section. I think because I spent a lot of time thinking about it when the time came I felt very very in control of my labour (even though I didn’t know when it was going to happen) and had a very positive experience. My advice would be research it and take the time to think-you do not need to make a decision until much later-and ultimately go with what you want!!

 

[FatherJackHackett]

I’ve been feeling off the last day or so. Felt horrendous last night, really strong braxton hicks, feet, hands and face are puffy, lightheaded and sick. Rang the day unit for some advice this morning, I feel better than I did but still not 100% so just wanted to get some reassurance and maybe get my blood pressure/water checked to rule out pre-eclampsia.
I could just be extra sensitive but the woman who answered just said it was normal for this stage of pregnancy, there’s a sickness bug going around so it’s probably that. I feel like she was off with me because I’d just popped to the supermarket so didn’t have my notes with me to give her my identification number.

If you're not feeling any better later on, I'd definitely ring again - even to put your own mind at rest! One thing that annoys me about the units is that it is rammed down your throat from day one to ring if you have a concern (and rightly so) but some of the people on the other end of the line make you feel like an hysterical inconvenience

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

I felt my first flutters today

Does anyone have any books/reading recommendations? I'm feeling like I'm very unprepared and almost at the halfway mark

I’ve read a different sort of parenting book which I have found really thought provoking called ‘the book you wish your parents had read’ by Philippa Perry.. it’s about how your own childhood and relationships can impact your parenting and future relationships with your child.. if you experienced some hardship growing up it can be a bit triggering but I think it’s good to confront that especially if it can affect how you parent!! The other book I’ve bought is toddler taming which is pretty old now but still loads of people swear by it lol

 

[Greencatfysh]

Congrats!!! Super normal, I actually took paracetamol mine were that bad. And I thought it was just my period coming anyway

Also if you wanna tell friends or your mum then do it! We told family and a few close friends way before 12 weeks, i FaceTimed my mum at 7am on a Saturday to tell her the first trimester can be lonely and a bit scary, so if you need support from others don’t hesitate xx

Thanks yes I’m wondering if I’ll tell her sooner, it’s just then where do you stop - telling all siblings and I know she’ll be desperate to tell her sisters etc. Tell one close friend and then want to tell them all! First baby in our family so it’ll be a massive deal. Not helped that my brother has been struggling to conceive for a couple of years and it happened to us instantly ‍ so I’ll see. Very grateful for this thread!

 

[Orangesocks182]

I’ve mainly been lurking since I was 4 weeks and so to have pressed the 19-26 weeks button today has tripped me right out

 

[Dianne]

Weird rant incoming:
My husband and I were doing our online antenatal classes last night and they spoke about how some mums catch their own baby, but sometimes the dads do it, especially in waterbirths - which is what I was hoping to have.
After watching the video husband asked me if he can catch the baby. It honestly freaked me out a little. I couldn't explain why other than I knew I wouldn't want someone pulling the baby out, but I'm sure that's not how it works? In the end I said please let me think on it for a moment as I didn't even know it was something that someone could do. He said he would love to do it as he would love to be the first person the baby meets (now I'm going to sound really petty) but I feel like I should meet her first? I did the hard part of carrying her and birthing her?

Am I being ridiculous? I feel like I'm acting a bit stupid about it.

Even if he was the person to help pull the baby out, it’s encouraged that the baby goes straight onto the mother for skin to skin. I think it’s very normal to expect that as the woman giving birth!

 

[fudgebox]

My friend gave me all of her reusable nappies I gave them a wash and had them on the line today just so I can store them away fresh and it was such a lovely sight with all the cute patterns and colours

 

[Dianne]

Waaa I was booked in tomorrow for an elective c section and it’s cancelled… hopefully for the next day. It’s hard gearing yourself up for surgery then it being cancelled! Find it a bit crap that I had to ring up to find that out and they didn’t tell me themselves.

 

[threeSMEGfridges]

Good vibes please. I had some more spotting yesterday - not heavy but it’s the 2nd time in 2 weeks.

the EPU nurse I spoke with was great and I have an early scan (I’ll be 9w+5) on Saturday morning to check everything is ok.

the NHS is not perfect but I couldn’t be more grateful for the care I’ve had so far

also, has anyone else had a lot of muscle stiffness? It’s not full on pain or cramping I just feel like I’ve hiked a mountain with a huge bag everyday. My legs are really tight and stiff and so are my forearms and wrists.

 

[kayefeluu20]

I complain to my husband about the weight gain ("Ugh I'm so fat" "I shouldn't have any more" "Look at the size of me") and every time he replies and says its what my body needs to make sure the bean arrives safely and is well cushioned. I'm 12+6 atm and eating has calmed down, but from 10-11 weeks when the sickness went away, I was a feral beast

I really don't think this is the time to worry about weight - but also, as a woman faced with being a woman in todays day, it is hard not to worry about it. As someone said - first trimester is about survival!

 

[themuffinwoman]

We've compromised and have decided on a quick hello before we settle with just the three of us. I think it just wounded me that he wouldn't consider how I'd be feeling at the time and I felt a little bit like he was being too focused on his parents and making them happy. Probably a hormone thing it's all resolved and okay now.

It’s completely up to you but I will say if you end up having to have an emergency c section, your partner will need to be prepared to do literally everything bar feed/hold the baby. I say this from experience, but if we didn’t have help immediately after I wouldn’t have been able to take the baby downstairs, I had to wait for my mum or my partner to be there/get up. Could you say to them that you plan on just having you three the first week unless you call on them?
Sorry if my first sentence seems a bit abrupt but it was such a shock to my system when I had one, I was so ill prepared and didn’t realise how I literally shouldn’t have/couldn’t do anything (and unfortunately paid the price in follow up complications by trying to do too much).

 

[Hinchhater1442]

Back in the wide awake club… so true when they say your third trimester can feel like going back to your first!

 

[LilyRose1234]

my mum and cousin know what I’m going through and just think I need rid of him, but it’s so hard when you’re due a baby with someone and hope they’ll be a good parent, but he just isn’t showing we’re his priorities at the moment by doing things like spending every penny he has on weed. It’s a worry too because he puts it above paying the place he works for his space quite a bit and things like rent at his mums because he’s either paying dealers off a bit to get more weed. I bought nappies in for a whole month too and he didn’t even offer to help towards that so it just kind of feels like he’ll do this when the baby is here and expect me to cover it all and pay me back later or something after he’s bought his weed/paid his dealer. It’s more the way he behaves towards me whenever I try to talk to him about/ask him to cut down and stop it makes me feel like I’m being unreasonable and crazy because he acts like I am being. I just can’t believe it seems that he’s picked weed over me and his daughter and is making out to everyone I’m stopping him, what isn’t the case. I just feel dead lonely because you’d like to think in the last few weeks of pregnancy your partner would be there for you, making sure you’re not stressing about things, but instead I’m being ignored and blanked because of a plant

it’s a snuz pod I’ve got for her that needs building. My dad said he’ll come round and do it, but it should really be done by now tbh but because he left me the night before the carpets were due to be cleaned I’ve put it off until my neice can come on Wednesday and help me lift the boxes etc for them to be able to clean the carpets and then I’ll wack it up as I want everything fresh for her xx

Oh I hope I didn’t come across as flippant “just sack him off”, I cannot even imagine how hard it must be when you’re about to have a baby with him! But it sounds like he isn’t emotionally or mentally supporting you, let alone financially, and you deserve far far more than that level of mediocrity!

 

[calmyourritas]

Noelle is beautiful for a girl I'm due in November so close enough

I absolutely love Noelle - was my baby girl name for my first pregnancy as I was due just before Christmas

 

[LilyRose1234]

I was insistent on buying everything new with my first, I honestly dread to think how much I spent but it must have been thousands with nursery furniture, next to me, travel system etc. On FB marketplace I can literally get a carrier, bouncer, Moses basket and next to me all in mint condition for less than I paid for the Moses basket alone buying it new was lovely but for me, we absolutely did not get enough use out of any of it - nursery furniture aside. She hated the Moses basket, the pram, the next to me and the ridiculously expensive mamaroo rocker thing. If you buy everything bar the car seat and mattress second hand, if you shop well you’ll likely find things that are barely used anyway!

 

[threeSMEGfridges]

We’re fortunate to have some friends with rich in-laws who bought them a mama and papas armadillo system for their 2nd but they’ve hardly used it as they had another already. Getting the car seat and the pram and the stand and isofix base all for £100