Pregnancy #46

[LilyRose1234]

All this nursery talk- I’m due in a couple of weeks, did anyone put down a deposit before their babies were born? I would like to see her interact and try out a few nurseries and I don’t know where we’ll be living in 12-18 months but just worried there won’t be any spaces.

I didn’t personally, I went to view a few in the January and managed to get her a part time space from the April, but now I know the nursery I would be happy to put a deposit down before the baby is born. All I’d say is she didn’t get to interact until the settling sessions by which time we’d already paid a £250 deposit. We did go and look at a few to get the feel of them though, which is always a good idea. Given the recent announcements, it might be wise to look sooner than anticipated just to be safe but if you don’t know where you’ll be there might not be much point! Xx

 

[WeHadFunRight]

All this nursery talk- I’m due in a couple of weeks, did anyone put down a deposit before their babies were born? I would like to see her interact and try out a few nurseries and I don’t know where we’ll be living in 12-18 months but just worried there won’t be any spaces.

In February I paid £50 registration fee and one month up front - she arrived in March and starts in October. Feels like daylight robbery tbh, we didn’t have to do this for my eldest, I feel like they are making the most of the baby boom (business is business so I get it but it still smarts when you’re on the receiving end of it). We’re in a very fortunate position to be able to secure a £1500 deposit in the first place.

I visited three nurseries, and went with the one I had the best feel from.

when you say you’re not sure where you will be living is it a question of a short list of could you literally be anywhere?

I would ring round a few nurseries in the areas on your shortlist if you have one and find out what their intake/availability is like - some areas will have more availability than others…

 

[Cjh78]

For those UK mums, what are your thoughts on the new budget for free childcare for ages 1-2? I have been worrying about affording to take 9 months maternity leave and what to do about full time work afterwards as care is so expensive and it’s been playing on my mind. Hearing that they are bringing in more help for working parents is a bit of a relief if it works out.

I work in Early Years and it petrifies me about what is going to happen if these plans go ahead.
Countless nurseries close down every month because the Government doesn’t fund them enough to cover the funding for 3-4 year olds. Many nurseries, including my own, rely on the 1-2 years olds paying full price to even it all out.
They are also changing the staff to child ratio which will have a huge affect on the quality of care that is provided.
There is already a national shortage of qualified early years staff and this will only worsen unfortunately.
The government make the funding look like such a wonderful incentive for parents but the damage it will do to early years settings is huge.

 

[LilyRose1234]

I work in Early Years and it petrifies me about what is going to happen if these plans go ahead.
Countless nurseries close down every month because the Government doesn’t fund them enough to cover the funding for 3-4 year olds. Many nurseries, including my own, rely on the 1-2 years olds paying full price to even it all out.
They are also changing the staff to child ratio which will have a huge affect on the quality of care that is provided.
There is already a national shortage of qualified early years staff and this will only worsen unfortunately.
The government make the funding look like such a wonderful incentive for parents but the damage it will do to early years settings is huge.

This is the bit I don’t get; with funding as it is, it’s simply not feasible to offer the funding to younger children, so surely it has to come with adequate funding or it’ll make a bad situation much, much worse (and they know this). The cynical part of me thinks they expect to lose the next general election and the ramifications of the reforms won’t be fully known until after the next election , so really they’re promising the world now, assuming they won’t be the ones to have to deal with the fallout

 

[fairylights2000]

All this nursery talk- I’m due in a couple of weeks, did anyone put down a deposit before their babies were born? I would like to see her interact and try out a few nurseries and I don’t know where we’ll be living in 12-18 months but just worried there won’t be any spaces.

I guess it depends where you live and the local supply/demand situation. For us (London) we thought we were getting ahead when we tried to sign baby lights up for our first choice nursery when he was 3 weeks old only to find out there was a waiting list of 40 people! He did get straight in at our second choice though so i suppose it can vary a lot.

 

[WotsitG1]

@IdeletedbutI'mbackagain @WeHadFunRight Thankyou for your lovely messages. It does feel good to have a plan in place. And it helps to hear you know of no one who regrets their elective sections! Now I just need to stay away from insta reels and the horror stories people like to post!

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Like others have said it depends on your area. We moved to a rural area and thought we’d have lots of choice but in reality there was only one nursery that suited our hours (eg opening at 7:30 rather than 8) so it was our only option and it had a 3 month waiting list. Which I know isn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things but if you have the ability to visit them early on I don’t see the harm in deciding and putting down a deposit, one less thing to worry about when you’re about to return to work!

 

[WordsFromReuben]

I work in Early Years and it petrifies me about what is going to happen if these plans go ahead.
Countless nurseries close down every month because the Government doesn’t fund them enough to cover the funding for 3-4 year olds. Many nurseries, including my own, rely on the 1-2 years olds paying full price to even it all out.
They are also changing the staff to child ratio which will have a huge affect on the quality of care that is provided.
There is already a national shortage of qualified early years staff and this will only worsen unfortunately.
The government make the funding look like such a wonderful incentive for parents but the damage it will do to early years settings is huge.

Yes very understandable, not a huge amount of time for nurseries to be able to accommodate the idea either.
Though I like the sound of the idea, I am worried that it will add to the shortage of places for those who have no choice but to put their baby in nursery to return to work, I know my mum is keen to have the baby at least one day a week but she is disabled so I can’t expect more.
If I can’t get a nursery place even paid for rather then funded due to demand going up it’s going to cause a huge problem.
I thought I’d have a bit more time to decide but I may have to start considering what I’m going to do sooner rather then later!

 

[Ro98]

I don’t know the purpose of this post but Jesus I’m SO anxious.
My OH has to go to a different city next weekend for the day, evening & early hours of next morning (he’ll drive back).
I’ll be 36 weeks and I’ve had major anxiety issues this entire pregnancy, been off work since 26wks with constant vertigo & heart palpitations (rarely happens now but when it does it makes me feel like I’m about to pass out instantly).
But also my whole family will be out of the country and all of my friends live 40mins+ away but all are busy.
I feel so scared at passing out alone/going into labour early (it’s a 4hr drive on a good day for him to get back) and just being by myself in general.
I’ve tried all the breathing techniques etc but I wish there was such a thing as rent a friend for a day & night
I used to LOVE my own company / being alone but all these issues in pregnancy have made me so needy and reliant on him. He’s only been out an hour this evening and I feel anxious already, wondering how it’ll be next week when he’s gone for a day & back 2/3am 🫠🫠

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I don’t know the purpose of this post but Jesus I’m SO anxious.
My OH has to go to a different city next weekend for the day, evening & early hours of next morning (he’ll drive back).
I’ll be 36 weeks and I’ve had major anxiety issues this entire pregnancy, been off work since 26wks with constant vertigo & heart palpitations (rarely happens now but when it does it makes me feel like I’m about to pass out instantly).
But also my whole family will be out of the country and all of my friends live 40mins+ away but all are busy.
I feel so scared at passing out alone/going into labour early (it’s a 4hr drive on a good day for him to get back) and just being by myself in general.
I’ve tried all the breathing techniques etc but I wish there was such a thing as rent a friend for a day & night
I used to LOVE my own company / being alone but all these issues in pregnancy have made me so needy and reliant on him. He’s only been out an hour this evening and I feel anxious already, wondering how it’ll be next week when he’s gone for a day & back 2/3am 🫠🫠

Sorry you’re going through this, that would make me feel anxious too.

do you do any hypnobirthing meditation? There’s a channel called built to birth on YT and that might have some helpful meditations for pregnancy anxiety that you could try.

 

[Chocolatelover123]

I don’t know the purpose of this post but Jesus I’m SO anxious.
My OH has to go to a different city next weekend for the day, evening & early hours of next morning (he’ll drive back).
I’ll be 36 weeks and I’ve had major anxiety issues this entire pregnancy, been off work since 26wks with constant vertigo & heart palpitations (rarely happens now but when it does it makes me feel like I’m about to pass out instantly).
But also my whole family will be out of the country and all of my friends live 40mins+ away but all are busy.
I feel so scared at passing out alone/going into labour early (it’s a 4hr drive on a good day for him to get back) and just being by myself in general.
I’ve tried all the breathing techniques etc but I wish there was such a thing as rent a friend for a day & night
I used to LOVE my own company / being alone but all these issues in pregnancy have made me so needy and reliant on him. He’s only been out an hour this evening and I feel anxious already, wondering how it’ll be next week when he’s gone for a day & back 2/3am 🫠🫠

Hey not much advice to say other than I’m exactly the same very self sufficient before pregnancy and now so attached to my partner so although it doesn’t help you’re not alone in feeling like this. Some things that help me is knowing he’s only a phone call away and will be back if I need him too and trying to keep busy. Is there a friend or family member that can come round for tea or meet them or something that keeps you busy when he is away. If not try and find a book or a box set (or anything you used to enjoy pre pregnancy) and know he’s back soon. A lot easier said than done but you’re not alone in feeling like this

 

[Ro98]

Sorry you’re going through this, that would make me feel anxious too.

do you do any hypnobirthing meditation? There’s a channel called built to birth on YT and that might have some helpful meditations for pregnancy anxiety that you could try.

I have been doing some weekly but may start daily from now until next weekend in the hope it helps a bit more. Will check out that channel too thank you!!
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Hey not much advice to say other than I’m exactly the same very self sufficient before pregnancy and now so attached to my partner so although it doesn’t help you’re not alone in feeling like this. Some things that help me is knowing he’s only a phone call away and will be back if I need him too and trying to keep busy. Is there a friend or family member that can come round for tea or meet them or something that keeps you busy when he is away. If not try and find a book or a box set (or anything you used to enjoy pre pregnancy) and know he’s back soon. A lot easier said than done but you’re not alone in feeling like this

It’s awful isn’t it, I hate being so needy when I spent years & years by myself!
The only family member nearby is my grandma (rest are abroad for a wedding) but she talks about negative births & the dangers etc so I’ve avoided her during my pregnancy so far I may ask my cousin who I rarely see & the only other person who hasn’t gone to the wedding if he’s around for that evening.
It’s weird I find day time fine but nights so hard!
Will search for a box set I’ve wanted to watch for ages & get all my favourite snacks in I think!
Thank you it is reassuring to know others feel like this, and hopefully the day & night flies by! xx

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

I don’t know the purpose of this post but Jesus I’m SO anxious.
My OH has to go to a different city next weekend for the day, evening & early hours of next morning (he’ll drive back).
I’ll be 36 weeks and I’ve had major anxiety issues this entire pregnancy, been off work since 26wks with constant vertigo & heart palpitations (rarely happens now but when it does it makes me feel like I’m about to pass out instantly).
But also my whole family will be out of the country and all of my friends live 40mins+ away but all are busy.
I feel so scared at passing out alone/going into labour early (it’s a 4hr drive on a good day for him to get back) and just being by myself in general.
I’ve tried all the breathing techniques etc but I wish there was such a thing as rent a friend for a day & night
I used to LOVE my own company / being alone but all these issues in pregnancy have made me so needy and reliant on him. He’s only been out an hour this evening and I feel anxious already, wondering how it’ll be next week when he’s gone for a day & back 2/3am 🫠🫠

Sorry things have been so tough and that you're so nervous about next weekend is there a neighbour that you could have a quick chat with so they're aware you'll be home alone in case you need anything in an emergency? Have you passed out from the palpitations previously or do you just feel like you might pass out? Can you ask your midwife/GP for advice on how to prevent passing out when the palpitations start so you feel prepared for how to manage them if they happen when you're alone? Like others have said, plan something nice to pass the time like a boxset, a nice dinner etc so that you can relax my husband's away for a stag do this weekend and I'm actually quite looking forward to an uninterrupted evening of watching TV that he hates, and eating a dinner that he doesn't like, because it feels like a treat haha!

 

[themuffinwoman]

In February I paid £50 registration fee and one month up front - she arrived in March and starts in October. Feels like daylight robbery tbh, we didn’t have to do this for my eldest, I feel like they are making the most of the baby boom (business is business so I get it but it still smarts when you’re on the receiving end of it). We’re in a very fortunate position to be able to secure a £1500 deposit in the first place.

I visited three nurseries, and went with the one I had the best feel from.

when you say you’re not sure where you will be living is it a question of a short list of could you literally be anywhere?

I would ring round a few nurseries in the areas on your shortlist if you have one and find out what their intake/availability is like - some areas will have more availability than others…

Thanks for the advice, it’s so stressful and agree some of it is daylight robbery! If we moved doing it would be too far, atm we’re about 10-15 mins away from about 6 nurseries whereas depending where we moved it would be a 30 mins journey which isn’t awful but not ideal. I’ll enquire tomorrow with a couple of local ones, there’s tons to think about it seems like how much notice to give them to change days, minimum number of days etc.

My friend is using an OFSTED registered childminder which is working out more flexible for her so I might look into that also.
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I don’t know the purpose of this post but Jesus I’m SO anxious.
My OH has to go to a different city next weekend for the day, evening & early hours of next morning (he’ll drive back).
I’ll be 36 weeks and I’ve had major anxiety issues this entire pregnancy, been off work since 26wks with constant vertigo & heart palpitations (rarely happens now but when it does it makes me feel like I’m about to pass out instantly).
But also my whole family will be out of the country and all of my friends live 40mins+ away but all are busy.
I feel so scared at passing out alone/going into labour early (it’s a 4hr drive on a good day for him to get back) and just being by myself in general.
I’ve tried all the breathing techniques etc but I wish there was such a thing as rent a friend for a day & night
I used to LOVE my own company / being alone but all these issues in pregnancy have made me so needy and reliant on him. He’s only been out an hour this evening and I feel anxious already, wondering how it’ll be next week when he’s gone for a day & back 2/3am 🫠🫠

Sorry to hear you’re feeling so anxious. I think someone mentioned it but have you got any neighbours you could just ask who could be an emergency contact sort of thing for the time he’ll be away?

My husband is actually away today (I’m almost 38 weeks) coming back tonight and is 2 hours away. My parents were meant to come keep me company but have covid so I’m in a similar boat. Can you set yourself up with a drinks and snack station on the sofa so you don’t have to keep getting up and keep your blood sugar up and hopefully reduce the likelihood of fainting? Have you spoken to him about always having his phone on and he’s always accessible? Are there taxis or Ubers around so if needed you could get to hospital quickly? It might reassure you a bit if you know you’ve at least got a way of getting there if you need to.

Just some suggestions but those are a few things I’ve done/thought about to calm me a little!

Although to make you laugh I walked into the kitchen and saw splats of water on the floor from where I had walked and immediately thought the worse but turned out one of the dogs had just been licking where I had walked 🫠
---

 

[Luisa18]

All this nursery talk- I’m due in a couple of weeks, did anyone put down a deposit before their babies were born? I would like to see her interact and try out a few nurseries and I don’t know where we’ll be living in 12-18 months but just worried there won’t be any spaces.

We did, but we’d done a tour and we were super happy with the vibe etc. I felt more comfortable knowing we had a space as there was already a waiting list and I wanted to ensure we had it sorted before heading back to work.

 

[themuffinwoman]

I didn’t personally, I went to view a few in the January and managed to get her a part time space from the April, but now I know the nursery I would be happy to put a deposit down before the baby is born. All I’d say is she didn’t get to interact until the settling sessions by which time we’d already paid a £250 deposit. We did go and look at a few to get the feel of them though, which is always a good idea. Given the recent announcements, it might be wise to look sooner than anticipated just to be safe but if you don’t know where you’ll be there might not be much point! Xx

Thanks, agree and the announcement is what’s made me think I should get on it! I think I’m taking the whole year off but would like her to be a little settled before I go back so will start looking now.

 

[Tifastrife]

I don’t think it will work how they say it will, won’t be until 2025 until it’s put in place & 1-2 spaces will be so limited (like the 3-4 is) that I think it’ll be like finding gold when it comes to finding a nursery with a funded space.
I really hope I’m wrong as it would be amazing, but a lot of nurseries and schools are already reliant mostly on agency staff so I’m not sure the government have a real plan of where staff will appear from and how nurseries will afford it

So the school I work at does the twos scheme already (currently it’s for eligible twos - either those who’s parents are on benefits or if they have referrals from health visitors due to developmental concerns etc). We were told on the down low a while back they were opening it up to all twos first and then rolling out the ones. Logistically I just can’t see how it’s going to work, particularly in school nurseries. We are already on our knees with staff shortages and the last three people we hired were incompetent and ended up leaving or being let go. It’s the same all over the city I’m in, and staff are constantly sent from one council nursery to another to cover absences, leaving the original one short! It’s a great idea I just done see how it’s going to be implemented anytime soon.


On another note I finally heard back from the physio - yay! Got an appointment next week. Only took five months and babies due in five weeks but I’ll take it lol.

 

[Gossipgirl79]

All this nursery talk- I’m due in a couple of weeks, did anyone put down a deposit before their babies were born? I would like to see her interact and try out a few nurseries and I don’t know where we’ll be living in 12-18 months but just worried there won’t be any spaces.

I started looking at nurseries after my 20 week scan, then paid the deposit a couple of weeks later. Baby was born in January and I’m going back to work 3 days a week end of Aug and I didn’t want it hanging over me when I was off.

 

[Naataaliiee]

Sorry to change the topic of conversation, but has anyone had a water birth? I was adamant I was having one last time and couldn’t due to having to be induced and other complications along the way, but I did initially labour in the bath on the ward and felt a million times better being submerged in warm water - both pain and relaxation wise. Anyway, I am intending on having one this time round however every time I mention it to someone, they pull their face / list the problems with it / tell me horror stories / are just generally very negative (it always seems to be ‘my friend of a friend had one and … ‘ and not themselves typically ) . Does anyone have any first hand experience please?

 

[Ro98]

Sorry things have been so tough and that you're so nervous about next weekend is there a neighbour that you could have a quick chat with so they're aware you'll be home alone in case you need anything in an emergency? Have you passed out from the palpitations previously or do you just feel like you might pass out? Can you ask your midwife/GP for advice on how to prevent passing out when the palpitations start so you feel prepared for how to manage them if they happen when you're alone? Like others have said, plan something nice to pass the time like a boxset, a nice dinner etc so that you can relax my husband's away for a stag do this weekend and I'm actually quite looking forward to an uninterrupted evening of watching TV that he hates, and eating a dinner that he doesn't like, because it feels like a treat haha!

---


Sorry to hear you’re feeling so anxious. I think someone mentioned it but have you got any neighbours you could just ask who could be an emergency contact sort of thing for the time he’ll be away?

My husband is actually away today (I’m almost 38 weeks) coming back tonight and is 2 hours away. My parents were meant to come keep me company but have covid so I’m in a similar boat. Can you set yourself up with a drinks and snack station on the sofa so you don’t have to keep getting up and keep your blood sugar up and hopefully reduce the likelihood of fainting? Have you spoken to him about always having his phone on and he’s always accessible? Are there taxis or Ubers around so if needed you could get to hospital quickly? It might reassure you a bit if you know you’ve at least got a way of getting there if you need to.

Just some suggestions but those are a few things I’ve done/thought about to calm me a little!

Although to make you laugh I walked into the kitchen and saw splats of water on the floor from where I had walked and immediately thought the worse but turned out one of the dogs had just been licking where I had walked 🫠
---

Thank you both!!
After a big cry one of my friends cancelled her plans and is going to come over for a takeaway & girls night, feel very grateful!
I have the midwife today so will definitely talk to her about how anxious I’m feeling at times although before she’s brushed it off as normal, however I do downplay it sometimes and have no idea why!
That did make me laugh! thankfully just the dog!!