Online dating horror stories!

[Woolmercardington]

Crying was he good looking!?

I remember he was over a good decade younger than me. I was late 30's and he was mid-20's, and funnily enough, he wasn't bad looking. Quite rugged, outdoorsy, etc.

It really was the most hilarious online dating exchange I'd had.

One very lovely and sincere offer I also had was from a guy (again, quite good-looking and normal profile) messaging me to tell me that he fancied having a wank and would I like to watch?!

Not now, mate, I've just settled down for Line of Duty.

Oh, and another bloke with no profile photo (which I normally would ignore straight away) but he did actually send a very funny opening message that was personal to my profile.

I thanked him for the message but said I don't engage with anyone who has no photos.

He replied with "How's this?" and uploaded a photo of his arse!

It was really saggy, too. I think if I'd have been him I would have just googled "arses" and picked the best one.

 

[Fomohomo]

Sounds like you had a lucky escape as she let the crazy out before you got invested. Although bingo?!? Crosses fomohomo off my list

dont disrespect bingo lol. it's been a great way to help with my anxiety and pushed me to get out so nerrrrr

 

[Lars Guinard]

Is this where we come to discuss our micro penis experiences or is that for another day

Save it for the second thread surely, what kind of Tattler do you think I am!

 

[Deepsigh2018]

Im speaking to a few nice guys at the moment touch wood but I wonder what even goes through guys like this mind.

 

[Catwinky]

First date in Wetherspoons should have been alarm bells

To be fair, it was me that suggested to meet there as it is central, busy and near my bus stop in case I need to escape.
the idea was to meet there and if it worked out move on to a nicer place...which obviously it didn't and I did need to escape lol

 

[Boogs]

I met someone online who asked if he could brush my hair because he liked that sort of thing!

On your head?

 

[NitrousOxide]

Apparently that business is already up and running! [emoji23][emoji23]

A guy online paid me £20 to send him a photo of my feet about 12 years ago - disappointed the going rate hasn't increased with inflation to be honest.

 

[Miss98]

I can just tell that this is going to be a good thread

I can't say I've had any experiences where someone looked completely different/was a different person because I always make sure to video call/call someone before we meet to be on the safe side but it's mostly guys lying about things like saying they don't smoke when they do, living alone or taller than they are, stupid things like that I've experienced a number of times. What's the point of lying, the girl is going to find out if you smoke anyway, if you still live with your parents and your height?

However, talking of looking different I was involved with someone recently (this is why I video call before meeting someone and wish I had especially for this occasion) who was clearly the same person but looked completely different to his pictures in the sense that he was very scruffy, unkempt and very unhygienic in person. Unfortunately for me we had been talking a bit before we actually met and so I felt confused because I liked the person online and the connection we had but I wasn't physically attracted to them at all and so felt confused because of this.

When you meet someone in person you can get the best feel for catching them out on possible lies (as above!), their hygiene and habits of theirs/ "vibes" off of the person.

Other than that it's mostly men messaging me often wanting to see my feet or other very strange sexual comments/questions. One started contacting me asking me lots of questions about my exes penises, it was very weird lol.

I find most dating apps especially at my age are full of guys wanting fun or they lead you along when deep down they aren't looking for anything serious. At least when a guy pops up with a sexual comment or is clear he wants fun you know what you're getting straight away before any feelings happen. Anyway, I know that this thread was supposed to be lighthearted, I apologise!

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

Some of these have had me laughing out loud. I’ve been on and off dating apps for 3 years. It’s draining

Don’t give up-I went on well over 500 dates over a couple of years on and off
met some lovely guys (and it’s the funny ones you remember!) we just didn’t click
I was just giving up when I decided I’d go on one last date before I gave it up as a bad job
ive been with him almost 5 years now

 

[petitspois]

Not really a horror story but I went on a first date but a couple of lines received on first dates that killed it for me were:

'I don't like music'
'I struggle to out to eat when it's so much cheaper at home'
'what are your hard boundaries'

Readers, I ran a mile from each one....

 

[101d]

Someone from tinder gave me chlamydia.... haha. It didn't work out.

 

[IndigoViolet]

Met some bizarre guys internet dating.
I work in the medical profession so people often feel the need to discuss their ailments with me but the worst was one bloke, who, on our first and only date told me that he had Peyronie’s disease.

* Essentially a curved penis

 

[Beachbabe]

Online dating is absolutely wild. I can't believe the stuff I'm reading! I swear if my marriage doesn’t work out I’m heading straight for a nunnery

No you won’t. Give it 6 months and you’ll download tinder just to see what the fuss is about...before you know it you’ll be on here sharing your messages

 

[Meg1912]

This is a new one for me...
When all seems normal then he announces all he wants to do is make you fat
No fucking chance pal it took me a year to get back into topshop jeans, I ain't giving it all up to so you can jack off to my muffin top.
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OH MY GOD. Catwinky, you are my favourite person ever on Tattle! You're so hilarious!! [emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787]
I honestly have tears falling down my face. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23] Screw him! And good on you for holding onto those jeans!!

 

[Bexybest]

I was chatting to a guy on Tinder for weeks and he was a dominant. Never done that sort of thing before (or since) but it was really interesting and I was curious.

Anyway he came round to my place (dangerous looking back) and we had a really great time. Showed me a different side of sex - this was before fifty shades.

But then I got attached and stalked him on fb. Married and kids. I still pursued him for weeks after too fml

 

[Meg1912]

This thread has filled me hope from some of you and made me feel better about life, that weird dates don’t just happen to me!

One blokes teeth kept falling out as he spoke and just spent the whole time slagging his ex off. When I got up to leave, he did actually say to me there won’t be a second date will there? [emoji23]
One bloke after two dates ranted at me that I was incredibly selfish for not wanting more children and when I said I didn’t want to see him again told me I had a fat head and his ex thought so too. [emoji85]

There are some crazies out there but I’m hoping one day someone will be out there for me. Ten years down the line I’m not that hopeful [emoji51]

Don't lose hope! Out there there's a Ross for each and everyone of us!!! [emoji2956][emoji2956]

 

[KindnessWins]

dont miss this at all, all the unsolicited dick picks from men trying get their freak on whilst their wives are at Zumba *shudder* and then tell you that your are a frigid lesbian when you knock them back.

I met a guy once. I had no interest in him at all, he had a face like a bag of spanners, 5 ft 6 (at a push) and a pain in the arse messaging me. However he never got weird on the messages so eventually met him after work one night. He had sussed i was pretty shy, so when he spotted me he decided to serenade me. Very loudly. At manchester piccadilly train station. At rush hour. He was at the top of the escalator i was at the exit. I died. He then waltzed me around the exit to the metrolink. I double died.

8 years later we are still together. He is still tiny, with a face like a bag of spanners. But he makes me roar with laughter every day and he is, quite honestly, the best thing that ever happened to me. Dont give up single ladies, there are some that are not head cases/criminals/perverts.

Love this

 

[Mfranks]

1. Met my boyfriend of 5 years online (MSN). He went back to uni when he was about 22/23, met someone and just cut me off basically..until one new years day we were both in the same city he was at for uni and I met him for sex. We had a bath together and I had just dyed my hair..used a towel and it had red hair dye on. So I called his girlfriend and told her to check his bin for the towel. He called me crying saying I needed to have a sit down meeting with her, her parents and him. He was horrible and looking back, he was 100% cheating on me every weekend. I was young and naive.

2. Met him on POF - was getting on well and then he started lying. He had a good job, car (photo sent from a forecourt, claiming to be his range rover ) had a little son etc. One day I got a text from his mum - '***** has died. Sorry' No...no he hasn't. So me and manager did some digging, I contacted one of his mates he had told me about. Sent him the full conversations we had been having. His mate confirm he hadn't died and he was going to ask him about all this. The guy (who had supposedly died) then text me calling me all the names and how messed up I was!

3. Met a guy, got on really well. Met him one night and we had a good time and we was planning on meeting again. Until I started following an influencer on instagram (with a large following - and she is absolutely lovely) it was her bloody boyfriend and he had given me a different name!!!! I ended it and told him how awful and stupid he was. Him and her arent together anymore, but I didnt contact her.

4) Met a guy on POF. Spoke for 6 months. First date at my house (I know!) nearly 6 years later, we are engaged and he is amazing. I am so glad I didnt learn my lesson ha.

 

[petitspois]

Google is your friend in online dating. By searching potential dates in advance I have saved myself from meeting:

someone who liked Teresa May on FB
someone who had 6 kids by 6 women
someone who had been to court for stalking twice
three married men
someone who was actually about 5 inches shorter than he made out to be.....

 

[Catwinky]

Wut.