One Day Of Winter #4 Reading this thread ‘isn’t her jam’, meanwhile R's got the baby in a choke slam.

[RLdeletedme]

I've always been a very gentle parent and I have teens now, but if they had ever dared to throw anything at me, hit me or pulled my hair, they'd be disciplined properly and wouldn't do it again. Not that they ever did.

Raven/Venom gets away with murder. She isn't a gentle parent in the slightest, she's a terrible parent. The child is almost four and she's acting like a young toddler.

Also, I WISH people like Nicola would stop playing down the word "trigger". It's a very serious mental health term and everyone who plays it down in this way helps towards how people with serious mental illnesses are now treated when they mention that they have triggers. With amusement and disdain. Cheers, Nicola.

 

[Beanpop442]

R literally did not say that though did she

 

[Cubalibra]

Well done can colour within the lines. Pretty sure that is not a skill she really needs to get through life. However, learning to sit on a chair, being polite, learning how to share, hearing the word ‘no’ etc is. But whatever, you focus on her colouring Pea. Dick.

 

[TheLastLolo]

Basically, having a baby is absolutely terrifying. I remember thinking the 12 week scan was the milestone. Then finding out what could happen at the 20 week scan. Then viability. Then reading about stillbirth etc. I was so naïve before I had my own child and still am in a lot of ways.

 

[sunchaser19]

She’s just posted this elsewhere .
Also - why is she not happy to disturb Raven’s play time but will happily have her sleep disturbed? She makes no sense!

 

[Hollyxx]

I’ve had two children and one currently around the same age as R, I am a gentle parent but not a permissive parent. I honestly can’t even imagine either of my kids hitting anyone at all I would feel awful. Also.... the hitting them and hitting a teacher is surely a control/power thing which is quite telling. She talks about gentle parenting but actually R’s behaviour shows that R has developed issues surrounding adults which is bizarre as surely if Nicolas style of parenting is as amazing as she makes out then surely R would have good attachment with adults. She will determine that R hits adults because they are her ‘safe space’ etc etc but I would argue that my children see me as their safe space but we also have a loving and non violent relationship. She is starting to see that her style of parenting is all jolly and lovely while they are babies and aged 2 when you can forgive their behaviour etc. But when they hit 4 and 10 and 15.... this is where the shit hits the fan. Is she going to describe R’s behaviour as letting out her emotions etc when she is 14 in the back of a corsa going off for a fight in the park??

 

[Cat_scratches]

All the crunches call tantrums restraint collapse. It annoys me, it's not restraint collapse. Their kids aren't autistic and it really devalues a realy real problem for parents of autistic children

 

[ceecee454]

The bit that’s puzzling me is Ember apparently not feeding much during the night. Anyone who’s BF a baby that young knows exactly what night time is like...

damiens obviously glugged all the milk before she gets her turn so she must just think fuck this i’m off back to sleep before i get pushed off the bed like i did the sofa

 

[Macmama]

I’ve said this before, but the way she speaks about and holds Ember gives me such deja vu of my PND with my daughter. I hated every moment of feeding her for the first few months, couldn’t stand her nursing (which broke my heart, as I so loved nursing my son). I had such PTSD over her very traumatic birth, and I couldn’t bring myself to even look at her sometimes. With a very understanding husband and professional support, I healed.

Pea, you need to speak up and get help. Your mental health matters and admitting you are struggling is NOT a failure regardless of how you believe you should parent. For you, for Ember and for your family, please seek support.

 

[Booboothefool]

If she truly felt like she wouldn't be able to share herself or her love to another child why did she choose to have another? The resentment for Ember is so clear it's actually heartbreaking.
She hasn't lost Raven in any sense of the word. All that's happened is Raven has had to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her.
It really makes me angry if I'm honest. I'm trying to be understanding and if she has PND that's horrible,but Ember doesn't deserve this. She's so special in her own right but she's not being celebrated or seen as the person and blessing she is

 

[Booboothefool]

Hiding the moses basket in the room with Ember in so Raven doesn't wake her?! What about Embers need to be cuddled to sleep and feel safe in the sleep space like Raven did? (In Nicolas mind). Does that all not matter now? God forbid Raven be upset, you know the child that is 3.5 years old not 11 weeks old.
Tell her to not wake her sister and go to sleep nicely.
I mean there's gentle parenting and there's plain stupidity.

 

[sunchaser19]

And just throwing this out there .... Raven might be less “hitty” if she had a proper nights sleep and wasn’t up all night being breastfed at 4 years old! Better sleep might improve her behaviour!

 

[Clementine]

That made for an uncomfortable read. Can’t quite get into words why, but what about Ember having to share? I really can’t get on board with that post.

 

[justfortonight]

Holy shit that post! I don’t even know what to say... it’s just messed up.

Ember referred to as ‘someone Raven has to share milk with?’ Ember is a tiny baby, she requires milk to keep growing. Raven is a nearly 4 year old child. How can’t she see the difference?

 

[emme1122]

She's still pushing that idea of grief over not being an only child any more isn't she?

That whole post is a load of bull . She did nothing to prepare Raven for Ember's arrival, because she obviously thought that she could just stick one child on each nipple and all would be fine. She thinks her parenting way is the only way, and she convinced herself that a gently parented child would never have any issues with becoming a sibling.

I also think she's been reading here, and that post is her way of defending herself against the discussions of Raven's "hitty" behaviour towards Ember.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. How can Nicola say that R having a new sibling is some sort of grief when her and Dean have been through the most unimaginable grief? I’m sorry but there’s no comparison.

 

[RLdeletedme]

I don't understand why she's making such a big deal about everything. She's had two children and now has to parent them both. It's something billions of people all over the world do, every day. I don't see anyone else making such a huge deal out of every, little thing, like she's doing something New and Different that no one has ever done before.

She needs to get a massive grip of herself. She's not special and neither are her children. They are just a normal family. All the moaning is ridiculous. You CHOSE to have two children. Get on with it.

Can you actually imagine women in other countries pissing and moaning about things like Nicola does? Strong women who deal with their choices. Who just bring their children up without the constant need for social media attention and all the waffle and "me, me, me"... It's quite concerning how important she thinks she is.

 

[CelinaRoger]

Shes just so stupid, why is she putting herself and the kids through all of this?! She needs to get raven in a routine it can be gentle, she doesn't need nursing to sleep while the literal newborn waits her turn, she needs to get raven in a routine, she needs to give that child some gentle boundaries and stop giving her every ounce of herself, she's leaving nothing left for ember, Dean or herself its just laughable

 

[AfroCircus]

She is soooo desperate to be oppressed. I don't see anything about her life that is against societal expectations? In fact it seems very traditional. The husband is the main earner, the wife does the majority of childcare. What is boundary breaking about her life? Literally beyond BF what does she do that might challenge expectations?

Also - 'Raven naturally wanted more milk'. She was basically weaned. She wanted whatever the new threat to her had. You could have avoided that by actually preparing your child for the 'giant upheaval'. Toddlers can be extremely demanding and possessive. You should have prepared her.

Also, I don't know how many of these ~gentle mamas~ need to hear this, but it is entirely possible to parent your child without putting a nipple in their mouth. I know, it's shocking. When my child is upset I - brace yourselves - give him a cuddle.

 

[Rocketman86]

Fuck sake, she is just such a knob! Just wean her, be firm with her! My kid has been in bed since 7pm after milk, a story & a cuddle. It's not cruel, it's a routine that we've worked hard to implement. We all get a good sleep & I haven't got a demon brat screaming the house down at 2am. Surely her mental health is suffering because of this, not to mention her marriage!! But she's in a hell of her own making so I have no sympathy!!

 

[justfortonight]

I don’t know why we are overlooking the fact little R may have cut Pea’s hair because she wanted to during a jam sandwich break!

This was my thought too ‘Raven woke up this morning and was fascinated by cutting hair so I let her have a chop at mine with her crafting scissors. Love how her imagination works ’