Nicola Bulley #13

Dotty Merton · Feb 18, 2023

FoxyBingo said:
Same as the friend of a friend of mine, she had dinner with her family the night before she disappeared, had made plans to do the food shop with her parents the next day, in the meantime she had wiped her data, thoroughly cleaned her room before disappearing into the night. No one expected it at all.

So sorry about your friend. My Mum did similar and got really organised. Had a supper with friends the night before. She had planned it years ahead, left me with full instructions for the funeral, a little label on everything she wanted people to have. She'd subtly mentioned bridges over the years and how she always wanted to jump when at an 'edge'. So much so that when I got the call to say she was missing from home I knew straight away she would of gone to a bridge. She went to a different bridge than I thought she would though. Could Nikki of slipped off somewhere else? Somewhere right under our noses? My Mum wasn't a physically strong woman but so determined was she that she carried a wee step ladder all the way up the hill to get to the bridge with less pedestrians that could stop her and to be sure she could climb over the railings.

I just watched the Hazard video, golly, that's really rather haunting all things considered.

May there be some resolution to this awful torture for the family soon.

DellaC · Feb 18, 2023

LennyBriscoe said:
I know I’ve said this before but I couldn’t bear to go through what Nicola’s loved ones are right now. I wonder if hope is what’s keeping them going. Sky News obviously popped in to see them after the reenactment yesterday because they said they spoke to her Dad. Journalists are used to knocking on doors and making a nuisance of themselves but nobody could possibly have prepared her family for intrusions like that

'Every day is a struggle': Father of missing Nicola Bulley hopes for 'breakthrough'

Police investigating the disappearance of Nicola Bulley have been criticised after saying she had suffered "significant issues with alcohol" which were "brought on by her ongoing struggles with the menopause".

news.sky.com

What is the role of the FLO?

On TV dramas they seem to move in with the families, I'm sure that's too intrusive IRL. BUT surely somebody should have foreseen when the vultures had finished at the river they'd have gone to Nicolas home or her parents. Poor fella should never have had to deal with that.
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Dotty Merton said:
So sorry about your friend. My Mum did similar and got really organised. Had a supper with friends the night before. She had planned it years ahead, left me with full instructions for the funeral, a little label on everything she wanted people to have. She'd subtly mentioned bridges over the years and how she always wanted to jump when at an 'edge'. So much so that when I got the call to say she was missing from home I knew straight away she would of gone to a bridge. She went to a different bridge than I thought she would though. Could Nikki of slipped off somewhere else? Somewhere right under our noses? My Mum wasn't a physically strong woman but so determined was she that she carried a wee step ladder all the way up the hill to get to the bridge with less pedestrians that could stop her and to be sure she could climb over the railings.

I just watched the Hazard video, golly, that's really rather haunting all things considered.

May there be some resolution to this awful torture for the family soon.

My god lovely Dotty...I want to give you a big snuggly hug xx

InTheDollsHouse · Feb 18, 2023

CrumbledRhubarb said:
no arrests were made but it is being investigated

They aren’t still investigating in terms of why they were called.

The police force have referred themselves to the IOPC for investigation because they had recent contact with Nicola before she went missing. This is standard in a situation such as this.

Full info here https://www.policeconduct.gov.uk/sites/default/files/Documents/Focus/Focus_June_2016.pdf

But relevant to this case:

I should have put this in the recap as it keeps coming up but I rushed it, I wasn’t expecting the thread to have reached 1,000 when I looked this morning.

kata420 · Feb 18, 2023

CrumbledRhubarb said:
As each day passes with no news I find it more and more unlikely that they will find Nicola. I hope there is some kind of update very soon.

Clearly the police do not think Paul is a suspect in regards to her disappearance so with the police being called just a few weeks ago this leads me to believe maybe he was the one who called them on Nicola - especially for them to have also sent mental health team along. The police have also said that no arrests were made but it is being investigated- therefore there must have been some kind of crime involved to warrant an investigation, otherwise they would have said ‘no further action was taken’ or something along those lines

I find it a bit much that now he must be the reason for her disappearance and I don’t think it’s a fair assumption to make. Women can also be abusive to their partners. Some have commented that they believe Nicola may just disappear for a few days sometimes - that is also quite controlling and toxic behaviour if it is true. I don’t have an opinion on this side of their relationship.

However, the image portrayed of Nicola from the outset was not correct and it was unprofessional of the police and wrong of her family and friends to not give any indication that there was a possibility that Nicola chose to disappear herself. The SGI team should have also been made aware of this likelihood. No one, other than the police, Nicola or her family needed to know why. But the fact that there was a possibility should have been inferred from the get go that would have been enough information to share. Instead you had the police saying ‘we think she’s in the river’ and those that knew her saying ‘no way’. There’s no trace of that. Which, even until now is true.
[/b]

Excellent post. I agree with everything you have said.

Just re: the BIB - my take on this investigation is that there was a team sent out, potentially to a suicide threat or similar. She was not involuntarily admitted that not, but has subsequently now disappeared and potentially come to harm, so this investigation would be a normal occurrence to see why she was not ‘sectioned’ that night. I don’t take from this that any crime was committed. I think the team will be questioned why they didn’t take her, as she was obviously more at risk than they thought that night. I take from it that potentially they talked her down and she agreed to go for voluntary treatment. All guesses of course.[/b]

LennyBriscoe · Feb 18, 2023

DellaC said:
What is the role of the FLO?

I think they’re qualified police officers who spend time with the family and are a sort of ‘go between’ between the family and the Police. I think they build a relationship with the loved ones and keep them updated of any developments.

I think it’s to make sure there’s not a lot of different officers on different shifts going in and out of the house.

Hopefully someone will know more about them.

Rachel H14 · Feb 18, 2023

Bekika said:
If Nicola did take her own life could it have been an act of revenge for something someone said or did to her, or for not understanding what she was going through? Obviously she would have been very low and not thinking rationally but some suicides are carried out to hurt others

That is so very true. Of those that end their lives, many do so without really thinking of the impact of their friends and families. Similarly some do it to seeming inflict pain on others. Very sad either way.

InTheDollsHouse · Feb 18, 2023

kata420 said:
Excellent post. I agree with everything you have said.

Just re: the BIB - my take on this investigation is that there was a team sent out, potentially to a suicide threat or similar. She was not involuntarily admitted that not, but has subsequently now disappeared and potentially come to harm, so this investigation would be a normal occurrence to see why she was not ‘sectioned’ that night. I don’t take from this that any crime was committed. I think the team will be questioned why they didn’t take her, as she was obviously more at risk than they thought that night. I take from it that potentially they talked her down and she agreed to go for voluntary treatment. All guesses of course.

This.
Or whether additional mental health support could or should have been put in place at home such as a crisis team. It may not have been severe enough for an inpatient stay but it may have needed something more than was done.

Or, it may be that everything was done absolutely perfectly and this is just an awful tragedy.

The IOPC investigation will look at the entire picture and hopefully make sure that learnings are taken from it.

LennyBriscoe · Feb 18, 2023

Bekika said:
If Nicola did take her own life could it have been an act of revenge for something someone said or did to her, or for not understanding what she was going through? Obviously she would have been very low and not thinking rationally but some suicides are carried out to hurt others

I think that’s a possibility if she really wasn’t in her right frame of mind, or if it was a cry for help and she didn’t mean to die but if she wanted to hurt someone then I can’t help but think she would want them to know so maybe would have left a note?

That must be awful, for someone to blame you for their suicide

puddleduck · Feb 18, 2023

Dotty Merton said:
So sorry about your friend. My Mum did similar and got really organised. Had a supper with friends the night before. She had planned it years ahead, left me with full instructions for the funeral, a little label on everything she wanted people to have. She'd subtly mentioned bridges over the years and how she always wanted to jump when at an 'edge'. So much so that when I got the call to say she was missing from home I knew straight away she would of gone to a bridge. She went to a different bridge than I thought she would though. Could Nikki of slipped off somewhere else? Somewhere right under our noses? My Mum wasn't a physically strong woman but so determined was she that she carried a wee step ladder all the way up the hill to get to the bridge with less pedestrians that could stop her and to be sure she could climb over the railings.

I just watched the Hazard video, golly, that's really rather haunting all things considered.

May there be some resolution to this awful torture for the family soon.

Dotty my sweetheart. So very sorry for your loss and what you must have been through 🫂

DellaC · Feb 18, 2023

LennyBriscoe said:
I think they’re qualified police officers who spend time with the family and are a sort of ‘go between’ between the family and the Police. I think they build a relationship with the loved ones and keep them updated of any developments.

I think it’s to make sure there’s not a lot of different officers on different shifts going in and out of the house.

Hopefully someone will know more about them.

That's my take on them too. Someone somewhere should be protecting her parents.

Unless of course he wanted to speak to them, I just don't see it somehow.
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kata420 said:
Excellent post. I agree with everything you have said.

Just re: the BIB - my take on this investigation is that there was a team sent out, potentially to a suicide threat or similar. She was not involuntarily admitted that not, but has subsequently now disappeared and potentially come to harm, so this investigation would be a normal occurrence to see why she was not ‘sectioned’ that night. I don’t take from this that any crime was committed. I think the team will be questioned why they didn’t take her, as she was obviously more at risk than they thought that night. I take from it that potentially they talked her down and she agreed to go for voluntary treatment. All guesses of course.[/b]

Makes total sense and forms part of the bigger picture.

50sGirl · Feb 18, 2023

This man went missing on the 21st January and his body has only just been recovered in a canal.

Nathan Cole: Body found in canal believed to be missing man

Mr Cole was last seen walking along Banbury Road in Walthamstow on 21 January.

www.bbc.co.uk

It shows just how long it can take.
Sadly, I’m back to my initial thoughts that Nicola went into the river.

Dotty Merton · Feb 18, 2023

kata420 said:
Excellent post. I agree with everything you have said.

Just re: the BIB - my take on this investigation is that there was a team sent out, potentially to a suicide threat or similar. She was not involuntarily admitted that not, but has subsequently now disappeared and potentially come to harm, so this investigation would be a normal occurrence to see why she was not ‘sectioned’ that night. I don’t take from this that any crime was committed. I think the team will be questioned why they didn’t take her, as she was obviously more at risk than they thought that night. I take from it that potentially they talked her down and she agreed to go for voluntary treatment. All guesses of course.[/b]

Sorry what date did the police visit? It was only after Mums death that I was told that very often it is 14 days after a suicide attempt that the person will try again. Just at the point the family start to relax a little and think immediate threat has passed. That's what happened for us. Mums first attempt was not successful. Her second, 14 days after, was.

InTheDollsHouse · Feb 18, 2023

Dotty Merton said:
Sorry what date did the police visit? It was only after Mums death that I was told that very often it is 14 days after a suicide attempt that the person will try again. Just at the point the family start to relax a little and think immediate threat has passed. That's what happened for us. Mums first attempt was not successful. Her second, 14 days after, was.

10th January

FoxyBingo · Feb 18, 2023

Dotty Merton said:
So sorry about your friend. My Mum did similar and got really organised. Had a supper with friends the night before. She had planned it years ahead, left me with full instructions for the funeral, a little label on everything she wanted people to have. She'd subtly mentioned bridges over the years and how she always wanted to jump when at an 'edge'. So much so that when I got the call to say she was missing from home I knew straight away she would of gone to a bridge. She went to a different bridge than I thought she would though. Could Nikki of slipped off somewhere else? Somewhere right under our noses? My Mum wasn't a physically strong woman but so determined was she that she carried a wee step ladder all the way up the hill to get to the bridge with less pedestrians that could stop her and to be sure she could climb over the railings.

I just watched the Hazard video, golly, that's really rather haunting all things considered.

May there be some resolution to this awful torture for the family soon.

Sending love to you, this must have been horrendous for you to go through

LennyBriscoe · Feb 18, 2023

Dotty Merton said:
So sorry about your friend. My Mum did similar and got really organised. Had a supper with friends the night before. She had planned it years ahead, left me with full instructions for the funeral, a little label on everything she wanted people to have. She'd subtly mentioned bridges over the years and how she always wanted to jump when at an 'edge'. So much so that when I got the call to say she was missing from home I knew straight away she would of gone to a bridge. She went to a different bridge than I thought she would though. Could Nikki of slipped off somewhere else? Somewhere right under our noses? My Mum wasn't a physically strong woman but so determined was she that she carried a wee step ladder all the way up the hill to get to the bridge with less pedestrians that could stop her and to be sure she could climb over the railings.

I just watched the Hazard video, golly, that's really rather haunting all things considered.

May there be some resolution to this awful torture for the family soon.

Dotty, I truly hope your mum is at peace and that you’ve come to terms with things too. Your post was so powerful and I’m continually blown away by people’s honesty and that these threads can be a safe space for those who need it to be

Dotty Merton · Feb 18, 2023

InTheDollsHouse said:
10th January

Thank you. Re mental health services, some people may have daily visits at home for a period of time after a suicide attempt. How available that is now with the mental health crisis I don't know.

LennyBriscoe said:
Dotty, I truly hope your mum is at peace and that you’ve come to terms with things too. Your post was so powerful and I’m continually blown away by people’s honesty and that these threads can be a safe space for those who need it to be

Thank you all for the love, it's much appreciated. It's been some years now and yes, peace has been found with Mums decision mostly. It was very traumatic at the time, I was an adult. My heart is just with her daughters right now, they need a resolution or they will forever wonder.

Jwren · Feb 18, 2023

Dotty Merton said:
So sorry about your friend. My Mum did similar and got really organised. Had a supper with friends the night before. She had planned it years ahead, left me with full instructions for the funeral, a little label on everything she wanted people to have. She'd subtly mentioned bridges over the years and how she always wanted to jump when at an 'edge'. So much so that when I got the call to say she was missing from home I knew straight away she would of gone to a bridge. She went to a different bridge than I thought she would though. Could Nikki of slipped off somewhere else? Somewhere right under our noses? My Mum wasn't a physically strong woman but so determined was she that she carried a wee step ladder all the way up the hill to get to the bridge with less pedestrians that could stop her and to be sure she could climb over the railings.

I just watched the Hazard video, golly, that's really rather haunting all things considered.

May there be some resolution to this awful torture for the family soon.

So sorry Dotty for all you must have been through, sending hugs

LByrne74 · Feb 18, 2023

tinkertailorsoldierspy said:
There's just so many questions aren't there. Best case scenario, she's just taken herself off somewhere to just breathe and have some space. I truly hope that's what's happened and she's not come to any harm.
How easy is it to just disappear? Sorry, that's a rhetoric question really. I'm just thinking aloud.

The whole situation is so sad and I feel the more we're discovering about Paul and Nicola's homelife the further away we're going from the picture perfect family we were first presented with.

It's made me feel even more sorry for the kids because apart from the trauma of their mam being missing now, they must have witnessed stuff at home beforehand, what with the welfare visit in January etc. Poor kids.

DellaC · Feb 18, 2023

50sGirl said:
This man went missing on the 21st January and his body has only just been recovered in a canal.

Nathan Cole: Body found in canal believed to be missing man

Mr Cole was last seen walking along Banbury Road in Walthamstow on 21 January.

www.bbc.co.uk

It shows just how long it can take.
Sadly, I’m back to my initial thoughts that Nicola went into the river.

28 days

Another devastated family.

Bekika · Feb 18, 2023

InTheDollsHouse said:
This.
Or whether additional mental health support could or should have been put in place at home such as a crisis team. It may not have been severe enough for an inpatient stay but it may have needed something more than was done.

Or, it may be that everything was done absolutely perfectly and this is just an awful tragedy.

The IOPC investigation will look at the entire picture and hopefully make sure that learnings are taken from it.

From what I know/understand MH support is stretched to capacity. They probably have to assess based on many factors which include family support. If they believe someone has loving support they may feel they are better at home than admitted.
My friend's niece has suffered MH since she was 12. She's 26 now and rarely leaves her room. She has openly told people that she's only still here because she couldn't hurt her Mum. Her family have tried for years to get her the help she needs, mainly medication but some therapy, but nothing changes the way she feels. Her Mum thinks the authorities think because she is in a safe environment surrounded by people who care about her, the fact her life is wasting away doesn't matter.

Nicola Bulley #13

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