New baby and post birth advice #49 IT WAS JUST A NORMAL SIZE SH*T

[xoxo GG]

My mum is upset with me because I didn’t ask her to look after baby skates
I have a nail appointment next week and I’m just going to take him with me, I’ve been going to the salon for years and they’re all excited to meet him and are absolutely fine with me bringing him in, but my mum was really offended that I didn’t ask her to look after him.
I’m not ready to leave him with anyone. Each to their own but he’s 11 weeks old and I want him with me all of the time. My mum also has a big dog who we’ve only had baby around once, and I don’t like the thought of her having to try and handle them both. Also, hate the thought of him crying and me not being there. No one else other than me and Mr skates have ever fed him or changed his nappy and I’m also not ready for anyone else to do that either.

I’m tempted to just cancel the appointment if it’s going to cause issues.

Don’t cancel it. You haven’t asked anybody to look after him, not just not asked her. You’re taking him with you. What exactly does she have to be upset about?

 

[JupiterRising6]

God sorry to take it back to the newborn stage, I feel so shit and upset I just feel like it's one step forward two back. So first I struggled so badly with having had another section, recovery was brutal, constipated for over a week despite taking fuck knows how many tablets, week two my daughter and I had thrush which made feeding and after feeding for like an hour and a half a time (so basically constantly) made me feel like I was being stabbed in the tits it hurt like hell and then I start feeling good. We had a short UK break booked with the kids and it's gone to shift because my fucking scar which was healing well has gotten infected and begun to open at the incision sites. I'm so sad, I have other young children I can't just ignore forever, I literally picked my three year old (who's not very big she's actually smaller than an average two year old) up a couple of times just from floor to chair height and now I'm sore and fed up.
We're meant to go to a theme park tomorrow and I'm just sobbing wanting to go home but I feel so fucking guilty most of the holidays the kids have been stuck home because of me.

Sorry for the pity party I just feel shit and I'm scared about the healing I hate looking at my scar it makes me queasy as it is without this.

 

[themuffinwoman]

don’t know if I should be posting this here or the rant thread, and appreciate these are first world problems…

We’re visiting some nurseries next month, and although mini muffin is only going once a week from next year, it really really bums me out. I’m so career driven, aggressively so, and thought I would wanna go back after 6 months but honestly I don’t want to go back to work in April. My OH’s response was “get pregnant again”, followed by a rant about how we should move countries to give our kids a better life. He talks shit a lot of the time but it really really upset me. I feel alone as it is, and I couldn’t imagine not being near my parents and them Involved in mini muffin’s life. We also said we’ll move next year as we need a bigger house really, which I’m excited about so mini muffin can have more space, but Mr Muffin says it’s not a priority, and it honestly feels like I’m the only one putting her first.
Doesn’t help my period is due, mini muffin still sleeps relatively well but bloody rolls in her sleep then panics WHILST STILL ASLEEP, so I spent an hour from 4am flipping her. Sorry I know these are all sort of nothing problems but I just had to get it all off my chest.

 

[themuffinwoman]

I had a nice week away interspersed with texts like “did you forget to buy oil”, “you always throw stuff away without checking”. It’s funny I never get a thank you for looking after the baby, the dogs, cleaning and tidying the house, paying the bills, but I forget to buy oil and it makes me fucking useless.

Little one has more or less slept through the night since she was a month old and he seems to think that means I’m refreshed and on it. I’m still tired, I still have 0 time to myself other than an hour once a week where he demands I hurry back. Her bedtime took 90 mins last night and I was up with her at 6. I’m mentally drained and it pisses me off a grown man can’t buy fucking oil.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Can I just say I am fuming at how low the bar is set for a dad to be a good dad! I'm not denying my husband is a great dad to his daughter, and that it's obvious how much he loves her, but the levels of recognition between him caring for our baby & me caring for our baby is just ridiculous! An example, Me cuddling little one normally gets met with "you'll spoil her holding her all the time", yet when he cuddles her he gets "oh how lovely to see daddy & baby bonding". Give me strength!!!

we went to a wedding yesterday (one of my closest, longest serving friends) and my husband did a lot of looking after TF. The maid of honour came up and made such a fuss of him saying “corrrrrr, he put in a shift, didn’t he?” Yes he did, and that’s how you parent equally and fairly. I also held the baby, where is my big pat on the back?

 

[WordsFromReuben]

Struggling with breastfeeding at the moment, baby boy is only a week old and I feel like I’m letting my boy and everyone down if I stop and switch to formula or combi feed but I just sob uncontrollably every time I feed him he is cluster feeding at the moment and spending all day on my nips, I’m not finding it enjoyable. When your body is already tired and sore, I have to build up to attempting to get him on in a good latch because they are sore

 

[Spencerskates]

Anyone else have an amazing partner, who does more than their fair share considering he also works full time, but still feel like the load is too much to carry?

I feel like I can’t complain because he’s so amazing but I’m still the default parent. It’s me who has to make big choices like nurseries and look into this, it’s me who sorts all of his clothes and has to check he’s got enough of the next size etc.

It makes me feel like a rubbish Mum because I get so much help and support but it still feels like too much for me at times.

 

[Tifastrife]

I had a nice week away interspersed with texts like “did you forget to buy oil”, “you always throw stuff away without checking”. It’s funny I never get a thank you for looking after the baby, the dogs, cleaning and tidying the house, paying the bills, but I forget to buy oil and it makes me fucking useless.

Little one has more or less slept through the night since she was a month old and he seems to think that means I’m refreshed and on it. I’m still tired, I still have 0 time to myself other than an hour once a week where he demands I hurry back. Her bedtime took 90 mins last night and I was up with her at 6. I’m mentally drained and it pisses me off a grown man can’t buy fucking oil.

Also pissed off with the man child this evening. He has a long weekend off work and if anything he’s done even less than normal. Usually he would do Saturday morning so I can get a lie in, but my mum had baby so while yes we both got a rest, I ended up doing Friday morning and this morning so he’s had three lovely long lies until almost midday for three days in a row! I don’t think he’s fed baby once all weekend either.

Yes he works, but I think he forgets that my day often starts before his and I can’t switch off until babies in bed. I’m so sick of this dance. If I said anything he’ll tell me to ask, but all I want is just a bit consideration, someone to think about me for once instead of me thinking about everyone else. I shouldn’t have to fucking ask and I will die on that hill. Plus the last time I asked him to do bedtime, baby took longer than normal to go down and he was in a fowl mood. Then wonders why I “don’t ask”.

 

[Longtimesnooper]

I'm happy to see other rants about partners, I've had an awful day today. I just wrote out a massive paragraph ranting about my OH but deleted when I realised none of you are probably interested in my life story but it felt good to write it down. Its true though, men do get to do what they want when they want without a second thought

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Let’s carry on…

as ever, this thread is for advice and support. If you’re looking for somewhere to make snippy or judgemental comments about other posters we are happy to signpost you to Mumsnet where you’re sure to fit right in xx

 

[Ro98]

My nan has come to see baby and he fell asleep just before she arrived, keeps saying she’ll go & wake him up / shouting up the stairs when I go to check on him (he sleeps with a muslin and the baby monitor doesn’t show it) and I told her if she does it again she will have to leave now.
I honestly can’t even find humour in it because it fucking irritates me - it’s not even funny???? Let him SLEEP!!!!

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I love it when you see guys out walking their babies early in the morning. In my head I make the assumption that they’re letting their partner have a lie in and/or shower. Whenever I mention it to my husband he sort of nods in a “that’s nice, dear” way. Will you not take the hint, MrFun?!

 

[WotsitG1]

Im at wits end... baby wotsit last week has become more and more difficult to take a bottle to the point he now refuses... even attempt to he just sceams... hes literallt had nothing this morning. I dread trying to feed him, feel like i cant go out. Feel at breaking point

 

[Tifastrife]

For people who expressed milk for a few weeks/months - how did you decide to stop, and how did you feel about it? We're going abroad for a family wedding at the start of October and baby bandit will turn 5 months old the week we go. I've been expressing since he was born - I never had the biggest supply but initially was doing it to facilitate moving to breastfeeding (which ended up not being possible) and now I've dropped down to pumping two or three times a day so I can give him a bit of breast milk alongside being mainly formula fed.

The flight is 7 hours and we'll be 5 hours behind when we get there - my mum and my husband's mum have both asked if I'm planning to stop pumping before we go because the flight, change of routine and the excitement/stress of being away will be a lot to cope with, and maybe I wouldn't want to deal with pumping on top of that. A few months ago I would have agreed and had in my mind that 5 months was a good amount of time to give a bit of breast milk, but now I'm getting closer I feel quite sad about the thought of stopping, even though it'd make my life at home and abroad so much easier if I didn't have to factor it in/wake up to do it in the night! I think it's because baby was so poorly when he was born so I feel like even a small amount of breast milk is helpful for his immune system etc, and I think also I feel like expressing is the one thing I can do for him that no-one else can so it feels sort of special

Does anyone have any advice about how to decide when to stop, or experience of trying to keep up pumping on a plane/abroad to help me make a decision?

He’s 17 weeks and I’ve stopped this week, last pump was a couple days ago although I feel like I might need to pump a little tonight to relieve some pressure. I was desperate to stop as I was sick of being tied down by it but now I actually feel really sad and we are spending so much more on formula
---
I need a rant. Why is it when baby is fussing around people, nobody will just fuck off and let you deal with your child, that you know what they need, instead of throwing useless fucking suggestions at you!!
We were at a family event today that I didn’t even want to go to, as it would eat into bedtime. I know his family think I’m ott and strict about the bedtime routine but at the end of the day it’s me that suffers when we don’t stick to it, no fucker else.
Anyway, little Tifa was due a sleep as we left which was just shit as he won’t sleep in the car. He was an overtired mess already by the time we got there and people are shouting at me “is he hungry?” “Is he too hot?” “Try his dummy” “maybe he has wind.” NO HE IS JUST OVER TIRED AND YOU ALL COMING OVER AND SHOUTING IS MAKING IT WORSE. I take care of this child 99% of the time, why do these people suddenly think I’ve lost all brain capacity and don’t know what my son needs/wants. I don’t care if it’s coming from a good place of wanting to help, it has the opposite and just makes me get flustered and the situation ten times more stressful

 

[Nosysamsie]

Can I just say I am fuming at how low the bar is set for a dad to be a good dad! I'm not denying my husband is a great dad to his daughter, and that it's obvious how much he loves her, but the levels of recognition between him caring for our baby & me caring for our baby is just ridiculous! An example, Me cuddling little one normally gets met with "you'll spoil her holding her all the time", yet when he cuddles her he gets "oh how lovely to see daddy & baby bonding". Give me strength!!!

 

[Nosysamsie]

Fully fed up of family! Why can't they just respect that when baby is crying to pass her back?! I am sick to death of hearing "they're OK with me" or "your gonna make her spoilt"
I just wish folk would respect my boundaries because I'm starting to hide myself away more & more to avoid being upset

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Re. PND and struggling - I think it's also worth bearing in mind how sleep deprived you are at times when you feel worse, when considering whether it's PND or just feeling low/overwhelmed. I'm finding looking after baby bandit pretty tough as it's just so relentless at the moment, but generally I'm coping well and am just getting on with it and enjoying getting to know him, and telling myself things will start to get easier soon. However, on days when I've had less sleep, or my sleep has been disturbed more frequently during the night, I start feeling more overwhelmed and tearful - I think if I felt like that all the time I'd consider it to be depression, but because I know it's linked to a lack of sleep I know it's just my tiredness sending my emotions out of whack, because that's always happened to me! Last year I was very stressed at work and realised I was depressed and anxious - I spent months thinking "if I can just get past x I'll feel better, or if y goes well I'll be ok", and then one day I realised that my low mood and tearfulness weren't situational anymore and had now become my baseline, and that's how I knew I needed support. Sorry if that doesn't make much sense but I thought I'd share in case it was helpful also, if you feel like you might have PND you don't have to go via the GP or health visitor to get support if you don't want to - my health visitor said we can make contact with any talking therapy service and will be fast tracked because we're new mums (the same goes for dads) so if anyone's worried about having to make a big dramatic declaration, you could just refer yourself to a local support service and let them know you're a new parent during the assessment to get priority support

 

[Ro98]

I feel completely broken again today. Baby Ro has done 9 mucus blood and undigested milk filled nappies so far since midnight. The GP is making us wait until tomorrow to speak to the dietician and I feel it’s just SO FUCKING UNFAIR!!!!! To put babies through this.
His poor body has already gone through this at the start of his life for nearly 2 months, we’ve had 1.5 months of normal-ness with his current formula and since the jabs it’s like they’ve wrecked his digestive system again.
I feel so fucking helpless not able to just get him some full dairy free milk. Another long night of endless feeds & endless nappy changes.
I hate this health system where you aren’t trusted as a parent to make judgements on your own child’s health.

 

[Ro98]

This tummy bug / infection / full dairy allergy is going to age me by about 50 years. The doctor was amazed today at how happy & chatty he was despite having had 30 diarrhoea nappies in the last 3 days
I also got such a fright as she phoned me & told me to go into the surgery asap to test his sugar levels and if they were low he would be admitted to hospital for a drip. Thankfully they’re ok for now and just need to keep an eye on him until lab results are back.
I have never known stress / worry / anxiety like it. He’s such a tiny wee thing anyway that I worry more as he doesn’t have weight he can afford to lose

 

[Ro98]

On the milestone front (cue me in 2 months worrying on here) but having worked in a baby room in a nursery for 6/7 years, we had babies who never rolled/never crawled & never cruised.
They went straight to standing / bum shuffling or neither of those & just stood one day and walked.

Took baby Ro out today shopping and he absolutely loves baby babbling & chuckling at EVERYONE 🥹 since when have I the anxiety riddled introvert managed to have such a social calm baby 🥲 Days like today make me realise I need to get out more with him. He loves being around people 🥹