Pregnancy #38 The scanxiety is real

[jackolantern]

Spoiler: Preeclampsia/premature baby

Thank you so much! And also to everyone else giving helpful messages. I’m still freaking out a lot but trying to just breathe and focus on the positives. Just seen the consultants and they are saying there’s a possibility we will need to deliver tomorrow depending on how things progress, they’re disagreeing with the sonographer (ffs bloody sonographers… ) and saying he seems a good size for his gestation. They are just worried about not intervening soon enough before something goes wrong because of the placenta. We’ll be 27w4d tomorrow. They’ve given me the steroid shot for his lungs in case we deliver tomorrow. But they’re going to monitor me and the baby and decide when is best so fingers crossed it won’t be as quickly as tomorrow. But it looks like he will be premature and in NICU for a while. I was crying surrounded by a roomful of doctors. They assured me the rate of survival is very good at this stage though which is my main worry. Also if I need extra care I can stay in the hospital and see him when I want which is a good thing. Silver linings.

I’m just in shock and completely unprepared. I thought my pregnancy was relatively uneventful and all of a sudden I’m at DAU for high blood pressure and then I’m here on the labour ward being told this.

Yes they’ve mentioned they might do this. They’ve given me the steroid shot in case it’s tomorrow. Thank you so much.

I honestly don’t know what I’d do without this thread at the minute. iRL friends haven’t been through the same thing/don’t really know what to say despite being lovely if you know what I mean.

Spoiler: Pre-e and NICU mamas

It's honestly the scariest thing I've ever been through so I can completely understand how you feel! Please don't be embarrassed about crying, I must have cried in front of every single person working there by the end lol. When I was admitted I was hyperventilating so badly I couldn't even talk Like you I'd had a completely uneventful pregnancy and it took me by complete surprise, in the day I was at work as normal and in the night I was suddenly hospitalised being told I was really sick and might have to deliver the next day. You can't possibly imagine until you've been through it yourself so it's so lovely to have this thread to find similar mama's, the same with NICU, the NICU mama's here are angels and will hold you up the whole way whenever you need them I really hope you manage to stabilise and buy some more time for bub to stay as is. I'm thinking of you both and here if you need me xxx

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Thank you. Yes I remember. How is she doing now? Any tips on how not to go out of your mind while they’re in NICU definitely welcome x

A NICU diary is a godsend

 

[angelicajames]

All these birth stories are giving me a bit of hope. Has anyone had a VBAC?
I have to decide whether I want an elective c section or try for a vaginal birth (again) but worried I’ll get all the way down like last time and baby still won’t want to come out through the chute.

Sorry I have another question.

those with children already - how did you tell yours that they’re getting a sibling? We’re planning to tell my mini meat the weekend.

I’ve decided to opt for an elective c section after my first, he was too big to make his way down and this one is plotting even bigger!

we were planning on telling him at about 16 weeks when we knew the gender, but my child being my child must have overheard us talking and announced to his class that there was a baby in mummy’s tummy (I was about 6 weeks) so we’ve just been very open and honest since then. He’s autistic so is very literal as it is and he seems happy to be in the loop.

 

[ChattyMammy]

How are those with second babies on the way, or already had their second babies, dealing with the emotional side of it?

31 weeks tomorrow and every night I go to bed now I feel a bit sad another day has gone by with my son being my only child it’s hard to describe and my husband doesn’t really relate, I’m super excited for him to have a baby brother and I know he’ll love having a sibling but I’m also sorting of dreading the complete change of dynamic we have between us both, the relentless mum guilt I’ll probably feel trying to split myself in two and I just feel like time will start to go even faster when I have another baby to look after also terrified of leaving him to give birth and as that creeps closer I’m getting more and more anxious I know hormones are probably raging but I just constantly feel teary over it all. Is it just me being over dramatic? And will I really love baby the same way I love son?

 

[baxter2021]

How are those with second babies on the way, or already had their second babies, dealing with the emotional side of it?

31 weeks tomorrow and every night I go to bed now I feel a bit sad another day has gone by with my son being my only child it’s hard to describe and my husband doesn’t really relate, I’m super excited for him to have a baby brother and I know he’ll love having a sibling but I’m also sorting of dreading the complete change of dynamic we have between us both, the relentless mum guilt I’ll probably feel trying to split myself in two and I just feel like time will start to go even faster when I have another baby to look after also terrified of leaving him to give birth and as that creeps closer I’m getting more and more anxious I know hormones are probably raging but I just constantly feel teary over it all. Is it just me being over dramatic? And will I really love baby the same way I love son?

I’m only 17 weeks but worry all the time about how things will change. I worry about turning my sons life upside down and how will he cope with such a big change? That’s before my mind even moves on to how we as parents will cope with two young children. I already feel like I’m winging it most days

 

[angelicajames]

How are those with second babies on the way, or already had their second babies, dealing with the emotional side of it?

31 weeks tomorrow and every night I go to bed now I feel a bit sad another day has gone by with my son being my only child it’s hard to describe and my husband doesn’t really relate, I’m super excited for him to have a baby brother and I know he’ll love having a sibling but I’m also sorting of dreading the complete change of dynamic we have between us both, the relentless mum guilt I’ll probably feel trying to split myself in two and I just feel like time will start to go even faster when I have another baby to look after also terrified of leaving him to give birth and as that creeps closer I’m getting more and more anxious I know hormones are probably raging but I just constantly feel teary over it all. Is it just me being over dramatic? And will I really love baby the same way I love son?

I’ve had waves of this as well, but then my husband reassures me that he loved having a brother to grow up with and they have a great bond now.

I’m trying to soak up every min of the 3 of us but I know I’ll love my eldest even more when we see him growing into his new big bro role.

as for loving them the same, you’ll have to tell me how it feels, you’re about a week ahead of me!

 

[ChattyMammy]

I’ve had waves of this as well, but then my husband reassures me that he loved having a brother to grow up with and they have a great bond now.

I’m trying to soak up every min of the 3 of us but I know I’ll love my eldest even more when we see him growing into his new big bro role.

as for loving them the same, you’ll have to tell me how it feels, you’re about a week ahead of me!

Your husband sounds just like mine! I know he’s talking sense, and especially on these summer days when we’re out in the garden I picture him having a brother to play with and I know we’ve made the right decision I just hate the thought of doing anything to upset him, and we have such a strong bond I’m terrified of doing anything to ruin it

Oh I will do! I’m sure it will just come straight away like everyone says it will but I look at my boy and just think, how? Surely I don’t have much love left to give?

I’m only 17 weeks but worry all the time about how things will change. I worry about turning my sons life upside down and how will he cope with such a big change? That’s before my mind even moves on to how we as parents will cope with two young children. I already feel like I’m winging it most days

Yep this is me, I’m overthinking everything in his life, I don’t want anything to upset him or cause him distress, but knowing him he’ll probably cope better than we do

 

[calmyourritas]

Thank you. Yes I remember. How is she doing now? Any tips on how not to go out of your mind while they’re in NICU definitely welcome x

She’s doing really well thankyou she is nearly 12 weeks old and I just can’t believe how fast time is going.

Spoiler: NICU

I was in hospital myself the first week but leaving her there when I was discharged is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I made sure I took pictures and videos every single day so I could see the progress and also wrote down everything that happened so I could remember different milestones like when she came off the ventilator or was moved out of intensive care.

I would spend the morning at home and go to the hospital at around 11am, stay until 6pm, go home for dinner and then go back at about 8pm until 10pm. That worked for me and I liked just sitting with her, although it drove Mr Rita crazy, he found he had to go out and do something to keep himself busy.

Also don’t be afraid to ask questions and ask for help. The nurses are amazing, actual angels

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

How are those with second babies on the way, or already had their second babies, dealing with the emotional side of it?

31 weeks tomorrow and every night I go to bed now I feel a bit sad another day has gone by with my son being my only child it’s hard to describe and my husband doesn’t really relate, I’m super excited for him to have a baby brother and I know he’ll love having a sibling but I’m also sorting of dreading the complete change of dynamic we have between us both, the relentless mum guilt I’ll probably feel trying to split myself in two and I just feel like time will start to go even faster when I have another baby to look after also terrified of leaving him to give birth and as that creeps closer I’m getting more and more anxious I know hormones are probably raging but I just constantly feel teary over it all. Is it just me being over dramatic? And will I really love baby the same way I love son?

Omg yes to all of this. I feel the same, I’ve been crying the last few days. I felt the baby move from the outside for the first time yesterday and it’s all felt real now. Like this is really happening. Maybe I’ll feel better once I have my 20 week scan next Friday and can start to include her abit more in the pregnancy and start organising and buying things.

 

[ChattyMammy]

Omg yes to all of this. I feel the same, I’ve been crying the last few days. I felt the baby move from the outside for the first time yesterday and it’s all felt real now. Like this is really happening. Maybe I’ll feel better once I have my 20 week scan next Friday and can start to include her abit more in the pregnancy and start organising and buying things.

It’s hard isn’t it I do feel a bit more detached from this pregnancy which I know sounds awful, but I’m a lot more scared this time and then the guilt of that creeps in and then it can all just spiral from there. I’m really just trying to take everything a day at a time and enjoy this time with my son but I will say I’ve also been a bit less excited about organising and buying this time and I still have sooo much to do whereas with my first pregnancy I was ready to go by now

How long until your 20 week scan? X

 

[shhh1712]

Hello!
I had an early scan which predicted me 6 weeks rather than 7 weeks (this was a couple of weeks ago), my 12 week scan I’ll actually only be 11 weeks. Has anyone had this, shall I try and move it or will it be ok? I don’t really want to move it as I’m desperate to go and actually see something on the screen just wondered what others might do! Thank you x

 

[Blue1989]

How are those with second babies on the way, or already had their second babies, dealing with the emotional side of it?

31 weeks tomorrow and every night I go to bed now I feel a bit sad another day has gone by with my son being my only child it’s hard to describe and my husband doesn’t really relate, I’m super excited for him to have a baby brother and I know he’ll love having a sibling but I’m also sorting of dreading the complete change of dynamic we have between us both, the relentless mum guilt I’ll probably feel trying to split myself in two and I just feel like time will start to go even faster when I have another baby to look after also terrified of leaving him to give birth and as that creeps closer I’m getting more and more anxious I know hormones are probably raging but I just constantly feel teary over it all. Is it just me being over dramatic? And will I really love baby the same way I love son?

Oh I've battled with this a loooot. You feel guilt, anxious, like you're making your first born grow up early etc etc. They say children adapt really well and once you're honest with your child about the new child's arrival it should be ok. I'll let you know what it's like in the next few days

 

[Nayalove96]

Hello!
I had an early scan which predicted me 6 weeks rather than 7 weeks (this was a couple of weeks ago), my 12 week scan I’ll actually only be 11 weeks. Has anyone had this, shall I try and move it or will it be ok? I don’t really want to move it as I’m desperate to go and actually see something on the screen just wondered what others might do! Thank you x

I was measured a week behind at my first scan then a week ahead at my next and that’s what it’s stuck to ever since! I think it’s quite common for the first scan to measure you behind x

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

It’s hard isn’t it I do feel a bit more detached from this pregnancy which I know sounds awful, but I’m a lot more scared this time and then the guilt of that creeps in and then it can all just spiral from there. I’m really just trying to take everything a day at a time and enjoy this time with my son but I will say I’ve also been a bit less excited about organising and buying this time and I still have sooo much to do whereas with my first pregnancy I was ready to go by now

How long until your 20 week scan? X

It’s not awful, I feel the same and I think that’s pretty normal. It’s gone by so fast this time. By now we had names, all the big items decided and I could tell you exactly how far along I was and what vegetable she was the size of It doesn’t help my daughter has started preschool for 2 afternoons so I’m having less time with her. Even though I need it and she’s been loving it so far I still feel terrible. It will be ok and as soon as we see the new baby the love will rush in and it will all get figured out.
My scan is next Friday and we’ll be finding out the sex so I think that will help me register it more too.

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

Hello!
I had an early scan which predicted me 6 weeks rather than 7 weeks (this was a couple of weeks ago), my 12 week scan I’ll actually only be 11 weeks. Has anyone had this, shall I try and move it or will it be ok? I don’t really want to move it as I’m desperate to go and actually see something on the screen just wondered what others might do! Thank you x

I was 11 weeks 1 day, they brought me back at 13 weeks so they could do the nuchal tests x

 

[shhh1712]

Ah ok thank you both, I’ll leave it where it is in that case!! X

I was 11 weeks 1 day, they brought me back at 13 weeks so they could do the nuchal tests x

Is that another scan for the nuchal tests or is it done in a different way? X

 

[ChattyMammy]

Oh I've battled with this a loooot. You feel guilt, anxious, like you're making your first born grow up early etc etc. They say children adapt really well and once you're honest with your child about the new child's arrival it should be ok. I'll let you know what it's like in the next few days

Ah good luck Yeah they really do adapt so well, he’ll probably manage better than me bless him I’ve been really open with him about it and my friend got him a little doll to play with and he’s so good with that, I know it’s not the same but he’s only just turned 2 so at least he has an idea of what a baby is and what their needs are etc so I think that’s helped!

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Blood test went well - so much easier when there's no drama, lol. I haven't heard about my 12 week scan yet which should be the week after next and the nurse kindly looked on the system and couldn't see anything in my bookings (though tbf I'm not sure if they use the same system? I think they use SystemOne and the hospital uses EPR). Debating heading to Ultrasound myself if I haven't heard anything by Wednesday as I work on the same site!

 

[Blair-Waldorf]

Ah ok thank you both, I’ll leave it where it is in that case!! X


Is that another scan for the nuchal tests or is it done in a different way? X

No they usually can do the checks between 11-13 weeks so hopefully you’re fine, they brought me back because the baby was lying in an awkward position and because I was on the earlier side they just said come back in 2 weeks. The nuchal tests (sorry I’m not even sure that’s the proper name hopefully someone can clarify) are the Down’s syndrome and other tests (again sorry I can’t remember the names) feels like a lifetime ago even tho I’m just hitting 30 weeks x

 

[calmyourritas]

Hello!
I had an early scan which predicted me 6 weeks rather than 7 weeks (this was a couple of weeks ago), my 12 week scan I’ll actually only be 11 weeks. Has anyone had this, shall I try and move it or will it be ok? I don’t really want to move it as I’m desperate to go and actually see something on the screen just wondered what others might do! Thank you x

I had this exact thing. I thought I was over 7 weeks, went for a private and was only like 5+6 or something! I spoke to the midwife and she said just to leave the appointment as it was as baby could catch up by then and they don’t go by private scan dates only last period.

When I went for my 12 week scan, baby had caught up slightly but I was measuring 11+2 and to do some of the tests you need to be 11+3 and over! So I was a day out 🥲so they booked me in for a rescan the following week when I was 12+2 which was nice as meant I got to see baby again So don’t worry if they can’t do everything they will just rebook you xx