Niomi Smart #27 from selfish to shellfish

[veevoovum]

I'm so confused, when she was with DJ she makes him go on a run with her on the weekends. Now she's with an actual personal trainer and actually enjoying the weekend by eating scones and cuddling next to the fire?

 

[mg95]

Remember when she moved in to Joe's flat and straight away started rearranging the place to her taste. Freddie's record player literally disappeared.

The shelves when she moved in:

View attachment 799996

After her 'rearranging':

View attachment 799997

It did make me laugh when I saw a listing photo of Forky's cottage when I spied a banana holder in the kitchen.

View attachment 800002

He's also said in his stories he'd consider buying another place in Majorca

Something about the photos with Joe and Freddie made me incredibly embarrassed for her. Like not only did she move in there and rearrange the whole place under the guise of living there for at least 2 years, she thought she was so secure in her position she was putting up photos of herself and Joe and herself and Freddie together. And all the while Freddie was likely counselling Joe on how to end things. I would just feel like the biggest fool if that had happened to me. I just imagine her in a daze putting up these photos thinking they're one big happy family and Freddie and Joe going about the apartment giving her dagger eyes I think due to the dynamics of her family (no father, no adult siblings, incredibly vain and shallow matriarch) and the fact that she drops her friends whenever she gets a man, she has no clue what true intimacy is, platonic or romantic. So she has no idea how to have a deep connection or recognize when one is missing. Fair enough to Joe for ending things if it didn't feel right to him, but I can definitely see how Niomi made a descent into the crazy. It was like her bubble of delusion popped. A better person would have had this stuff dealt with by now though. She's over a year on and acting worse than ever. Once again I implore her to seek therapy and figure out her issues with food and men for all of our sakes

 

[judgejohndeed]

Hahaha Dimbo saying she’s funnier in real life is like a teenage boy saying they have a girlfriend but she goes to another school we’ve all seen that piano dance incident, not a chance she’s funnier IRL

 

[QueenDecember]

Joe holding children and babies is swoon-worthy !!!

Niomi sure let a good one run away

 

[lilamay]

This is such a good point.



Well done Dimbobs, encouraging more unnecessary landfill and profiting off it.

 

[Tokyo94]

I find it absolutely wild that one story shows her grabbing a coffee in a non reusable takeaway cup and the next story is promoting that sustainability chat.

 

[Callan]

She couldn't even pack half her stuff, and all of it is hers that Joe had no choice but to stuff in the back of the car.

Ahahah his face

 

[QueenBW]

The way she panned the camera through the room to make sure we got a good, long view of all the luggage in one room and the two sets of towels on the bed... Jesus, Niomi. Grow up. You're on holiday (again) and with a man. Big whoop.

ETA: They were in a car for 5 hours. Imagine trying to hold a conversation with either of these two clowns for five hours. My neurons would go on strike.

 

[getawaywithit]

Guys— the only other option is that they have a very explicit business agreement that they are going to do brand things together. But that doesn’t make sense because Niomi doesn’t need him for that.

Otherwise, a single straight man is not going to do things like spend his weekend moving boxes for his similarly straight female acquaintance/casual friend simply out of the kindness of his heart, and go away on country weekends with her building fires because he’d just love a cozy Cornwall getaway... Men aren’t doing stuff like that, sorry. This is some sort of sad fling and Niomi is hurt and embarrassed enough to want everyone to see it.

 

[LolitaBlah]

So they are away on a WE together.. and they are both on instagram with non stop stories.. I guess she finally found the pahfect instaboyfriend for her

 

[judgejohndeed]

I think the romanticising of Joe is just tongue in cheek to be honest. I liked that he posted about social issues unlike a lot of other rich people (admittedly the bar here is low, but at least he did) and I don't think he leeched off his Dad for his job - he seemed to work really hard from what we saw of him, even if his name gets him hand ups at least he made the most of it and put the effort in. Plus I really don't think anyone can say whether or not Joe is boring because we just didn't see enough of him, it's not really fair to criticise someone who doesn't want to be on camera or who goes quiet when being filmed as 'boring' just because they're obviously uncomfortable. I'd be the same.

Bradley is definitely the kind of show pony boyfriend Niomi wanted though, I just wonder who is using who more here. Seems like she's going to get hurt again tbh.

 

[QueenBW]

Ugh. Seriously. They're just doing all this for attention. They are probably banging, but the way they're going on about "teasing" it on stories is just pure ick and makes me think of that scene on Easy A where Emma Stone and her gay friend pretend to be having sex at a house party by jumping on the bed and moaning wildly and being altogether ridiculous. That's how Nimboobs and Forky Muscles come across to me. So like... maybe they're not banging.

He is pure barf.

 

[SarahN]

View attachment 795120

But she has built her following for the past 5+ on her lifestyle which included being plant based? Like many others I bought her book for that specific reason which includes:

View attachment 795119

I’m not saying she shouldn’t be allowed to change her diet or evolve as a person into whatever the heck she wants to be.. but at least be transparent. Perhaps this is her roundabout way of doing so.

Is she having a laugh ? She wrote a vegan/ plant based cook book, filmed her what I eat in a day segments on YouTube, the fact that she refers to everything as vegan or plant based, and she doesn't want to be put in a box ? The majority of the her followers will be interested or follow her because of her diet (let's face it, her other content isn't exactly riveting), she has put herself in that box because it was important to defining her brand.

The way she eats has defined her for years. So now she wants to move away from her usual plant based diet, she calls social media an "odd place" where people dare question her behavior ! I mean, how dare they!

 

[Mr.Mistoffelees]

Sex on Fire, Just Give me the Night, Get Down on It? Tell me you're trying too hard to let your followers know you're banging without telling me you're trying too hard...

 

[Callan]

Hi friends, here's our new thread and a small recap for all the latest Niomi related excitement.

- Seems that Niomi is still not over her broken engagement with her IG posts and stories that often seem targeted at dreamy Joey.

- Heavily promoting her new fake bestie personal trainer/professional fame seeking tool named Bradley Simmonds as her moving helper while letting people speculate that they are dating. He also eats sushi with a fork. A fork. @jaymie dubbed him as Forky. Paaahfect

- She bought a house that is a legit garage/fish tank in an area she’s never in and always trying to escape in her stories.

- Has posted multiple pictures in front of seafood dishes mainly shellfish while on vacay, after her self-proclaimed year of being selfish she’s doing what she wants now but no official announcement from her about a diet shift if any.

- Filmed a handful of videos this year, she’s too tired you guys, she needs to be pampered in order to be a functional adult during a global pandemic. Poor Nims.

- She has removed all her sustainability bs from her IG bio and is now a "Digital Creator", big lol to that.

- There is a Mr. Bean meme or gif for almost every Nimbobs moment, check the old thread for some good stuff.

Niomi Smart #26 More sponsored trips away, more opportunities for nimboobs on display.

Not on your honeymoon with Joe 😜😉

tattle.life

 

[judgejohndeed]

'Your body is amazing' under that photo...no, her body is that of someone who can afford to eat next to nothing all day because she has no work to do and nowhere she has to go or be so doesn't need any energy. I can barely be bothered to even keep up with her anymore to be honest because she's so boring and her life is so vacuous I can barely comprehend it. Say what you like about Joe but he probably could've lived a similar life to Niomi on his Dad's money and he doesn't, he gets up to go to work at the same time she chooses to get up to wander around London by herself like a weirdo because she has literally nothing better to do. No wonder he got shot of her the first time he actually got an insight into what her life is like, there's nothing less appealing than someone who does fuck all all day long tbh.

 

[milanolo]

Her trying to be coy in his stories is killing me Also, she MUST know that Joeeeey posted something on his stories so I’m sure she’s fantasizing about Joeeey throwing up and crying from jealousy while watching her and forky on their getaway
View attachment 791363View attachment 791365View attachment 791366

What Niomi thinks Joey is doing:

EXPECTATION

REALITY

 

[Pundertaker]

i only occasionally lurk this thread and haven’t caught up but the fact that the new guy is nicknamed Forky is absolutely sending me off dreamy joey would NEVER eat sushi with anything other than chopsticks, and with elegance and grace to boot

Joe would be pretty horrified that she's now dating a white supremacist, too. Imagine realising that you moved to India with someone like that

 

[palmer]

One year later and Smug Skin still has only 17K followers. Who even buys this shit? No way they have actual customers. Every single post in their tagged pics are micro influencers who received the products for free! (Some have even as low as 2K followers) And their Instagram page gets 3 comments per post at best!

 

[laplusheureuse96]

Niomi is probably secretly wishing he was holding their baby instead…
Bradley is neither husband nor father material, and we know Dimbobs is desperate to get married and have kids. Yikes.