Pregnancy #48

[opintionatedperson]

I love how nobody tells you about the absolute exhaustion during the first few weeks of pregnancy

 

[easyliketuesdayafternoon]

I've just had my 12 week scan this morning and the whole thing took about 45 mins. Scan was about 10-15 mins, then some bloods and urine, then a sit down with the midwife to take some more details.

I thought I was 12+5 but I'm measuring 13+2 so have a 6th December due date! Baby was stretching and twirling, it was so magical!

 

[themuffinwoman]

Thanks so much it’s hard just having google and not being able to tell friends/mum yet.

Congrats!!! Super normal, I actually took paracetamol mine were that bad. And I thought it was just my period coming anyway

Also if you wanna tell friends or your mum then do it! We told family and a few close friends way before 12 weeks, i FaceTimed my mum at 7am on a Saturday to tell her the first trimester can be lonely and a bit scary, so if you need support from others don’t hesitate xx

 

[CallMeHollywood]

Would like honest opinions on whether I’m being a bit ridiculous about my family situation…

I seem to have found myself reacting weirdly to both my Dad and mother in law’s comments. I’m not sure if it’s my instinct kicking in to protect or whether they’re just strange

Ever since we announced the twin pregnancy my MIL has been naturally, beyond excited. 12 hours after telling her the news she went shopping and ended up filling 3 suitcases worth of baby clothes, getting a bath and some other equipment for us. I’m very grateful for everything but we both told her in a nice way to calm down because a) we don’t want her spending too much of her own money and b) it would be nice to get our own stuff as well.
She then went and told me she’s been testing out prams “for herself” so she can take them on the train somewhere when we need a break. I realise this is what grandparents do but in that moment I felt like screaming “no way!” at her. She’s also made jokes about not ‘sharing’ them with other members of the family. I might be being unfair but also a few years ago she had problems with her eyesight and said she was nearly blind, quitting work and has claimed benefits for quite a while, yet can read stuff and get public transport to our house 40 mins away from where she lives. She could see the scan pics quite clearly too. I might be way out of line commenting on her ability to look after small babies by herself due to her disability but it all just doesn’t sit right with me! She’s also offered to give us £500 towards a pram which I’m very grateful for but told her we need to think about it, it’s all quite overwhelming.

My dad on the other hand has been excited but hasn’t bought anything for them. He has made comments that he nearly bought some clothes the other day but wasn’t quite sure what we’d like. My mum died when I was 18 (20 years ago) and I’ve silently been quite sad at points that she’s not here to celebrate. I’ve never missed her as much as I do now. My dad has a new wife who I haven’t had the best relationship with. She’s 3 years older than me and quite childish and controlling, which other family members agree with. My dad and her had 2 dogs and she used to scream at them constantly. I have reservations about them babysitting and feel like I’m going to have to set some strong boundaries. My dad said she’ll be ‘chief babysitter’ which made me a bit worried. There’s just no trust there. He also asked if they could be there at the birth which I was horrified to hear! All quite strange and I wonder if it’s because they couldn’t have children so he’s trying to show her through me what it might be like.

I am very aware I might be overreacting about everything, it’s my hormones etc and other people have much worse parental / in law situations.

Firstly, you don’t have to share your children with anyone you don’t want to. If your mother in law is beginning to get territorial, tell her that you need to bond with them first before you start handing them off to other people. If she decides she still wants to buy things, let her spend her money, she can always sell it. My mother is doing the same thing despite me telling her not to buy things - she’s just wasting her money because mine will never be left alone with her. Make the rules and the draw the lines, it will be easier before they’re here.

 

[maiamoo22]

Hey everyone, I'm 6 weeks pregnant and the morning sickness has become really bad to the point where I couldn't even move yesterday. Spent the night in A&E and got put on an anti sickness drip, then given a pescription too. I genuinely don't know how I'm going to do this as I cannot even bare the thought of food or water and I work full time self employed too. Just need some reassurance and support as i feel such a burden right now on top of all this my car broke down too. The stress is big time.

 

[kayefeluu20]

This is totally irrelevant to anything posted, I just need to vent to someone who isn't my husband.

My 'sister' and I aren't close, never have been, I only interact with her for my niece and nephew. She was part of the reason I had a horrible childhood, she used to be quite abusive - beyond "normal" sibling fights owing to the fact she is 8 years older than me. She tried to become close after a bereavement, I never really engaged. Now she's found out I'm pregnant, she's trying to be close again and keeps referring to it as "pickle" and herself as "auntie" and its absolutely driving me insane. My mother (who I'm also not close with, was forced closeness as she needed help after dad died) refers to the baby as "pumpkin", which also drives me insane.

I will not be referring to her as auntie, and I don't want her interest now after how awful she was to me for the last 20 years. I won't tell her to leave me alone as I really enjoy seeing my niece and nephew. I just needed to vent. I wish I'd never told my family! We don't have that sort of dynamic, through their own creation really. Urghh, vent over ‍

 

[JulesC]

Got my 20 week scan tomorrow, going to find out the sex. Can’t wait

 

[WhatABore]

New to this thread - 6 weeks pregnant with my first baby! what’s everyone’s thoughts on when to
tell people? My husband feels very strongly about not telling ANYONE until the 12 week mark post first scan. I am so excited though and just want to tell people, especially as we were trying for a while.

With telling people, it's more a case of who you'd want to tell/want the support of if something were to go wrong. That's normally how I look at it.
So I told my best friend and my partner told his Mum when we found out

 

[LilyRose1234]

I’m due in a week and feel really down, could do with some advice!

partner walked out telling me to keep the baby to myself on Monday and has barely been in Touch Bar one text asking how the baby is and took nine hours to respond to a message of me telling him I no longer needed a section as baby had turned and nothing since. It’s all over his weed smoking habit, he’s spending £50 a day currently on it and smokes morning till night, he does earn a lot per day when he has work in but for the last few weeks it’s been very little meaning I’ve been buying all the food shopping in and paying to get the flat ready for babies arrival without any financial help
From him, he did decorate it but I just feel burnt out as I have two kids from a previous relationship and it’s been one of their birthdays and obviously the holidays. He spent £100 on weed over two days then asked me to lend money because he had nothing left after that and we had my baby shower, which I saw my arse as it had been planned for months and said to make sure he had money. He then smoked all that, had no money and got more on tick. He owes £100’s out to dealers because he’s constantly getting tick. I asked how he got more weed with no money and I think quite rightly kicked off because he has no money, meaning that he couldn’t get to hospital if I went into labour and no money for when he’s off work. He doesn’t live with us but stays a fair few nights a week so doesn’t think he should contribute towards bills or helping me prepare the room for the baby by helping to buy furniture etc. i don’t want him to move in with us because of his habit and lack of financial responsibility. When I brought this up and any other time I have he gets really nasty, telling me not to start, calling me names, slating me, ridiculing my health condition, swearing at me and then running back home to his mums (we’re both over 28!). When he stormed out he took all his stuff, threatened to take half the babies stuff as we’ve gone halves on most of it and told me I can keep the baby to myself. He twisted me saying that he can’t stay here when baby is here smoking the way he is and not contributing to food as me saying he can’t see his kid. I was supposed to be getting the carpets cleaned the next day and he was helping me move the boxes with the pram in and car seat and pulling furniture out to hoover behind in prep and he told me I could deal with it myself lifting them etc because I dared to question him getting more weed with no money and telling him he needs to sort his priorities out. I don’t even know if he has money now and I’m sure if he does it will just go back in his dealers hand, meaning again no money put away for when he’s off work and when we’re at hospital.

I don’t know what to do if I go into labour, like does he deserve to be there when he’s ignoring me at the moment and I don’t know what to do about our realtionship going forward. I’m just so sad that I’m a week away from giving birth and im stressed trying to get everything done on my own. I’ve got no crib or pram built yet either.

Oh love that sounds so so tough - can you talk to any friends/family about this and get their support in real life? I’m going to be brutally honest and say I think you’ll actually find it easier in a way without him, a new baby throws a whirlwind into any relationship, but in one where he cannot be relied upon anyway, and is already unpredictable and rash, it would be easier without having another (man)baby to try and take care of! You don’t need the stress and worry of money/him smoking around the baby and getting angry at you when you call out his (frankly atrocious) behaviour, let alone owing money to drug dealers. It’s an incredibly shitty situation and I really really feel for you. In terms of labour, you’re vulnerable at that point, you want people you can depend on and trust, and if that’s not him then he shouldn’t be there. You don’t have to have him there if he’s behaving appallingly xxx

Ps do you have a Moses basket or anything to delay putting the crib up? Mine didn’t sleep in her big crib until she was 6 months so you can live without it while you sort everything else out!

 

[LilyRose1234]

Firstly, you don’t have to share your children with anyone you don’t want to. If your mother in law is beginning to get territorial, tell her that you need to bond with them first before you start handing them off to other people. If she decides she still wants to buy things, let her spend her money, she can always sell it. My mother is doing the same thing despite me telling her not to buy things - she’s just wasting her money because mine will never be left alone with her. Make the rules and the draw the lines, it will be easier before they’re here.

Second this - better to have one uncomfortable conversation now but have some boundaries in place.

I’m not usually one to start on about overbearing in laws etc, I think a lot of MILs start on the wrong foot because they overcompensate as they’re worried they’ll see less of the baby than maternal grandparents, but then it escalates from there! Plus you’ll never know when you do actually need people around to help, so good to keep them on side haha. That said, nothing wrong with setting boundaries and making sure you are comfortable (which is the main thing imo!). You’ve asked her not o buy anything further as you’d like to do it, just because she buys it and disregards that, you’re not obligated to use it. A standard “oh that’s so kind but we said we wanted to buy x y z ourselves so you can return it” does the trick. Also, no one is entitled to a sleepover, my toddler is 2 next week and hasn’t had a sleepover with family yet (haven’t needed to to be fair rather than don’t want to). They’re family but they’re not entitled to her, she’s not a possession

 

[themuffinwoman]

I’m 8 weeks postpartum and 5 stone more than I was when I got pregnant I ate everything, but I was hungry! I was starving my whole pregnancy, absolutely ravenous, but I (and baba) clearly needed it, as my hunger has disappeared since having her. It was also the only thing that got rid of my miserable all day sickness. So don’t worry, eat what you want when you want, pregnancy isn’t forever and just listen to your body (although not sure mine was demanding cake daily but meh ).

 

[FatherJackHackett]

Can't believe I am now in the 33 - 38 weeks bracket on the poll - I was five weeks when I joined this thread! It's now starting to feel real lol

 

[freddofrog]

No, BUT you CAN do this! A friend went through it alone (well she split from the dad after baby was about 3 months) and tbh she just said she was doing it all anyway (her mum was her birthing partner). You will absolutely find your rhythm with baby and it’ll never be easy peasy but that’s not what parenting is, but you will surprise yourself. Do you have any support from parents or tight friends or family?

Thank you for this, I am having a major wobble today because the baby will never have the family unit it deserves and maybe I'm horrible and selfish for keeping it even though I always wanted a child.
I do have support from friends, haven't even told the parents yet as the baby was not planned and I hate to disappoint them.
A bad day probably, hoping for a better one tomorrow.

 

[lallallalalalalalala]

I am apparently 2.5 weeks pregnant. I just did a test. I've been trying for a baby for six months so I'm overjoyed, I already have a two year old who was a bit of an accidentally-on-purpose baby so I didn't know until I was 7 weeks pregnant!

I am feeling SO anxious. I can't stop thinking about this potential baby and I also seem to be feeling very sick with a LOT of discharge.

Has anyone got any advice for getting through the next 10 weeks?!?!

 

[WordsFromReuben]

I have reached the uncomfortable stage of the third trimester I’m so tired but spend all night rotating like a rotisserie chicken because of pelvic pain and after a day sweating in the first day of proper summer sunshine my feet have swollen up.. ah it’s a glamorous life

 

[WordsFromReuben]

Its madness and they say weed isn’t addictive! I don’t know why they do it. I just don’t know how he can justify £50 a day on weed. The problem is too his parents have no back bone with him and pay for food for his dog and look after it while he’s here, he can’t bring it here, I have cats and the dogs aggressive. They enable it with him, take him to pick it up from his dealers, tell him he needs to stop then backdown when he starts getting agressive and angry with them over it all while he pays them late or nowhere near what he owes them. It concerns me the tick too because he doesn’t have the money to even pay them all back and if he did it would mean no money left at all and then no weed which means he will be in a vile mood! He had no work for a solid week and still had tons of weed, all on tick. I think he’d do the same regarding rent etc and that’s why I wouldn’t have him move in, I’ve got my Children to think of and I don’t think he’d give a shit so long as he has his smoke!

I can relate to this too as my ex partner was like this, we were together 8 years and he spent most of his money on weed. I knew he smoked it but didn’t realise just how much until we moved in together after 3 years and he was going outside every hour to smoke. I was shocked as he didn’t really do it around me and I felt like I hardly knew him. He was also aggressive when on it and clearly addicted. I also discovered he borrowed a lot of money every month from those old money sites Wonga etc to pay for it all and hide money we’d been jointly gifted (his parents were enablers of this too). He didn’t drive and never helped me with paying for anything as his work hours was very up and down even though looking back now at old wage slips he earned a whole lot more then me!! We lived off my over draft pretty much.
We had a big break up around 6 years in and things improved after we got back together when he really cut down his usage and started sorting his money out but in the end, things all came to a head when we were starting to think of settling down and trying for a baby and I had to make a decision for myself of did I want this life or was I better off moving on. It was the hardest decision to walk away from an 8 year relationship but luckily there was only a cat involved for me not kids and now 8 years later I’m happily married, financially stable and baby is on the way.

I know your situation is tougher than mine as you have a baby to think of but my advice would be to find your voice and sit him down for a Frank and honest conversation. Stay calm and let it be known changes need to be made. If he doesn’t want to make changes that’s on him sadly

 

[freddofrog]

Anybody else essentially doing this alone? I have never been so jealous of women with loving partners in my life.
Baby was definitely an oops (but now very much wanted!) and dad does want involvement and will support BUT i am living alone, and working full time.
feel like I am drowning in it most of the time, I'm so exhausted and emotional!

 

[fudgebox]

Does anyone else have bizarre dreams? I never used to remember my dreams at all but since being pregnant I remember them all and they’re so bizarre

 

[PeterPanFan]

Mines was definitely that I was having dreams every night that I was either pregnant or actually had a baby!

Not early pregnancy symptom related but this has reminded me of my dream last night. My other half had said how having the baby in our near 40s means we'll probably only be with her half her life if we lived to 80. It has really upset me as I keep thinking about how I don't ever want to even leave her (she's not even here yet but I'm sure others can relate). Last night probably because of the conversation and we had also been talking about breech babies, I dreamt that during my pregnancy right now (I'm just over half way) I went into labour and she came out arm first, got totally stuck and died woke up in tears! Dreams suck!!

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Definitely thought baby would be here by the time there was a new thread but sadly not, had to click the ‘overdue’ in the poll 🥲
It’s the waiting game I can’t stand! That and the toll it’s taking on my body, I can barely walk at least I can now say with certainty that baby will be out by the time THIS thread finishes