New baby and post birth advice #49 IT WAS JUST A NORMAL SIZE SH*T

[WeHadFunRight]

TF has stopped feeding to sleep and I am not here for it ffs; now I actually have to do stuff to help her sleep I’m too lazy for this sh*t
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Also, she has started trying to communicate what she wants differently and has started to turn to people when she’s unhappy and make a “can I speak to the manager” kind of cry which, bless her, just sounds like HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA feel so sorry for her she’s really got her little signals all mixed up

 

[Tifastrife]

MIL took baby today and brought him back at bed time. I asked her to please make sure he sleeps every 1.5-2 hours as we’ve had a rough week with sleep and just getting back on track. She drops him off eight hours later and tells me he’s napped for 15 minutes then 10 minutes in the car. That’s it all day. He’s 14 weeks old ffs.

“At least he’s nice and tired should sleep through.” THATS NOT HOW BABIES WORK LINDA. He’s already woken up crying once when he normally wouldn’t 🥲 luckily settled quickly with the dummy but I’m really pissed off.

 

[Ro98]

Does anyone else’s partner never say sorry unless asked? It is honestly pathetic & his worst trait.
He always does it when we’re having a day out that I’m excited about. It’s like he does it on purpose to piss me off.

 

[Nosysamsie]

I am struggling with in laws, our girl is first grandchild and my in laws have always been a bit full on but it's so much worse now. Our girl was in hospital after she was born for a couple of weeks, she has a condition which means she needs major surgery in a couple of months time and it felt like all they wanted to know was when they could see her, and now they want to know how often they can see her now we're home. They want to come over every other week. I said to my other half that I can't really commit to that right now as I've no idea what our lives look like with a newborn and a sick one at that. Anyway he made a right mess talking to them about it and now they think I've said they can't see her often so now I'm the bad guy because my other half threw me under the bus as soon as he got wind that he'd upset them.

It's just stressful trying to think about them and what they want when I am trying to focus on my baby. They've also pushed us on teaching them how to manage her additional care needs and it's like no! She's our child and this is just part of her day to day care, we don't need their help with this. It's their pushiness that bothers me and I don't think they see how it comes across sometimes.

I feel like no one gets how stressful this is when I feel like they're trying to muscle in on raising her, she's only 4 weeks old and I am still figuring out how to navigate everything. And tbh now my other half will be back at work full time my priority is making sure we get plenty of time just the 3 of us especially as weekends will be precious and remarkably we do have lives outside of our in laws.

Tired of no one understanding where I am coming from or telling me to just accept it for a happy life with the in laws.

Firstly, so sorry to read what a hard time your going through, I hope things go well with little ones surgery, and your doing OK.
I have very similar in-laws. They wanted to cancel their holiday when little lady was born because "I couldn't be alone with a baby" and my MIL constantly tells me that I need help, despite me never asking for it. She's part of the reason I'm struggling with my mental health right now. I've had to start answering her messages when she says she's coming round, rather than leave it for my hubby & I've also had to start saying things. She's part of my family, so I decided I need to feel comfortable saying what I want, which was them to back off.
They also, like yours, want to see her regularly, infact they want to see her weekly, so I have had to remind her that she didn't see is weekly before our baby was born, so she won't now. And that i have other family who want to see her & that our household needs time as a family of three. I even told her that her pushiness was actually pushing me away. It upset her, but it needed saying & I felt better for being blunt & not letting my hubby fuck it up.
Maybe speak to them yourself. Explain that you will ring if you need them. Tell them visits need to be planned but they can't interfere with your time with your family & your babies recovery.
I hope you manage to find some middle ground that suits you all.

 

[Sky Sports Main Event]

Yes there’s something about some mothers of sons that makes them baby them even when they’re grown up and married.

I wonder what will the mothers of the baby boys here be like in 30 - 40 years time

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Iv got myself in a right state.... baby wotsit is only doing 30 min naps atm.... meaning hes ending up napping around 4-5pm for half an hour.... iv tried making that the last nap of the day but then will be going to bed around 6:30/7pm and waking 5/5:30am. Also 9 times outta 10 he treats that bedtime as a nap and wakes half an hour later....
Then if i do one more nap of half an hour it ends up around 6:30/7pm.... then 8-9pm bedtime.... but i keep seeing things saying thats a too late bedtime.... and thats likely why hes not sleeping through.
Just feel like I cant get any of this right.... selfishly id rather him do the later bedtime and not be up at 5am.... but then i see people on good old insta saying their babies sleeping through.
Hes 18 weeks... any advice..... would you do last nap of the day and 8-9pm bedtime for now while his naps are short?

Ignore people who say this is a late bedtime. If it works, it works. Some kids work well with early bedtimes others work with later bedtimes.
Most people who say this have 1/2/3 kids and the earlier bedtime suits them because then they get time in the evening with no kids and they're up first thing anyway to do school runs etc. My 10yo never had an early bedtime, he'd go down around 8, because he was an only child we didn't need to be up first thing to get ready for school runs/work.
The twins have always had early bedtimes because I need my day to start earlier.
Fuck what everyone else says and do what works for your unit.
The thing about sleeping through is bullshit, sleeping through is developmental none of my 3 kids have slept through. The twins are almost 2 and still don't sleep through, even as adults we aren't programmed to sleep through, it's nonsense

 

[WotsitG1]

Put Vaseline around his bum, lots of it if it’s stuck it will help it out you have to proper put it around and massage it I would put it on a baby wipe before doing it lol but it helped us

Literally an hour after writing this i was changing a wee nappy and a shit explosion happened... everywhere... he found it funny... and has been much happier since

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

I'm sorry you've had it too, it causes so much stress! We are going to speak to them next time we see them, I do think some stuff has been miscommunicated and I can accept I am more sensitive atm but for good reason. It's just tough when it's another mental load that falls on us and not our other halves. Your post has really helped me think about how to communicate this all with them in a way that won't damage long term relationships so thank you for sharing

It's definitely tricky managing expectations from over-eager grandparents, and trying to clean up the mess others make when they try to help! Rather than let any resentment fester until you next see them, it might be worth sending them a message that says something like "sorry for any confusion after [partner] spoke to you, things are really difficult at the moment and we really appreciate your offer to help out where you can, but as baby's needs are so complex it's easier for us to do it all ourselves right now than try to teach others. Baby being so unwell has been really tough so we're trying to spend as much time as we can just the three of us, so please don't take it personally if we don't want guests very often". If you say it politely in a message it'll help calm the situation and also give you a starting point for talking when you see them

I'm sorry to hear baby nellie has been so unwell, I hope you're all doing ok

 

[WeHadFunRight]

People keep inviting themselves to my house and i am not okay with it. I’m an introvert so my house is like my private sanctuary that I don’t like having others in and it’s also a total bomb site at the moment as between the baby and the 5yo I just can’t keep on top of the housework. I also just cope much better with the kids out of the house. I know people probably think they’re making it easier for me but they aren’t! I really needed to get this off my chest

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

For people who expressed milk for a few weeks/months - how did you decide to stop, and how did you feel about it? We're going abroad for a family wedding at the start of October and baby bandit will turn 5 months old the week we go. I've been expressing since he was born - I never had the biggest supply but initially was doing it to facilitate moving to breastfeeding (which ended up not being possible) and now I've dropped down to pumping two or three times a day so I can give him a bit of breast milk alongside being mainly formula fed.

The flight is 7 hours and we'll be 5 hours behind when we get there - my mum and my husband's mum have both asked if I'm planning to stop pumping before we go because the flight, change of routine and the excitement/stress of being away will be a lot to cope with, and maybe I wouldn't want to deal with pumping on top of that. A few months ago I would have agreed and had in my mind that 5 months was a good amount of time to give a bit of breast milk, but now I'm getting closer I feel quite sad about the thought of stopping, even though it'd make my life at home and abroad so much easier if I didn't have to factor it in/wake up to do it in the night! I think it's because baby was so poorly when he was born so I feel like even a small amount of breast milk is helpful for his immune system etc, and I think also I feel like expressing is the one thing I can do for him that no-one else can so it feels sort of special

Does anyone have any advice about how to decide when to stop, or experience of trying to keep up pumping on a plane/abroad to help me make a decision?

An outsiders perspective of course, but reading this an all the reasons for stopping seem to have come from the concerns or suggestions of others, whereas all you’ve expressed are feelings of sadness at the thought of stopping. Only you can decide if it’ll be a burden or too much, if it isn’t, why stop?

 

[nefariousnellie]

What is it with people not giving you your baby back when baby is crying

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

Does anyone struggle getting back to sleep after their first wake up in the night? I have been awake since 3am most mornings the past week

 

[Longtimesnooper]

I put the baby in her moses basket about half an hour ago & she's still asleep in it!! I'd held her sleeping for an hour so wasn't really expecting her to carry on sleeping. Not sure if the lack of toddler in the house has anything to do with it but I'm taking it as win!

 

[themuffinwoman]

Can anyone tell me why my baby gives me all the tired queues and when I get her ready for bed she goes fucking mental throwing her arms and legs around?

 

[Nosysamsie]

I'm so infuriated tonight! Our evening routine has completely changed it seems. It's now, hubby gets home from work, sits on his arse, has a nap, expects tea to be made for him, then he watches footballs/cricket whilst I wash up, make lunch for tomorrow, entertain baba, bath her & settle her down for the night and then crack on with the clothes washing & general housework.
I get that I'm on maternity leave, but my days a hell of a lot longer than his. Plus where is my down time? My hour for a bath?

 

[nefariousnellie]

Really fed up of how much as asshole my partner is about sleep and when I try to talk to him about it I just get ‘well you know I was always this way, I don’t do mornings well’. It just shouldn’t be an excuse now???

He was great when baby was a newborn and I really do not mind doing the morning feed with baby alone now but when things are completely off routine and baby wakes up screaming at 6am for some comfort and food how about getting out of bed and helping?? Not just saying I’m tired rolling over and going back to sleep… infuriating.

edit. He told me yesterday morning when he got up that I looked tired and should take a nap. When???

My other half really fucked me off the other day with this, he's off work, and we're meant to be sharing a bit of the load when he is off and all I got one day is "im so tired, I can't function" when he'd had 6 hours sleep and I'd had 3 I don't get the choice to say I'm tired and can't function. Could function enough to go for a run though couldn't he!

 

[Nosysamsie]

It's really getting to me how lonely I feel when I go to baby groups. I just feel like everyone else goes with someone, and I'm going on my own with little lady. Noone seems approachable & it stops me wanting to go again.
I've tried groups & I've tried peanut but nothing comes of any of it. I can't help but think it'd be nice to have a small group of mum friends & for my little girl to have friends who she has grown up with.

 

[Ro98]

At this point I’m honestly just a clown. Lol at my advice to someone on here yesterday. I’m sure my own partner is trolling me and gets a kick out of pissing me off. I’m going to let him know as of today I’ll be doing everything in regards to baby Ro by myself- bottles, feeding, washing. It’s too exhausting constantly repeating myself then doing it myself anyway when I could just do it in the first place.
I also love how things are never done for the mornings I plan to shower so instead of getting the luxury of WASHING MYSELF I get to do the shit he couldn’t be arsed doing the night before

 

[Nosysamsie]

Just found out a busybody family member who has to get involved in everything made baby Ro’s milk wrong twice on Saturday. * they weren’t asked to do anything but grabbed the flask from my OH.
They topped up a lukewarm flask with a tiny bit of boiling water - could this be the reason he’s poorly as it wouldn’t be hot enough to kill the bacteria in the formula?
I’m honestly distraught as we had just healed his gut after the milk challenge and now this has thrown it all up in the air again.
I’m praying he’s better tomorrow or it’s another dr trip for a stool sample.

I have no answers but just want to send you support. I know how awful it is seeing your little one not right. As for Family members, well they are something else! We've not told anyone little lady had croup because my in-laws would have cancelled their holiday & we needed the holiday from them I don't know why people feel the need to be involved with doing things for babies, especially when the parents haven't asked.
Hope you get some answers tomorrow for little one & that you get a formula that works for you both.

 

[Spencerskates]

Baby skates has had my life this morning. Woke at 5am for a feed, changed his nappy first and then offered him 6oz as normal, stopped after 4.5. Just put him down and heard the unmistakable sound of a poo full explosion - in his hair, needed a bedding change etc. just got him sorted and laid him back down and he brought up the milk he’d just had all over his clean sleep bag and sleepsuit. Is it too early for gin?