Pregnancy #45

[xoxo GG]

wow sorry you had to go through this with your in laws the first time round - that sounds Really awful and I’m sure would affect anyone’s mental health!! This time round did you find your partner agreed with you? I think I’m worried I won’t want visitors etc and my husband will be like oh it’s fine it’s just my mum or sister etc. obviously it’s all a bit unknown as you can’t can’t predict what your birth will be like or what might happen if you have to stay in hospital etc. I’ve got GD so I’m imagining I will be in hospital for a day or 2 after the birth anyway

Yes this time round we were in agreement with everything but a lot has happened with his relationship with his mum in that 3.5yr gap. He and his siblings were very much blind to how toxic her behaviour can be, but I think him being the only one to have fled the nest, had children and got married, he’s not as blind to it anymore. The main issue was I just wanted a happy life so I never used to speak up when her behaviour was upsetting or crossing a line but I don’t shy away from expressing exactly what I think now.

MrGG said the same the first time round because my mum was at the birth, my dad came in for a little peak when he picked my mum up and even though I’d said I was happy to see about his parents visiting the day after, which he relayed on the phone, they just decided to go and sit in their car on my driveway after my husband said we were going to be discharged. It’s absolute insanity when I think back to it

I just said to MrGG that it’s very natural for me to want to be around my own parents and siblings after birth, but it’s very difficult to be in such a vulnerable state around people that I really don’t have much of a relationship with myself, never mind how much of a physical challenge it can feel like

 

[Gossipgirl79]

Congratulations! How are you both?

She is amazing for being 4 weeks early! Over 6lbs so I’m scared to think what she would have been at full term. I’m frustrated with the lack of mobility….won’t go into details (unless anyone really wants me too and I’ll put it behind a spoiler) but ended in an emergency c-section (and for fellow mums who did the PBC Hypnobirthing course, I did ask…is this an unplanned c or an emergency? So I’m not saying it lightly) so I’m sore, but she’s worth it all.

 

[Spencerskates]

I have to agree. Everyone has bad days and we all say things that we may feel bad about later it’s human nature. I also understand the annoyance of relying on public transport because I do it myself. All of those people are also being rude to you by seeing you’re heavily pregnant and not offering you a seat it’s just the polite and decent thing to do.

I agree. While there’s no excuse for fat shaming, the moment has passed and more than enough people have jumped on the OP for her comment now.

Pregnancy hormones are wild, and I personally always feel like I can come here and share what’s on my mind, it would be a shame if we lost that supportive environment.

I had to check myself for making a bitchy comment about feeling like I was on an episode of ‘Teen Mom’ while waiting for my 20 week scan because I was surrounded by VERY young mums. No excuse for being a dick, but I was hangry, tired and had been trying to hold a full bladder while the sonographer was running over an hour late.

 

[Borntorun]

How would you all say you can set boundaries now before the baby does arrive? I think my husband thinks I’m going to be militant and not let anyone round which isn’t the case however I don’t want people coming round unless invited, and I don’t want them to stay for long I already get annoyed at my mum and MIL saying ‘how’s my boy’. No he’s not your baby he’s mine

In my experience
I think make it clear in your mind what your boundaries actually are. Eg if you already know you don’t want to breastfeed, or if you won’t be comfortable for baby to sleep at grandparents for a while. Then when it comes up in conversation you need to tackle it head-on immediately.
For example: you need to avoid a caesarean: “thank you but actually I intend to just follow the recommendations of my medical team”
You must try breastfeeding: “that’s not something I feel comfortable with, I have decided to bottle feed.

If they probe it further I just say “because that’s the decision I have decided to make as a parent but if I want any advice, I’ll ask”

 

[fairylights2000]

Ahhh nooo, I put mine up 2 days before! I was in total denial of it all it all works out in the end though
How’re you getting on?

I'm waiting for a space in the labour ward so we can start the induction process as I haven't progressed much since waters breaking (I thought I was having quite a few contractions but it turns out a lot of them are gas )

 

[anything at all]

Had lots of checks and confirmed it was my waters (was no chance it was anything else )
Do they ever stop leaking?
I’ve soaked through so many large maternity pads and several underwear changes
Im so tired of it constantly leaking

Because I’m 36+5 they’re keeping me in, the monitor showed contractions but I honestly haven’t felt too much, just some tightenings and tiny bit of pain.

 

[Nosysamsie]

@Nosysamsie did you ring? x

Thanks for asking. I did and was asked to go in. CTG done and it turns out no worries about baby, she's just having a lazy day because I'm under the weather xx

 

[Married2019]

Thanks everyone. First gel was inserted about a hour ago so it's just a waiting game now I guess

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Just need to vent haven't felt much movement out of baba since yesterday (still the odd kick but nothing like her general party in the evening before bed) rang MAU this morning for a bit of advice to be told they don't routinely scan at 22 weeks (which is fair enough) and just basically get my breakfast and ring later on "if I want". She was really dismissive tbh and it would put me off ringing again as I felt more of a hindrance than anything else. Basically ended up crying when I hung up the phone as I hadn't felt listened to at all - melodramatic pregnant woman alert not sure why I'm even posting this, just needed to get it out of my system.

Tbh I’m petty enough to do just that - have some breakfast, give it half an hour and call again. If you’re not happy then push them!

 

[themuffinwoman]

I’m really sorry if I didn’t make it clear but she said I was the big one, I moved to the side cos she was looking to get past me, it was a tight squeeze so she goes ‘make room for a big one’ as she passed me, I snapped, I wouldn’t of snapped if she hadn’t of called me the big one!

You know I read it like that, I’m sorry everyone has jumped down your throat and jumped to conclusions.

 

[calmyourritas]

Blah. My sister has organised a baby shower for me and maybe I’m hormonal and over emotional but my family are moaning or saying they’re not coming because it’s not “local enough”. It’s 3 miles away, a 13 minute drive according to Google. My sister is organising and coming from over an hour away.
I’ve even offered those who don’t drive a lift home. Silence. So I sent a message yesterday evening that I get quite hurt that it was being treated as an inconvenience. What I really wanted to say in my moment of rage was if you cba coming to the baby shower don’t bother coming around when babies here, but I realise I was being extra and dramatic and refrained . Nobody has even bothered to reply to the message.

I just feel like I’ve been the family member always running around visiting people, arranging get togethers and phoning everyone all the time and nobody can be arsed to make the 13 minute journey for this, it bloody hurts.
Sorry for the long post

I would say 13 mins is pretty local! What arseholes.

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

it was me said I wasn’t allowed to brush my teeth. That’s not “duff advice” it was the rules of my health and social care trust. It isn’t our fault trusts differ, obviously everyone should check with their own, but it’s just rude to them call that “duff advice”

What’s the advice thread for if no advice?

I think the previous poster meant that someone saying you can definitely drink water would be duff advice given that some trusts say you can't even clean your teeth - i.e. that we all need to check with our own trusts about medical tests/procedures etc, not that you were giving duff advice

Things have all got a bit heated and confusing in here over the past few days, but I hope everyone's well and that all the little bubbas are healthy

 

[Married2019]

The new baby bubble is just so lovely also if I've any advice relating to hospital bags etc, it would be to pack more muslins and nappies than you think you will need! I've been in hospital since Wednesday and packed my bag based on a list from the hospital but I've had to send himself out for more supplies. Might be worth considering having a back up bag packed if that's a possibility!

 

[Borntorun]

This might sound like a silly question but in general does small parents equal small baby?

Lots of people have been saying I’ll have a little baby due to the fact I’m very little (just my build is petite naturally) and his dad is only 5’8 with small feet lol. I’m little now but I wasn’t a small baby so I feel like he could be any size and it just depends!

There is an element of genetics. Eg my (white British) friends moved to China, had a normal sized baby, and it was the biggest baby that had been born in about five years there (I think baby was approximately 9lb 2oz ish? I don’t quite remember. But they put a picture of him on the wall )
But sometimes babies are born small for other reasons. Sometimes things like diabetes can make babies macrosomic.

Tl;dr: babies do what they like

 

[WhatABore]

Yeah my other half said the same, I think it's because it's so drummed into you to ring about any change of movement and as someone who works for NHS I'm not takin up the nurses time unless I feel I have a genuine reason to as I know how busy they are. I'll see how things pan out this morning x

In my experience, not feeling movement/reduced movement is a genuine reason.

 

[Tifastrife]

Is it the pregnancy hormones?

or maybe the wrong thread

oh my god meant to be in the love island thread baby brain.

 

[jackolantern]

The whole initial point was about medical professionals though. People are going to naturally be more trusting of someone claiming to be a well established midwife than someone talking about their personal experience as a patient in one hospital, of one test. That's the danger. Not someone who did or didn't brush their teeth, it's not the same.

 

[I’mThankyou_]

There’s seriously about 45 girls names we love and 1 boy name we find somewhat acceptable. It’s really annoying! I wanted a girl anyway but if we get a boy it may end up just being registered as “baby [surname]” because it’s too much hassle

Keith, is a beautiful name for a boy

 

[Miss M]

 

[Ro98]

29 weeks and my partner told me yesterday (was quite upset which is so unlike him!!) he feels quite anxious (not all the time just occasionally), hopes he’s not going to be a rubbish dad & feels unprepared/less confident compared to me.
I tried to reassure him it’s normal to feel that way, it’s a lot of unknown / pressure etc.
Family do sometimes comment when he holds other babies (lift their head, move them this way etc) so I think I’m going to tell them to stop it before baby is born (he’s never unsafe holding them) as I’d get pissed off if people did the same.

Has anyone else’s partner thought the same? Any ideas on how I can reassure him?
We have some online classes booked and have a hypnobirthing pack to do once we’ve moved house this weekend so hoping those will help!
Any other ideas please shout them out